The Team With Jerry Hairston Jr Won

"Good game Jerry."

"Thanks man. You too."

Ha ha, Look at you!

I bet Billy Wagner could've saved that game.

The Nut-Shot Heard 'Round the World

LA swept the Cubs out of the playoffs a year ago and the whole experience left me feeling like I had just been water-boarded in a urinal. It left me both physically and emotionally fragile. Our offense was clicking, nearly everyone was healthy, and nay a better pitching staff could be found.

(flush)

The Cardinals drew the Dodgers for the first round of the playoffs this year too. Their offense was firing on all cylinders and a combination of Carpenter and Wainwright virtually guaranteed leaving the coast with no worse than a split. Carpenter came up short in game one, but those two pitchers had only lost back-to-back games once this year.

Wainwright and Kershaw both pitched excellent games. One side note: Can we please avoid any more unpleasant close-up shots of Kershaw's "facial hair"? I know the guy is twelve years old but it looks like he rolled around on the floor of a salon after eating cotton candy.

The Cards were up 2-1 in the bottom of the ninth with two outs and James Loney was facing Ryan Franklin and a 2-2 count. Loney hit a fly ball to left field and what should have been the last out of the game screamed over Holliday's outstretched glove and hit him right in the ball sac.

Now, Holliday says that he lost the ball in the lights and Wainwright said that he probably lost the ball in the sea of 50 thousand spinning white towels (which are mostly blue). Holliday also said that the ball hit him in the stomach. Roll clip 2:12.


This was a bad error. A really bad error. An error that made me laugh and laugh because it felt like at least some sort of sweet justice was being served for all the crap I've had to hear for the last year. But it didn't end there.

There were still two outs and the Cardinals were completely in control of closing out the game. That is until Franklin (eventually) walked Casey Blake, gave up a single to former National Ronnie Belliard, threw a wild pitch, walked Russel Martin, and finally gave up the game winning single to Mark Loretta.

The team many expected would sail through the postseason, including the LA Times, is now down 0-2 and heading back to St. Louis on the verge of being swept. In the first round. By LA. I can't wait to see how the "best fans in baseball" handle this.

This is Baseball

If you didn't watch the one game playoff between the Twins and Tigers last night, you missed a beauty of a ballgame. Games like this are the essence of what playoff baseball should be. It was full of drama and great performances from superstars and ordinary players alike. The game lasted 12 innings, the score flip-flopping several times. If you like solid pitching efforts, you got it. If you like to see the home run ball, there were plenty of those. If you like great defense, both sides flashed enough leather to generate a week's worth of web gems. Clutch hitting and small ball? Oh, that was there, too. This game really had everything and both teams played their guts out.

Just some of the great stories of the game:

Rick Porcello. Porcello gave the Tigers one of the best outings of his young career. He pitched 5.2 innings, surrendering one earned run on a home run by Jason Kubel and an unearned run on a poor throw. He struck out 8 and only walked 2. Leyland might have been best served to have left him in.

Fernando Rodney. Rodney may have ended up the tough luck loser in this game, but it wasn't due to of lack of effort on his part. Rodney pitched 3 complete innings before giving up hits to Carlos Gomez and Alexei Casilla in the 12th, his 4th inning of work.

Brandon Inge. Inge was an absolute beast at third base in this game, making several incredible plays. The plays he made would have been considered spectacular for just about any third-sacker, but Inge doing it on knees held together with crazy glue, duct tape, and prayer is nothing short of amazing. As much pain as this guy has to be in, no one would've blamed him if he hadn't played at all, let alone put forth the effort he did. And despite all that, he's still busting ass down the line in the 12th inning to take away the possible double play.

The Home Runs from Miguel Cabrera, Jason Kubel, Orlando Cabrera, and Magglio Ordonez were all huge. Miggy's HR showed that he could be more than just a distraction to his team and Ordonez's sent the game to extra innings. Kubel's HR brought the Minnesota crowd back in the game and Orlando Cabrera's gave the Twins their first (though brief) lead of the game.

Twins Bullpen. Ron Gardenhire made full use of his bullpen and they responded. They kept the score close, keeping the Twins in it until they were finally able to solve Fernando Rodney.

Twins Offense. They knew they had to step up when Justin Morneau went down with the stress fracture in his back. This game wasn't just the Joe Mauer show, as everyone pitched in. The only Twins who failed to tally hits were Brendan Harris, who was hit by a pitch in his one at bat and Jose Morales. All the other players had at least one hit in the game. The speed of guys like Carlos Gomez was also on display, on both sides of the field.

Twins Defense. How big was that double play in the ninth that got Nathan out of a jam? Or the throw home in the 12th from Punto with the bases loaded?

Class. There was a lot of class on both sides, especially in the post game comments from Mauer and Cabrera, who were very complimentary of their Detroit opponents.

See this article on Yahoo for the top 10 plays of the game and the next time someone tells you they don't watch baseball because it's boring, tie them to the couch and put this game on the TV for them. If they still think the sport is boring after that, then they have no soul.

Why We Need the Yankees in the World Series

Alright, think back for a second. What was the last great World Series that you remember?

The Red Sox winning it all in 2004 and thus breaking "the curse." Right?

Wrong.

The ALCS against the Yankees was absolutely legendary but the Sox made a quick 4 game sweep against the Cardinals to win the World Series. After the drama of overcoming a 3-0 series deficit to New York, the World Series was merely an afterthought.

In fact for quite a while now, the World Series has been a bit of a snoozer. Three of the last five have been four game sweeps and the other two only went one more game is all. Hell with all the bizarre rain delays and such, I can't honestly recall if they actually finished last year's series or not.

Face it, the last decent World Series was 2003 when the Marlins upset the New York Yankees in 6 games.

But Chip, if a series can go six or seven games isn't it a moot point whether or not the Yankees are involved?

To some extent yes, but looking back what World Series do you recall more, 2002 when the Angels beat the Giants, or 2001 when the D-Backs beat the Yankees? Both went the full seven games but the hype and the aura surrounding the Yankees made it that much more dramatic.

I hate the argument that the big market teams need to be in World Series otherwise no one will care, but sadly there is some truth to that. Yankees vs. Dodgers is going to have much more intrigue than say Twins vs. Rockies.

The Yankees probably draw the most passionate opinions than any other team. Mention Derek Jeter to a baseball fan and they probably have a pretty firm stance on his career regardless of what side of the fence it comes from. The team continues to make a mockery out of the average MLB team payroll and they clearly get the most publicity from ESPN and the like. They make the perfect villain. You can't say the same about the Red Sox. Despite having a monstrous payroll as well and having won two championships in the last five years, some folks honestly still look at Boston as a sort of underdog. No, the Evil Empire still looms large in the Bronx and play the ultimate heel to perfection

So here's to the Yankees making the World Series. I don't even care which NL team they play. The Dodgers would be awesome because of Joe Torre and Manny. The Cardinals have the pitching fire power and Albert Pujols to make some historic moments. The Phillies are the defending champions. And who wouldn't want to see Yankees vs. Rockies? New Yankee Stadium plus Coors Field? Every game could wind up with double digit scores.

If you want a series that folks will talk about for years to come, we need the Yankees.

Game 3: The View from Loneywood

First, condolences.

I have many friends and loved ones who root for the Cubs and have no desire to see you go through this year in and year out. My own father is a long suffering Cubbie from the North Side. I had the advantage of growing up within ear shot of Vin Scully though, and if you can listen to Vin in your formative years and NOT turn out to bleed Dodger Blue, I'd like to know how.

I would be lying if I said I saw this coming. I always gave us a shot against Chicago even if no one else did (TBS didn't even include LA in their pathetic Bon Jovi playoff commercial), but a sweep was just too unlikely - especially considering I was attending Game 3 in person. The Dodgers do not have a stellar record in games I attend.

The atmosphere at the stadium was like I've never seen it before. They squeezed 56,000 in there and it was as loud as I've ever heard it. Every time the Dodgers had the Cubs down to two outs in an inning everyone was on their feet waving their Dodger towels in the air. Chants of "Sweep. Sweep. Sweep" erupted every now and then, usually when a Cubs fan walked by. The heckling of the Cubs fans in attendance was merciless. Frankly, I didn't see much point in it. The game kind of spoke for itself. It was easily the most exciting sporting event I've ever been to. Now, I just have to score some NLCS tickets... It looks like its going to be against those battery chucking assholes from Philly. Bring it on!

I've had better seats...but who cares, its the playoffs.

Ballpark etiquette what? Sit down bitch!

Down the 5, they have the Rally Monkey (gay). Up here we have the Rally Steve Perry.

By this time, my camera batteries were quite dead. I managed to snap one blurry photo of the team rushing the field after Broxton closed it out.

Game 1: The View from Mannywood

Or should I say Loneywood? Either way, wood is what I had after that game.

Obviously as a Dodgers fan, I would have a little different perspective on last night's goings on at Wrigley. Inexplicably one of my fellow TMS bartenders is asking me to share my thoughts about it. He's probably hoping I'll somehow jinx my team.

Ain't gonna happen. In fact, I'm not even going to write very much. You get blurbs. In this post-Sarah Palin world, who has time for complete sentences or coherent thoughts anyway?

- The first few innings were rough. Ryan Prom Night Dempster Baby kept walking guys and LA couldn't drive anyone in. I was livid. In fact, I was ranting about why the Dodgers continue to go up there hacking when its clear Dempster can't find the strike zone?

- Literally seconds later, Loney hits a Grand Slam. You could see the enthusiasm leave the building as he rounded the bases.

- OK, even I got tired of hearing about how sullen Cubs fans are. I can't imagine how you felt listening to Dick Stockton ramble on about that for the entire 2nd half of the game.

- After watching Manny golf a pitch a dozen rows up in dead center, anyone who claims Boston is better off with Jason Bay isn't smart enough to be McCain's vice-President. Jason Bay? More like Jason Gay!

- My keys for Game 2. Run, run, run. LA needs to get in Zambrano's head early. Also, more home runs from Loney, Manny, and Martin would be nice. I'd like to see Matt Kemp get in on the action so those two douchebags at the LA Times STFU.

Chaim Witz Reports: Game 1 - The Curse of Blagojevich

Economic recession be damned, I was lucky enough to score 2 tickets to Game 1 of the Cubs-Dodgers series at beautiful Wrigley Field. Section 218, Row 22. All day at work the anticipation level was as high as my effeminate voice. Fellow bartender Tommy Buzanis also came upon some bleacher tickets through a bizarre set of circumstances, but don't hold your breath waiting for his writeup. After tonight's results I imagine that he went into one of his infamous 'steak comas' and won't wake up until around Game 4 or when Jimmy Buffet tickets go on sale, whichever comes first. Anyway, back the game.

After cutting out of work early and hitching a ride to the game with my boss and his son (I figure you can't get in trouble for playing hooky if it's with Bossman), I met up with Mrs. Witz in front of the Ernie Banks statue a few minutes before first pitch. Our seats weren't too shabby, especially given that we only paid $40 for them and they were being scalped outside for a couple hundred apiece.

The game started out well enough. Mark DeRosa's two run donkey appeared to be a routine pop up but then kept carrying and carrying and carrying....the crowd went nuts. Playoff baseball was in the air. The game had a good 'feel' to it. Dempster was shaky for the first few innings (walks!) but kept wiggling his way out of it. The crowd was behind him, trying to help, even though many were probably thinking 'this isn't good'. Then came the ominous sign that things were about to take a dastardly turn.

We were sitting towards the back of our section, where you can look up and see the back of the box seats, where the fat cats sit, along with the walkway they use to enter their suites. Who walks out but resident a-hole (and *cringe* Cubs fan), Governor Rod Blagojevich. Now I don't care where you stand on the political spectrum...but pretty much everybody, Democrat or Republican, hates this tool. Seriously, what an asshat. Everybody starts booing loudly, yet he keeps smiling and giving the thumbs up...clearly loving the attention. This guy clearly loves the pseudo-celebrity of his position. I yelled, "Hey dumbass, unless your name is Bruce or Moose, there's no way you can't tell we're booing you!" He even came down to the 'standing room only' area, and posed for pictures. The nerve!

It was right about this time that Dempster really shit the bed, loading the bases (walks!) and then giving up a grand salami to James Loney. Talk about taking the life out of the crowd. Wow. Dempster looked shaky at best, terrifying at worst.

The rest of the game was pretty blase, especially when the Dodgers kept piling it on. It seemed like everything they hit in the air left the yard. On the other hand, the Cubs couldn't string any hits together to save their lives. The crowd wasn't really into it, but then again, the Cubs never really gave us any reason to hope. I'm not sure we had any runners in scoring position save for a random A-Ram double later in the game. We stayed and held out hope until the bitter end (we were after all, there to witness that miracle comeback a few weeks back when they were down 6-2 with 2 outs in the 9th), but this was to no avail. There was no joy in Wrigleyville tonight. 7-2, Dodgers prevail.

I, like you dear reader, will be watching from the comfort of my own home tomorrow night. But right now I'm feeling far from comfortable.

A few random notes and rants from the game:

-The last game we went to a few weeks ago, we seemed to get caught in the 'cougar section'. This game? The 'morbidly obese' section. Good Lord in heaven, I've never seen so many fat people in my entire life. The guy directly in front of us? Made Big Pussy from The Sopranos look like Lil' Pussy. The American obesity epidemic has officially spiraled out of control as of October 1st, 2008. Mark it.

-The ballpark etiquette on display was atrocious. This probably had to do with the fact that most of these assholes were 'entertaining clients' or 'checking their Blackberrys for tax shelters', but still. How fucking hard is it to wait until between innings to get up and go fart around? Seriously, I was so annoyed at having to get up and let people by or have the rows in front of us stand up to do likewise that I made my displeasure vocal. Were my words heeded? Oh God no. I apparently don't wield the kind of power that Governor Blagojevich does.

-On those walkways we also saw Jim Belushi, star of 'According to Jim'. According to Chaim, 1989 called for you Jim, and it wants it's leather jacket back.

-Surest sign that things weren't up to snuff tonight? I had all of one beer. ONE BEER! That has to be an all-time low for me at any sporting event, including my first Iowa Hawkeye game when I was 6 years old.

The crowd around me was big and rich, and I ain't talking about the country band.

Dinner.

Manny being Manny!(He actually grounded into a DP here)

Cubs: Cursed?

I do believe the Cubs are cursed. But it's not in the way that you think. But it is brought on by that thing that you're thinking.

Confused yet? Let me see if I can make things more clear. You'll have to forgive me if I'm a bit fried. I did just watch Ryan Dempster poo in my bed.

When I say that the Cubs are cursed, I don't mean that they're cursed by any goats or black cats or any mystical beings, including (but not limited to) Sasquatch, the Tooth Fairy and JO Sampson.

The Cubs are cursed by a much more realistic and intangible thing: expectation. Whether the Cubs make the postseason by one game or 20 games, whether they're mediocre or the best team in the league, every single Cubs postseason team will be under an immense amount of pressure. Now that the Red Sox and White Sox have won it all, the Cubs are the lone ones standing with empty fingers.

So here's the question: Is it too much? No matter how good or how experienced, is the weight of expectation going to be too much for any Cub team in the playoffs? Every team that loses without reaching the World Series will only increase the pressure on the next team.

The teams that seem completely immune to this kind of thing are those "Just Happy To Be Here" teams with no pressure whatsoever. Last year, the Cubs were swept by the Just Happy To Be Here Diamondbacks. The NL went to the Just Happy To Be Here Rockies last year. In 2003, the Just Happy To Be Here Marlins won it all. This year's Rays seem like the kind of team that could do the same thing. Same with the Brewers. You know...if they didn't suck.

Remember the 4 game set in Milwaukee a few months back where the Brewers had Sabathia and Sheets going in the first two games? Those Cubs were expected to do no better than to split, so they came in loose and focused. By the time game 3 came around, they were already on a roll, beating the Brewers best 2 pitchers.

Remember last week against the Mets and Brewers? The Cubs played awesome and were in a lot more of those games than they should have been considering they were starting their JV team. Those Cubs had already clinched and were playing loose and relaxed. The Cubs we saw tonight, even after DeRosa's homer, were not loose and easygoing.

You could tell from the first pitch tonight that not only did Dempster have no stuff whatsoever, but that all the Cubs seemed uptight and nervous. Those two things probably went hand in hand.

The best thing for the Cubs would be to go out there loose and ready to go for game 2. But if they couldn't do it for game 1, what happens now that they're in a 0-1 hole? What happens when they send one of the most emotional athletes on the planet to the mound in game 2?

I'd like nothing more than for the Cubs to come out and take the next 3 and get the monkey off their backs. I don't know if it's up to Lou or up to the players to just go out and play and not be so uptight, but they just need to calm the F down.

One more thing. Our own Chaim Witz was in the stands, so this is not directed toward him. Now I don't know if Wrigley Field is going the way of most NBA arenas and pricing out regular fans so the only ones that can afford tickets are not usually the most die-hard of fans, but it sure seemed like it. It may have been the cold, but there were very few times where I really felt like Wrigley Field was rocking tonight.

Did you see US Cellular Field last night? I can't believe I'm saying this, but the Sox fans last night completely owned the Cubs fans at Wrigley today. They were frenzied the entire time, screaming at the top of their lungs at every 2 strike count. Now the circumstances were different because they had absolutely nothing to lose, but I really wish I would have seen the same kind of passion and craziness out of the Wrigley faithful. Maybe it was just the way it came across in the telecast, but Wrigley, even with a 2-0 lead, seemed nervous and uptight, much like the players, as if they were waiting for the other shoe to drop the entire time.

Fuck it. I'm taking both of my shoes off.

Under Pressure

I've spoken in the past about how far ESPN Radio has fallen in the last few years. Yes, we can all thank our lucky stars that Dan Patrick has a syndicated show so that we're not forced to listen to Colin Cowherd in the morning. But most afternoon and evening sports radio is still broadcast locally, not syndicated, and when you're a Cubs fan living in or near Los Angeles this week, well, you're going to hear a lot of abrasive garbage on the drive home.

Personally I'd prefer not to speculate upon or predict any of these divisional series. I understand that the local radio hosts in the L.A. area are going to be homers, looking for every angle with which the Dodgers can take out the Cubs, even though the Cubs are heavily favored by national pundits. Starting pitching? I'll give the Dodgers some props in that Lowe, Billingsley and Kuroda have given the Cubs trouble in their small sample size of games this year. Manny Ramirez? No one is dumb enough to pitch to him unless his threat is totally benign.

So what real advantage do the Dodgers have for this series that begins in a few scant hours? Well, if you're John Ireland of ESPN Radio's 710 in Los Angeles, you are grasping at two straws. The first is the belief that "the Cubs are cursed, so the Dodgers will win". The second is that "the Dodgers are young and dumb, so the Dodgers will win". That's it, nothing more. The Cubs are cursed, the Dodgers are naive. Chalk it up. No need to play out the games.

Curse? The Cubs have some kind of curse? Hadn't heard. Good Lord I hardly have the heart to address this. It's overplayed and exaggerated, but sure, it serves as a cute little story. Yes, the players hear about the curse nearly every day. It's depressing to even feel the need to discuss this topic. There is no curse. Get over it. Quit talking about the curse as if you have some new and series-altering information. The team will win or lose based on the ability of the players to perform. Don't give me Bartman, because Alex Gonzalez lost that game. Don't give me the goat, because, well, that's just fucking stupid.

Now, just because there is no such thing as a curse does not mean that there isn't an inordinate amount of pressure on the Cubs. In fact, each of the eight teams in the playoffs is going to deal with some degree of pressure. It's the nature of the postseason. So, how would the final eight rank, pressure-wise? Here's my take, in order of the most pressure to the least:

Chicago Cubs: Sorry John Ireland and all the other neanderthals like Colin Cowherd that shun statistics, facts, and depth of knowledge about both teams; like we said, there is no curse. The pressure for the Cubs stems from the team winning 97 games, manhandling the rest of the National League, having arguably the best starting rotation, and being picked by many "experts" to win the World Series. Pressure lies in the organization finally making good after 100 years, for the fans, the cities, and all those that have passed on since 1908. That's an ass-load of pressure. But please, there is no curse involved. As long as they get the solid pitching that they're capable of, the defense holds up, and they score runs like they've done all year, they will advance to the World Series. The best team always has to come through in this manner. Pressure to perform, yes. Curse? Shut your mouth.

Philadelphia Phillies: Again, there is a history of ineptitude that needs to be overcome. They won it all in 1980, but man this city needs something to cheer about. Regardless of when or how they fail, at least they can go into the offseason knowing that they're not the Mets.

Los Angeles Angels: They have quite a bit of pressure due to the fact that they destroyed their division and were the most winning team in the AL. However, they won it all in 2002, so they're not exactly battling history; just a great Boston club that has handed the Angels their collective asses in previous playoff series. The Angels were 8-1 against Boston in the regular season though, for whatever that's worth.

Los Angeles Dodgers: They last won it all in 1988. Joe Torre has the pedigree, and they have some worthy pitching. The offense could be a concern outside of Manny, who every pitcher will avoid like the plague. They're going to need to rely on their youngsters like Ethier, Kemp and Martin to come through offensively. Youth cannot top experience, and being young does not automatically mean you handle pressure well. Look at Sarah Palin.

Milwaukee Brewers: I still can't believe they're in the playoffs. Gallardo is pitching their first game? I thought he was out for the season. They're jumping on Sabathia's back and hanging on for dear life. They've never won the World Series. Again, this is another town that is dying for something to talk about, especially since Favre is out of their lives. Still, there's not a ton of pressure built in when you're a Wild Card team. They're lucky to be here.

Chicago White Sox: They won it three years ago, so they're not starving for victory. They've had a decent run at the end of the season, but c'mon, they got swept last week by the Twins. They should have won the division outright instead of playing game 163. Very little pressure on the South Side, though Ozzie will be satisfied with nothing but ultimate victory. Hell, the players are probably getting more pressure in their own clubhouse than what they're getting from their fans or the city. Look for them to cave early.

Boston Red Sox: Once the model of failure (along with the Cubs), they and their town have succeeded enough in the three major sports in the last year that their shoulders are pretty light. They have the tools to go far, provided Beckett can pitch beyond Game 3 of the ALDS.

Tampa Bay Rays: I mean seriously, they're on cloud nine. And both fans are as well! You can definitely try the young and dumb argument here, but Joe Maddon will have these guys focused, and they have the pitching and offense that can get the job done. It's been a long, hard ten years for this franchise (sarcasm). Even one single playoff victory would exceed all expectations that they may have had going into the season. This team is already in uncharted territory, but should be able to build on this experience for the next few years.

How do these pressure rankings stack up? Anything to wholeheartedly disagree with?

A Strange Landscape

Has this been a crazy season or what? With the White Sox defeating the Twins last night, both Chicago franchises are in the playoffs together for the first time since 1906. What the hell kind of crazy, topsy-turvy world are we living in? Let’s take a look at some more crazy shit:

The Rays are in the playoffs. And they won the AL East to get there. Seriously. And people laughed when they unveiled those new uniforms in an attempt to change the culture of losing. How much you wanna bet that if the Cubs blow up in the post-season that we see some knee-jerk changes? Something like this.

The Mets and Yankees both missed the playoffs in the last years of their respective stadiums. Right now ESPN is saying a thank you prayer to Jebus that the Red Sox made the playoffs. Because without the Yankees or Red Sox in the playoffs, the rest of us might as well play the fucking games in Japan. The Japanese would undoubtedly give more of a shit than ESPN.

Ted Lilly took two no-hitters into the 7th inning while pitching at Miller Park. Both no-hit bids were broken up by the first batter in the 7^th inning and both of those batters wore #8. (Mark Loretta for the Astros and Ryan Braun for the Brewers). Mark Loretta is missing, presumed to be in a lime-lined pit under Ted Lilly’s garage. Ryan Braun is currently looking into some extra protection should the Cubs face the Brewers in the post-season.

The Brewers fired their manager with 12 games remaining and remarkably still managed to win the Wild Card. Not to knock the Brewers, but the Mets’ second straight choke job probably helped more than losing Ned Yost. Although cutting Yost loose can’t be dismissed as some fine strategizing by Brewers’ management. When you do shit that makes Dusty Baker look smart (like platooning your starters) you have some serious problems. We’ll miss you Neddy. Especially if we end up in a best of seven with the Sausage Slingers.Oh, and somebody actually gave Dusty “Base-Clogger” Baker another job. In the majors. Christ, in the same division the Cubs play in. Cincinnati, were you not paying attention in 2004-2006? I’d feel sorry for you, but jeez. How’d that work out for you, by the way? If I were the Reds, I’d send some money to Pittsburgh. Luckily, you’re in the one division with 6 teams. If this were the English Premier League, the Pirates would have been relegated years ago.

Cub fans rooting for Jim Edmonds. The Edmonds signing upset a great deal of Cub fans as people went all nuclear about the possibility of Jimmy Ballgame patrolling center field at Wrigley wearing Cub blue and not Cardinal red. Many people, like this asshole, decried the move, saying he had nothing left in the tank. Once Jim started hitting homeruns that mattered, all that animosity melted away and Cub Nation embraced Edmonds.

If the White Sox and Cubs meet in the World Series, I’m buying earthquake, flood, fire, asteroid, and zombie insurance. Over the course of this season, we’ve had massive flooding in Iowa, Hurricane Ike, and the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression. I’m not saying all of this is happening because the Cubs are not just winning, but also outclassing all competitors winning, but I don’t want to take any chances. Of course it could all be because there’s a black man running for President who actually has a chance to win. The Cubs win the Series, Obama wins the election, and the Earth explodes in a shower of fiery particles. I plan on being drunk no matter what happens. Bully!

By far though, the craziest thing that’s happened over the course of the season was John McCain choosing Sarah Palin, the governor of Alaska, as his running mate in the presidential election. I have no issues with McCain choosing a woman as his running mate, as I admire strong women like Margaret Thatcher, Indira Ghandi, and Alyssa Milano. I do have an issue with him choosing this giant fruitbat for his running mate. This woman is nuttier than a can of Planters’ Mixed. I don’t want anyone who believes in witchcraft to be a heartbeat (or lack thereof) away from the presidency. Salem, MA would head to the top of the goverment watch list and I’d be concerned that she’d nuke England in order to rid the world of Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling. Seriously, this woman is shithouse crazy, folks. Ooh, I can see Russia from my house! Ooh, I can field dress a moose and make mooseburgers! Lady, you are a mooseburger.

Daft Funk's Magical Playoff Mystery Tour

If there's one thing bloggers love more than an election year, it's making playoff predictions. If you're right, you can rub your superior guessing prediction skills in the face of everyone you run across. If you're wrong, there's a good chance that your post was pushed off the front page and into the oblivion of internet hell anyway, never to be seen again.

So with that in mind, I've got a guest here with me today to get my MLB playoff predictions started. It's a Magic 8 Ball. It's magic because it can give me answers from the cosmos, not because it's 3.5 grams of cocaine. Don't ask how I know that. I don't want to get in trouble. Buzanis runs a tight ship.

But enough about my 23rd birthday...on to the picks!

Phillies over Brewers, 3-1

To be honest with you, I think I'm giving the Brewers a lot of credit thinking they'll take 1 game. The Brewers just don't scare me anymore. Ben Sheets is gone, they can't pitch Sabathia every time out (Can they?). And they suck balls at hitting with men in scoring position. Oh, and they strike out way too much. And they don't play defense. Wait...how did they get here? They really are nothing but Braun, Fielder, Sabathia and 22 other guys.

Magic 8 Ball, do the Phillies come out on top in this series? Answer: YES

Cubs over Dodgers, 3-1

With this series, I almost went with the Cubs in 5. But the more I think about it, they should be able to get it done in 4. Sure, they've got Manny, but Cubs pitchers had to face Albert Pujols all year and still did a pretty good job against the Cards. Derek Lowe does scare me a bit, but I like the Cubs 2-4 pitchers much more than the LA playoff rotation. Dempster + Wrigley = Money.

Magic 8 Ball, will the Cubs dispose of the Dodgers in the NLDS? Answer: ABSOLUTELY!

Red Sox over Angels, 3-2

Yeah, the Angels won 100 games, but honestly, does anyone in their lineup scare you? The presence of John Lackey helps out the Halos a bit, but when you're staring down Lester, Dice-K and Josh Beckett v.Playoffs, you're in for a loooong week.

Magic 8 Ball, will the Red Sox continue to annoy 90% of sports fans by moving on to the ALCS? Answer: My Sources Say No

Rays over Twins/White Sox

At the time of this writing, the Tigers and White Sox are still playing. At the time of you reading this, the White Sox and Twins may still be slugging it out for the AL Central. It doesn't matter. I like the Rays over both. They can pitch like the Twins and mash like the Sox. They have a spectacular bullpen and a fantastic manager. Done deal.

Magic 8 Ball, will the Rays win their first ever playoff series in franchise history? Answer: ABSOLUTELY!

So there you have it. If the 8 Ball is correct, I may just bring it back for the next round. If it's wrong (especially about the Cubs), I'll most likely smash it on the ground and drink its insides. I assume it tastes much like the blue liquid inside the comb jar at the barbershop.

Speaking of the Cubs, I'd just like to go on record and say that I'm not afraid of a repeat performance of last year's playoff pile of crap. A lot of the same guys are here, but somehow this year is different. Instead of getting owned by the Brandon Webbs of the world, the 2008 Cubs actually showed some life against the better pitchers in the NL. Hell, they got the unknown rookie/soft-tossing lefty monkey off their back toward the end of the season too!

But this Cubs team has everything that you would want in a World Series winning team. Not only does a team have to be good, but they have to have "those guys" that you remember years later looking back. The 2004 Red Sox had Manny and Papi, Schilling and Pedro (and Pedro's weird midget). the 2003 Marlins had a team full of guys that didn't seem old enough to drink and a manager that seemed like he didn't give a crap what you did as long as you went out there and played. This 2008 team is loaded with players that I'll tell my kids about one day. We've got Kerry Wood as the elder statesman who finally got his ring. We've got Reed Johnson and Jim Edmonds as the improbable scrap-heap guys that will inevitibly come up big in the late innings of these playoff games. We've got Rich Harden, the prize pickup at the deadline that really jump-started the team. And who wouldn't pick up Mike Fontenot and Ryan Theriot and squeeze the ever loving crap out of them because they're so darn cute? What about Mark DeRosa? Derrek Lee? Aramis? Ted Lilly? Hell, the Cubs roster is full of guys who, if they win the World Series, you'd look at and say "I'm really glad that guy got to win one." There are no Jeff Kent's or Sammy Sosa's on this team. No selfish players. Just a bunch of dudes that will steamroll you if you cross them.

The National League Sucks at Life

Like an aging, face-tattooed Mike Tyson trying to lace it up one last time to 'eat your babies', the National League embarrassed America once again. I won't really place too much of the blame on the Rockies. They were merely the unlucky sacrificial lamb chosen for slaughter.

I mean seriously. Every once in a while the Senior Circuit cashes in on a run of good luck (Cardinals, Marlins), but more often than not they are over-matched and outplayed to an extent that could be deemed 'laughable'. Witness getting swept 3 out of the last 4 World Series. Witness the 3-16-1 record over the last 20 All-Star games, including a winless streak dating back to 1996. Speaking of the Senior Circuit, I posed for Senior Pictures that year. I had a mullet and wore a plaid vest, a coy smile and used a fake Coke machine as a photo prop. All that and the National League won the All-Star game. What a year that was in my life. I've yet to repeat that kind of dominance. Neither has the National League.

I guess the Rockies will have to settle for a different kind of Cinderella Story. This one involves them listening to "Don't Know What You Got (Til It's Gone)" in the clubhouse, tears streaming down their faces, stroking Todd Helton's angry goatee for comfort.

Come the SuperBowl, I'll probably just cut and paste this post and replace 'National League' with 'NFC'. And I'm afraid that the sacrificial lamb will probably also fall to a behemoth from the Northeast. One that favors sweatshirts and the frowny faces.

Wicked Awesome: Part II

The 2007 season is over - Red Sox sweep.

Lets be honest folks, the fact that the Rockies were the NL representative should have told you how this was going to end. To paraphrase Bill Plaschke, what made you think the last 22 games erased the 140 that came before it?

The Rox were the Bad News Bears. Clint Hurdle is pouring whiskey in his beer as I write this.

On to the off season...if I'm able to tell you ARod lands in Chavez Ravine, I'll start going to church.

Wicked Awesome

How does Cleveland like them apples?

After giving up on the 2007 season last week, my faith is renewed. The Red Sox rally and crush the Indians in three straight to prove to me there is a baseball god and he hates Cleveland as much as I do.

So Boston/Colorado in the World Series...I know you all marked that before the season started. If I didn't predict Boston coming out of the AL, it was a brain fart on my part. I can safely say no one had Colorado coming out of the NL though.

The Governor's World Series pick: Boston in 6 - mark it Vegas.

(Sigh)

Eh, what are you gonna do?

I really don't know what to say. This wasn't the product of some ill-conceived curse as it was just a team that fell flat and turned cold at the absolute worst time possible.

I followed Game 3 with a sense of impending doom overhead. With each double play I could feel the shoe getting a little closer to dropping. Then it happened. Bases loaded, 1 out, against Livan (6 innings, 5 hits, 5 walks, 2 K's) frickin' Hernandez, and Mark DeRosa hits it right to my new most loathed player of all-time, Stephen Drew.

6-4-3. That was it. What happened in the following innings was of no consequence. This series officially ended right there.

So now what? The next day I put on one of my Cubs shirts and my Cubs hat, and went about my day as usual. You can sit and stew in this if you want, but I'd much rather move on. I realize how horribly hackney and cliché it is, but "there's always next year" is what it keeps us going. While the fairweather fans move on for now until the Cubs make the playoffs again, and while the media turns their attention away only remembering that we lost and it was probably Bartman's fault, the rest of us need to look forward to next year, and there are certainly things worth looking forward to.

A new owner is coming in. We still have a pitching rotation that should be pretty good next year. We have Carlos Marmol, who should seriously be considered as our closer for next season. We have Geovany Soto, who may be the best catcher we've had in a long, long time. We have Ryan Theriot, who seemed to lose steam down the stretch, but after his first real full season under his belt, I see him making the necessary adjustments and coming back even better next season. We have Thunder Matt Murton, who I still strongly believe can make a big impact if he's given a regular starting gig (work on that defense in RF this winter though Thunder). We have Old Style, which thankfully is available at all times, as we self-medicate to get over the pain of 2007 and look to what could be in 2008.

We've got next year. I honestly feel like this team can be back in the postseason in'08, something they haven't done in consecutive years since 1908.

I've blathered long enough. Congrats to the D-Bags. Go Rockies and Indians, and I have nothing more to say.

As some Cubs blogs go into hibernation for the winter, please stop by the Saloon as we should still have plenty to talk about. It may not really be about the Cubs at all, but it should still be interesting to say the least.

It Ain't Over Yet

As I sit down to write this, I have about a million thoughts going through my head.

I’ll start off by saying this: The Cubs are in trouble. The Cubs are in really big trouble. I’m not trying to be negative, just realistic. It sank in to me last night that if we lose just one more game out of the next three, we’re going home. No World Series. But we would get a fantastic consolation prize: 5,000 stories involving the words “curse” and “century”.

For the first 2 games against the Diamondbacks, the Cubs looked like the same team they were in April. They were swinging at everything, trying to go deep on every pitch. Right from the start of last night’s game, you could tell that everyone was a little nervous. Now that every game in this series is going to be a do-or-die for the Cubs, nerves can become even more of a factor.

But by no means is this series over. If the Diamondbacks can win 2 games at home, we certainly can too. But to understand what has to be done for that to happen, we have to look at what’s gone wrong so far:

The Big Bats Are Silent: $32,250,000. That’s the combined salary of Alfonso Soriano, Derrek Lee and Aramis Ramirez. How many postseason hits has that produced? 4 hits. Stephen Drew has 4 hits all by himself. Hell, Augie Ojeda has 4 hits. Now it doesn’t surprise me that Soriano is struggling. He’s been an incredibly streaky hitter all season, and there’s just as much of a chance that he has a series where he hits .200 as there is of him having a series where he hits .400 with 4 home runs. And I’m a bit surprised but not too shocked that Derrek Lee is hitting this poorly through two games. He’s been a bit hot and cold this season too.

My main disappointment is in Ramirez. He’s always seemed like the guy that’s come through with the clutch hit. He always seems totally locked in and ready to take just about anyone he faces deep. But in this series, especially last night, he’s looked completely lost. When he struck out twice last night on the same low-and-outside breaking ball, he didn’t look like himself. He looks like he’s pressing. The whole offense looks like they’re pressing. Which brings me to my next point…

Lou Needs To Do His Job: I’m not going to go into his decision to take Carlos Zambrano out of Game 1 early. Sure, playing for a game that may or may not happen is not the way to do things in the postseason, but Marmol has been absolutely lights-out all season. There’s no way Lou could have known that Marmol was going to struggle. Plus, Lou has a lot more Major League management experience than I do, so I can’t really second guess him.

Where Lou needs to do his job is in the clubhouse. The hitters seem to be trying too hard to hit a 5-run homer every time up. Lilly was a little on edge last night. It just seems like the entire team isn’t focused, or maybe even focusing too much and getting inside their own heads. Either way, the Cubs don’t look like the same team they were when everything was clicking. They look stiff and unenergetic. Now coming back to Wrigley Field for (hopefully) 2 games should help, but Lou needs to get his troops together and get their heads in the game. He needs to tell them not to forget that this is a do-or-die game, but at the same time to play lose and let the game come to them.

Frank TV: I do believe that this Frank TV is at least partially responsible for the Cubs’ poor play. What the crap is this stuff? I will give Mr. Frank this: he does sound like the people he’s impersonating. But what he seems to be forgetting is that there’s a lot more to doing an effective impression than sounding like someone. First of all, you have to at least resemble the person you’re lampooning, something that is easier for thin people than larger people. If a thin person does an impression of John Goodman, there are ways to make them look bigger. If this Frank wants to do an impression of George Bush, he’s already fighting an uphill battle. I’m not saying that Frank is fat, but he’s certainly larger than President Bush (and Jack Nicholson…and Al Pacino). I don’t care if Vin Diesel can make himself sound just like Woody Allen…you need to have the look too.

Every time an ad came on for Frank TV, I felt the urge to punch myself squarely in the face, as I’m sure all of you did too. As if Cubs fans don’t have enough anxiety and frustration coming at playoff time, now we have the urge to do violent things? These bad vibes are traveling from all over the country to Arizona. I’m convinced that if there was no Frank TV, Zambrano and Lilly would have fired back-to-back perfect games.

Now there’s not much we can do about Frank TV, other than not watch it and hope that it goes the same way that all other TBS sitcoms go (Remember 10 Items Or Less? Me neither…). But the other 2 things are fixable. It won’t be easy, but it can be done.

I don’t think the pitching is a problem. Sure, Lilly threw out a frozen turd on the field last night, but everyone can have a bad game. The Diamondbacks are hitting .259 this series, right on par with their team batting average during the regular season (or the “normal season” as Dick Stockton annoyingly refers to it as). The problem is that the Cubs are hitting .179. This needs to improve. Coming home, I think it will. If Soriano, Lee and Ramirez can get things going, we’re going to be set. Soto has been taking some good swings, and DeRosa is always a threat to have a 4-4 game. I do think Lou needs to put DeRosa in the 2 spot and knock Theriot down in the order. I love The Riot, but he hit .202 in September and seems to be bringing that rut into October.

I also think we need more Kerry Wood. This dude has been to the playoffs with the Cubs twice now and knows what it’s all about. But more than that, this dude is a gamer. When he melted down in Game 7 against the Marlins in 2003, he made no excuses, took responsibility for the loss (whether it was his fault or not), and was truly upset. He felt like he let his teammates down. This guy truly cares about Chicago and the Cubs. Kerry comes to play every day. This was never more clear than the September 27^th game against the Marlins. Wood had to come into a game with the bases loaded and no outs, knowing that every game had major playoff implications. The Cubs wound up losing that game, but Kerry seemed like he was trying to put the entire tem on his back and carry them. Bases loaded with one out? Nothing a strikeout and double play can’t take care of. It just seemed like as the season wore on more and more, Kerry got more focused and determined that he was not going to let anyone beat him. Even in last night’s game, you could tell that he was pissed. That’s what the Cubs need right now. We need the team to grab a little of Wood’s mentality and tenacity.

I like the Cubs chances at home against the 87 year old Livan Hernandez and the rookie Micah Owings. Livan has major playoff experience, but ask Ramirez, Lee and Soriano how much playoff experience is helping them out right now. Aside from Hernandez’s playoff experience and the fact that Owings is a terror with the bat, they’re both just average pitchers. And yeah, if there’s a Game 5, we’ll have the impossible Brandon Webb, but by that time, we’d have all the momentum in the world. Sure he’s one of the best in the National League, but so was Jake Peavy. What’s he up to this week?

I know that it’s easy to lose faith after last night’s loss. Hell, I know I did. I wrote my game recap about how this loss was totally embarrassing in the 5^th inning and didn’t have to change a thing by the time the Diamondbacks put the game to bed.

If we had lost 2 a Wrigley Field and would have to win 3 straight in Arizona, I would say we’re done. But we’re going home. That crowd is going to be absolutely insane from the first pitch to the last. They aren’t going to let this team get embarrassed. Not at Wrigley.

I’m not saying we might win game 3. I’m saying that we will win. I’m predicting that it’s going to be one of those games where the Cubs grab an early big lead, and the game is a laugher from then on (remember Game 5 of the 2003 NLCS when Aramis hit the gramd slam off Dontrelle Willis in the 1^st inning? Something like that). I think coming home will solve the hitting problems, and I’ve always thought Rich Hill would come through when it mattered.

Don’t sell those Game 4 tickets yet. Just be a little more patient. It’s not like Cub fans don’t know how to do that.

The Gist

I don't have much to say. Tonight's game was just embarrassing.

The Cubs seem...well...snakebit. Every time someone hits the ball hard, it seems to be right at a Diamondback. It seemed like Lilly went to a 3-ball count on everyone, and every time a Cub came to the plate, it seemed like they already had 2 strikes against them. Soriano, Lee and Ramirez are pressing and getting absolutely nothing done. We're walking too many people. Just name something that could go wrong, and it probably has. We look like it's April all over again.

I haven't even gone into how much the "team" announcing the game for TBS sucks. They called Theriot "There-ee-oh". Proving that screwing up players' names isn't enough, they referred to Coors Field as "Mile High Stadium". I also can't stand the snake hissing sound that happens at Chase Field. And over the last 2 days, Stephen Drew has become one of my least favorite people ever. So when TBS showed a shot of Drew while they were playing the hissing sound, it made me want to take a long walk off a short cliff. All they needed to do was throw in a promo for Frank TV or House Of Payne and I would have shot myself in the face right there. My favorite part was when Dick Stockton said something to the effect of "Boy, Augie Ojeda is really coming back to haunt the Cubs." Right, Dick...when we let him go in 2003, we should have known that he would come back 4 years later and bite us in the ass.

The D-Bags have 0 .300 hitters on their team. They have 0 100 RBI guys. And yet they get 8 runs off of us?

And the Diamondbacks have some kind of cat creature as their mascot. Last time I checked, Diamondbacks were snakes. Ass clowns.

And this Frank TV...has a show ever been canceled before it premiered?

I have never seen so many geriatric geezers at a game as I did tonight. And the douchebags sitting behind home plate that are always waving at the camera for 9 whole innings? Urge to kill...rising...

We need a little home magic to turn this series around. Hill and Lee and Ramirez need to step up. It's crunch time.

Meanwhile Back at the Ranch...

There are three other series going on right now. Here's whats happening:

Colorado/Philadelphia

Its over Rock! Ya got nothin left!

The Phillies are down for the count. Losing 10-5 to Colorado today, they head to Coors Field in a huge hole. Eager to start their vacations, the Phillies are going with 78 year old junkballer Jaime Moyer in game three.

The Rockies came in hot and have continued. Frankly, I give almost all the credit to Todd Helton's mountain man beard. Like Jake Plummer before him, Todd has realized the secret to success in Colorado is a gradual transformation into Grizzly Adams.

Game Three Predition: Colorado wins 14-5

Boston/California of Los Angeles of Anaheim

Talent wise, the Angels are probably the best team in the playoffs. They just don't seem to do well against Boston. Josh Beckett is nails in the playoffs and he proved it again by throwing a complete game shutout to open the series.

Guerrero is hurting, but returning to the outfield. Unfortunately for him, he gets to face Matsuzaka and Schilling in the next two. Keep an eye out for bloody socks.

Series Prediction: Boston 3-1

Cleveland/New York

Not being on the ESPN payroll, I'm allowed to say this: the Yankees aren't very good.

Their pitching is old and sorry, so they have to rely on clubbing the other team to death. Problem is, their best hitter (MLB's best hitter) Alex Rodriguez, has a history of choking in the playoffs.

I don't know much about the Indians. Kenny Lofton has played for every team in the league and half of the Japanese league now right? CC Sabathia is still a fatass? Good, then all is right with the world. How the hell did this team make the playoffs?

They're beating the snot out of New York right now and even though I want to see the Yankees run out of town on a rail, I'm nearly falling asleep from boredom. I don't know if its just AL baseball or the human insomnia cure Chip Carey though.

Series Prediction: Cleveland 3-2