Bartender Banter: Free Harold

Well as you probably already know, Harold Reynolds is suing ESPN over his termination from the network. ESPN fired Reynolds earlier this summer for what was rumored to be sexual harassment. Harold claims it was over a hug he gave to an intern with whom he later had dinner with that night. While we here at TMS do not condone sexual harassment, we do feel that Harold seems to be getting the shaft. Plus we're still bitter that his dismissal meant having to see Steve Phillips dumb face on Baseball Tonight more. If announcers can spew all sorts of stupid remarks on the air and receive only a week's suspension, this seems rather suspicious if Harold gets fired for this and he never received any warnings beforehand, like he claims. Of course we have no idea what all has happened since ESPN refuses to say anything. Dave Kindred of The Sporting News raises a good point in his article today. If ESPN is going to show Harold the door for this alleged incident, then maybe they should direct Michael Irvin there too.

Oh and if you're interested in getting your hands on that Free Harold Reynolds t-shirt, hop on over to Awful Announcing.

Gruzdy is Golden
Congratulations to former Dodger and Cub second basemen Mark Grudzielanek, who at the age of 36 earned his first ever Gold Glove. Grudzy played for the Cubs for two seasons before signing with the Cardinals in 2005. He always seemed like a good guy and no-nonsense player in the field. After watching the debacle at 2B this past season, it makes me wish we had him still.

Bear Dignity!
Well the Dolphins pretty much cleaned the Bears' clock on Sunday. While the undefeated record was nice, it's probably best that it's over with. How fitting that the team to do it was the same to knock them off in '85, thus giving everyone even more comparisons to make (Seriously, knock it off people!). Hopefully they can regroup and take care of business next Sunday night when they face the Giants. The Bears may luck out if Michael Strahan can't play, but they've got problems of their own with the "overrated" Brian Urlacher hurting his foot against Miami.

Vote, You Bastards
Just one final note before I go. Please go out and do your civic duty tomorrow. Whether it be for a Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Green, Socialist, Fascist, whatever, just vote. Each time the elections come around it seems we get bombarded with more and more horribly nasty negative campaign ads, that use very little truth to stain the opposition. We then become disenfranchised, disillusioned and so forth, that when the day finally comes, we opt to not go to the polls and are just thankful when it ends. Well I'm here to tell you that apathy and abstaining from the election is probably the most asinine thing you can do. If you fail to vote simply because all the negative ads have left you disenfranchised, then they achieved exactly what they were trying to do.

Chaiming In

"It tastes so good when it hits your lips..."

• The World Series. Could that have been more anticlimactic? I imagine watching that had to be comparable to having a really sucky kid that plays in Little League and you have to go to all of his games, but he never plays. And you, as a neglectful father, can barely remember your son's name, much less the rules and regulations of baseball. So you sit there, your eyes glazed over, your breath reeking of whiskey sours, waiting for either the game or your life to end. It's a coinflip as to which will occur first. I say 'imagine' as I don't have any children of my own. Technically I've had three kids, but sacrificed them all to various gods or lost them at the mall. Wow, I may have just offended myself. In short, the World Series sucked.
• Let's not crown the Bulls NBA champs yet, dear prognosticators. After embarrassing the Cocaine Cowboys on Opening Night, they looked as ugly as the Comcast Sports Net studio Wednesday night, getting shellacked by the Orlando Magic. I think Dennis Scott hit like 5 treys or something.
• A good month for diehard KISS fans out there, all 13 of us. We have the first solo album from the Starchild in 28 years! It's predictable fare, full of inspirational hoo haa slathered with a thick layer of processed cheese, sandwiched between unironic lyrics about 'living to win' and love gone bad, all with a glossy finish. That said, I love it. Not reinventing the wheel by any means (I'd love to see Rick Rubin and Butch Walker get ahold of him), but the sugary, cavity causing hooks and soaring choruses are enough to give me a brief sugar high and forget the car crash known as Gene Simmons 'Asshole'. Then we've got the season finale of 'Family Jewels'. Did Gene knock up Shannon again? Is Gene getting a facelift? (Can the doctors operate on his ego while they're at it?) While this show is by no means 'must see tv', it is oddly intriguing. More than anything, I sit there wondering, 'how did his kids get to be so perfect?' If all kids were that grounded, I would reconsider my stance on mandatory boarding school and pushups for all children between ages 10-18. But the biggest early Christmas present comes in the form of KISSOLOGY Volume I: 1974-1977, containing 4 full concerts from their early years (when Peter Criss didn't have prosthetic arms) as well as a bunch of early TV footage never seen before. I haven't been this excited to pad Gene Simmon's wallet since the KISS coffin!
• Here at the Saloon, we try to keep politics separate, though I will say you should vote in the upcoming elections. Far be it from me to tell you how you should vote, but let's just say the four writers at the Saloon could write a doozy of a War Criminal column about our current President.
• I will though tell you how to spend your moviegoing dollars. Go see Borat, The Prestige, The Departed, and yes, even The Dixie Chicks movie, Shut Up and Sing (this coming from a person who cannot legitimately name one of their songs and considers country music to be the root of all evil). Avoid Man of the Year and Running With Scissors at all costs. Judging from the crowd at The Prestige, backed up by the facts garnered at a earlier screening of The Illusionist, I can safely conclude this: Old people love magic. Fucking love that shit. Give them a good old fashioned rabbit out of a hat over fancy CGI anyday. Pull a quarter from behind their ears and watch them squeal.
• Da Bears! Yes they are good. Better than good. Perhaps we are witnessing greatness. But can we stop with the 85' Bears comparisons? Jesus already. I suppose it is inevitable, but it seems like anytime the Bears look like they might make the playoffs, people start dusting off old Super Bowl Shuffle footage. Please make it stop. The next time the Cubs are good, I would like to see everyone start making comparisons to the classic 1908 squad.
• You know what I need to do? Shoot baskets. It's been a good year or more since I shot the ole' b-ball into the peach basket. Let me tell you this. It ain't pretty. Which is honestly surprising, because, full disclosure, I'm a helluva athlete.
• Dusty Baker is interviewing with the Padres. As Brian Fellows would say, "That's CRAZY!"
• Daisuke Matsuzaka, the Japanese ace pitcher, is on the open market. He throws a mysterious "gyroball". I fucking love gyros! The Cubs need to sign this guy. Seriously. Steve Stone: "You've got him down 0-2 here, you gotta be looking gyroball all the way."
• Rants: Fast Food, aging
• Raves: Fall, Thunder Matt's Saloon

Bartender Banter: Ready for Hoops!......I guess

Well the NBA season kicked off in grand fashion last night, as the new and improved Chicago Bulls bitch-slapped the defending champion Miami Heat. The Heat had a big banner-raising ceremony before the game and all the fans wore their trademark white shirts and celebrated Miami's championship from last season. The sea of white quickly grew calm though, as the Bulls were all business from start to finish. Kirk Hinrich and his fat new 5-year contract, led the team with 26 points. We also got nice glimpses at rookies Tyrus Thomas and Thabo Sefolosha. Plus there's newly acquired big man Ben Wallace, who'll more than fill the void left by Tyson Chandler. I have to say it's an exciting time to be a Bulls fan. So much so that I may actually pay attention to them for the first time in years. A few notes:

• The white shirt gimmick that Miami has, is quite possibly the dumbest thing I've ever seen in sports. Purposely wearing the same color is cool in say, college sports, when the students do it, and jump around like raving lunatics. But in Miami? Christ, I've seen more life in a crowd at an Andy Williams concert. Maybe they should have them all wear red shirts, so they can blend into all the empty seats during midseason games.
• If this whole Thunder Matt thing ever falls through, I may consider switching the site to Thunder Thabo's. (Note: that probably will never happen, unless Murton would end up with the Astros or White Sox. Then I would just claim that Thunder Matt was in reference to former Bears running back Matt Suhey.)
• If they ever make a movie about Kirk Hinrich can they get Charlie Korsmo to play him?
  

Who knows if I really will follow the Bulls or not. I really don't hold allegiance to any NBA team, and most of my knowledge comes from Sportscenter highlights and playing fantasy basketball. Hell this may be the only NBA post I do. As for the other TMS bartenders, Chaim knows only the Bulls, and has no idea who the other teams are. He also believes Kurt Warner plays small forward for Chicago. The Governor follows the Utah Jazz and even after 8 years, is still smarting from this. Brant is excited about the resurgent Bulls and looks forward to buying a new hat to go along with his Clippers one.

Major Props from SportsBlogging.net
TMS was the "Sports Blog of the Week" over at SportsBlogging.net. The site's author, Dave, wrote some pretty kind words about our little blog, and we really appreciate it. It's nice to see that our work is being read and enjoyed by others, even though sometimes I feel like 50% of what I write is pulled straight out of my ass. Dave has put together a great site that has featured dozens of good sports blogs out there. I recommend other blogs out there give a link to SportsBlogging.net and help more readers discover this site.

Let the Offseason Transaction Madness Begin
This week a number of players filed for free agency, which means it's once again time for me to pull my hair out (if I had any) over what guys the Cubs are and are not considering. Right now I'm reading things saying they are interested in making a deal for Gary Sheffield. Please God no. Sheffield is disgruntled that the Yankees didn't let him become a free agent, and if he does get traded he's said he'll want to discuss contract extension right away. Great, so why would we commit to an almost 38-year old outfielder that has battled injuries in recent years to a multiple-year contract for a healthy chunk of change? I just think there's better options out there. Or maybe I'm still wary of any move that could hinder Thunder Matt's playing time next season.

War Criminal: Georgia Frontiere

How I've gotten this far into the War Criminal series without mentioning Georgia Frontiere is beyond me. Well, baseball has officially ended with the quiet thud of a Cardinals World Series Victory (btw, David Eckstein as World Series MVP is gayer than Rip Taylor) and the NFL is in full swing, so here it is. Unlike most of my War Criminals, this woman may actually belong behind bars. A Raiders site describes her as "Marge Schott without the winning personality or smoker’s cough" and thats pretty accurate. By the age of 30, Georgia had burned through five husbands and moved on to sucking money from Colts owner Caroll Rosenbloom (husband #6) in 1966. Rosenbloom would trade teams with Rams owner Bob Irsay, taking over the Rams in 1971.

Rosenbloom, an accomplished swimmer, drowned under mysterious circumstances in 1979 leaving the team to Georgia. Rumors persist to this day that the former showgirl had her husband bumped off. In the premier episode of the PBS series Frontline, several mobsters claim his legs were held to cause his drowning. Before he died, Rosenbloom had made it clear that his son and the Rams GM would take over the team in the event of his death. That of course didn't happen. Georgia inherited the team as a tax dodge and promptly fired her son in law. A couple notes on the funeral...While Rosenbloom had asked for a simple ceremony with friends and family, Georgia kept the 600 guests she had invited waiting an hour before entering with musical accompaniment and Jonathan Winters served as master of cermonies (Winters and Don Rickles would do a ten minute comedy bit later in the service). Three months after the funeral, Georgia shacked up with musician Dominic Frontiere who would later become husband #7.

Murderer? Perhaps. Thief? Definitely. When Rosenbloom and Irsay swapped teams, Georgia conspired to keep one of the Colts' Super Bowl trophies. The NFL had to replace the trophy.

By 1994, Georgia and her attorney/Rams chairman John Shaw had sufficiently run the team into the ground to the point where the fans in LA quit bothering to show up. They bilked her hometown of St. Louis out of a luxurious taxpayer-funded stadium and moved the team.

Back in the day, I was a big time LA Rams fan. Unlike LA Raiders fans, who may have enough collective intelligence to tie their shoes, I, like most Rams fans moved on. We weren't going to reward this gold digging harpy for destroying a great franchise and then skipping town. Southern California Raiders fans are keeping Al Davis in rhinestone studded glasses and tracksuits to this day.

I'd like to close with this quote from columnist Pete Goering after the St. Louis Rams won the Super Bowl in 2000:

Was XXXIV the number of the Super Bowl or the number of Georgia Frontiere husbands?

Congratulations St. Louis! #1 in Baseball and Violence!

We here at TMS salute St. Louis for defying the odds and coming out on top over Detroit in the World Series as well as "Most Dangerous City". St. Louis and Detroit managed to edge out more infamous violent cities such as Flint, Michigan and Camden, New Jersey coming out #1 and #2 on the list.

Here is the top 5 from the rankings compiled by Morgan Quitno Press.

1. St. Louis
2. Detroit
3. Flint, Mich.
4. Compton, Calif.
5. Camden, N.J.

The announcement of this list has obviously put a dent in N.W.A.'s street cred while boosting Nelly's and David Eckstein's.

The All-80's Team - AL Catcher

Astroturf, powder blue uniforms, wearing batting helmets in the field to protect your jheri curl, hitting 25 homers and being considered a legitimate slugger, big-league hair, that horrible gum from packs of baseball cards.... who doesn't love baseball from the 80's? Over the next several weeks I will be looking at the best players of the decade as we assemble the TMS All-80's Team. We've finished with the National League and now we'll tackle the American. To meet the criteria a player will have to have played in at least 4 seasons in the 1980's and they must have played the bulk of their games at a certain position during that time to qualify there. Included will be a poll on the left sidebar, so our faithful readers can weigh in on this great debate. But remember, we're focusing on a player's contributions in just the 1980's. What they did in the decades before and/or after are not being considered in this.

With the NL team all wrapped up it's time to focus on the American League. Today we kick things off with the catchers.

AMERICAN LEAGUE CATCHERS

Bob Boone
California Angels (1982-88), Kansas City Royals (1989)

All-Star: 1983
Gold Gloves: 1982, 1986-89
Postseason: 1982 ALCS, 1986 ALCS

Notes: Known more for his glove than his bat, Boone was a solid defensive catcher for the Angels in the 80's. Bob is proof that son Bret's slugging power certainly wasn't hereditary. Here's another 6 Degrees to Keith Moreland fact, the Phillies let Bob go to the Angels because young Keith was ready to take on full-time catching duties.





Carlton Fisk
Boston Red Sox (1980), Chicago White Sox (1981-89)

Nickname: Pudge
Hall of Fame: Inducted in 2000
All-Star: 1980-82, 1985
Silver Sluggers: 1981, 1985, 1988
Postseason: 1983 ALCS

Notes: Just the opposite of Boone, the original Pudge was known for his slugging rather than his glove. Fisk made 4 All-Star teams in the decade. His 174 home runs is only second to Lance Parrish for catchers in the 80's.







Rich Gedman
Boston Red Sox (1980-89)

All-Star: 1985-86
Postseason: 1986 WS, 1988 ALCS

Notes: Gedman became Boston's main man behind the plate after Pudge signed with the White Sox. Rich's peak years were from 1984 to '86 where he racked up 58 home runs and 217 RBI. Hailing from Worcester, he was a local favorite.










Lance Parrish
Detroit Tigers (1980-86), California Angels (1989)

Nickname: Big Wheel
All-Star: 1983-84
Gold Gloves: 1983-85
Silver Sluggers: 1980, 1982-84, 1986
Postseason: 1984 WS

Notes: Overall, Parrish is probably the best catcher on this list. With a handful of Gold Gloves, Silver Sluggers and a World Series ring to boot, Lance was one of the premier backstops of the decade. Parrish also had a job as a bodyguard for Tina Turner.





Ted Simmons
Milwaukee Brewers (1981-85)

All-Star: 1981, 1983
Postseason: 1981 ALDS, 1982 WS

Notes: Simmons' peak years were in the 1970's with St. Louis, but he still managed to have a few solid seasons with Milwaukee in the early 80's. Looking at his numbers it's sort of surprising that Ted barely got a second glance on the Hall of Fame ballot. His numbers rival some of the other catchers currently enshrined and his Baseball Reference HOF monitor score is actually better than Carlton Fisk's.






Terry Steinbach
Oakland A's (1986-89)

All-Star: 1988-89
NL Leader: 1988 ASG MVP
Postseason: 1988 WS, 1989 WS

Notes: Steinbach emerged late in the decade, just in time to join the Bash Brothers and company for back to back to back World Series appearances. Steinbach was elected as the starting catcher on the 1988 All-Star team despite only hitting .216 and being injured for a large chunk of the first half. He silenced the naysayers however by hitting a home run in the first at bat, winning the ASG MVP that year.





Jim Sundberg
Texas Rangers (1980-83, 1988-89), Milwaukee Brewers (1984), Kansas City Royals (1985-86)

All-Star: 1984
Gold Gloves: 1980-81
Postseason: 1985 WS

Notes: Sundberg was good enough to be a finalist for the Texas Rangers Hometown Heroes poll this summer. In 1987 Jim was traded to the Cubs for Thad Bosley and Dave Gumpert.








Ernie Whitt
Toronto Blue Jays (1980-89)

All-Star: 1985
Postseason: 1985 ALCS, 1989 ALCS

Notes: Big Ern played the entire decade up in the Great White North. While never hitting more than 19 homers in a single season, his 131 for the decade is good enough for third among catchers. Ernie managed the Canadian baseball team in the 2004 Olympics.








Be sure and vote for your choices of AL Catcher for the TMS All-80's Team. Check out the poll in the left sidebar.

Brant's Rant: An Addendum

I wasn't aware of this when I wrote my ESPN piece yesterday, but it looks like the beast has taken a hit. Mobile ESPN has gone by the wayside, as detailed in this Businessweek article by Tom Lowry. So it seems that they've recognized a limit to their reign of terror, at least in the cellular service market. Have no fear, they will try again. Remember though, they need you more than you need them.

Brant's Rant: ESPNRadio - It's Craptastic!

If you scour the Internet, you can probably find about 20 blogs or websites that decry the state of ESPN. We would like to be added to that list. But instead of ranting about the proliferation of television channels (ESPN, ESPN2, ESPNU, ESPN Classic, ESPN News, ESPN Alternative Lifestyles), I'd like to discuss ESPNRadio. When I first began actively listening about six years ago, we were blessed with the likes of Mike & Mike in the Morning (before they sold their souls), followed by Tony Kornheiser, and capped off by The Dan Patrick Show. Now the schedules would vary by region, with local programming squeezed into the mix across the country, but this was our lineup in the Los Angeles market. Then, seemingly overnight, Mike & Mike went metrosexual, Tony left the radio booth, and Dan lost his sidekick, the incomparable Rob Dibble. The joy of ESPN Radio began spiraling down the toilet.

Fast forward to 2004. ESPN decides to bring in some schmuck named Colin Cowherd to take Tony Kornheiser's prime timeslot in the morning. My disdain for Mr. Cowherd is well documented, as you can read in the two-week Colin Cowherd Project in the left sidebar. Mike & Mike were pushed to an ungodly time, something along the lines of 3am-6am, when only meth addicts and minutemen might be spinning the dials. Dan Patrick got serious on his show, then tried to hide his graying hair with a hideous dye-job that's so comical, he may be eligible for a Redhead of the Week. Each of these shows were consumed in the sports media blitz of creating controversy and bashing it into the skulls of listeners. Non-sensical arguments were consistently repeated, with every angle of every non-story sucked what little blood it could offer. The Terrell Owens non-suicide attempt and the Kenny Rogers incident are only the most recent examples. Yes, give me my sports news, but don't start swatting my ass with it like it's a yardstick, or put it out on my arm like dad's cigarettes. I want my news, I want a rational debate about it, and then I want to move on to the next topic. I don't want to go home and feel like I've been yelled at for doing something wrong.

That being said, I'm not championing for ESPNRadio to become too lighthearted or anything. In fact, it's this sportsertainment hybrid horseshit that probably set off my rant. My local market guys on ESPN Radio (I'll get to them shortly) said that there was going to be a major announcement on the Mike & Mike show Tuesday morning at 5:05am PST. Now, I certainly wasn't going to wake up and listen at that time, but I was curious enough to check out what the "big" announcement was later in the day. What was it? Mike & Mike were going to be on Letterman that night. Well fuck you. That's the "big" news that they even had our local radio hosts pimping? That the two Mikes were so full of themselves, so above the news, so much the news, that ESPN got them scheduled in on Letterman??? You, Michael and Michael, are paid to tell me the sports stories of the day. You are not paid to be the story. ESPN has inflated you to Hollywood status. Temper your egos good sirs. Temper them.

Now I'm going to move on to my local ESPN Radio affiliate, 710 AM in the Los Angeles area. The crapfest of the aforementioned shows is only the beginning of our day. After Dan signs off, we are treated to two hours of rehashed arguments and awkward silences presented by Gary Miller and D'Marco Farr. You may remember Gary Miller when he was a prominent face on the ESPN network. You know, before the peeing incident. Is there a new and hip analogy for banging one's head against a wall? Because that's what I feel like doing when I listen to these two ass-clowns. However, I'm usually in a car when I hear them, so I end up honking and flipping people off.

Our workday concludes with another local show featuring Steve Mason and John Ireland, the two who told me about the fantastic revelation on the Mike & Mike show. Ireland is a reporter that travels with the Lakers. He probably thinks Kobe likes him. I'm not sure what Mason really "does" although I gather that he owns movie theaters and is fairly wealthy. This show isn't as bad as it could be, though I find Ireland nearly as insufferable as Cowherd. Not in the same manner though. It probably has to do with Ireland being Republican. But I digress.

ESPN 710 is also the home of the Anaheim Angels (not the LA Angels), Clippers basketball, and USC football. Thank Christ they finally ditched the LA Kings (this would be a hockey franchise). They also broadcast most major MLB games. Basically, once it hits 5pm, you have no idea what you're going to be listening to on your commute home. This September, 710 had to bump the Saturday Angel games to a different station so they could air an entire day of USC pregame ass-pat festivities leading to their evening games. Apparently they think they can offer us everything. It really just ends up being a clusterfuck of programming.

All of which brings me to my larger point (if I really have one). At some point, the powers that be at ESPN need to slow the fuck down and reevaluate their plan of sportsersodomytainment dominance. I, for one, am sick of it. I'm seeking alternative sports news sources, and staying away from the "argument for argument's sake" attitude and the self-aggrandizing of not only ESPN television, but their radio networks and talk show hosts.

ESPN had a host out here in LA for a number of years and canned him last fall. His name is Joe McDonnell. I don't always like him. He talks about boxing and wrestling way too much, and he likes hip-hop. But now he's on a rival station, and he knows a shitload more about the local sports scene than any of the local ESPN radio schmucks. The other night I heard him refer to ESPN as the "perpetually self-promoting" network. On this I will agree. ESPN radio hosts do not speak for me. And they sure as hell do not deserve a place on Letterman.

Good Day.

The All-80's Team - National League Lineup

Well after 13 long weeks, the National League lineup of the All-80's Team has been set. To recap, here's a rundown of each player that was voted in. Thanks to all of you that voted, namely the other bartenders here at the Saloon and Brian from Awful Announcing. Other than that, I don't know who else really voted on this damn thing. I do know my brother is responsible for stuffing the ballot for Bob Horner in the 3B poll. This was before I changed the format, allowing only one vote per IP address, per week. Stay tuned tomorrow, as I unveil the first installment of the American League All-80's Team: Catchers.


CATCHER

Gary Carter
Montreal Expos (1980-84), New York Mets (1985-89)

Nickname: The Kid
Hall of Fame: Inducted in 2003
All-Star: 1980-88
Gold Gloves: 1980-83
Silver Sluggers: 1981-86
Awards: 1981 ASG MVP, 1984 ASG MVP
Postseason: 1981 NLCS, 1986 WS, 1988 WS
NL Leader: 1984 RBI

Notes: Pretty much trumps all other NL catchers in this decade. His accolades speak for themselves. Carter also sported one of the great man-perms of the era.


FIRST BASE

Keith Hernandez
St. Louis Cardinals (1980-83), New York Mets (1983-89)

Nickname: Mex
All-Star: 1980, 1984, 1986-87
Gold Gloves: 1980-88
Silver Sluggers: 1980, 1984
Postseason: 1982 WS, 1986 WS, 1988 NLCS
NL Leader: 1980 Runs & OBP

Notes: What didn't Keith do in the 80's? He won a slew of Gold Gloves. He won a World Series with two different teams, and he introduced young phenoms Darryl Strawberry and Dwight Gooden to the joys of alcohol and cocaine. In 1987 he was wrongfully accused of spitting on Kramer and Newman (turns out it was Roger McDowell hiding in the bushes). Keith also loves all you gals out there, just stay out of the dugout.


SECOND BASE

Ryne Sandberg
Philadelphia Phillies (1981), Chicago Cubs (1982-89)

Nickname: Ryno
Hall of Fame: Inducted in 2005
All-Star: 1984-89
Gold Gloves: 1983-89
Silver Sluggers: 1984-85, 1988-89
Awards: 1984 NL MVP
Postseason: 1984 NLCS, 1989 NLCS
NL Leader: 1984 Runs & Triples, 1989 Runs

Notes: Ryno should be here simply for the 1987 Ryne Sandberg Moustache Experience. But if you're looking for a little more substance just take a gander at the laundry list of awards he has up there.



THIRD BASE

Mike Schmidt
Philadelphia Phillies (1980-89)

All-Star: 1980-84, 1986-87, 1989
Hall of Fame: Inducted in 1995
Awards: 1980 NL MVP, WS MVP, 1981 NL MVP, 1983 Lou Gehrig Award, 1986 NL MVP
Gold Gloves: 1980-84, 1986
Silver Sluggers: 1980-84, 1986
Postseason: 1980 WS, 1981 NLDS, 1983 WS
NL Leader: 1980 SLG....ah Christ! There's too much to list. Just go here if you're interested.

Notes: If there was ever a poll that probably didn't need to happen for this it'd be at NL 3B. Mike Schmidt absolutely buries the competition here. Plus look at that photo. The 'stache, the Mike Brady hair. Chicks and dudes alike dug Schmitty.




SHORTSTOP

Ozzie Smith
San Diego Padres (1980-81), St. Louis Cardinals (1982-89)

Nickname: Wizard of Oz
Hall of Fame: Inducted in 2002
All-Star: 1981-89
Gold Gloves: 1980-89
Silver Sluggers: 1987
Awards: 1985 NLCS MVP, 1989 Lou Gehrig Award
Postseason: 1982 WS, 1985 WS, 1987 WS

Notes: This contest was about as lop-sided as they come. While there are some decent shortstops on the list, pretty much none of them can sniff the Wizard's jockstrap when it comes to their play in the 80's


LEFT FIELD

Tim Raines
Montreal Expos (1980-89)

Nickname: Rock
All-Star: 1981-87
Silver Sluggers: 1986
Awards: 1987 ASG MVP
Postseason: 1981 NLCS
NL Leader: 1981-84 Stolen Bases, 1986 AVG, 1986 OBP, 1984 Doubles

Notes: Rock seems to be one of those forgotten guys of that era. Playing the entire decade in Montreal, Raines put up monster numbers. He led the NL in steals four straight years until that Vince guy showed up. He won a batting title in 1986 and made 7 All-Star teams.


CENTER FIELD

Dale Murphy
Atlanta Braves (1980-89)

Nickname: The Murph
All-Star: 1980, 1982-87
Awards: 1982 & 1983 NL MVP
Gold Gloves: 1982-86
Silver Sluggers: 1982-85
Postseason: 1982 NLCS
NL Leader: 1982 RBI, 1983 RBI, 1984 HR, 1985 HR

Notes: There's been so much talk from a group of folks about how much of a crime it is that Jim Rice isn't in the Hall of Fame. While I agree with them, why is there no love for Dale? No one hit more home runs in the 80's than him, he won back to back MVP awards and was one of the most feared sluggers for a large chunk of the decade. Plus one thing that he even has over Rice is that he's pretty nice guy too. Enough is enough. Put Murph in the Hall.


RIGHT FIELD

Tony Gwynn
San Diego Padres (1982-89)

Hall of Fame: Likely inducted in 2007
All-Star: 1984-87, 1989
Gold Gloves: 1986, 1987, 1989
Silver Sluggers: 1984, 1986, 1987, 1989
Postseason: 1984 WS
NL Leader: 1984, 1987-89 AVG, 1986 Runs, 1984, 1986, 1987, 1989 Hits

Notes: An absolute shoo-in to be inducted into the Hall of Fame this coming spring, along with Cal Ripken. Tony played the first half of his career in the 1980's and certainly left his mark, winning 4 batting titles. A career .338 batter, Gwynn was the model of consistency at the plate who also backed it up with solid glove work in right field.


STARTING ROTATION

Nolan Ryan
Houston Astros (1980-88)

Hall of Fame: Inducted in 1999
Nickname: Ryan Express
All-Star: 1981, 1985
Postseason: 1980 NLCS, 1981 NLDS, 1986 NLCS
NL Leader: 1981 ERA, 1987 ERA & K's, 1988 K's

Notes: Now Steve Rogers I can understand if you arent familiar, but if you don't know this guy, then you probably have lived under a rock. Ryan was strikeout machine, and although his W-L didn't necessarily reflect his dominance (In 1987 he went 8-16 with 270 strikeouts and a 2.76 ERA. WTF?!), Ryan was one of the most feared pitchers in the league. You don't mess with Nolan, as Robin Ventura would find out in later years.


Dwight Gooden
New York Mets (1984-89)

Nickname: Doc
All-Star: 1984-86, 1988
Awards: 1984 NL ROY, 1985 NL Cy Young Award, 1985 NL Triple Crown
Postseason: 1986 WS, 1988 NLCS
NL Leader: 1984 K's, 1985 K's, Wins, and ERA

Notes: Gooden was a force early in his career and his run in 1985 is probably one of the most dominate seasons ever. The numbers are unbelievable. A record of 24-4, 268 strikeouts, an ERA of 1.53, 16 complete games, 8 shutouts and 276.2 IP. If we were just picking single seasons, Gooden would win this hands down.



Fernando Valenzuela
Los Angeles Dodgers (1980-89)

All-Star: 1981-86
Awards: 1981 NL ROY, NL Cy Young
Gold Gloves: 1986
Silver Sluggers: 1981, 1983
Postseason: 1981 WS, 1983 NLCS, 1985 NLCS
NL Leader: 1981 K's, 1986 Wins

Notes: Name another player that unleashed their own brand of "mania"? Fernandomania swept across Southern California in the early '80's. Winner of the 1981 Rookie of the Year and Cy Young Award, Valenzuela baffled hitters with his screwball. Plus he had a record album made about him and he enjoys Corn Flakes.



Steve Carlton
Philadelphia Phillies (1980-86), San Francisco Giants (1986)

Nickname: Lefty
Hall of Fame: Inducted in 1994
All-Star: 1980-82
Awards: 1980 NL Cy Young, 1982 NL Cy Young
Gold Gloves: 1981
Postseason: 1980 WS, 1981 NLDS, 1983 WS
NL Leader: 1980 Wins & K's, 1982 Wins & K's, 1983 K's

Notes: Winner of two Cy Young Awards in the decade, Carlton was one of the most dominating pitchers of the early 80's. Steve finished his career with 4,136 strikeout which was the most ever by a left-handed pitcher until he was surpassed by Randy Johnson a couple years ago.



Orel Hershiser
Los Angeles Dodgers (1983-89)

Nickname: Bulldog
Awards: 1988 NL Cy Young Award, 1988 NLCS MVP, 1988 WS MVP
All-Star: 1987-89
Gold Gloves: 1988
Postseason: 1985 NLCS, 1988 WS
NL Leader: 1984 Shutouts, 1988 Shutouts & Wins

Notes: Hershiser was a National League ace in the late 80's. His 1988 season is legendary as he threw 5 consecutive shutouts, breaking Don Drysdale's consecutive shutout innings record of 58.2 by just one out. Orel went on to not only win the NL Cy Young, but was the NLCS MVP and World Series MVP as he helped lead the Dodgers over the A's.


CLOSER

Lee Smith
Chicago Cubs (1980-87)

All-Star: 1983, 1987
Postseason: 1984 NLCS
NL Leader: 1983 Saves


Notes: One of those relievers that probably should get a second look for the HOF, Smith got his start with the Chicago Cubs and spent most of the decade on the Northside. From 1984-87, Smith posted 4 straight 30+ save seasons. In '87 Smith was traded to the Red Sox for Al Nipper and Calvin Schiraldi. That sure worked out well for the Cubbies.





So there you have it. Your TMS All-80's National League lineup. So what should the batting order be? Here's what I came up with.

1 - Tim Raines (Switch)
2 - Tony Gwynn (Left)
3 - Mike Schmidt (Right)
4 - Dale Murphy (Right)
5 - Keith Hernandez (Left)
6 - Ryne Sandberg (Right)
7 - Gary Carter (Right)
8 - Ozzie Smith (Switch)

Feel free to post your own order in the comments. Once we finish the AL lineup, we'll compare the two teams and see which one is better.

Realm of Red: Redhead of the Week

Each week (or so) I will profile various redheads who paved the way for our own Thunder Matt. These men and women opened doors (often times kicking them in due to their fiery tempers) that would have otherwise kept Thunder Matt toiling in Independent Baseball leagues, shagging fly balls in Newark and frequenting seedy hotels. We tip our Cubs hats to these fair-skinned pioneers.

Today's Redhead (whispering): Shawn Bradley

All cliches aside, Shawn Bradley is a tall glass of water. As a young, painfully innocent Mormon in West Germany, people would often tell Shawn, in rough German baroque, without a hint of irony, "You're tall. You should play basketball." Problem was, Shawn didn't want to play basketball. Shawn wanted to be a goddamn astronaut but he couldn't fit into a normal sized spacesuit. Shawn also had dreams of being a horse jockey. Shawn loved horses almost as much as he loved his mom and the Mormon Bible, but every time he got up on to one, whoops! Little Shawny fall off and scrape his freakishly skinny knee!

Shawn finally thought to himself the Mormon, non-swear version of 'fuck it' and decided to give basketball a go. Like most other things he tried, he was not very good at this. But, alas he was tall, leading some cigar chomping, spouse beating NBA scouts to utter, "He's tall. He should play NBA basketball." So Shawn was selected number two in the 1993 Draft by the 76ers, who could have instead had Acie 'The Fade' Earl.

Shawn didn't fall prey to the salacious NBA lifestyle we all read about in Slam Magazine. Instead Shawn was a good boy. He would go out onto the court, get his quick foul trouble, gamely try to block a couple of Robert Pack dunks and then take his spot on the end of the bench next to Jeff Hornacek, where they would hold hands, say the Our Father and then argue over who was whiter and/or more unattractive. Let it be noted that in the 1994 season the 76ers employed both Shawn Bradley and Manute Bol. Surely the most fearsome pair to ever lace up a pair of Reebok Pumps. Shawn could never escape the stigma of being 'The White Manute Bol.' Who can live up to that though? It's like the inevitable Jordan comparisons that all slightly above average shooting guards go through.

Later on in his career, Shawn spent an inordinate amount of time getting dunked on for the Mavericks and honing his Red Skeleton impression on the end of the bench. Was Shawn ever good at basketball? To quote K-Fed, 'Aw, hells no!'. But you know what? They guy was a solid human being. Shawn is currently in the recording studio with Clay Aiken putting the finishing touches on 'The Songs of our Fathers: Old Time Duets with a Modern Twist-Sung in the Key of A Minor: Remastered". Look for the album to drop around Mormon Christmas.

Bartender Banter: Free Kenny!

With Dallas playing on Monday Night Football, ESPN almost had nothing to blather on about today. But then Fox and there super-ultra zoom cameras caught Kenny's poo-stained hand. But what was it? Pine tar? A mixture of dirt and rosin? Or did Kenny not wipe very well? We will never know. What we do know is that the Cardinals may have been better off had Kenny left the poo-tar-dirt on his throwing hand. After Rogers washed it off he came out for the second inning and proceeded to mow down the Redbirds, including 6 straight hitless innings.

But now, every Kenny hater out there in the media has locked on to his potential "cheating". No way that a 41 year old pitcher that has a history of playing horribly in the postseason could miraculously put together one of the best playoff runs in recent memory. He had to be doing something illegal, right? Nevermind that if Rogers was a Yankee or Red Sox it would be the greatest story in postseason history. We wouldn't dare question how a Boston or New York pitcher suddenly had a great postseason. I guess my question is, if Rogers did in fact have an illegal substance on his hand, then why didn't LaRussa call for the ump to search Rogers? If he could have been thrown out of the game, why didn't LaRussa do it?

Then you have the discrepancies in everybody's story of what happened. Given what everyone has said, my guess is that Rogers was told to clean his hand off by the umpire and he did at the end of the inning. Rogers initially denied it, but given his standoff-ish personality, maybe his denial was some sort of kneejerk reaction he has. He obviously isn't the most open or candid guy with the media.

So Kenny had a dirty hand for one inning in that he walked Pujols and gave up a line drive to Rolen. He then washes his hand, and pitches another 7 shutout innings. But suddenly that one inning is going tarnish his performance this postseason? Whatever. The managers don't seem concerned, the players don't seem concerned, and Kenny certainly doesn't seem concerned. Let's just hope T.O. punches Parcells in the face tonight and ESPN can shut up about this ordeal and waste their time with an even more unlikeable athlete.

I do have one other beef about this whole thing. It appears that the press hasn't quite settled on a name for it. I've read some calling it "dirtgate", while others call it "smudgegate". I love the originality of it all. Let's take a word and add 'gate' on the end. No one has ever done that before. I have to say though, nothing will beat Kazuhito Tadano and "sodomy-gate".

OK, one final thing and I'll shut up about it. I think the worst fallout of this mess will definitely be that FOX can now actually justify their horrible zoom-in camera shots they do in the postseason. Nobody wants to see any pitcher's face so close up that you can count his nosehairs and how many whiteheads he has. Yeesh, I'm just happy that my poor ass still can't afford an HDTV set. Seeing Chris Carpenter's face up close on my regular set is bad enough that I keep breaking out in hives.

Sweet Lou? Sweet Jesus!
Reporting about a week late on this, Lou Piniella is the new manager of the Cubs. Better hide your wallets! I guess ambivalent is probably the best word to describe my thoughts on the move. I think his fiery personality will hopefully spark the Cubs a bit, and weed out the whiners that seemed to enjoy not being pushed by Dusty. But on the other hand I have this feeling that Lou will completely melt down at some point and will either get fired or quit on them. The Cubs put together back-to-back winning season in 2003 and 2004. The last time they did that, Ron Santo was playing third base. Looking at that I'd say the odds are stacked against Lou that he can have multiple winning seasons with this franchise. If they continue to tank, how patient is he really going to be?

ABC Loves the Wolverines
I was all pumped to watch the Iowa-Michigan game on ABC this week, but was saddened to see that instead of a national broadcast, they apparently opted to air a local Michigan broadcast instead. How else can you explain Bob Griese being in the booth? Jesus, could we get Desmond Howard in there to do play-by-play as well? I loved how Bob forced an inordinate amount of praise towards the Hawkeyes, even though they were lame blanket statements like, "Iowa seems to be driving the ball well here." Even worse was when son Brian came into the booth. Bob then proceeded to ask him questions like it was an interview, which came off incredibly awkward. He's your son Bob, yet you ask him questions like you don't already know the answer? It was just very strange to watch. Yet the best question wasn't asked, which would've been, "Brian, do you credit the Bears red hot 6-0 start to the fact that you have barely sniffed the field this season?"

And don't let this seem like I'm totally shitting on Michigan. While I cheer for the Hawkeyes, I'm not going to deny the fact that the Wolverines flat out beat them. Mike Hart and company were clearly the better team here. And while I'd much rather drink acid than cheer for them, I will be pulling for UM when they face the Buckeyes.

Left Field Link of the Week Archives

I've been meaning to do this for a while. I wanted to create an archived list of every link I've used for the LF Link of the Week. While I can't remember all of them, here's a list of some that have been featured. If one isn't listed here that you can remember let me know. Or if you have a suggestion for the LF Link email them to us. I prefer to use unique sites. While the YouTube clips and goofy current event stories are amusing, they're not what I'm looking for. I'll keep this list updated from now on.

The LF Link Archive List

Mark Llama, Gerbil Farmer - Crikey! It's a dirigible gerbil!

Neifi's Brother, Rubby Perez! - Prepare to shake your ass and have your manhood questioned.

Cats That Look Like Hitler - Seig Meow!

Fast Food: Ads vs. Reality - An on-going Pulitzer-caliber project.

The Lee Elia Tirade - "I tell you what, I hope we get hotter'n shit!"

Conesville Hog Wild Rodeo - Clean Shitters and Showers! Fun for the whole family!

Driving Directions: Chicago to London - The swimming isn't the bitch, so much as is getting through the Boston traffic.

The Poo and Wee Song - Join along if you know the Poo and Wee Song!

Parking Is Serious! - Check out the seedy world of the amateur traffic enforcement agents.

Walken 2008 - Walken at a debate: "Your tone's all wrong man! You talk like that again, I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron!"

Tony Homo - Drew Bledsoe journals about his untimely benching during the 2006 Cowboys season.

David Bowie is Very Disappointed In You - Off to Goblin City with you!

Horny Manatees - Come for the hot manatee action.

Marmaduke Explained - Because, you're too stupid to get it.

Beard Team USA - Go America!

The Gary Gaetti Cult - Somebody put together a cult that worships "The Rat". I think the Branch Davidians worshipped Steve Buechele.

James Hill, Pirate for Congress - This is fabulous. A self-proclaimed pirate that ran for Iowa's First Congressional District.

A-Team Episode Guide - You know what would be cool? If someone put together a site that lists every A-Team episode that aired and provided brief synopses as well as information on Murdock's idiosyncracies in each episode. Wait, what's this? Eureka!

Men Who Look Like Kenny Rogers - In honor of the recent so-called scandal with the pitcher Kenny Rogers and his poo-stained hand.

Mini Kiss - The awesomest Littlest KISS Tribute Band in the World!

Burt Reynolds & Friends Museum - I saw this on the Colbert Report and had to feature it. Sadly the ambulance from Cannonball Run doesn't appear to be a part of the collection.

Trogdor the Burninator - Burninating the countryside!

Khaaan! - We all have days like this.

The Canonical List of Weird Band Names - Hey did you see Plastic Nude Martini last night? It was totally sweet. They opened for Accidental Goat Sodomy.

The Johnny Lawrence Story - A tragic story of failure and bully typecasting.

Demolition Squid - Look out! That building is right behind you! SSHHHHIIIIIIIITTTTTT!

Toothpaste for Dinner - It says it's the "Most addictive comic on the web". Who am I to argue that?

Abe Vigoda Status - Yeah I know, I swiped this link from Desipio. But it was this link that was the inspiration for this whole feature to begin with. And for those that were losing sleep over it, Abe Vigoda is in fact still alive.

The Cubs Are What We Thought They Were! (slamming fist on imaginary podium)

I meant to post this picture at the end of the Cubs disastrous season because I felt that it captured the 'emptiness' of the Cubs' year. Yes, I know, that's some deep shit for our little mom and pop blog/website/veiled communist recruiting tool. Better post it now before we all start drinking the Piniella Kool-Aid.

Anyway, I'm off to fight Dennis Green in an alley. The only real rule we set is no firearms or testicle grabbling. Everything else, trash can lids included, is fair game. Kurt Warner will be the guest referee, though look for him to interfere in my favor approximately 30 seconds into the fight. Praise Jesus.