Un-F'ing-BelievaBULL

Wow. Speechless. With all due respect to the Chicago Blackhawks (it goes without saying that the Cubs and Sox don't even warrant a mention), right now the Chicago Bulls are the ONLY GAME IN TOWN. And if you aren't watching this series, well...I honestly feel sorry for you.*

The latest in chapter in this heart attack inducing saga included tonight's 128-127 Bulls victory....in triple overtime! For those playing along at home, the series is now tied 3-3, with 4 of the 6 games going into overtime. Ri-cock-ulous. Do yourself a favor and look up the highlights. (I can't hold your hand.) Watch Brad Miller hit a huge 3 at the end of regulation. Watch Joakim Noah (what!) make the play of the year with a steal and throw down (and one!) as time was running out. Watch unheralded John Salmons go MJ on everybody with 35. Watch Ray Allen hit clutch dagger after clutch dagger and Rajon Rondo make more bitch fouls.

Madness I tell you!

Game 7 is Saturday night in Boston at 7pm Chicago time. If you don't watch that one, just stop reading our site. (Or writing for our site, same thing.) Even if they lose, it's been epic and they have nothing to hang their heads about (unlike the bloated Celtics), but I honestly think we might pull it off.

Go Baby Bulls!

*Saying that you "don't like basketball" or "hate the NBA" isn't a valid excuse. Sack up and put down your wine cooler. If you like "sports" or even just "competition", this is must-see-TV.

BullGist: Game Fo'

Celtics 118, Bulls 121 (OT²)

Alrighty, then. This bitch is evened up. After that stinker of a Game 3 (which the TMS editorial staff deemed "unGistaBull"), it's back on. Oh, Christ, is it ever. After years of Marlboro reds, Jack Daniels, and cocaine, I'm not sure that The Hundley's heart can take much more. Free throws missed in the clutch, baffling set plays coming off of timeouts, matador defense, clutch threes, acrobatic driving layups, freefalls onto one's backs...jeepers creepers! Johnny "Red" Kerr, God rest your soul, I have to think you yelled "DAGGER!!" more than a few times in that big announcer's resting place in the sky.

Once again, it came down to Ben Gordon and Ray Allen. Both former UCONN Huskies, both guarding (or lack thereof) each other, both hitting jaw dropping, breathtaking, boner-enducing shots from all over the court, both missing potential game icing free throws. I've never wanted to simultaneously hug and strangle a player as much as I did Ben Gordon. Good for us, it ended in me wanting to hug him. BG has always had a knack for the clutch, and in a must-win game, he was Big Ben once again. (On a totally unrelated note, I've found that if you do enough blow and Jack Daniels simultaneously, when you look at your shirtless self in the bathroom mirror, through the haze of Marlboro smoke you'll swear that your arms are as big as Ben Gordon's.

Much like Game 2, this was all back and forth action in the second half. Boston's Rajon Rondo has taken over as THE dominant point guard in this series, and arguably one of the best in the NBA Eastern Conference. Rondo posted his second triple dub of the series, trying to fill a big void for the Celtic's injuries and underperformers (that's YOU, Paul Pierce). However, Game 1 hero, Derrick Rose was not to be ignored, as he provided the hustle after loose balls, being a leader, and let's not forget how he carried his team for a large stretch of the fourth quarter. This just HAS to be an epic Game Five as the series goes back to Beantown. I just hope my ticker can hold up.

You Were Huh-Yoooge!

• Ben Gordon - duh.

• Kirk Hinrich - though the stat line may not show it, he did an outstanding job defending the bigger and stronger Paul Pierce. We'll generously forgive you for missing two out of three free throws in crunch time. This time.

• D-Rose - Slowly becoming a leader, and a viable scoring option in crunch time.

• Rajon Rondo - when he's not making bafflingly stupid decisions, the game seems to come unbelievably easy to him.

• Ray Allen - I hate to admit it, but I'm now a believer in the popular opinion that Ray Allen Is A Hall of Famer.

You Were an Absolute Munch!

• Joakim Noah - let's not forget that you were a ninth overall draft pick. Yes, he went for 12 and 10, but that was in 40 minutes of play. Countless, COUNTLESS second chance rebounds were squandered at his expense. He also was -19 for his time on the court. Bleh.

• Ty Thomas - he's not so lovable when his WTF! jumpshots don't fall. You know what you'll get from him at the line, but his horrible decision to hold the ball and get fouled in crunch time rather than pass to a wide-open D-Rose nearly cost the Bulls the game.

• Vinny Del Negro - A horrible x's and o's coach. Some of those set plays and personnel lineups were inexplicable.

• Glen Davis - he lived up to his "Big Baby" nickname with theatrics in the "fight" with Brad Miller, acting like a bitch. I love that announcer Jeff VanGundy called him out.

• Brian Scalabrine - 18 minutes played, 3 points, 6 fouls, $3.2M per year. If you look up "munch" in the dictionary, there should be a picture of his dumb, gold brickin' ass.

BullGist: Game 2

Bulls 115 - Celtics 118

Let's get it out right now, the Celtics had 34 second chance points (21 offensive rebounds) while the Bulls had just 12. There's not much else to say, that's where they lost the game. If it's possible to play solid D while still giving up 118 points in today's NBA game, the Bulls did. By and large most of the Celtic's shots were contested when the Bulls weren't blocking them - a staggering 14 blocks for Chicago.

The fourth quarter turned into a two man show with Ben Gordon dueling with Ray Allen. Christ, they were even guarding one another. The action was back and forth, and the game changed leads 14 times. Gordon finished with a game-high 42 points and hit six threes. Allen finished with 30 points and also hit six three-pointers (four in the fourth), the biggest of which came with :02 on the clock to give the Celtics a two point lead and the win.

This was a game the Bulls needed. Rajon Rondo finished with a triple double, though was clearly slowed in the second half with a knee/ankle injury. Paul Pierce looked dead and showed little emotion. Obviously KG was still out. The Bulls had a 5-point lead with two minutes to play. It was there for the taking. Still, we head back to Chicago with home court advantage in our favor, and we've won 14 of our last 16 at the United Center.

~~~~~~~~

Junior War Criminal: Comcast. The only good thing they offer is Stacey King. I know it's been this way all year, but I miss Tom Dore. I do not like Neil Funk. Ugh. Yet even worse is the TV coverage. Countless free throws and inbound passes are missed in lieu of shots of bench players. I'd rather see the live action instead of Tim Thomas joking around and not paying attention. Court side cameras are great for replays, not for continuous game action. Pull your head out of your ass, Comcast. All you're doing is making TNT and ABC look that much better.

"Put Noah in a woodchipper." - Chaim Witz, post game.

BullGist: Game 1

Bulls 105, Celtics 103 - Overtime

The Rose hath officially bloomed. If you aren't watching the NBA playoffs (probability: high), here's your reason to my friends. Derrick Rose, the humble rookie phenom for Chicago put the show in showtime Saturday morning against the Kevin Garnett-starved defending champs. 36 points (rookie record), 11 assists, 4 rebounds, 12-12 FT, 12-19 FG and enough dick in the dirt plays to recall a certain #23, minus the tongue wagging and phantom fouls.

Full disclosure, I don't watch a lot of pro hoops. I watch some Bulls games here and there, but as is the case with most of America, it's hard for me to get into a full 82 game schedule. Playoff basketball, on the other hand, is a different beast (I'm told the same is true for playoff hockey). The intensity is turned up and it's anybody's ballgame, as the game Chicago Bulls proved today. Granted, the idea of a Best of 7 first round series is patently absurd, but all big picture qualms aside, today's game was Case In Point as to why you should watch the NBA Playoffs. Derrick Rose vs. Rajon Rondo (yes, Rajon Rondo) in a back and forth dick-puncher that was entertaining as all get out from the first tip to the final buzzer.

Tyrus Thomas was clutch, hitting lots of jumpers that have you going, "NOOOOOO.....YES!", and Ben Gordon was big in crunch time, as is his MO. That guy can miss his first 20 shots, but once he gets going, it's over. Hell, even Joakim Noah was an absolute beast on the boards, racking up 17 of em, even if the Bulls did have to overcome his horrible foul at the end of regulation that sent the game to Overtime.

But the real star of the show was Derrick Rose. Good God. I don't even know what to say about this kid. If you're leery about dipping your toes into the NBA waters (I'm sure you have your reasons, you racist bastard), just give this guy a chance. I can't remember the last NBA game, nay basketball game, that had me pacing, swearing and getting legitimately "jacked up" before today. All because of #1. The guy is smoother than a glass of well aged scotch and more fun to watch than midget mud wrestling. He may not be much for the post game soundbite (the guy has more 'ummms' than a high school public speaking class), but that's ok. He lets his game do the talking and trust me, it talks plenty of trash for him. Go Bulls.

Chicago Bulls: Let's Hope for .500!

"I quit watching the NBA when Jordan retired."

A common statement from a casual sports fan. After they say the previous statement, they'll tell you how the NBA is just a one-on-one, me-first game that they don't have time for. Nevermind the fact that the league (somewhat) became that way via Jordan and the triangle offense, but that's a whole different story.

Our NBA coverage here at the now lame duck Saloon has been sketchy at best. "NBA Analysts" have bellied up to the bar, telling us how they'd be our new NBA guy, how they'd convert at least half of our readership (12 / 2 = 6) to basketball fans, and everyone would get free handjobs. Obviously none of that came to fruition. But I, The Hundley, vow to you two people reading this right now that I'll cover the Chicago Bulls all the way until the impending demise of TMS. I am pumped and ready to go. I've never given a handjob, but I'll try anything once. Chaim Witz has promised me a courtside Bulls game this season followed up with drinks, steaks, and Twister. Buckle up, bitches.

If you remember last year, people were tripping over themselves in rushing to predict the Bulls for post season glory. It didn't matter that they never really made any off season moves to try and do something with an already meek and weak frontcourt. It didn't matter that there was an ominous hangover in the air regarding Ben Gordon and Luol Deng's selfishness in turning down huge contract offers. It didn't matter that there was a big karate chop to the Bull's fan's throats when we didn't seriously pursue Kobe. No, we were on the rise, coming off a season of dramatic overachieving, scrapping and clawing our way to victories, always playing harder and with more intensity on defense than the opponents. Then people got lazy, suddenly couldn't shoot, and Coach Skiles lost control of the team. Season over. A small ray of light came when we cashed in our 2% odds of landing the first pick, and pick Derrick Rose...yet another guard. The Bulls fired Skiles on Christmas Eve, and wallowed with an interim (Boylan) during a painful 2nd half. After failing to land ex-Suns coach, Mike D'Antoni and then having Doug Collins back out, we went with Vinnie Del Negro. A guy who has no coaching experience and had a penchant for wearing tight shorts during his NBA tenure with the Spurs. Ladies and Gentleman, your...

2008-2009 Chicago Bulls

The Starters (Subject to change)

G: Derrick Rose - Lot's of promise here, and one of the few reasons to be excited about the Bulls this year. Historically, guards, especially point guards, don't have a huge impact right away. But there's hope with Rose, he's not Sebastian Telfair, fresh out of high school. Rose lead his Memphis team to the NCAA finals last year, and that has to count for something. Not that the preseason is an accurate barometer, but Rose certainly turned some heads. Expect the typical rookie adjustment, but with him being thrown into the fire of the new (hopefully) run-and-gun Bulls, expect some big plays, too.

G: Kirk Hinrich - A few years ago, Captain Kirk was on the receiving end of a fat new contract, and it seemed to be money well spent. Okay, so where did he go? A once lock-down defender looked lost at times on D last year, and his ever-streaky jumpshot erred towards the "bad" end of the spectrum. With a team with so many guards, someone is going to be the odd man out, though with said fat contract, the fan favorite Hinrich appears to be safe.

G: Luol Deng - Is the guy a fraud, or is he really a star in the making? Deng is easily the most frustrating of the Bulls. He never looks comfortable with the ball, he can't create his own shot, and he's often fighting nagging injuries. Then lo and behold, you look on the stat sheet and he's given you 18 and 8 with a few dimes and some steals. I do think Deng could be a big player, but it'd have to be alongside a bona fide scorer. In short, he'd have to be a Pippen.

F: Drew Gooden - Gooden is one of the few effective low post guys on the Bulls roster, and one of the few capable of getting you consistent double doubles. Problem is on this team, he's often out of place, playing center or having to guard the opposing team's center. It'd be nice to see some back-to-the-basket scoring, which he's said he has the skills for, yet has been forced to play different roles (like just passing to LeBron and grabbing a few boards like he did during his Cleveland tenure). Well, Drew, now you have the chance.

C: Aaron Gray - Wow, really? The same Aaron Gray that you spent a Second Round pick on that had everybody groaning about? Gray has lost 25-30 pounds this offseason, prepping himself to play in the new run-and-gun Bulls offense. You can almost see (new) Bull's coach, Vinny Del Negro reenacting a scene from Meet The Parents to Gary - "Look Aaron, nobody's expecting a lot out of you. Do you think when we miss some long range jumpers that you could maybe pull down a few boards?"

The Reserves

G: Thabo Sefalosha - Simply put, if the Bulls want to reach .500 this year, this guy HAS to step up. He has all the tools of the classic big guard, but has yet to break out. For some reason, it seemed that Skiles hated him, so hopefully he sees some meaningful minutes. With Sefalosha on the court guarding the opponents top scorer, it could free up some energy for Hinrich to score. In theory.

G: Ben Gordon - Ugh. Mr. Malcontent can certainly shoot it, but it stops there. On his best day, he's an average defender and can do Yeoman's work handling the ball. During the offseason, he said he was done with the Bulls, yet no one else really wanted him, so the Bulls (inexplicably) signed him to a one year deal. Now he's pissed that he's back, and he's mysteriously hurt and sick all the time. Note to John Paxon: If you can get fifty cents on the dollar for him, please do.

F: Joakim Noah - I'm not sure how he was a Top 10 pick in the draft, but Noah is growing on me. When he finally got some consistent minutes during the 2nd half of last year's season, he put up some solid numbers - for a backup. He's great on the defensive end, he can rebound very well, but his offensive game is weak. The optimist would say that his shot can only get better.

F: Tyrus Thomas - Not sure how this guy was a Top 3 pick. All the athleticism in the world, and all the will to pick up 2 or 3 fouls in the first five minutes of a game. It's great watching all of his highlight reel alley-oops...you know, while he's actually in the game. His first few years with the Bulls have been disappointing. He skipped workouts, sulked, couldn't shoot, was immature. Supposedly, he's worked on his attitude and his game. So...an NBA rebirth at 22 years of age? Um...

F: Andres Nocioni - Classic hustle guy who can give you some big minutes off the bench. Nocioni seems like the guy you'd love to have on your team, or love to punch in the face if he's your opponent. Noc is a fan favorite, and one of the few guys who really seems to always play hard. If he stays healthy, he's a huge asset to have coming off of the bench.

G: Larry Hughes - Just had a shoulder injury that will keep him out of the action for the first 2 or 3 weeks. Another big guard who can play D, but Christ, how may guards can you have on a team? And how much can you pay them? I haven't checked the stats, but the Bulls have to have the highest team salary for non-starting guards. I challenge you to prove me wrong.

F/C: Mike Ruffin - Bulky, long arms, solid defender, horrible offense. A black Will Perdue.

F: Cedric Simmons - Uh, he went to NC State?

F: Demetris Nichols - With that name, I would have said "hockey"

Season Prediction: 40-42. You never know, that could get you an eight seed in the Eastern Division!

Beasley vs. Rose

Defying all odds, the Bulls ended up with the first pick in the draft last night. They only had a 1.7% chance of coming up with the top pick. How small is that chance? Let's put it this way...it's twice as likely that Elijah Dukes gets a hit (.038 batting average this season) than it was for the Bulls to win the draft lottery.

Hot on the heels of the "Oden vs. Durant" debate of a year ago, we now have "Beasley vs. Rose". Before the NCAA tourney, Michael Beasley seemed like the sure-fire #1 pick. Not only was he just as good as Kevin Durant stats-wise, he was actually better! And unlike Durant, he can probably bench press more than 105 lbs.

But Derrick Rose stepped up and pretty much steamrolled everyone in his path on the way to the NCAA title game, abusing DJ Augustin and Darren Collison in back to back games so badly, they could have put him on trial for sexual abuse.

So now Beasley and Rose are both at the top of the 2008 draft class. Rose is projected to be a Chris Paul type player, but bigger and more explosive. Beasley could be the second coming of Kevin Garnett if you believe some members of the media. Rose is the "local boy" hailing from the Chicago area. Beasley could be the low-post scorer that the Bulls have needed for the past 3 years.

There are a few obstacles in the way. If you pick Beasley, what if his troubled past (6 high schools in 5 years, multiple suspensions) catches up with him? What if he's more Spreewell than Garnett as far as attitude goes? Picking Rose seems to make sense too, but it seems like the Bulls already have a capable point guard in Kirk Hinrich. Hinrich may have struggled last year, but this is the same guy that shut down D-Wade for 2 straight years in the playoffs, is a point guard on Team USA and made the NBA All-Defensive 2nd team just a year ago. Players don't just forget how to be good. What happened is that most of Heinrich's teammates started off last season trying to get their stats for an eventual $13 million a year contract and things just snowballed.

On the other hand, how can you pass up a talent like Rose?

On the other other hand, how do you pass up someone that's even better than the college player everyone was drooling over last year?

Do you draft Rose? Do you draft Beasley? Do you flip-flop picks with the Heat and let them make the decision for you? Do you trade the pick to Memphis for Mike Conley so they can get their "hometown" guy and we get their #5 overall pick this year and a possible #1 next year too?

The Bulls have the #1 pick and 2 potential superstars to pick from. It seems like they would have no problem shipping off Hinrich, Gordon, Deng, Ty Thomas, etc in a package deal. Once again, the Bulls seem like they have a ton of potential to make a move in the East.

And who's in charge of making this move? John Paxson. Aw fuck.

Just make sure to keep us under the cap for 2010 so we can bring in Dwyane Wade, ok Johnny?

The Rise and Fall of John Paxson

Written by Max Foncito

It sucks to have to call out someone responsible for hitting one of the greatest shots in Bulls history, but the time has come for Paxson to grow a set of nuts and save his job.

Paxson was hired to replace the fat, delusional and past his prime Jerry Krause. As we all know, Krause was one of the most brilliant minds in the NBA and was responsible for surrounding Jordan with players like Pippen, Grant, Armstrong, Kukoc, and even Paxson himself in 1985.

Somewhere along the line Krause thought himself to be king, bought into his own hype and thought he could create a championship team without Jordan, Phil Jackson and the rest of the cast. He made a series of bad moves post-Jordan, the worst of which were the moves he couldn’t make. He couldn’t land any high profile free agents such as Tracy McGrady despite a boatload of cash and the third biggest market in the NBA, and he hired Tim Floyd. Eddy Curry turned out to be a lazy, fat pig and Tyson Chandler couldn’t develop in time. Enough said.

Krause stepped down in 2003 and Paxson was brought on board to put the Bulls back on the championship path. He inherited four talented but underachieving players in Eddy Curry, Tyson Chandler, Jamal Crawford and Jason Williams.

Paxson had immediate success in making savvy deals and smart draft picks. He went away from picking raw talent out of high school and instead picked up players from legendary winning college programs. His first pick was Kirk Hinrich, a four year starter out of Kansas.

2004 was a banner year for Paxson. He drafted Ben Gordon, traded for the rights to Luol Deng and picked up Chris Duhon in the second round. Soon after the draft he offloaded the cancer of Jamal Crawford for a bunch of expiring contracts.

Paxson continued to make shrewd moves in 2005 despite not having a pick in the draft as he gang raped Zeke once again. The trade of a fat and broken Eddy Curry for cap space, a number one unprotected pick and the right to swap picks in 2007 was one of legend. Pax turned nothing into a big something.

The Bulls were looking like a future contender, had stockpiled high draft picks and more importantly had tons of cap room. 2006 and beyond looked like it would be back to contending for championships.

Unfortunately, it has been all downhill from there. It wasn’t apparent at the time, but many of the moves Paxson was about to make (and didn’t make) would send the team on a downward spiral that will be tough to recover from. Here are those moves:

Awful Move #1: Trading a 25 year old Tyson Chandler in anticipation of signing a 31 year old Ben Wallace.
Chandler was a player who had a maturity problem and was terrible offensively, but played his ass off and rebounded like a machine. He was a very young, skinny big man who was growing into his frame. At the time of the trade he was 23 years old and his contract was EXTREMELY reasonable ($10 million per season) considering what other centers had recently been signed for. The fact that he didn’t get enough minutes (27 per game) didn’t help either. Chandler has gone on to be a Team USA and All-Star caliber player for the second best team in the league.

Awful Move #2: Signing Ben Wallace for $14 million of the $16.7 million dollar cap space.
It looked like a brilliant steal at first. The Bulls got rid of a player who hadn’t developed quite fast enough and signed the 3 time Defensive Player of the Year from their main rival. In reality, they signed an over the hill player who was looking for a huge payday and an escape from Flip Saunders. Ben Wallace from day one had no intention playing with the same fire that he became famous for in Detroit. He shunned being named a captain, threw a fit over not being able to wear a headband and just looked like he had more interest in spending his money than playing basketball.

Awful Move #3: Trading the rights of LaMarcus Aldridge for Tyrus Thomas.
This also looked like a good move. Thomas started out the 2006 season as a high flying stud and Aldridge spent it injured. Fast forward to 2007 and Aldridge looks like a future All-Star and Thomas looks more like Darius Miles.

Awful Move #4: Flirting with Pau Gasol instead of trading for him.
The thing the Bulls lack most is a low post threat. Gasol would have been the answer the Bulls were looking for, but Paxson was unwilling to give up any value to bring him to Chicago. Instead of leaving it alone, it continued to appear week after week in the papers and on the news and affected the team negatively.

Awful Move #5: Flirting with Kobe instead of trading for him (even though they never had a chance).
This trade never had a prayer given the fact that Kobe has the ultimate no-trade clause and wouldn’t have approved any package the Bulls wanted to send. He didn’t want to end up on the Lakers Midwest when Paxson would have gutted the team. The non-trade was the final straw that broke the camel’s back. Due to this, Ben Gordon and Luol Deng pass up extensions.

So, the question is what the hell can Paxson do to save his job and the Bulls? Lucky for him he has a lot young talent and can make trades to right the ship. It won’t be easy, but Danny Ainge proved that you can make a diamond out of a lump of coal. Paxson has a decision to make, does he want to end up like Danny Ainge or this guy?

Joakim Noah Hates MJ

So the Bulls drafted this guy. A lifelong Knicks fan who admits, "I hate Michael Jordan", and whose jump shot resembles Dennis Rodman's. I suppose he brings the requisite hustle, passion, scrappiness and other intangibles that "don't show up on the statsheet". But why, oh why do the Bulls continue to draft players from college teams that I abhor? (Florida, Duke, Kansas, etc) I guess I'm OK with it as long as he turns out to be a poor man's Ben Wallace, aka Tyson Chandler, who we just traded last year precisely because he shared all of Noah's weaknesses. Better than that Spencer Hawes guy I guess. An average white center (he's a great passer!) with little upside excites me about as much as Kirstie Alley in a bikini.

The 'Ha Ha Look at You' goes to the Boston Celtics, who traded their pick and couple of players for Ray Allen. 32 year old Ray Allen? Danny Ainge is the new Jerry Krause. GM Cancer. I wonder what Bill Simmons' dad said about that one?*

*I'm sure you can just go to Page 2 if you really want to find out.

Chaiming In

"It tastes so good when it hits your lips..."

• The World Series. Could that have been more anticlimactic? I imagine watching that had to be comparable to having a really sucky kid that plays in Little League and you have to go to all of his games, but he never plays. And you, as a neglectful father, can barely remember your son's name, much less the rules and regulations of baseball. So you sit there, your eyes glazed over, your breath reeking of whiskey sours, waiting for either the game or your life to end. It's a coinflip as to which will occur first. I say 'imagine' as I don't have any children of my own. Technically I've had three kids, but sacrificed them all to various gods or lost them at the mall. Wow, I may have just offended myself. In short, the World Series sucked.
• Let's not crown the Bulls NBA champs yet, dear prognosticators. After embarrassing the Cocaine Cowboys on Opening Night, they looked as ugly as the Comcast Sports Net studio Wednesday night, getting shellacked by the Orlando Magic. I think Dennis Scott hit like 5 treys or something.
• A good month for diehard KISS fans out there, all 13 of us. We have the first solo album from the Starchild in 28 years! It's predictable fare, full of inspirational hoo haa slathered with a thick layer of processed cheese, sandwiched between unironic lyrics about 'living to win' and love gone bad, all with a glossy finish. That said, I love it. Not reinventing the wheel by any means (I'd love to see Rick Rubin and Butch Walker get ahold of him), but the sugary, cavity causing hooks and soaring choruses are enough to give me a brief sugar high and forget the car crash known as Gene Simmons 'Asshole'. Then we've got the season finale of 'Family Jewels'. Did Gene knock up Shannon again? Is Gene getting a facelift? (Can the doctors operate on his ego while they're at it?) While this show is by no means 'must see tv', it is oddly intriguing. More than anything, I sit there wondering, 'how did his kids get to be so perfect?' If all kids were that grounded, I would reconsider my stance on mandatory boarding school and pushups for all children between ages 10-18. But the biggest early Christmas present comes in the form of KISSOLOGY Volume I: 1974-1977, containing 4 full concerts from their early years (when Peter Criss didn't have prosthetic arms) as well as a bunch of early TV footage never seen before. I haven't been this excited to pad Gene Simmon's wallet since the KISS coffin!
• Here at the Saloon, we try to keep politics separate, though I will say you should vote in the upcoming elections. Far be it from me to tell you how you should vote, but let's just say the four writers at the Saloon could write a doozy of a War Criminal column about our current President.
• I will though tell you how to spend your moviegoing dollars. Go see Borat, The Prestige, The Departed, and yes, even The Dixie Chicks movie, Shut Up and Sing (this coming from a person who cannot legitimately name one of their songs and considers country music to be the root of all evil). Avoid Man of the Year and Running With Scissors at all costs. Judging from the crowd at The Prestige, backed up by the facts garnered at a earlier screening of The Illusionist, I can safely conclude this: Old people love magic. Fucking love that shit. Give them a good old fashioned rabbit out of a hat over fancy CGI anyday. Pull a quarter from behind their ears and watch them squeal.
• Da Bears! Yes they are good. Better than good. Perhaps we are witnessing greatness. But can we stop with the 85' Bears comparisons? Jesus already. I suppose it is inevitable, but it seems like anytime the Bears look like they might make the playoffs, people start dusting off old Super Bowl Shuffle footage. Please make it stop. The next time the Cubs are good, I would like to see everyone start making comparisons to the classic 1908 squad.
• You know what I need to do? Shoot baskets. It's been a good year or more since I shot the ole' b-ball into the peach basket. Let me tell you this. It ain't pretty. Which is honestly surprising, because, full disclosure, I'm a helluva athlete.
• Dusty Baker is interviewing with the Padres. As Brian Fellows would say, "That's CRAZY!"
• Daisuke Matsuzaka, the Japanese ace pitcher, is on the open market. He throws a mysterious "gyroball". I fucking love gyros! The Cubs need to sign this guy. Seriously. Steve Stone: "You've got him down 0-2 here, you gotta be looking gyroball all the way."
• Rants: Fast Food, aging
• Raves: Fall, Thunder Matt's Saloon

Bartender Banter: Ready for Hoops!......I guess

Well the NBA season kicked off in grand fashion last night, as the new and improved Chicago Bulls bitch-slapped the defending champion Miami Heat. The Heat had a big banner-raising ceremony before the game and all the fans wore their trademark white shirts and celebrated Miami's championship from last season. The sea of white quickly grew calm though, as the Bulls were all business from start to finish. Kirk Hinrich and his fat new 5-year contract, led the team with 26 points. We also got nice glimpses at rookies Tyrus Thomas and Thabo Sefolosha. Plus there's newly acquired big man Ben Wallace, who'll more than fill the void left by Tyson Chandler. I have to say it's an exciting time to be a Bulls fan. So much so that I may actually pay attention to them for the first time in years. A few notes:

• The white shirt gimmick that Miami has, is quite possibly the dumbest thing I've ever seen in sports. Purposely wearing the same color is cool in say, college sports, when the students do it, and jump around like raving lunatics. But in Miami? Christ, I've seen more life in a crowd at an Andy Williams concert. Maybe they should have them all wear red shirts, so they can blend into all the empty seats during midseason games.
• If this whole Thunder Matt thing ever falls through, I may consider switching the site to Thunder Thabo's. (Note: that probably will never happen, unless Murton would end up with the Astros or White Sox. Then I would just claim that Thunder Matt was in reference to former Bears running back Matt Suhey.)
• If they ever make a movie about Kirk Hinrich can they get Charlie Korsmo to play him?
  

Who knows if I really will follow the Bulls or not. I really don't hold allegiance to any NBA team, and most of my knowledge comes from Sportscenter highlights and playing fantasy basketball. Hell this may be the only NBA post I do. As for the other TMS bartenders, Chaim knows only the Bulls, and has no idea who the other teams are. He also believes Kurt Warner plays small forward for Chicago. The Governor follows the Utah Jazz and even after 8 years, is still smarting from this. Brant is excited about the resurgent Bulls and looks forward to buying a new hat to go along with his Clippers one.

Major Props from SportsBlogging.net
TMS was the "Sports Blog of the Week" over at SportsBlogging.net. The site's author, Dave, wrote some pretty kind words about our little blog, and we really appreciate it. It's nice to see that our work is being read and enjoyed by others, even though sometimes I feel like 50% of what I write is pulled straight out of my ass. Dave has put together a great site that has featured dozens of good sports blogs out there. I recommend other blogs out there give a link to SportsBlogging.net and help more readers discover this site.

Let the Offseason Transaction Madness Begin
This week a number of players filed for free agency, which means it's once again time for me to pull my hair out (if I had any) over what guys the Cubs are and are not considering. Right now I'm reading things saying they are interested in making a deal for Gary Sheffield. Please God no. Sheffield is disgruntled that the Yankees didn't let him become a free agent, and if he does get traded he's said he'll want to discuss contract extension right away. Great, so why would we commit to an almost 38-year old outfielder that has battled injuries in recent years to a multiple-year contract for a healthy chunk of change? I just think there's better options out there. Or maybe I'm still wary of any move that could hinder Thunder Matt's playing time next season.