The Gist: GUHHHHHHHH

We can all agree that last night's Cubs game was the worst game of the season, right? I'm actually glad that there was such a long rain delay. Even though I slept through a dramatic comeback by the home team, I also slept through the awful "nope, looks like we don't got this" pitching in the 9th and 11th innings.

I'm going to be honest with you - the Cubs aren't playing good baseball right now. But it's tough to put your finger on exactly what it is. Sometimes the offense just disappears, especially against what looks like a favorable matchup on paper. Sometimes the starting pitching isn't great. Sometimes the bullpen suuuuuuucks. Even in the games they lose, the Cubs usually seem to do 2 of those 3 things right, and can you really ask for more than that?

Two and a half weeks ago, we still had that world beater spirit. The Cubs were 47-20 and we just finished sweeping the Pirates in Chicago. The Cubs have gone 5-13 since then and have now lost 7 of their last 8 games. Can you imagine if this team had started the year going 5-13 out of the gate? Chicago's north side would have burned itself down. But take that same stretch of games and plunk it in at the end of the first half and it's a lot easier to swallow. And like I pointed out earlier this week, it's not like all these losses are coming against awful teams. Sure, the Reds are kind of awful and the Braves are definitely awful, but the Cubs have also played 11 of the last 18 games against the pretty decent Cardinals/Marlins/Mets too, so we should cut them a little slack.

Not everything is perfect in Cubsland though. Here are the 3 biggest red flags going into the All-Star break:

1. Someone Needs To Sex Fowler: Remember when Bruce Levine tweeted out that 'Sex Fowler' was out with a sore heel in May? We all had a good chuckle at his supposed typo, but maybe he stumbled onto a darker secret, that the entire Cubs offense runs on someone being available to sex Fowler. Maybe it's in his contract? Either way, I'm glad that he's going to aim to be back after the ASB because we really need some Sex Fowler at the top of the lineup again.

2. Arrieta Needs To Get His Walks Together: Get them all together. So they're together. And if you need to take them somewhere, take them to the walk store. Or the walk museum. Put all your walks in a backpack if you need to. Just get them together.

Honestly though, Jake Arrieta is a competitor and you know he's doing everything he can to figure out this semi-slump he's been in lately which also happens to be one of the most difficult jobs in all of sports. But if I could just take off my psychiatrist hat and put on my pitching coach jowls, I have a suggestion that might turn Jake's season back around. That Clayton Kershaw is really good, so one thing Jake could do is study exactly what it is that Clayton Kershaw does and then just go do that exact same thing. Seems pretty simple, right?

3. This Bullpen: For me personally, I think the bullpen's performance in last year's NLDS made me view them through rose tinted glasses for too much of this year. I mean all these dudes did against the Cardinals in the playoffs last year was get big outs. And yeah, Cahill has kept at least a little of that magic going this season, Clayton Richard is Who We Thought He Is, Neil Ramirez died in a fire and GRIMMHOLE is still lurking. Always lurking.

Fortunately, bullpen arms are pretty easy to come by come trade deadline time, so hopefully the Cubs can stock up.

And you know what? That's a whole lot of complaining from me about a team that is up by EIGHT GAMES and has one of the best records in baseball. So here are a few things to keep in mind and get you right back from being an angry drunk to that sweet spot of being a violently mischievous drunk.

Rondon Blew The Save And That's OK: Blown saves feel bad. Blown saves to terrible teams feel worse. Blown saves to terrible teams that you just made an improbable comeback against in the bottom of the 8th are juuuuust about as bad as they get. So yes, last night's blown save was sooooo bad to watch, but it's just another save. If Rondon would have blown one of the games of the sweep against the Pirates (WHICH ONE???) but nailed down last night, we'd still have the same end result. It would hurt a lot less, but would still be the same result.

We Got A Little Spoiled: Remember when the Cubs had awesome and timely hitting, awesome and timely pitching and awesome and effective bullpen work? All at the same time? Do you remember that the Cubs pulled that off for about 2 and a half months? DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT IS??? Like I said, when it comes to offense/starting pitching/relief pitching, even the best teams can usually do just 2 out of 3. The Cubs are still the team that made a mockery of the rest of the NL for most of the first half. Here's hoping they can come out of the break hungry and destroying worlds again.

We're Still Pretty Great At Everything: Even with their recent slump, the Cubs are second in the majors in runs scored, second in OBP, first in ERA, first in starting rotation ERA and a decent 9th in defensive runs saved. And they've been without Jorge Soler and Dexter Fowler and MIGMON for extended periods of time. And they've needed 2 players from AAA to step in and contribute immediately. And they've lost Kyle Schwarber for the entire season.

Still 8 games up, still selling fake doors. It may not be 2015 anymore, but #wearegood is still accurate.

Tom Clancy Had A Better Division: The Pirates have been red hot recently and are still 8 games back. And it seems like to make any kind of move in the second half they're going to have to count on heavy contributions from two rookies with injury history, one of whom is currently hurt.

The Cardinals are so insecure about the Cubs success that even in his Make A Wish dream world scenario, Matt Carpenter still said he saw the Cardinals about 4 games back of the Cubs at the break and that would be "exactly where they want to be". Uhh...I thought that NOT TRAILING is where you want to be. Right? Isn't that how it works? Anyway, Matt Carpenter isn't going to play again until September because of karma and I couldn't be happier!

Oh, Yeah...: Not sure if you heard this or not, but the entire NL starting infield for the All Star Game is made up of Cubs, two of whom started last season in AAA, one of which is my frontrunner for NL MVP.

Are You Ready To Get Gisted?

Hey look, a post! Cubs went 7-1 since you last got gisted.

WHAT SAY YOU CHONG LI?

The Gist - The Bats Awaken, Beat Cards

Rich is off to go get married or some shit. So you're stuck with me recapping what happened this past series. Expect 50% less effort, and 150% more cursing. Here we go!

What Happened: We won a fucking series again is what happened. Taking two of three from the Cardinals in St. Louis was a nice way to cap off a rather disappointing road trip. We went into a slump and yet we maintained the best record in baseball during the down period. I think we'll be fine.

After losing a heartbreaker Monday on a walk-off home run from noted trailer trash Randal Grichuk, the Cubs proceeded to curbstomp the Cardinals on Tuesday 12-3. They followed that up with a 9-8 squeaker on Wednesday. It appears the hot summer weather has heated the bats up again and they were certainly a welcome sight, especially on Wednesday when Arrieta was knocked around for four earned runs. Do you even remember the last time Jake gave up 4 earned runs in a regular season contest? Yeah I didn't either. Turns out it was June 16th last year. Now that he's got that out of the way I'm sure we'll have another 11 months before it happens again, right?

Series MVP: Pat Hughes and Ron Coomer. They're really in midseason form calling games. And we also learned a little about Shakespeare and Socrates as well!

Series LVP: Tommy LaStella. I don't care what you do, you'll never win my approval you son of a bitch.

Read This: If you don't read Deadspin much you may be missing out on these gems. They've been chronicling every Cardinal loss this season with a recap. It's the perfect satisfying little read for every person that reviles St. Louis, which unless you're a Cardinals fan I assume is everyone on the planet. Fuck this team.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):


Cubs begin a weekend series at home tomorrow against the Philadelphia Phillies. And before you go underestimating them as NL East doormats, go check the standings real quick. Yeah... They're 26-21 and only two games back of the Nats. This isn't a team to take lightly and their young pitching has proven to be quite tough. Their offense however can easily be squashed. The team's run differential right now is -31, which is the same as the Houston Astros. Stats are fun.

Here's to a three game sweep this weekend and a happy wedding for Rich and the poor lady that agreed to marry that shithead.

The Gist: Cubs 2, Brewers 1

What Happened: I fell asleep some time after the 11th inning. But apparently the Cubs won. Hooray! According to my phone, it happened on a...bases loaded Travis Wood walk? HAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's the most Milwaukee way to lose a game in the history of Milwaukee losing games (it's a long history)! AND the Brewers loaded the bases with 0 outs and didn't get anything out of it? This is PEAK BREWERS.

Game MVP: Today's award was all ready to go to David Ross for gunning down a thousand (seriously, look it up) Brewers on the basepaths last night, but I gotta give at least a share of the award to Travis Wood who not only came into a bases loaded, 0 out game, but escaped without giving up a run. That's the equivalent of picking up a 7/10 split in bowling. And to top it off, he drew a bases loaded walk to score the go-ahead run in the top of the 13th. I'm as far from being a major league pitcher than anyone, but I gotta believe that with the bases loaded and a pitcher at the dish, on a full count you would be like "Well, I should probably make sure to get this one over the plate and see what happens!"

Nope! Cubs win!

Game LVP: I can't quite say that I disagree with a lot of what Joe Maddon does, but he does have an annoying habit of taking players out of the game when I don't think he has to. He pinch ran Baez for Rizzo in the 9th inning. Yes, Baez is faster than Rizzo, but Rizzo is a great baserunner for a man his size and in the end Baez's speed wasn't even a factor. Then again, Joe Maddon is being paid more than I'll ever make to decide those things, so who am I to criticize?

So About Those Cubs Bats...: Let's address the elephant in the room: the Cubs have been completely shut down over the last 2 days by Chase Anderson and Jimmy Nelson, who are not what anyone would call "solid". I think that part of it is that both of them pitched really well. The Cubs haven't looked bad necessarily, and I do think that Anderson and Nelson pitched at about the best of their abilities. Hey, even the hottest teams cool off and have a stinker every once in a while.

One thing that I think is contributing to the Cubs Offensive Funk of May 2016 is Dexter Fowler. When he was smoking hot during April, the Cubs offense followed suit. Hell, the hashtag #YouGoWeGo was created for that very reason. But what we all need to keep in mind is that Fowler has always been a suuuuuuper streaky player, so to see him cool off a bit in May isn't too much of a surprise. Look at his monthly OBP splits from last year:

April: .372
May: .293
June: .286
July: .411
August: .408
September: .293

Six months...three over .370 OBP, three under .300. Remember going into the playoffs last year when there was talk of benching Fowler in September? I think what you're seeing now is what the Cubs offense might have looked like those first few weeks in April when Bryant/Rizzo/Zobrist were ice cold if Dexter hadn't been playing out of his mind.

It doesn't mean that the Cubs aren't still the best lineup in baseball, because I firmly believe that they are. I'm just saying that we have to remember stretches like this happen, and when your leadoff guy cools off, it makes it tough on the whole lineup. And it also doesn't help that our #2 hitter is almost non-existent on the offensive end.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

The Cubs try to take the series from the Brewers at 12:40 CST with Jason "Great Before July" Hammel going against Javy "Who?" Guerra. It would be great for the Cubs to finally flex the pecs against the Brewers and put up 5-6 runs like we're used to because we've been spoiled so far this season.

The Weekend Gist: Pirates Edition

What Happened: The Cubs continued to put the hurting on the Pirates. I know that we all wanted to see the sweep at Wrigley, but that's just greed. If you would have asked any Cubs fan before the season started if they would be happy going 4-2 against the Pirates over the first 6 matchups with the Cubs and I bet all of them would gladly take it, so the fact that the Cubs are 5-1 against Pittsburgh in mid-May is just gravy. And hell, the Cubs almost won Sunday's game too!

What Looked Good: Did you see Jake Arrieta on Saturday? He was vintage (and by that, I mean 2015) Arrieta. And I know it's hard to complain about a guy that hasn't had an ERA over two in like, a year and a half and also threw two no-hitters over that time, but for the last handful of starts, Arrieta hadn't looked like the invincible world-buster we've come to know and love. His control seemed off. He didn't seem like he was striking out as many guys on a whim like he did last year. But after a rough 4th inning when he gave up 2 ER (THE HORROR!), Arrieta seemed to get locked in the same way he got locked in during his historic second half last year and absolutely mowed down the Pirates.

Also Looking Good: Don't look now, but Jason Heyward has a .409 OBP over the last two weeks and looks like he's actually driving the ball a lot better than he was during April. I feel like he's going to be due for what Zobrist did a few weeks ago, where after the pressure of his first Cubs home run is off, he'll relax a bit more and go on some kind of tear. As Fowler cools off (and he should because his April was absolutely unsustainable), Heyward will be a big key in how the Cubs lineup functions over the next few weeks.

TMS Cock of the Week: That would be Gerrit Cole of the Pirates, having this to say after shutting down the Cubs on Sunday:

Gerrit Cole on the Cubs: "I don't really think they're the best team in baseball."

— Travis Sawchik (@Sawchik_Trib) May 15, 2016

Look, I know that sometimes players think it's a good idea to always think of their own team as the best team in baseball and I understand that to a certain extent. But 2 caveats:

1. The Cubs are, in juuust about every single measurement, absolutely the best team in baseball. When you start talking about historic starts to a season, which the Cubs have had, you gotta give them that title until you knock them off. Had the Pirates even taken 2 out of 3 from the Cubs, maybe Cole can get away with that. But they didn't. And in the 5 games the Cubs have won against the Pirates this year, none of them were even particularly close.

2. Notice that Cole waited to say that he didn't think the Cubs are the best team in baseball until after he had a good start against them. Meaning he didn't have the balls to say that when the Cubs bitchslapped him for 6 runs in less than 5 innings the week prior.

What a cock. Congrats, Gerrit! You're the Cock of the Week!

The Chicago Tribune has a good piece on what Cole's comments say about the Cubs being in the Pirates heads. Go read it here.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

The Cubs hit lots of home runs. The Brewers give up a lot of home runs. Miller Park is a ballpark that favors the home run. Expect the Cubs to hit all the home runs over the next 3 games in Milwaukee. The Cubs and Brewers kick off a series at 7:10 CST tonight with Kyle Hendricks facing former Diamondback and current human garbage Chase Anderson.

The Gist: Game 27 (Cubs 5, Nationals 2)

What Happened Wednesday: So I'm a little behind on the Gist, so here's what happened on Wednesday in Pittsburgh in two photographs:

Continuing what is easily the toughest week of the season so far, the Cubs opened up a 4 game series against the Nationals last night. How did that go?

What Happened: The Cubs did what the Cubs have done all year: they won. But they didn't do it by knocking the opposing starter out of the game after the 4th inning (Joe Ross went 6.2 innings) or by drawing a million walks (they only got 2 all night), but we knew that to take a few games from the Nationals, we would have to work for it. The Nationals are one of the only teams in the majors that can match the Cubs in pitching, so runs and walks are going to be harder to come by this series.

The Cubs got a whole lot of timely hitting from Ben Zobrist, who has been on fire since he calendar flipped to May, and Addison Russell, who seems to have at least one big base hit per homestand. Travis Wood got into a little trouble with Jayson Werth in the 9th, but Rondon came in to nail down the final out, giving the Cubs their 4th straight win over a quality opponent.

That's It?: No, but I spent last night seeing Captain America: Civil War instead and it was fantastic. So to tie this into the game, The Cubs are Captain America and the Nationals are the nameless HYDRA agents that get slapped around for 4 hours.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

It's an early one today, with the Cubs and Nationals squaring off at 1:20. The Cubs go with John Lackey while the Nationals counter with Max Scherzer. The last time Scherzer faced the Cubs he struck out like, 14 or 15 guys. I know because I was there as part of my Failure Tour of Wrigley in 2015 when the Cubs went 1-14 with me in attendance during the regular season.

The Gist: Game 25 (Cubs 7, Pirates 1)

Hey Cubs fans, I have one piece of advice at this point of the season.

Let's stop and take a deep breath here. Really stop and think about what it is that you're seeing.

I mean really sit back and look at what the Cubs have done to this point.

Things are getting historic, and they're getting there pretty quickly.

This is the best Cubs start in over a hundred years by just about any measurement - record, run differential, defensive ability, walks, runs scored, zany suits worn. I know I wasn't alive for a lot of them, but this really looks like the best Cubs team of many people's lifetimes through the first month of the season.

It's the first week of May and the Cubs have not lost two games in a row yet. They have three starting pitchers with ERAs under 1.90. And we've taken 2 of 3 on the road against what looks like one of the top 3 teams in the NL.

This is going to be a season to remember, so take as many chances as you can to sit back and really appreciate how good this team is.

What Happened: It was Jake Arrieta against the Pirates in Pittsburgh, so you know what happened. When the Cubs scratched 2 runs across in the top of the 3rd, everyone in the stadium knew that the game was most likely over, and it was.

Game MVP: Obviously Jake Arrieta. The greatest measurement of how dominant he is right now? The look of the Pirates batters from the 3rd inning on. They had the worst body language in the world. It was the kind of body language that you have when you have to come in to work on the 4th of July - you don't see what the point is and it shows. They knew the game was over.

Game LVP: Another reason the game seemed to be over in the 3rd inning was because there was no one in the stands. You'd think a matchup between the top two teams in the NL Central with the reigning Cy Young winner would attract more than 300 people, but you would be wrong. I don't know what else the people of Pittsburgh need to show up to Pirates games. Maybe 'Bring A Random Homeless Guy From Outside To The Game' night? Or maybe just show old Penguins and Steelers highlights the whole time on the Jumbotron?

Gist Stat (or GISTAT): Over their last 90 regular season games, the Cubs are rocking a .720 winning percentage. That's a 117 win pace over a 162 game season. The record for most wins in a season is 116. That's not to say that the Cubs will set a new all-time wins record...but things are going good.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

Game three against the Pirates kicks off at 11:35 AM CST. The Cubs go for the backbreaking sweep behind Jon Lester, who faces off against starting pitcher and human gasoline fire Juan Nicasio.

The Gist: Game 24 (Cubs 7, Pirates 2)

What Happened: Man, I hate the Pirates. I've always disliked them, but this year I REALLY hate them. They're a lineup of one awesome outfield and a bunch of scrubs on the infield, and yet somehow they're in the top 3 of nearly every offensive category because they're hitting way over their heads. I keep telling myself that the BABIP Gods will eventually regress them into the ground, but waiting for that to happen is frustrating. Every time Jordy Mercer gets a base hit, I die a little on the inside.

That's why last night's win was such a satisfying one. The Cubs came into last night's game with the best record in baseball, but they really hadn't had too many tests so far. Even the Cardinals are showing definite signs of concern. So going on the road and laying the smackdown to the Pirates against their ace was immensely satisfying. As the broken record of the 2016 Cubs always says, we did it by making their starter throw 100+ pitches in only 5 innings of work and feasted on the sweet, sweet underbelly of the Pirates bullpen.

Game MVP: This is a tough one. On one hand, Jason Hammel held one of the more productive lineups in baseball to just 2 runs in 5 innings of work. He might have been able to go longer, but Joe wanted to go to the bullpen and everything worked out beautifully, with the pen delivering 4 innings of shutout ball. Also, Dexter Fowler added 72 more hits to his total for the year. So let's split the game MVP between all of them. It's like the '3 Stars' thing in hockey.

Game LVP: I have no doubts that Gerrit Cole is a good pitcher, but man, you gotta step up in these big games dude. With Arrieta going tonight and Lester tomorrow, last night's game was probably the best chance at a win that the Pirates had on paper. That makes 2 Pretty Important Games in a row that Cole has pitched against the Cubs and not gotten the job done. If the Cubs could set up shop inside his head and just stay there for the rest of the time that Cole is a Pirate, that would be just fine by me.

But none of that matters because...

HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS WE'RE BACK WITH ANOTHER THUNDERWATCH!

YES!!!! For the first time in almost a decade, the Cubs are on RED (get it?) ALERT because a stormfront of THUNDER may be making its way to Chicago.

That's right...THUNDER MATT MAY BE ON HIS WAY BACK!

Matt Murton maybe just got called up?? At the I-Cubs game & he left w/ bats & a team rep. Didn't look hurt #Cubs #iowacubs #mattmurton

— Jonathan Martz (@jbmartz13) May 3, 2016

WOOOOOO!

If Murton is on his way up, I would think that means that Szczur may be a bit more banged up than first thought. If he's going to need 3-4 days off, it makes sense to bring up an OF for depth. And the bullpen is so rested that we could afford to send down a RP to make space until Szczur is well enough to play again.

This was going to be a really tough week regardless, with 3 games against the Pirates and 4 against the Nationals coming up, but having the Ginger Thunder around the clubhouse can only help matters.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

Game two against the Pirates kicks off at 6:05 CST with NL Pitcher of the Month Jake Arrieta squaring off with Jon Niese. Expect Anthony Rizzo to homer.

The Gist: Game 20 (Cubs 4, Brewers 3)

What Happened: How many times have you seen this happen so far in the 2016 Cubs season: The Cubs get shut down offensively for the first 5-6 innings by some scrub pitcher and then all the sudden they bust things open in one big inning and end up scoring 6 runs in a final that doesn't look like the game was ever close at all?

That's how this game looked like it was going for a while, with the Cubs pretty much ineffective against the Brewers Jimmy Nelson through 5 scoreless innings (the cold weather helped). But right when it looked like the Cubs could bust the game wide open, loading the bases with one out in the 5th, all they could do was scratch out one measly run off a Fowler sac fly that might have been a home run on any other night that didn't feel like it was below 40 degrees. The Cubs would tack on three more runs on an Addison Russell (hustle?) triple in the 6th and a Rizzo RBI in the 7th before things got interesting.

After a Ryan Braun pinch hit, 2 run double made the game 4-3 in the top of the 8th, the Cubs bullpen stepped in and locked things down and the Cubs won, which is good because the Brewers are awful and good teams beat bad teams, especially at home.

Game MVP: I'd say that this was a collective team effort, so no one person sticks out more than any other. The weather was really helpful in making sure that everyone in attendance drank a ton of beer to forget the cold which can then be used to pay Jake Arrieta ludicrous amounts of money for his extension.

Game LVP: Tommy LaStella. It's well known around these parts that I hate Tommy LaStella and when he's somehow involved with the Cubs doing well, I hate him even more because of his attempts to make me hate him less.

Awesome Stat of the Day: The Cubs are now 10 games over .500 after just 15 games. Last season, they weren't 10 games over .500 until game 104. Thanks, super easy April schedule!

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

Game two against the Brewers happens at 7:05 CST tonight with Jake Arrieta taking the mound for the first time since his no-hitter last week. He'll be opposed by Taylor Swift Lautner Jungmann, who has an ERA quickly approaching 9.00.

The Gist: Game 16 (Cubs ∞, Reds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

When you think about truly special seasons in any sport, these are always images and moments that immediately come to mind. The more magical the season, the more of these moments you have to look back on. Take the 2015 Cubs season for example. Remember Rizzo's tarp catch? Bryant's home run that almost cleared the scoreboard? Addison's flip to second? Rondon's fist pump after closing out the sweep of the Giants at Wrigley? Schwarber's bomb in the NLDS that landed on top of the scoreboard in right? There's a pretty good chance that with just those quick descriptions, your mind conjured up vivid images of each and every one of those moments. Those are the moments that you remember where you were when they happened. They define the seasons that stick with you forever.

We're only three weeks into the baseball season and the Cubs have already delivered two of those moments. The first was Addison Russell's go-ahead home run during last Monday's home opener. It's pretty hard to have a playoff-like atmosphere in the first of 81 home games against a terrible team, but that's exactly what happened, and replays of Russell doing his airplane impression are going to be in so many hype videos this season.

And just 10 days later, we already have another:

I don't need to give you all the stats and trivia about how amazing it is that Arrieta threw 2 no-no's so close to each other because if your phone is anything like mine, it threw all of them at you all night last night. Let's just all let the greatness of this Cubs team and the best pitcher in baseball wash over us and keep in mind that it's only been 16 out of 162 games and we have a whole summer of excitement to come.

MVP: Jake Arrieta, obviously. He may not have been the most dominant we've seen him as far as strikeouts go, but he was in complete control the entire game and there wasn't much doubt that he was going to finish off the no-no when things got to the 7th inning or so. He was locked in. And this Reds lineup isn't full of a bunch of stiffs either. I mean, they're no Murderer's Row, but Votto and Bruce and Suarez and Phillips are all legitimate bats. Speaking of legit bats, Arrieta had two more base hits and a walk, bringing his average up to .273, higher than Rizzo, Heyward, Soler, Zobrist and Russell. Dude can rake.

Greg Vaughn MVP: Remember Greg Vaughn? If that name sounds familiar, it's because he's the guy that hit the quietest 50 home runs in MLB history. No one remembers that he hit 50 dingers because he did it in 1998 when Sosa and McGwire did their whole steroid fueled run into the record books. But like, 50 home runs is a lot! Way to pick a time to get overshadowed, guy.

There are actually a ton of Greg Vaughn MVP awards to go around last night. On any other night, we'd be talking about Bryant's monster game, with 2 homers (including a grand slam) and 6 RBI. Or Zobrist's first home run as a Cub. Or David Ross' awesome old man home run and subsequent dugout hip thrusting. But no, this was no ordinary night, so all of you take a backseat to the reigning Cy Young winner.

Ok Fine, One Stat: This blew my mind:

Last 24 starts Arrieta: 178 IP, 0.86 ERA, 0.70 WHIP

HIS ERA IS ALMOST LOWER THAN HIS WHIP.

HAHAHA LOOK AT YOU: Now I wasn't there, so this could be off by a bit, but from what I saw on television it looked like there were about 60 people a the game last night. Way to go, Cincy!

We get to play the Reds for 3 more games in a row??? Really??? HAHAHAHAHAHA awesome. The Cubs are back at it at 6:10 CST with Jon Lester vs something called a Jon Moscot. JON v JON! NO H'S ALLOWED IN THIS CAGE MATCH!

God, I wish we could play the Reds forever.

The Gist: Game 15

HURRR I'M TOMMY LASTELLA

What Happened: This game was played during work hours, so I wasn't able to watch any of it, but I feel confident in saying that it was all Tommy LaStella's fault. I don't know why he's even on the team anymore now that Baez is back. If I'm going to have to sit there and watch someone flail away at the plate, I'd at least like it to be someone that can sometimes run into a pitch and crush it 400 feet.

The Good News: Hey, we get to play the Reds again!

The Bad News: LaStella will also be in Cincy, so he'll probably play at some point and make me want to vomit.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

The Cubs go to one of the worst states in the union (Ohio) to play one of the worst teams in baseball (the Reds). What? The Reds are 8-7?? Have they been doing nothing but playing the Brewers? The Cubs have Jake Arrieta going against Brandon Finnegan. Hopefully the Cubs do better against him tonight than they did in the home opener. Game time is 6:10 CST.

The Gist: Game 13

What Happened: Last night's game reminded me a lot of the home opener last week where the Cubs looked like they weren't going to get anything going and then wound up hanging 5 runs on the board in the late innings. There weren't any late-game dramatics on the level of Addison Russell's home run last week, but it was nice to see the Cubs get some base hits, racking up 9 of them to go along with one walk.

Those Early Innings Though...: I've seen Mike Leake pitch more than a handful of times over the years and I've never seen him as good as he was over the first 6 innings of this game. His location was impeccable and both pitchers were taking advantage of a sizable outside corner. For the second game in a row, the most patient team in the majors drew only a single walk. Then again, Leake was right over the plate for most of the night so maybe no walks were to be had. How many times did the Cubs strike out looking last night? A thousand? Probably a thousand.

MVP: In his return to St. Louis as a member of the Cubs, John Lackey looked like he was ready to give no quarter, and man did he ever deliver. Lackey was brilliant over 7 shutout innings, only allowing 4 hits and a walk while striking out 11.

Co-MVP: How about all those sliding/diving catches Heyward made last night? GRUMBLE GRUMBLE TRAITOR BOO WE HAVE A GREAT YOUNG CORE FART.

DOIN' WORK: The Cubs bullpen is 5th in the majors in ERA (2.40). The Cubs starters are first in the league in ERA (2.18). Over their last 3 games against some pretty great offenses, Cubs starters have thrown 22.1 innings and given up one earned run, striking out 29.

BEST FANS IN BASEBALL: As long as St. Louis fans insist on calling themselves the best fans in baseball, we'll continue to point out how they are definitely not.

I hope you become another statistic @JasonHeyward

— Gibby Hazelbaker (@GetGibbyWithIt) April 18, 2016

Nope, nothing racist about that.

A BFIB here in the pub just said he hopes that Heyward "Taveres' himself"
😳

— Chris (@AR_aces23) April 18, 2016

Oscar Taveras was a Cardinals prospect who died a few years back in a car accident.

@Cardinals nation @JasonHeyward made a life decision to go against us. Those are trader words.#Judias#Centuryofmisery#willregret

— Jrob (@Jrob1388) April 19, 2016

Fur trader? Trader Joe? WHICH TRADER ARE YOU REFERRING TO??

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

The Cubs and Cardinals are at it again tonight at 7:15 with Jason Hammel against Jaime Garcia's Shitty Left Shoulder Joint.

The Gist: Games 11 and 12

What Happened: I'm not a professional athlete and I will never be one, so I don't know the mindset of a pro baseball player. That said, the way that the Cubs have operated so far this season and the way they played this weekend leads me to believe that with a series against the St. Louis Cardinals coming up next week, the Cubs might have looked past the Rockies. The past two games, the Cubs haven't had a whole lot going on offense, despite the 6 runs they hung on Colorado on Saturday. 5 of the Cubs 6 runs came via the long ball.

Today's game was not great and the biggest reason I think the Cubs were looking past the Rockies to the Cardinals. Despite leading the league in walks so far this season, the Cubs walked a whopping ONE time today. That's not a recipe for success. Part of the problem was that the strike zone was quite large today, but the Cubs didn't do themselves a lot of favors, chasing a bunch of pitches out of the zone. Tyler Chatwood is never going to be confused for a pitcher with dominant stuff, with a career K/9 of 5.23. And yet because of the wide zone and the Cubs pressing, he was able to strike out 7 over 7 shutout innings. Barf.

These kinds of stinkers are gonna happen sometimes, so no reason to panic yet. Obviously losing a series to the Rockies isn't how you want to go into a big series with the Cardinals in St. Louis, but it is just the first Cubs series loss of the season, which is awesome. And they wrapped up their homestand at 4-2. That's good.

MVP: The starting pitching. Over the last 2 games, Arrieta and Lester have combined for 15.1 innings, 12 total baserunners and 18 strikeouts while yielding one single earned run. After 3 starts, Lester has a 2.21 ERA and Arrieta has a 1.23 ERA. Baller.

LVP: The heart of the order. Yes, we're still early enough in the season that a hot 1-2 games can really shift a batting average, but look at what our big boppers are hitting so far this year:

Heyward: .205
Zobrist: .214
Rizzo: .186
Bryant: .229
Soler: .225

That's...not ideal. Now they do make up for it with high OBP potential, but as the Mets showed the Cubs in the playoffs last year, there's going to be some times where home runs and walks alone won't get it done and base hits are necessary. Again, it's early, but the Cubs bating average is currently 15th in the league.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

Ooooh baby do we have a big one coming up. The Cubs face their first real test of the season against the suddenly pretty hot on offense Cardinals for three games starting tomorrow night. A lot of attention will be paid to the return of Jason Heyward, but John Lackey is also making his return as well. He'll be pitching for the Cubs and opposed by human garden hose Mike Leake.

The Gist: Game 10

What Happened: A comedy of errors to say the least After committing only 2 errors in their first 9 games the Cubs had some issues today against the Rockies, with 4 costly errors. At one point it was actually 5 errors but a ruling on an Anthony Rizzo botched throw to home was reversed. This combination of errors, a bevy of singles hit by the Rockies, along with some aggressive baserunning was all it took to hand the Cubs their 2nd loss of the year and ending a 5 game win streak. The offense was stymied by Chad Bettis who threw 6 shutout innings before handing it over to the pen.

Quality Control: Despite the loss, Kyle Hendricks still managed to get a quality start, going 6 innings while allowing 4 runs. Only 2 of the runs were earned due to a couple of those aforementioned errors. Kyle struck out 5 and walked 0. It continues to amaze me how little our rotation walks anyone.

Jackie Robinson Day: Today was the day all of Major League Baseball honors Jackie Robinson by wearing 42 and thus confusing me on who is who on the field. Anyway, players all over baseball did their own personal thing to honor Robinson. Heyward did by wearing these slick looking cleats for today's game.

Jackie Robinson Day via @nikebaseball #swingman pic.twitter.com/KKJ8HkfITW

— jheytwotwo (@JasonHeyward) April 15, 2016

From the Corrections Department: So during last night's broadcast there seemed to be some mystery about why the Cubs players were doing the "point down" motion after a base hit. This new move has replaced the "rubbing the helmet" from last year that was immortalized by Jonathan Herrera's amazing hands helmet. Our own TMS bartender Rich seemed to have discovered the origin of it the other week, as it appeared David Ross was mocking fellow teammate Ben Zobrist.

So I took to Twitter to help educate Len and Jim on why they do that. However Len quickly shot our theory down today in a response.

@tmsaloon Actually no. Check Tribune story about it.

— Len Kasper (@LenKasper) April 15, 2016

First off, thanks Len for responding. Secondly, what Tribune article?

Oh...

As Mark Gonzales explains:

"Catcher David Ross confirmed Thursday that many players who reach base safely are pointing to the ground with both hands to indicate they’re not looking too far ahead or too far in the past."

Oh fine. You win this round Gonzales! I still like our story better, even if it is complete BS.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

The Cubs look to get back on track tomorrow with another 1:20pm start against the Rockies. Jake Arrieta will hopefully continue his dominance vs. right hander Christian Bergman.

The Gist: Game 9

What Happened: Murder by Cubs. Seriously, somebody call Led Zeppelin because yet again, the song remains the same. The Cubs saw a ton of pitches, scored a ton of runs and didn't let the other team score much. In fact, the only reason the Reds were able to get on the board at all was because of a deployment of the Grimmhole in the 9th.

Firsthand Experience: I was actually able to go to last night's game, so I can tell you that the extra security measures in place outside Wrigley (metal detectors) didn't really add a lot of time to getting into the ballpark. We'll see how it does for a weekend game where the weather will be nice tomorrow, but for now don't plan on needing more than an extra 5 minutes to get into the park.

But Let's Get Back To The Bryant: It seems I was a little premature in predicting that Bryant would get the power stroke going last weekend against the Diamondbacks. The most impressive thing about both Bryant home runs the last two games is that the chill in the air was really making it tough to get much on any ball hit in the air. So many balls last night from both teams were pretty well-struck and Bryant's laser shot was the only one to clear the fence.

We Are Really Really REALLY Good: It's not like we've played a bunch of world beaters so far (the Reds could lose 100 games this year and the Diamondbacks and Angels definitely have their flaws), but you can only play who is on the schedule and the Cubs have done what great teams are supposed to do to bad teams: grind them into dust. The Cubs have scored more runs than anyone in baseball. They've walked more than anyone in baseball. They've seen more pitches than any team in baseball. And they've also given up the fewest runs and baserunners in baseball. Out of all the things they could have done to start the year, this is really the best case scenario. And we have the not-so-great pitching staff of the Rockies coming in for the next three days.

Rock and roll.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

The Rockies come in today at 1:20. The Rockies go with something called a Chad Bettis and the Cubs counter with Kyle Hendricks.

The Gist: Game 8

Truth: The 4th inning just ended and the Cubs are currently up 9-1. That might not be the final (they could score more runs!), but honestly, things look well enough in hand that I don't mind writing this Gist now. It's cold and the best team in baseball is curbstomping the Reds pitching staff. We could all wake up tomorrow morning and the game might still be in the 8th inning with the Cubs up 438-1.

Again, With These Walks: The Cubs continued to do the thing that the Cubs are going to do a whole lot of times this year: walk and get on base. Reds starter Alfredo Sauceman only got 2 outs out of about 48 pitches and didn't escape the first inning. The rest of the guys...well, none of the other guys were any good either. There were several times where I thought the Reds did that thing where you're getting beat so bad that you put one of your position players in to pitch in order to save the bullpen, only they didn't. Their actual bullpen pitchers are so bad they look like shortstops on the mound. Again, that was several times I had that thought and it's the 5th inning.

They Said It Much Better: If you didn't read this Fangraphs article about how the Cubs are way good at taking walks, go do so right now.

We Are Good: That's about it, folks. Unless something crazy happens like Billy Hamilton getting on base, this one follows the same formula we've seen so far and will continue to see the rest of the year: Cubs scoring a lot and winning.

The Official Hashtag Of The Year Is: #AnybodyAnytime, straight from MIGMON's mouth.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

We keep telling Chong Li that if he goes around breaking legs and blowing snot on everyone, someone is eventually going to kill him. And I love the way he tries to hide in the crowd of 4 people, none of them looking anything like him. The look on his face is exactly the look you have when you're zoning out on a work call and suddenly someone says your name.

Anyway, the Cubs and Reds are back at it tomorrow against the Reds at 7:05, with the Cubs looking to sweep. The Cubs will run out Jason Hammel and the Reds will go with Opening Day Starter By Default Raisel Iglesias.

The Gist: Game 7

Holy shit, you guys.

Let's get right into it.

Wow: A little under a year ago, Addison Russell teed off for his first career home run. It came on May 1 and it landed with a thud against the still-under construction left field bleachers.

This one could not be more different.

After the Cubs put about a million home runs into the bleachers (and on top of scoreboards) in the NLDS against the Cardinals last October, it was only fitting that Addison Russell opened the 2016 season with another giant home run, and just as memorable. In a season where I've already gone on record with my prediction of the Cubs winning the World Series, I think even the most skeptical fan would admit that this is the best team in baseball right now, and that's after losing one of the top 10 young players in baseball for the season. Russell's home run is going to start off a million 2016 Cubs tribute videos. And when you can start off the season with an exclamation point like that?

It's going to be a good year.

Don't Forget: Jason Heyward opened his Wrigley career as a Cub with a clutch hit to get the Cubs on the board in the 7th. Russell's bomb is the highlight, but Heyward got things started on a night where it didn't look like the Cubs were going to do much of anything.

Thing I Noticed: Unlike Cubs teams of years past, even when the Cubs weren't doing anything for the first 6 innings, they didn't look terrible, if that makes sense. It didn't show in the box score, but the Cubs didn't seem to be getting fooled, and actually had Brandon Finnegan running up a decent pitch count, with a not-so-great balls to strikes ratio. It's not surprising that the Cubs got him out of the game when they did. With a team that has the ability to see so many pitches and really make starters work, it's only a matter of time until they get their runs. Teams like the Giants and Royals are like that, where even when they aren't doing well, they don't look terrible doing it.

Also, the Giants and Royals have played in 4 of the last 6 World Series, winning 4.

You Are An Unfeeling Robot If: You didn't get a little emotional when Schwarber was introduced and hobbled his way out of the dugout. #winoneforbigtoe

One Last Thing: I just want to sit here and rewind the last 3 innings on repeat so I'll cut this off. If you're reading this, you probably watched it happen so you don't need me to tell you how great the game was. I will leave you with this - I started writing this Gist (yes, even the 5-3 final in the title) after Kawasaki flied out to end the 8th. I had no doubt that the Cubs would close this one out. I don't remember any other time I would have done that as a Cubs fan.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

Off day today, and then back at it 6:05 Wednesday night against the Reds. Alfredo Sauceman vs John Lackey.

The Gist: Games 5 & 6

WAIT! I didn't tell you how this weekend's games ended!

WE WON!


U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

The Gist: Game 4

Welcome to The Gist! Thunder Matt's Saloon readers of yore will recognize this game recap as the most inconsistent thing we've ever done. So why do I think I can tackle a game-by-game recap over an entire regular season? Because it's 2016 and I can write this from the bus every day. That said, this will most likely be pretty phoned-in. Let's do it!

Rich is away so I'm picking up the slack this weekend while he's exiled to Canada or something.

What Happened: Well, it ain't all gonna be puppies and rainbows.  Aside from finding out Kyle Schwarber was done for the year, the Cubs took their first loss of the season.

Chicago was hanging onto a 2-1 lead in the bottom of the 8th when Paul Goldschmidt got a base hit that would score Jean Segura from second base and tie the game. This of course led to all the wonderful armchair managers with their brilliant eagle-eye hindsight to come out from their troll caves and shout, "HE SHOULDA WALKED GOLDSCHMIDT!"

Calm the fuck down alright? Strop handled Goldschmidt fine the night before. Sometimes not everything can go our way OK? This shit irritates me to no end. I'm a cynical asshole as much as the next guy but this sort of bitching is stupid.

What can we take away from this loss: How about Jason Hammel pitching pretty well/ 6 innings, 6 strikeouts, 1 earned run. Those type of quality starts will do just fine from our #4 pitcher.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

Game 3 of this series versus Arizona is tonight at 7:10pm Central. Kyle Hendricks will make his first start of the season against Diamondbacks ace Zack Greinke. Hopefully Greinke is still feeling the effects of the flu that hampered his season debut earlier this week.

The Gist: Game 3

Better strap in, because we have a whole lot of ground to cover.

What Happened: Holy crap, what didn't happen? Let's take a look at this in a pro/con way.

PRO - The Cubs offense continued to roll, putting up 7 runs against Arizona starter Rubby De La Rosa and made what looked like a disaster of a game into more of a laugher than one would have thought after 3 innings.

CON - Schwarber's misadventures in left field had their first negative impact on a game since the Mets playoff series last year. Hey, it only took 3 games! At this point, I don't know what to do with Schwarber and I honestly feel for the kid. He's trying so hard to get better in left and at catcher, but the truth might be that he's just not that good at either one. Big Toe's collision in the outfield left him with a sprained ankle, so it could have been much worse.

PRO - The Cubs spent a boatload of money to bring in both Heyward and Zobrist in the offseason to give this lineup even more OBP threats, and they both showed exactly what they can do last night, combining for 3 hits and a whopping 5 walks. That's how you put up 14 runs a game: You work a ton of counts and chase the starter and feast on the bullpen. The Cubs did both, pouring on an additional 7 insurance runs on the unsuspecting Arizona bullpen. Expect to see that a lot this year.

CON - John Lackey did not look sharp from the outset, giving up 6 ER in his first 3 innings as a Cub.

PRO - The Arizona lineup is deep and pretty good themselves, so this kind of thing happens. Also, Lackey eventually got into a groove and retired 11 of the last 12 batters he faced. Give him a pass. Everyone is nervous on the first day of school.

ANOTHER PRO - The bullpen continues to be lights out, posting 3 more hitless, scoreless innings. If you take away Lackey's first 3 innings tonight, the Cubs have surrendered 1 ER in 24 innings.

Who Should NOT Be Shitting Their Pants This Morning: Cubs fans. Yeah, yesterday wasn't the best game ever, especially in the first few innings. But the Cubs won, and there are gonna be a whole lot of games this year where the Cubs offense is simply going to have to out-slug the other team and we did just that. Schwarber will be ok (from early reports) and the Cubs have tons of depth, with Jorge Soler able to step into left field for the time being.

It's the Cubs and not everything went right last night, so there's a tendency to over-react (more on that in a second), but there's nothing to worry about. The Cubs are still great and one of their strengths is the depth they have, both in the rotation and in the outfield. We're going to be fine. Hell, we still haven't lost a game!

Who SHOULD Be Shitting Their Pants This Morning: Diamondbacks fans. Sure, there's a whole lot of season left, but what looked like a magical run through 2016 has gone about as bad as possible so far in the desert. The Diamondbacks are 1-3, losing their first series to the woeful Rockies. AJ Pollock is out until ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Their big offseason additions on the pitching side (Grienke, Shelby Miller) both got shelled their first times out. I'm not counting the Diamondbacks out by any means, but this is sure not the start to the season they wanted.

MVP: Anthony Rizzo, who tied his career high with 6 RBI to go along with a triple and a home run.

LVP: Anyone and everyone that took all of 20 innings this season before getting sand blasted directly into their vaginas and claiming that the sky is falling.

SECOND PLACE:

Man, Rob totally called it, and that...what? Oh, he tweeted this after the Schwarber/Fowler collision in the outfield? Chalk up another win for Captain Hindsight! Hold on a second, I'm going to tweet out something about how our 2003 invasion of Iraq will someday be seen as not super smart now.

FIRST PLACE:

My favorite thing about this tweet is that the Cubs would go on to score 12 more runs immediately following that tweet. For those of you who don't know Nick Vlahos, he's a writer for the Peoria Journal Star. He's also a human penis.

Look, Nick...I know you're just trying to get a rise out of people, and by typing anything about you, I realize I'm doing exactly what you want. But when the Cubs win this year, you don't get to enjoy it. You're a living, breathing Yahoo Answers thread and the lowest example of your profession. Just stop being a dick (obviously not talking about the shape of your head, as I know there's nothing you can do about that).

Turns out they still are the Cubs though. The team that is averaging 10 runs a game so far. And it's not the sky that's falling, it's humanity's opinion of you as a human being.

YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

The Cubs continue to have games at the worst times for those of us in the CST. Game 2 against the Diamondbacks tonight at 8:40. Kyle Hendricks takes on Robbie Ray. Rizzo has always mashed against lefties, so don't be too surprised if he goes deep again.