Why Andre Dawson was a Badass

When YouTube first emerged onto the scene there were very few things I wanted to see posted more than video of the Eric Show beanball to Andre Dawson. I remember watching this game as a kid. It was one of the most unbelievable moments I ever saw. Well finally someone posted it.



Things of note that I remembered from that incident.

• Rick Sutcliffe going apeshit and being one of the first guys out of the dugout.
• After laying on the ground for a while, Dawson finally comes to and goes ballistic as he takes off after Show on the field.
• After getting Show to retreat into the dugout, Dawson attempts to go down into the Padres dugout after him.

The following inning, Greg Maddux beans Benito Santiago in the back and gets ejected. Rick Sutcliffe shared his take on Maddux in that game in an article he wrote last year for ESPN discussing beanballs.

The one incident that I remember most is from 1987, when Padres pitcher Eric Show hit Dawson in the face. I wasn't pitching that day, actually a young Greg Maddux was, but I'd had a feeling that the Padres might be out to get Hawk. I even said something to him about it, telling him I didn't have a good feeling. He had hit two home runs the night before and another in his first at-bat of the game. Then, in the third inning, Show drilled him in the eye with a fastball. People may remember that I charged the mound from the dugout when that happened.

Before the game, management had told Maddux that if he didn't get the win he'd be sent down. Knowing that, as I was getting ejected for fighting, I told him to go out and get through the fifth inning to get that win he needed before thinking about retaliating. He wasn't hearing any of that. I reminded him that he needed to get that win or else he was going back to the minors. He told me he didn't care if he got another win in his whole career. And the very next inning with the lead and two out and no one on base Maddux got payback by hitting Benito Santiago in the back as hard as he could. That tells you what kind of teammate Maddux was even starting out. He got sent down the next day, but his teammates knew what kind of guy he was. People might not expect it from a mild-mannered guy like him, but he would protect his hitters as much as any pitcher I ever played with.

Awesome, so not only did that incident lead to one of the most memorable bench-clearing brawls I've ever witnessed, but it essentially gave a young Maddux his first opportunity to earn respect from his teammates.

Down On The Farm

Ah, yes. Minor League Baseball. A little slice of Americana. A place where the game is played the right way, everyone hustles, everyone has something to prove, and in single-A ball, (not Triple-A where Thunder Matt continues to rake) the acne scars are still fresh. The Quad City Riverbandits (Cardinals) took on the Peoria Chiefs (Cubs) on two-for-one night at scenic Modern Woodmen Ballpark, nestled in the bosom of the mighty Mississippi River in Davenport, IA. The two-for-one promotion wasn't the only special occasion. Nay, the opposing Peoria Chief team was managed by none other than Ryne Sandberg.

All the stories you hear about Sandberg are true. I should know, I damn near sat right next to him for the entire game. For an extra $13 per person, twelve of us got to sit in a dugout suite right next to the opposing team's dugout, all while having your own personal wait staff. On a clear night that hovered around 75 degrees, what more could you ask for? It was definitely an experience I'd never had before and as a Cub and lifelong Sandberg fan, again, what more could you ask for?

The fire and aggression that he's been known to have as a manager never really reared it's head on Tuesday. He did walk halfway across the diamond (in single-A, the manager also coaches 3rd base) to stare down the field umpire after a questionable call at first. No words were exchanged, just an "I've got my eye on you, fucker" look for about 20 seconds. One of the few things I heard Ryno say was "Hustle out there, guys!" repeatedly and grimacing frequent looks of disgust after a dicey pitching performance from the Chiefs starting pitcher, Chris Sigfried.

The Chiefs fell to the Riverbandits 8 - 5, in lieu of giving up a 6 spot in the third inning. There were some bright spots, however. Second baseman Marquez Smith belted his team leading 10th home run of the year and knocked in four and also walked twice. Not sure if it's technically a "highlight", but SS Nate Samson, after being hit in the chest by a pitch in the 1st inning, squared to bunt in the 3rd, this time taking a fastball right off the helmet. He sprung right back up before giving a few choice words to the pitcher. The manager from the Riverbandits said something about it being unintentional, to which the Chiefs pitching coach bellowed out "Shut the fuck up over there!", loud enough to probably be heard in Peoria. Family fun, indeed!

Back to Sandberg, he stood in line for a good 30 minutes before the game signing everything that people brought him - shirts, framed pictures, cards, bats (why did I not take Slumpbuster!?!?), and gloves. After the game, he stood outside the team bus and signed for a good 10-15 minutes before stating, "We've got a 2 hour bus rides guys, that's enough for tonight." Devastated, I was not able to secure an autograph (but a friend was), but I did wave to him as he sat down in the front seat, which was good enough to me.

I have to say it was quite refreshing to see baseball back at it's roots. Sure, the talent was no where near MLB caliber, but the hustle and grit was tenfold of what you'd see in the bigs. Behind it all was Sandberg, leading by example, running out and in from his third base coaching box for 9 innings. Like he said in his Hall of Fame speech, you should honor the game and play it the right way. I salute you, Ryno.

Skydiver with American Flag = Americana

The Hundley's repeated attempts to be put in at pitcher were ignored.


The earflap-less helmet says "Gaetti", but the face, gait, number and demeanor is all Ryno.


Even at a baseball game, The Hundley proudly represents Sweden and Euro 2008 (Ryno looked away at the last minute. Damn!)

Alas, it was not to be mine. Maybe someday.

War Hero: Mark Grace

In 1982, Ernie Banks became the first Cubs player to have his number retired. In 1987, Billy Williams joined him as the second. For sixteen years, the two flags with Banks and Williams' numbers, one on each foul pole, flapped in the Chicago breeze all by their lonesome. Then in 2003, Ron Santo's number 10 was rightfully added, followed by Ryno's #23 two years later. So who should be the next Cubs great to be considered for this great achievement? Keith Moreland?.....Derrick May?......Mike Harkey?.....Ty Griffin? Um, no.

How about number 17, Mark Grace?

Mark splashed onto the scene in 1988, taking over the first base gig for Leon Durham, whose thick glasses and love for cocaine were his downfall. Mark hit .296 his rookie season and finished second to Reds third baseman, Chris Sabo for National League Rookie of the Year, who surely swayed a few voters with his James Worthy-esque goggles. While Sabo quickly flamed out in the big leagues faster than he could say to his barber, 'Just a little off the top', Grace became a Cubs fixture at first base for over a decade.

Mark was known more for his consistency at the plate than for his power, hitting .303 lifetime, and .307 during his tenure with the Cubs. Mark is among the Cubs top ten all-time leaders in on-base percentage, runs, hits, total bases, doubles, runs batted in, bases on balls, and extra base hits. His highest ranking of all of those is doubles, in which his 456 two-baggers are second in franchise history to only Cap Anson. Mark was also well known for his glove work at first base. From 1992 to 1996, Mark won 4 Gold Gloves, only failing to do so in the strike-shortened '94 season, somehow losing to Jeff Bagwell.

Mark Grace was never really the main attraction at Wrigley. Throughout his time there, casual fans were usually enamored with the star power of Ryne Sandberg, Andre Dawson and in later years, Sammy Sosa. But Mark always managed to be a fan favorite of the Cub faithful. He was a man's man, who appealed to the blue-collar crowd in Chicago's meatpacking district with his no-nonsense scrappy play on the field, and laid-back, fun-loving personality off it. Mark was known for his love of partying, drinking and smoking, and is argued by some to have been a bad influence on young pitchers Kyle Farnsworth and Kerry Wood, as he introduced them to the Chicago nightlife. Oddly enough, Kerry Wood hasn't been any good since Grace left*. So one could surmise that the key to Kerry Wood making a return to form would be to drink and smoke more. And Kyle Farnsworth? Well he's just like a little kid that you leave at the mall on purpose or drop off at a foster home under the cover of night. But that's neither here nor there. Unlike Farnsworth, the late-night lifestyle never really affected Mark's play. He still went out there each day and got the job done on the field, hitting no worse than .280 in any season with the Cubs. Maybe Mark was just better at finding a good " slumpbuster" than Kyle was.

In 2000, Mark was hosed by the Cubs management, who failed to re-sign him despite claims according to Mark from Andy MacPhail that they were planning on it. After being left hanging for over a month, Mark was forced to look elsewhere for work, and much to the dismay of Cub fans, he signed with the Arizona Diamondbacks in December of that year. The loss of Grace technically marked the beginning of the Hee Suck Choi Era. Only problem was, Choi was a wet fart, so instead we were unfortunately stuck with the Matt Stairs-Fred McGriff-Eric Karros Era. Aside from Choi supposedly being "ready", it is said that a rift between Mark and Sammy Sosa also fueled his departure from Chicago. Let it be said Choi's crowning moment as a Cub was being nearly knocked unconscious when he slammed his head into the ground on a nationally televised game versus the Yankees, shaming his homeland. Meanwhile, Sammy Sosa has moved on and now owns multiple fighting cocks in the Dominican Republic.

I had the privilege of attending Mark's first series back in Wrigley with his new team. If there was bad blood between him and the management, it certainly never poured over to the fan base, as he was given a standing ovation during his first at bat in all three games that series.

In 2001, in his first season as a D-back, Mark finally got his World Series ring, as Arizona shocked the Yankees in seven games. While us Cubs fans sat there wishing it would've been with our team, you just couldn't help being happy for the guy. So now we're just stuck wondering what-if, and are left to watch "Taking Care of Business " if we want to see Gracie hit a World Series home run for the Cubs. Unfortunately that requires having to enduring 107 minutes of Jim Belushi, and I don't think many have the intestinal fortitude for that.

In 2006, Mark came back to Wrigley to sing the seventh inning stretch, which is hopefully a sign that tensions have died down between him and the Cubs. The departure of team president Andy MacPhail, who Grace claims shut the door on his career in Wrigley, brings hope for the remarriage. But I think the ultimate way to make amends and honor one of the team's greatest players in recent years would be to raise his #17 up the flagpole. Mark had a great career with the Cubs, and while it probably won't beckon the call of Cooperstown, it should definitely beckon the call of Wrigleyville. So raise a can of Old Style to ole' #17. Then drink it really fast and open another one. Gracie would want it that way.

"A slumpbuster is when you have to take one for the team. It's finding the biggest, nastiest, fattest broad, and you put the wood to her to come out of your slump. Also known as 'jumping on a grenade for the team'."

*TMS insiders have confirmed that smoking and drinking were part of Kerry's 2008 preseason workout. The closerbeard is a byproduct of said training.

Name that Cub

It's time for everybody's new favorite game, Name that Cub. I have posted 6 baseball cards of various Cub "legends" with their names removed. The first one to correctly name all 6 players wins a hearty handshake and a beer.*

Post your answers in the comments and number them as such:
1. Top left
2. Top center
3. Top right
4. Bottom left
5. Bottom center
6. Bottom right

Answers will not be revealed until someone names all 6 correctly.
Good luck!

*Beer and handshake must be redeemed at Bernie's Tavern on 5/15 before noon. Beer will be a can of Old Style. TMS reserves the right to forego the handshake in favor of a solid punch to the kidneys. All members of Ted Lilly Fan Club are ineligble. Offer not vaild in Ohio, Utah, or Iran.

This Old Cub

Everyone makes mistakes, but this one of mine was inexcusable. When "This Old Cub" came out in 2004, it was slated for release in small venues only. It was advertised on the radio that it would be playing in Rockford, IL to start, a bit far to travel for an Iowa hick like myself. But when I heard it was going to be featured at The Brew & View in Rock Island, IL, just a hop, skip, and a jump from me, it felt like the planets were aligning. Beer, food and a documentary on a Cubs legend? How much better does it get than that? Well, I never made it.

Thanks to the miracle of NetFlix, my dream finally came true. Sure, it would have been better to see it on the big screen instead of a 13" TV, but you take what you can get. "This Old Cub", for those of you living in a hole for the last 4 or 5 years, is a look into the player, the announcer, and the man that Ron Santo is now and was in the past. The film was done by his son, Jeff Santo, and featured great, Zapruder-like, grainy film footage of early Santo and many interviews from celebrities and his peers on the diamond. Co-Producer and narrator, Joe Mantegna, shows his Chicago roots and takes us all through the journey.

TOC starts by tracing Ron's roots from a predominantly Italian neighborhood in Seattle, where he was a three sport athlete in high school. Ron states that his love was always baseball, and after high school, he chose to take less money to play for The Cubs because he thought it would be great to play with one of his baseball heroes, "Mr. Cub", Ernie Banks. It proves to be the first of many decisions Ron makes in his undying love for all things Chicago Cubs.

It seems the film takes two angles of Ron: a Hall of Fame candidate and someone living with type 1 Juvenile Diabetes. Intertwined between the film clips of his heroics on the field, Jeff Santo mixed in home footage of Ron coping and rehabbing after having his second leg amputated. Both of these clips show us the tenacity and hard work that Ron has always lived and played with. His "everyman" persona was really shown here, and backed up by people like Dennis Franz, Dennis Farina, Gary Sinise, Bill Murray, and others. All basically said, "We loved him because he played hard, and he looked like us out there!" Not just biased, Chicago celebrities touted Ron. His peers in the game also talked of his greatness, both in playing the game, and playing it while coping with diabetes, which Ron kept a secret during his first 12 seasons. Willie Mays, Willie McCovey, Ernie Banks, Billy Williams, Johnny Bench, even know-it-all Joe Morgan talked of what a great player Ron was.

Overall, the film was great, one that I would classify as a must-see for any Cub fan. The best thing about the film was that it just let Ron be Ron. Many of his famous quotes from banter with Pat Hughes are featured, as well as stories of his days on the diamond, dealing with diabetes. Ron mentioned in one game, his blood sugar crashed, and he literally had triple vision, and hit a grand slam to win the game by taking the strategy of "I decided I'd swing at anything he threw". I could see how people would view this as a propaganda piece to get Ronnie in The Hall. I agree with that but choose not to care. Any baseball fan would enjoy this. Sure it gets a bit long and maybe the music sticks out a bit much, but it's a quality flick nonetheless. You owe it yourself to see this one.

Oh yeah, Thunder Matt Rating: 4.5 Thunderbolts out of 5

Santo-isms

Say what you will about how sometimes his comments distract from the ballgame, I can't count the ways that Ron Santo has brought a smile to my face while listening to Cubs games on WGN radio. I oftentimes just mute the TV and put on the radio so I can hear Pat and Ron instead of the television crew, even if it does cause there to be a delay of a second or two. It's really like listening to a grandfather share the game of baseball with you.

That having been said, I have my favorite moments where Ron has gone off on a few tangents beyond just accusing Pat of conspiring with the front office to win the guess the attendance game. He once talked about how many pillows he liked to use for sleeping saying that one big pillow is much better than two smaller pillows. One time at Cincinnati someone moved the extra fan that he used to blow air on the back of his neck and he kept going on and on about how much he missed it. Another time he tried to list off all the players he could think of with two words in their last name and his list went something like this:

1. Tom Goodwin
2. Jeff Bagwell
3. Tom Goodwin

Finally I remember Ron commenting on the seagulls buzzing around the Wrigley outfield and Pat asked him if he thought there was any chance they were the same ones that "attacked" him in San Francisco the week before. I don't know what happened on the beach but Ron really thought there was a chance that those birds had tracked him down. In light of tonight's tough loss, I thought a pick-me-up was in order so feel free to chime in with any personal favorites you might have.

Chicago Cubs Legends in Review

Being 30 years of age, my first coherent memories of the Chicago Cubs came in 1984. While I didn't fully appreciate the team's history at the time, or understand how their playoff run that year was botched by a "Bull" and a goat, I understood the excitement I was viewing through my parent's console television. From that year on, many a summer afternoon were spent watching the Cubs, listening to Harry Caray and Steve Stone, and cheering on my favorite player, Ryne Sandberg. I've often wondered if there would ever be a day when I could watch Andre Dawson standing at the plate again, or hear another lovable rant by Harry. How fitting then, for fans of my age to now have at their disposal a Cubs DVD set that encapsulates all of the best memories we have shared with this team over the last 23 years.

A&E has used their time machine to pull together eight of the defining Cubs games since 1984. While there haven't been many seasons to celebrate over the last 20 years (much less the last century), the eight full games in this package provide flashbacks to the moments that mattered most. Mark Grace's Game 1 performance against the Giants in the NL Championship of 1989 is one that many of us remember fondly. The "Sandberg Game" and Rick Sutcliffe's Game 1 dominance against the Padres give us a glimpse of the thrilling team assembled on the north side in 1984. The coaches and players that time forgot over the years are there in all their moustached and skin-tight uniformed glory. Infamous Cubs of yore such as Steve "Rainbow" Trout and Mitch "Wild Thing" Williams are on display, right beside Greg Maddux's milestone 300th career victory.

The extras featured on the last DVD may be the true gems of the set. These brief nuggets in time would be nearly impossible for the common fan to ever find, even in the age of YouTube. Harry Caray's Hall of Fame induction speech and the last three postseason clinchers are treasures that never get old. But perhaps the real prizes are the highlight clips of Billy Williams and Ron Santo. These two Cub legends, along with Ernie Banks, are figures that those of our generation never had the privilege to see play in person. Diving stops by Santo at third base and mammoth home runs onto Waveland Avenue are set to the tune of Jack Brickhouse and his famous "Hey Hey!". Taken together, this DVD package is something any true blue Cub fan would adore. Kudos to the folks at A&E for giving us the opportunity to view these nostalgic games and highlights.

We have included a link to the DVD set at the bottom of this post, as well as in our left sidebar if you would like to check it out for yourself. In the coming weeks, I will be providing a detailed, lighthearted account of each game, as well as the bonus features. We hope you enjoy.

Bleacher Bums

Just wondering: What ever happened to calling a game from the bleachers? I distinctly remember as a wee lad, sitting in our basement on a bed of red and black shag carpet, surrounded by Transformers and He-Man action figures, watching Harry Caray and Steve Stone drunkenly call a game from the bleachers. The bleachers! The more you think about that, it is just classic. It's ballsy, spontaneous, fun, ill-advised and something you would only see at Wrigley Field. I suppose it was, in essence, 'vintage Harry', but what I wouldn't give to listen to Pat Hughes and Ron Santo call a game from the (Bud Light...eck) bleachers. Harry even upped the ante by doing it shirtless once. What a stalwart. What a stallion. Let it be said, that if in this post-9/11 society that we live in, Bob Brenly and Len Kasper were to call a game from the bleachers (Brenly being the shirtless one, clearly), it would change the face of the game in a way unseen since Jackie Robinson. That may be an blatant exaggeration, but I will do anything to prove my point. America needs many things, but shirtless, drunken announcers is at the top of the list.

Santo Denied the Hall....Again

Dear Veterans Committee,

Why do you hate baseball so much?

Sincerely,
The fans

Thunder Matt's Saloon at the Cubs Media Social: "I Thought I Saw Juan Pierre"

Friday, January 19th, 2007. The Cubs Media Social at the Hilton.

What a beast. Insatiable. Hungry. And horny. There was bloodshed, tears and alcohol. And that was just our encounter with Mickey Morandini.

The whole day at work leading up to the event dragged on slower than Aramis Ramirez running out a flyball.

"Is it 3 yet?" I would shout over my cubicle to my running mate, Thomas ‘Tommy’ Buzanis.

"You shut your mouth and get back to work," he would snap back.

Finally, like the nervous kid in the "Hot For Teacher" video waiting for the bell to ring, we sprang to action at 3PM and we were off to meet our destiny. Giddy as two school girls who have just glimpsed me bare-chested for the first time, we hopped into a cab and made our way towards the Hilton Towers.

Making our way through the throngs of fat guys in Nomar jerseys and overweight children with greasy palms clogging up the lobby was no easy task. Ascending the stairs toward the ballroom we confidently handed the majestic looking woman (actually she was quite plain and old) our passes and stepped into the ballroom. Nothing too special at this point. Just a nice sized cocktail reception room, with a buffet line set up on the left wall and two small bars set up on the right. We immediately head to the right. 2 Bud Lights sir. Oh, you accidentally gave us 3? Not a problem sir, as Tommy Buzanis can double fist alcohol like his name was Rod 'Shooter' Beck.

We take our position on the left hand side of the room. Prime people watching territory. Lots of media types along with their kids, but this is an invite only affair. Shit, is that Jeff Samardzija? Yes it is. We’d recognize those flowing locks anywhere. There’s Santo sitting down. Stands to reason he would sit since he has fake legs. We’ll wait to make our move on the legend. These beers are going down nicely. Another round if you will. And of course, my digital camera is on the fritz. Damn you technology. Tommy makes a mad dash towards the gift shop for a disposable camera. What am I, in college in 1998? Better than a camera phone we reason. $25 for a disposable camera. Is that even legal?

Wait, there's Carlos Zambrano. Tommy wastes no time in making his move.

"Hey Carlos, how bout Beckham going to the MLS?" Tommy asks. Carlos says something to the effect of "Yeah, that’s cool." Tommy sees his in. "We’ll have to go watch a game sometime." Carlos walks off. I chide Tommy. "You’ll have to go watch a game sometime? With Carlos Zambrano? Really? Can I come?"

Then, all of the sudden, angels from up high began to sing and the sea of humanity parted. We bore witness to the man himself in the flesh. Thunder Matt Murton. He's the Christie Brinkley to our Clark Griswold. The encounter is chronicled below.

From there it is just an avalanche of Cubs, past and present. Lets go down the list of players and legends that we talked to, photographed, laughed with and marveled at. Tommy will help me with the commentary.

Matt Murton
Tommy: Thunder Matt lived up to the hype. At first, I was nervous that because he seemed distant and difficult to talk to. Turns out he just thought that Len Kasper was Juan Pierre. He quickly apologized saying, “Sorry, I thought I saw Juan Pierre”. I chanted his nickname – Thunder Matt – each time I walked past him. Each time he looked back with a look that can only be described as “positive bewilderment”. Overall, very friendly and very red.
Chaim: I gave him my business card with this website on it. He may be reading this. If so, he is surely horrified . I told him that in order for the nickname 'Thunder Matt' to catch on he may need to just start referring to himself as Thunder Matt around the locker room and talking about Thunder Matt in the third person to all media within earshot . He actually seemed to kind of like the nickname. After the brief Juan Pierre mishap, we settled into a nice conversation with him about breaking out and earning his nickname.

Tommy, Dutchie and Chaim. Holy cow.

Dutchie Caray
Chaim: She took to us like her two sons back from the war. Seriously, a good twenty minute conversation. Her and Tommy are both from St. Louis so they went on and on, while I would occasionally inject a one liner or two. She introduced us to the manager of the Haray Caray’s restaurant, Gary, who gave us his card. After we got our photo with her, we told her she had to put it up in the new restaurant they are opening in Lombard. We said to just put it up by the other photos and if anyone asks, just refer to us as ‘two minor leaguers who had all the talent in the world but just never panned out.’ Sadly, she sounded like she thought that was good idea. No joke, we are sending her a framed photo. Remains to be seen if it will get past Gary.
Tommy: Men between the ages of 18-35 beware…she may want to make you her next pool boy.

Tommy, Ryno and Chaim. Lobbying for jobs in Peoria.

Ryne Sandberg
Tommy: My hero…The only the thing that made meeting him better was the trail of events that led to the encounter. First, charming the pants off of (literally) Dutchie Caray, who then proceeds to lead us to Sandberg’s wife, Margaret. Explain to her how Sandberg is “the man”. She then interrupts Sandberg who is meeting with several members of the media and explains that there are two fans who really need to meet him. Then she proceeds to put her finger over the flash of our $25 disposable camera creating a darkening affect in the subsequent photo. A huge thrill though none the less.

Dwight Smith. He bought that blazer with his 89' pennant bonus money.

Dwight Smith
Tommy: What a legend…After likely not seeing his old teammate Ryne Sandberg in 15 years, his first words are “Hey Ryno, why didn’t you make me the hitting coach down there?” His bright blue blazer screamed “I love the Cubs!” It also screamed, “no one has showered me with attention in over a decade, somebody come talk to me”. That I did - late into the night. Smith pounded seven and seven’s while lamenting the fact that “white and black players don’t party together anymore”. He then proceeded to regale me with stories of his exploits with women during his playing days finishing each statement with “awww shit – you know!”
Chaim: Yeah, he was definitely there for the free stuff. Like that old episode of The Simpsons where they have to kick Homer out of an 'all you can eat buffet'. I can just hear him using the 'I'm the Cubs all-time leader in pinch hits!' as a pickup line. Let the record show that after I left, Tommy hung around the bar in the hotel and eventually ran into a visibly intoxicated Dwight Smith in the lounge where more free booze was being served. Thus was born the line, "Awww shit - you know!"

Jody Davis. Notice Tommy double fisting in this photo! A walking Bud Light ad.

Jody Davis
Tommy: Jody Davis: Used him simply for a photo-op.
Chaim: I may have sang a bar of the "Jody Davis" song. He looked as if he wanted to beat me up.

Mickey Morandini. Somebody loan this guy a dress shirt.

Mickey Morandini
Tommy: The Dandy Little Glove Man (as Chip Caray nicknamed him) felt no need to dress up for the occasion. He was more than happy to stand in the back and pound whiskey and cokes while twirling his mullet.

Scott Eyre. 50% relief pitcher, 50% playa.

Scott Eyre
Tommy: This booze monkey was seen double-fisting towards the end of the event.

Ron Santo. Legend. Tan.

Ron Santo
Tommy: (View Photo…enough said)

Mike Bielecki. That ain't ice water in that bottle.

Mike Bielecki
Chaim: Bringing back the soul patch. This isn't the clean cut Bielecki I remember from Comcast pregames.
Tommy: “Mike, where is the after party” – “Ah, I got my daughters here…but they go to bed!” This aging rock-star made it clear that his right shoulder was good for only one thing these days – 12 ounce curls. No, he really did say that.

Len Kasper. Note to self: Don't try to 'crack jokes' as camera goes off. Camera inevitably captures your mouth in contorted position. This is undesirable to both sexes.

Len Kasper
Chaim: His casual demeanor and willingness to talk shop with us hurtles him past Chip Caray in my book. Sorry Dutchie.
Tommy: More than happy to talk baseball with a couple of fans… Got the distinct impression that he was wearing make-up… Had to feign interest when he started telling us how good recording artist Ryan Adams is.

Sean Marshall
Tommy: Eager to talk about up-coming season and other topics – Thunder Matt’s on the scene interviewers wilt under the pressure and slowly make their way back to Dutchie Caray.
Chaim: Wow, we just got crickets with this guy. So, uh...looks like I'm low on beer. You need one too Tommy? Ok, good talking to ya Sean!

Also spotted briefly: Derrek Lee, Michael Barrett, Rich Hill, Jeff Samardzija, Bob Brenly, Lou Piniella, Larry Rothschild, Randy Hundley, Ryan Dempster.

Seen during the introductions, but not at the media social: Kerry Wood, Mark Prior, Alfonso Soriano.

A great time was certainly had by all. If only we had more time, I think we could have parlayed our way onto the actual team. Or at least as bat boys with Peoria (unless Dwight Smith holds that position already).

So next time you stop for a bite to eat at Haray Caray's tell em' the guys at Thunder Matt's Saloon sent ya. It may get you a free meal. More likely though, it will get you a quizzical look, an awkward silence and then they will stop serving you alcohol.

Cue the Boyz 2 Men. "It's So Hard To Say Goodbye to Yesterday."