Breaking 2008 Death League News

Paul Newman 1925 - 2008

"Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand."

Damn. I guess this is growing up, huh? I've been trying to think if there's ever been an actor that I truly enjoyed who has died in the last 30 years. Maybe River Phoenix, he was the bomb in Explorers and piqued my interest as the possible heir to the Indiana Jones throne, but he wasted his life away on speedballs, so he's out. Paul Newman is the only one I can think of.

My mancrush on Paul Newman most certainly happened the first time I saw Cool Hand Luke. In this movie, he plays the role of the anti-hero brilliantly, defying authority at will, being brutally sarcastic, smug, shrewd, and playing coy like he invented the word. (what impressionable Junior High kid wouldn't get behind that?) He was the guy that got ahead, but not with his fists. He schemed, tricked, and robbed his way to win the movie, but never in a way that caused people to despise him. It was a role that Newman became known for throughout his career.

It wasn't always so easy for Newman. When he was coming in to the acting profession, he initially got some roles based on his good looks. It definitely got his foot in the door, but he was determined to be labeled as just a heart throb. (His first major motion picture, The Silver Chalice, was not a favorite of Newman's. He called it the worst film done in the 50's, and took out an ad in the LA Times to apologize for it even happening.) I can't remember where I saw it, but during an interview someone asked him about his looks, particularly his striking blue eyes. Newman stated that he purposely sought roles that were about the character, not his good looks. He said, "No one would pay money to see such a beautiful man win the woman and save the day." He even went so far as to purposely not be a Hollywood icon. He made his residence away from California, choosing to live in Connecticut, wearing blue jeans and tennis shoes, and even his bottle-opener-necklace that he wore in Cool Hand Luke, all to break the stigma of a "Hollywood Star".

In typical Paul Newman fashion, he wasn't known as just an actor. After starring in the 1969 open wheel racing movie, Winning, Newman took up racing as a hobby, until his passion with the sport grew so much that he entered into the professional ranks, eventually winning the 1979 "24 Hours of LeMans" road race. Newman continued racing professionally well into his 70's.

Racing was not the only diversion from acting. In addition to his racing career, Newman was a well known philanthropist, most notably for starting Newman's Own food products with author A.E. Hotchner. For over 25 years, Newman's Own has sold salad dressings, salsas, popcorn and other snack products, donating 100% of all profits to different charitable organizations. It is estimated that to date, Newman's Own has raised over $250,000,000. Newman referred to the project as "a joke that got out of control" and liked to point out that his salad dressings grossed more than his movies did. Newman also started charitable organizations himself, most notably The Hole-in-the-Wall Gang, a camp for terminally ill children, and the Scott Newman Center for alcohol and drug abuse, named after his son, who died of an accidental drug overdose. Newman also co-founded The Committee Encouraging Corporate Philanthropy (CECP), an organization committed to raising awareness and participation for philanthropy in the corporate environment.

Don't Miss: The Hustler, Hud, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, The Sting, Cool Hand Luke, Slapshot, The Color of Money

Also of note: Newman, known as an outspoken liberal activist, was #19 on President Nixon's list of enemies in the late 1960's, after he campaigned loudly for Senator Eugene McCarthy.

4 points awarded to Gray Davis in the Fantasy Death League.

RIP, Paul

Death League Update: Jerry Reed

Jerry "The Guitar Man" Reed passed away on Monday from complications arising from emphysema. He is probably best known for his role opposite Burt Reynolds in 'Smokey and the Bandit'. I did a little homework and discovered that he also released over 40 albums and sang the film's theme song 'East Bound and Down'. I'm actually listening to the song right now to draw some inspiration. It's probably not going to make this post any better but it sure as shit makes me want to get up from my desk, grab some jerky and my spitter, hop in the S-10 and start driving south. Wait, no it doesn't. You youngins may also remember him as Coach Red Beaulieu in The Waterboy.

Jerry was 71. 6 points for me. I'm closing the gap, Governor.

Latest Death League Standings
1. Governor Gray Davis - 25
2. Dave Thomas - 17
Tommy Buzanis - 17
4. The Hundley- 15
5. Daft Funk - 10
6. Chip Wesley - 9
7. Brant Brown - 5
8. Chaim Witz - 0

Death League Update: Estelle Getty

No, Estelle, Thank YOU for being a friend.

E-Claire: Estelle Getty – known to most as the feisty Sophia on The Golden Girls – passed away at the age of 84. I am particularly saddened by this…If you'll allow me to explain:

When I was younger, The Golden Girls aired in repeats on Lifetime. You know…That network that always seems to be showing depressing movies of the week about women who can't stand up for themselves? Anyway, the reruns used to come on right as my sister and I were getting home from school. Now, when you're about 13, and your sister is about 10, you don't necessarily have a lot in common. I was sort of starting to be interested in things like boys and school dances, and she was still into things like Barbies and such. Needless to say, many arguments used to break out between the two of us. However, the one thing we had in common is that we enjoyed watching reruns of The Golden Girls after school. Lord knows why we related to a bunch of 60-something women (my therapist and I are still trying to figure that one out), but we did, and we had a good time watching the show.

Now, my sister and I are older, and we're a lot closer than we were at times in our youth. But I will always remember us watching "The Golden Girls" together. She even called me today to see if I had heard the sad news about Estelle. So Estelle Getty, thank you for creating a childhood memory for me and my sister.

Brant Brown: How can anyone say anything bad about Estelle Getty? She was a trooper, ready to dish out a witty barb at a moment's notice. Little known fact: She was not the oldest of the four Golden Girls. Bea Arthur (who played her daughter) and Betty White both had her by a year. They're expected to pass soon.

Apparently Getty had been diagnosed with Lewy body dementia, which is akin to Alzheimer's disease and sounds equally horrible. Doctors suggested that she may have acquired said dementia shortly before agreeing to play opposite Sylvester Stallone in Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot.

As the twisted mind of Fortuna would have it, Estelle Getty died three days before her 85th birthday, meaning that she scored 4 points for Tommy Buzanis instead of 3. Well played, Buzanis.

Jesse Helms Dies 25 Years Too Late

Former U.S. Sen. Jesse Helms, a North Carolina Republican who became an icon to conservatives, died Friday at age 86. He was a hero to bigots and the cigarette corporations and a menace to the poor and downtrodden. Though claiming not to be a racist, he ranted in opposition to a holiday honoring Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and tried to prevent the Voting Rights Act from being extended in 1982.

He never graduated from college but did manage to cleverly avoid service in WWII by working as a Navy recruiter in the South. He also worked for the segregationist Democrats, where he spread rumors that his political opponents went out with black women, and wrote campaign material like this:

"White people, wake up before it is too late. Do you want Negroes working beside you, your wife and your daughters, in your mills and factories?"

He never won a seat in the Senate by more than 55% where he pandered to bitter white losers while actively working against that same white working class. If that's not enough for you, here's one more story to make your blood boil:

Soon after the Senate vote on the Confederate flag insignia, Sen. Jesse Helms (R.-N.C.) ran into Carol Moseley-Braun in a Capitol elevator. Helms turned to his friend, Sen. Orrin Hatch (R.-Utah), and said, "Watch me make her cry. I'm going to make her cry. I'm going to sing 'Dixie' until she cries." He then proceeded to sing the song about "the good life" during slavery to Moseley-Braun.

Have fun in Hell douchebag. Three points for me.

George Carlin Passes At 71

We don't take too kindly to being "serious" around the Saloon here, but there are exceptions from time to time.

George Carlin died yesterday of heart failure at the age of 71. Although this was a relatively young age, one can't help but wonder if Carlin was ready to go. After all, he had spent his entire life pointing out the satire we all live and breathe on a daily basis. After roughly 50 years of anti-Establishment rants and raves, maybe his work was complete. Now I wasn't there when he passed, but it would have only been fitting if Carlin's last words on this planet were "I'm sick of you motherfuckers. You all disgust me and I'm leaving."

The Hundley had George in our TMS Death Pool. He doesn't feel bad about it because our Death League seems like the exact kind of thing that Carlin himself would love to take part in.

6 points to The Hundley.

Season Standings
1. Governor Gray Davis - 25
2. The Hundley- 15
3. Daft Funk - 10
4. Chip Wesley - 9
5. Dave Thomas - 8
6. Tommy Buzanis - 6
7. Brant Brown - 5
8. Chaim Witz - 0

Belated Death League Update: Bo Diddley

I didn't know Bo. The blues were not prominent in our household in my youth. Oh sure, the black and blues were, but that wasn't music, just a lot of thumping, slapping, and screaming. And crying. Anyway, Bo Diddley died on June 2, 2008. The man could play the guitar. The Drunk Hobo leads me to believe that Mr. Diddley recorded at least 38 studio albums and was somewhat of a godfather to aspiring Black musicians.

You likely know Bo best from his television spots and ad campaign with Bo Jackson in the late 1980s. The theory goes that Jackson was quite adept at a range of activities. As he would display his prowess for a wowed audience, Diddley would chime in and say "Bo, you don't know Diddley". This was a play on names, as both were given the Christian name of Bo upon birth, and Diddley is synonymous with "very little or nothing". It played well amongst younger demographics.

Bo Diddley was 79. Five points are awarded to Brant Brown.

Death League Update: Jim McKay

Jim McKay was a man. Jim McKay was in on the ground floor, a pioneer who paved the way for today's sports journalists. Jim McKay did not celebrate pomp and bullshit. Jim McKay had a grasp on all of it, from the heart of American sports, to the celebration of global events, to the fringes of diverse and culturally-oriented competitions. Jim McKay brought the goods to all fans of sport. Jim McKay was the Walter Cronkite of the Olympics, through good times and tragedy. Could you imagine a schmuck like Joe Buck reporting the events of Munich?

As we are men and sports enthusiasts, we are fans of Jim McKay. Normally we throw humor in our posts at TMS. Sure, I could write a zinger like "In honor of his favorite sport, McKay will now be turned into glue". But you know what? That's not appropriate. Jim McKay was a legend and should be respected upon his passing.

Jim McKay was 86. Three points awarded to Chip Wesley.

Charlton Heston is Dead

Can someone go pry the rifle out of his hands now?

Chuck Heston was 84. 4 points have been awarded to The Hundley.

The Fantasy Death League standings now look like this.

1. Governor Gray Davis - 25
2. Daft Funk - 10
3. Dave Thomas - 8
4. Tommy Buzanis - 6
5. Chip Wesley - 5
6. The Hundley- 4
7. Brant Brown - 0
8. Chaim Witz - 0

Bartender Banter: Winter Doldrums Edition

God damn snow!

I used to hear people in Southern California say that people living in the Midwest were fools to endure such miserable weather. Well you know what? After spending 5 days in Laguna Beach for ThunderFest 2008 I'm finally in agreeance* (sic) with them. We're complete assholes for sitting through shitty winters up here.

Not much news about the Cubs discussed around here lately. I guess they signed Jon Lieber. Makes sense since bringing back Trachsel worked out so damn well. Next on their wish list, Kevin Tapani. Yeah he's 44 years old, but he's a spry 44.

I decided to put my name on the waiting list for Cubs season tickets, just to see where I would be in line. 79,363rd bitch! No budging.

Can we officially declare this the Dark Ages for sports talk radio? ESPN Radio isn't almost unlistenable now, it IS unlistenable. Seriously, how in the hell did Stephen A. Smith get his own show? All he does is yell at you. I feel like I did something wrong. Pair him up with Hillary Clinton and it feels like your parents are scolding you, but it's not like when you stayed out past curfew as a teenager. It's more like you did something unforgiveable like punch out a nun or something. In fact if I heard them both yelling at the same time I'd feel like punching out a nun. Don't even get me started on Stephen A's strange stints on MSNBC.

ANYWAY, back to sport talk. It's terrible. Apparently they all follow the same steps.

1. Find the hot button topic of the day.
2. State your stance on topic.
3. Continually repeat your stance over and over for 2 hours.
4. Take phone calls while you keep repeating stance.
5. Yell a lot and cut off your callers mid-sentence.
   
6. End show, go back to your lonely darkened apartment.
7. Drink scotch by your lonesome until you pass out in your easy chair.

That's about it. My personal favorite is when they talk about "not talking about" something. I kid you not, I once tuned in and listened to Linda Cohn talk about how she was not going to talk about the Michael Vick story. She talked about "not talking about it" for a full hour! Christ, fine if you're not going to discuss it, but move on and talk about something else then.

Not all is lost however. There are two shows I can still fully endorse out there. The first is the Dan Patrick Show. Dan was the anchor of ESPN Radio for years and without him that ship drifted out to sea and got lost. You can tune in to a live stream of his show in the mornings at his website http://www.danpatrick.com/. The second show is Tony Kornheiser, which made it's return this week after another hiatus for Monday Night Football. Kornheiser can be heard at DC radio station 3WT. He's still by far my favorite sports talk show, despite the fact he hardly talks about sports. You could almost say that TMS is the "Tony Kornheiser" of Cubs blogs. You know because of the lack of Cubs coverage, not for the exemplary writing.

What else? Oh yeah, the Cubs posted their depth chart on the official site. Thunder Matt is listed as Soriano's backup in LF. Thanks for playing Matt. We'll enjoy the occasional times you get a chance to pinch hit.

New England vs. New York in the Super Bowl, or as I called them, "God Dammit!" versus "Ahhh Horseshit!" I hope Eli contracts airborne AIDS.

If you haven't noticed the spiffy little button for TMS Radio in the sidebar yet, it's about damn time you acquaint yourself with it. We've pumped over 1100 songs into that son of a bitch at this point. I'm not going to guarantee you'll like every song but at least it's better than hearing the same .38 Special song at the same time every day on your shitty FM classic rock station.

Oh yeah we have another death to report. No, not Heath Ledger. Suzanne Pleshette passed away.

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Suzanne Pleshette, best known for her role as Bob Newhart's wife on television's long-running "The Bob Newhart Show," has died, just days before a ceremony honoring her with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Pleshette, who underwent chemotherapy for lung cancer in 2006, died of respiratory failure Saturday evening at her Los Angeles home, said attorney and family friend Robert Finkelstein.

I'm a little too young to recall the original Newhart Show, but I do remember her in the movie "Hot Stuff" starring alongside Jerry Reed and Dom DeLuise. That movie earned a spot in the pantheon of "Movies that HBO constantly aired during the 80's that I always sat and watched". Other members of the pantheon include "Just One of the Guys" and "Midnite Madness".

Score 6 points to Tommy Buzanis in Death League.

That's all for now. Rockies in 6.

* I included the (sic) because I never feel like people will understand it's a lame joke about Fred Durst.

Death League Update: Checkmate Bobby

Up until yesterday Bobby Fischer was enjoying his golden years in Reykjavik, the same place he defeated the evil Russian chess master Boris Spassky of the Soviet Union during the Cold War in 1972. He will be remembered for a lot of things: child genius, recluse, outspoken critic of America, Chicagoan, anti-semite, the founder of professional chess.....wait, what was that? Yep, you read that right. In an interview with a Philippines radio station hours after September 11th, he allegedly called reports of a plane hitting the Pentagon "wonderful news" and said American foreign policy had provoked the attacks. After calling for President Bush's death, Fischer also stated he hoped that a Seven Days in May-type military coup d' etat would take over power in the U.S. and then execute "hundreds of thousands of American Jewish leaders", "arrest all the Jews" and "close all synagogues".

Bob also enjoyed a game of pinball every now and again. But really, who doesn't? He was 64. 8 points to me.

Death League Update

As most are now aware, whether they follow international politics as a hobby or not, current Pakistani opposition leader and former prime minister Benazir Bhutto was assassinated on Thursday. As perhaps the most prominent member of the Bhutto political dynasty, many in Pakistan welcomed her return from exile in October with open arms and in defiance of the political and military rule imposed by President Pervez Musharraf. In turn, Musharraf quickly instituted martial law, only to lift it two weeks ago at the insistence of the United States and the global democratic community.

With parliamentary elections in Pakistan scheduled for January 8, it is unclear at the time
who her Pakistan People's Party successor will be, or if the elections will be postponed.
Bhutto campaigned on a platform centered on the eradication of Islamic extremists in
Pakistan, the very country which Osama bin Laden is purported to be in hiding. Viewing this as an affront to their regional interests, representatives from both the Taliban and al-Qaeda had decried her return and insisted that she would be met with violent resistance. They unfortunately followed through with the threat, as the suicide bomber has now in fact been identified and linked to both organizations.

On a lighter note, as Bhutto was a Wild Card pick, 20 points are awarded to the Governor.

Bartender Banter: Hot Stoves, Daredevils and BCS BS

So the baseball hot stove has really heated up in the last week. The Yankees and Red Sox are nearly to the point of offering sexual favors to the Twins for Johan Santana, the Angels are trying to land their future DH, Miguel "El Gordo" Cabrera from the Marlins, the Mets ditched Lastings Milledge to Washington for Brian Schneider, Ryan Church and some crack rocks, and several other rumors are swirling all over the place...

...and none of them seem to be involving the Cubs.

Maybe they're just keeping their talks on the down low, I don't know. What I do know is that all we've gotten so far is a mediocre middle infielder, nearly got another one (Thank you Houston!), Ryan Dempster apparently is our #5 starter at the moment, and we don't have anyone to start at CF or RF (Although there's a certain redhead that could take the one spot). The only thing I have heard is that we're trying to land #1 Slugger. That's great, but what if said deal is never realized? Why do I have this feeling we're gonna be heading into opening day with Mike Cameron at CF? Mike Cameron, if ever there was a guy worthy of an overrated post, it'd be him.

Remembering Evel
As you probably already know Evel Kneivel passed away on Friday at the age of 69. What can you say about the guy? It's amazing he lived that long. He jumped numerous things on a motorcycle, he broke an insane amount of bones, he had a walking cane that doubled as a receptacle for his Jack Daniels, and he once beat a man bloody with a baseball bat. He was the face of extreme sports well before anyone was tossing that term around. Plus with no Evel Kneivel, there would've been no Super Dave Osborne. Godspeed Evel.


On the Death League front Daft Funk has scored 7 points and taken the early lead. Here's an update of the standings.

1. Daft Funk - 7 points
2. GovernorGrayDavis - 5 points
3. Six people with 0 points

BCS Bowls Announced
Ohio State and LSU will duke it out for the National Championship. I guess this is better than Missouri vs. West Virginia. The other bowls I'm just confused with. How does Kansas get to play in a BCS bowl but Missouri gets the shaft? So much for being rewarded for playing a tougher schedule. Illinois in the Rose Bowl? Huh? I cannot condone any team that lost to Iowa being worthy of a BCS bid. If this bizarre season proved anything it's that not having a playoff is still absolutely absurd.

Last year I went off on the BCS and made my proposal for a 16 team playoff instead.

"But Chip, then there wouldn't be any bowls for the other teams to go to."

As of right now there are 32 bowls. That means in Division I-A football, which has 120 schools, more than half go to a bowl game. Does anyone else find this a bit ridiculous? Either way, I say keep some of the bowls. 16 teams can play in the playoffs and the other 48 teams can play in a bowl game. Look, unless you're a fan of that school or a compulsive gambler, the vast majority of the bowls are completely pointless anyway, so why not just keep them? Cincinnati can play Florida Atlantic in the Heinz Ketchup Bowl or whatever, that's great. I'll be over here watching the playoffs not paying attention like I would have done anyway.

My proposal for the playoff format consisted of automatic bids for the 11 conference champions, plus 5 at large bids. Looking at the final standings, and using the final BCS rankings for the at larges, this is what the playoff bracket would look like.

Score One for Death!

As I've said before, our ticket for the bus to hell is pretty much guaranteed at this point with various posts and the creation of the Fantasy Hurricane League. Well we've officially upgraded our bus tickets to our own personal limo to hell with this latest brainchild.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the TMS Fantasy Death League.

Now this is far from an original idea. If you Google "death pool" you'll see this sort of competition has been going on for quite a while. So before you go all high morals on us just remember that there are plenty of other sick bastards out there as well.

So here's the premise....

1) There are 8 members to the league: Myself, Brant, the Governor, Chaim, the Hundley, Daft Funk, Dave, and Mr. Thomas Buzanis himself.

2) Each member has a roster of 74 people which consists of 70 famous people aged 60 or older that were randomly assigned to them, as well as 4 wild cards that were picked in a special four round draft. The wild cards could be any famous person under the age of 60.

3) Each member scores points if one of his people go belly up. Points are awarded based on age and go as such.

Age 95-99 = 1 point
Age 90-94 = 2 points
Age 85-89 = 3 points
Age 80-84 = 4 points
Age 75-79 = 5 points
Age 70-74 = 6 points
Age 65-69 = 7 points
Age 60-64 = 8 points
Wild Card = 20 points

4) The death 'season' started last week and will conclude at the end of Thanksgiving day 2008

5) We will keep tabs on any scoring throughout the league as various folks kick the bucket. Speaking of which, Governor Gray Davis already scored some points. More on that in a second, first here are the rosters. (Note: You obviously have to click on them in order to view them. Wild Card picks are denoted in orange highlight).













As mentioned, the Governor scored the first points with the death of baseball legend Joe Nuxhall.

From the Associated Press:

CINCINNATI (AP) -- Joe Nuxhall, the youngest major leaguer at age 15 and later a beloved broadcaster as "the ol' left-hander" in Cincinnati, has died. He was 79.

Brought up by Cincinnati to pitch during World War II - just out of junior high classes, he unraveled at the sight of Stan Musial in the on-deck circle - Nuxhall worked more than six decades for the Reds. He continued to pitch batting practice into the 1980s and was a member of the team's Hall of Fame.

While he won 135 games, it was on the radio where he became best known. On a franchise filled with Hall of Fame players and big personalities, Nuxhall might have been the most popular of all.

5 points awarded to Governor Gray Davis. R.I.P. Joe.