Well...Last Week Sure Was Something, Wasn't It?

For those of you that have been following us around the last 10 years, it shouldn't come as a surprise to you that the first thing posted here about the Cubs winning the World Series is going up a whopping 11 days after Game 7 in Cleveland. If nothing else, we've always been consistent with our maddening inconsistency. We posted (almost) daily game recaps during the early season even when the Cubs had a huge division lead and were playing the Padres and Brewers of the world, then had a grand total of 4 posts during the entire playoff run, one of which was about the NBA.

That's why I don't blame you if you don't believe me when I say that this post isn't the typical kind of late. It's not like I didn't have time or wasn't interested enough to put my thoughts down.

I just wasn't ready.

At first it was too much. There was too much to process. How does one begin to take it all in, something so many have been waiting on for so long, something that you hope and pray for that you have absolutely no control over. There's no one you can ask for advice because no one knows what it's like. I thought about writing this post at least once or twice every single day between now and last Wednesday, but I didn't know how to start. I didn't know how to put everything that I was feeling into any kind of coherent structure, especially in the days immediately after the win, reading so many better writers put what I was feeling into words better than I'll be able to.

But if I waited until I came up with the perfect framing device for my thoughts, nothing would ever get written so I think I'm just gonna jump in. There's no through line. This is all gonna be off the top of my head. Let's get into it.

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From the very beginning of this season, I was all in on the 2016 Cubs. Even in 2008, the Cubs didn't go into the season knowing they were the best team in baseball, so it was cool to totally buy into a team that was built to crush everyone. I also decided that going all in with this team meant leaving the baggage at the door. I would not suffer any talk about curses or goats. I would not live in fear of superstition or jinxes. Before the Cubs even took the field, I defiantly stated that they would win the 2016 World Series. As 7/1 favorites at the time, it was not a particularly HOT TAKE to have, but it was my first step into living jinx free all season.

And you know what? It was AWESOME. I talked about Jake Arrieta's no-hitter as it was happening. I counted down the last 12 outs in Game 6 of the NLCS. Hell, a few friends and I ate at the Billy Goat Tavern in the Loop the day of Game 6! No matter what was happening the entire season, I kept telling myself that absolutely nothing I did in my life would have any effect on any game, and it was incredibly satisfying. In baseball more than any other sport, there's a very high tolerance for superstition and so I get it if not everyone is onboard with my cavalier attitude, but it sure was fun not having to wear the same thing every day during a winning streak and being able to sit in any spot and in any position that I wanted to on the couch because there was no thing as a 'lucky spot'.

Ironically, I have to continue not believing in jinxes and superstitions next season because it worked this year. Right? Right.

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Thinking back to the NLDS against the Giants, I was really REALLY stressed out when the Giants won Game 3 to save their season. Looking back on it now, it seems like quite an overreaction. After all, the Giants won ONE game of that series. But man, was I in a bad mood when the Cubs lost that one. One thing this Cubs season taught me was how to most effectively be mad at the Cubs without being too moody of an asshole about it. I never gave up on the Cubs at any point this season, but I was certainly frustrated by them a whole lot in the playoffs.

I have a regular group of friends I usually talk to during the games, and I feel bad about bringing everyone down when they're trying to keep morale up, so I know that when I feel like I need to wallow in the doom and gloom for a little bit, I have my cousin to turn to. Whenever I complain to him, he's always willing to jump down the reverse shower drain into the murkiest depths. Any Cubs fan knows that there are times when you just need to hit rock bottom before you can get your head back in the game. It's really important to identify which people in your circle are willing to jump with you because being a total bummer to everyone around you is not the best way to go through a stressful playoff series.

Every Cubs fan has their way of expressing their frustration in real time, and this is mine: I throw my phone. But by 'throw' I actually mean 'toss'. And even 'toss' is a strong word. Whenever the Cubs do something awful and my phone is in my hand, I'll drop it out of my hand in an exaggerated way, only the phone is usually about 4 inches above the cushion of the couch and is usually tossed onto a pillow that is on top of the couch to boot. I take my frustration out on my phone, but only if there is no possible way for the phone to touch anything more solid than a gym mat. I also say "COME ON!" and "GOD DAMMIT, GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS" a whole lot.

I am not very creative with my Cubs frustration.

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Until this season, the loudest I'd ever heard Wrigley Field was in 2003. When the Yankees came to Wrigley Field for the first time in decades, I was at the Saturday game of the series when Kerry Wood was facing Roger Clemens, who was going for his 300th win. In the top of the 8th inning, Mike Remlinger was brought into a bases-loaded, 2 out jam to face the brand new toy in the Yankees lineup, Jason Giambi. Giambi worked a full count before striking out swinging to end the threat. When he swung and missed at strike three, the entire place exploded. The whole stadium was shaking down to its foundation. It was deafening.

I was lucky enough to go to all three NLCS games at Wrigley and I can tell you now that there is a new bar set for how loud Wrigley Field can get. But it wasn't during the pennant clinching game 7 like you would think. It was actually during game 1 when Miguel Montero launched a grand slam deep into the right field bleachers. I don't think I'll ever hear a crowd that loud again in my life. Even when the Cubs were clinching in game 6, I think everyone was too busy crying all over each other to yell and scream as loud as they could. But that Miggy slam was unbelievable. Poor Dexter Fowler hit the most overlooked Cubs home run of that series on the very next pitch. People were still up out of their seats and high fiving their neighbors before they even realized that Fowler launched a home run into right as well. Come to think of it, Fowler also hit a totally overlooked home run in the World Series off of Andrew Miller in Game 4 too.

Good thing he was able to hit the biggest home run in Cubs history 4 days later.

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The World Series was perfect. And I'm not just saying that because the Cubs won. The 7 games we were all treated to were so above and beyond everything a baseball fan could want from a World Series that I don't think anything else is going to touch it. I wanted the Cubs to win, but I also wanted them to play the Indians for 10 more games because this series had EVERYTHING.

There's not a whole lot that I can say about the World Series that you haven't heard already, so the one thing that I do want to draw some attention to is how well this year's Cubs team made adjustments and fought back. The first time the Cubs faced Clayton Kershaw in the NLCS, they took a patient approach and it blew up in their faces as Kershaw poured strike after strike over the plate and put the Cubs in what seemed like infinite 0-2 counts.

When the Cubs got to face Kershaw again in game 6, they were much more aggressive and it worked, tacking on 2 runs against him in the first and another in the second, mostly off if hits that came early in the count.

The same thing happened in the World Series against Kluber and Tomlin. In Game 1, Kluber had the best stuff that I think I've ever seen. He looked like he had perfect game level stuff and after the Cubs lost that one, I honestly wasn't mad at all. I was surprised the Cubs were able to scratch the 4 hits they did against him. When the Cubs faced Josh Tomlin in game 3, they made a ton of weak contact by swinging at pitchers pitches, especially low and out of the zone.

When the Cubs saw Tomlin again in Game 6, they stayed patient and, knowing that Tomlin isn't much of a strikeout guy, waited on pitches that they could drive. Tomlin didn't strike out a single Cub in the 2.1 innings he lasted. When Kluber came back in game 7, the same thing happened - the Cubs were patient and waited for pitches that they could drive. Again, the Cubs struck out 0 times in the 4 innings Kluber lasted. To see such a young team make the adjustments they needed to get the job done against the specific pitcher they're facing is impressive enough. To do it in the middle of the biggest games of their lives brings it all to a whole other level.

Another thing I heard a lot about during the playoffs is how the Cubs were so susceptible to curveballs and how throwing them more breaking stuff than usual is the key to beating this team. I think that is stupid. Yes, the Cubs struggled against breaking balls throughout the playoffs, but I'm pretty sure ANY team would have struggled just as much. Throwing a good curveball is tough and the reason the Chicago lineup was shut down so much by breaking pitches is because their playoff gauntlet featured some of the best curveballs in baseball.

Fangraphs can rank pitchers by how good they are by the specific pitches they throw. If you look at starting pitchers with a minimum of 100 innings by their curveballs, look how many the Cubs faced on their road to the World Series and their 2016 ranking:

1. Cory Kluber

2. Rich Hill

4. Madison Bumgarner

7. Trevor Bauer

9. Jeff Samardzija

13. Matt Moore

And that's just the starting pitchers! Looking at the relief pitcher leaderboards, Cody Allen had the 3rd best Curveball in the majors. Andrew Miller had the 4th best slider in baseball. So facing a path to a world championship littered with Cy Young winners and the best breaking pitches in the major leagues, yeah, any team is going to look like they struggle against curves and sliders.

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I saw this guy on my walk to work the morning after the Cubs won the Series.

One thing that I've heard a lot of talk about over the last year is how to handle bandwagon fans. My official stance is that I do not care why someone supports the Cubs or how long they've been a fan. If someone is pretending to like the Cubs because that's the cool thing to say on Instagram of Facebook, that's fine! It doesn't take away from what I felt going through this season and honestly, I say the more the merrier. Despite growing up in a household that had Cubs baseball on all the time, I didn't really start my Cubs obsession until 1998, when the Sosa-McGwire slugfest caught the entire nation's attention. Those Wild-Card Cubs were the first team I ever got into and it's been an obsession ever since.

I don't care why people like the Cubs. I don't care when people pretend to like the Cubs more than they actually do and I don't care what reasons they have. If something can make people get into the Cubs or baseball in general, I'm all for it. It took a playoff run for me to fall in love with the Cubs 16 years ago and I've been fully onboard ever since. Who am I to judge anyone else for doing the same this year?

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I love the city of Chicago and I love the Cubs. The Cubs love this city and the city loves them right back. I would have rooted for a team of 25 Donald Trumps if it meant they would win a World Series for the Cubs, but it makes it even better that we got to root for such an awesome and likable team along the way. Kris Bryant and Anthony Rizzo are both a GM and marketing department's wet dream. Addison Russell and Javier Baez could combine for 350 web gems next season. Kyle Schwarber may already be knocking on the door of being one of the most beloved Cubs of all time and he's only played in 71 regular season games!

I think having such a likable team full of guys that looked like they genuinely loved each other and were enjoying every minute of this season made it safer for fans to fall for them. We knew that no matter what, win or lose, this team would never give up. They would never freeze and crack under the pressure like the the 2008 team did.

Even after the World Series and victory parade were over, Wrigley Field was still abuzz as of last Sunday. The streets were almost as crowded as they are for game days with fans leaving their marks on every single square inch of Wrigley that could be marked with chalk.

I'm still not ready to close the book on the 2016 season. I know that we have to move on to the next one eventually, but I'll never get tired of this season. I want it to keep going forever. I want to watch the 2016 Cubs play a million more games, finding ridiculous ways to win day in and day out. I want to watch Dexter Fowler smile and Javy Baez whip lightning-fast tags all over would-be base stealers. I want to watch Anthony Rizzo with his arm draped over David Ross in the dugout forever. I want to watch Willson Contreras bring the rookie swagger and fire to this lineup, never shying away from the biggest stage even though he had every right to. I want to see the relief wash over Addison Russell's face during the NLCS when he finally broke out, knowing he wanted to get rolling even more than the fans did. I want to watch Kris Bryant smile as he fielded the final out, that in itself a giant middle finger to curses and jinxes as he finally killed and buried the biggest one left in sports. I want to watch Rizzo slyly slip the final out into his back pocket before celebrating.

I'm sad that we'll never get to watch this exact group of guys play together ever again, but I'm so fucking happy that they gave us the best 179 games I'll ever see in my lifetime. I'm glad that guys like Ross and Fowler and Wood will forever be a part of Cubs history.

After the Cubs won the World Series, the bar that my friends and I were at served champagne and played music for hours afterward. We danced and drank and let it all sink in. The cab ride home took forever, as seemingly everyone in the city of Chicago was out driving around and honking. It was surreal. And it wasn't until about a half hour after I got home, already up late enough to make work the next day awful, that it really started to sink in. I randomly opened up Facebook and was presented with an ad from MLB Shop that just said "They Finally Did It!". Out of everything that happened, watching them win, celebrating with my closest friends, driving home through Wrigleyville, it was seeing that random ad in my Facebook feed that really made things get dusty in the old Funk household that night.

It actually happened.

The Chicago Cubs won the World Series. And they did it in the most perfect way possible.

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As I mentioned before, there are so many more articles about what the Cubs did that are much better than what you are now (mercifully) ending. Just off the top of my head, this post from SB Nation was awesome, this video by Scott Van Pelt and this post on The Ringer really put what I've been thinking and feeling over the last 2 weeks into words better than I can. That's why I waited till the end to link them.

I've taken up enough of your time with my thoughts. To finish, here are a bunch of pictures I've taken on my phone over the last few weeks experiencing what Chicago was like in the wake of a World Series win.

I got to Grant Park for the Cubs rally at about 5:00 AM and there were already about 500 people waiting to get in. All of the buildings were lit up with Cubs pride.

Here's a view of all 5 million of my closest friends...

...and what is left behind after everyone goes home.

I got interviewed on WGN at a Cubs World Series rally. That sentence knocks 3 things off my bucket list singlehandedly.

This was spotted outside of Wrigley on the Sunday after the World Series win. I assume it's been there since the day Joe Buck was born. Also, the fact that they wrote "Sucks" in quotation marks is a curious choice.

I criticized Arrieta a whole lot over the second half, but the dude pitched a hell of a game in Game 6.

No we did not.

Matt Murton Forever

Game 3 Recap: Get It All Out

I'm really frustrated and angry. In sports, the mantra is "stay positive and believe" but holy crap, are the Cubs testing my patience.

You know what? For just a minute, let's forget all that. Let's embrace the doom and gloom because honestly, getting all the garbage the last 2 games has built up in your soul out into the open is good for you. Here are all the awful things I've seen over the last 2 games in no particular order.

• Addison Russell needs to be benched for a game. He's absolutely lost and waving at garbage pitches that are a foot outside and low. He needs a mental break and should really try and figure out what he's doing wrong or what pitchers have done to him that he hasn't adjusted back to. Remember, this isn't just Awful Playoff Addison. Russell has shown that he's no stranger to getting ice cold for long stretches at a time. In April, he hit .214. In June, he hit .214. In September, he hit .231. It's amazing what an All Star start and Jason Heyward's own shittiness can distract from. I'm not saying Russell isn't a great player (especially considering how young he is), but he's not as good a hitter as you might think.
• Could the Cubs possibly hit any more baseballs directly at Dodger fielders? The Cubs' batting average on balls put into play last night was .190. If you're not familiar with BABIP, that's really, really, REALLY bad.
• I understand the importance of confidence and bravado in sports, but man is it tough to see Arrieta talk such a big game sometimes and lay a hot steamy dump on the mound. He talks and acts like he's the same pitcher from the second half of 2015, but he is absolutely not that guy. He's not even the Arrieta we saw in 2014. He's not even Jason Hammel over the last half a season. Over his last 16 starts (which doesn't even include one good postseason start and last night's hot fart), Jake has a 4.44 ERA and has walked 3.7 batters per 9 innings over that time, which is awful. I know that Smoltz went on and on last night about how sometimes Arrieta's control can leave for a bit and the window of time before he gets it back is the opportunity to score, but I don't think that's the case. It's not that he loses control for a bit, it's that he only has control from time to time. The majority of his second half starts, Jake's mechanics just look awful. And yes, I know next to nothing about mechanics and hitches in deliveries and what not, but you can't watch Arrieta pitch and say that he looks like he's doing a fluid and effective pitching motion. From the first batter of the game, his fastball location was way off from where Montero was positioning himself.
• Remember how last year's Cubs were susceptible to power pitchers who could rack up strikeouts and then they just so happened to run into a Mets team that had 4 guys like that in their rotation? We're looking at a same song, different verse this season. I know that a lot of analysts have mentioned that the Cubs are one of the better hitting teams against lefties this season, but that includes all lefties. If there's one thing we've seen so far this playoff series, it's that this is a team that is built to struggle against elite lefties with high strikeout rates. "Well how many of those are out there?" is a valid question, because there aren't a ton. But we've managed to face them in 4 of our 7 playoff games (Bumgarner/Moore/Kershaw/Hill). For a team that gets torn apart by elite left handed pitching, that's no good. Did I mention that 75% of the Dodger rotation is left handed?
• The number of hard choices that need to be made against left handed starters is a domino effect of garbage. Do you keep Heyward in the lineup, knowing that you're trading 9 innings of awesome fielding for an 0-4 day at the plate? Do you put in Jorge Soler knowing that he's ice cold and not that great a defender?
• I'm finished with the "Montero needs to be Arrieta's personal catcher" bullshit now too. Jake is terribly slow to the plate and Montero absolutely has the worst arm of any catcher on the roster. Even if the steals don't show up in the box score, the constant threat from the runner at first (added to Jake's shaky mechanics) is enough of a distraction to affect the game.
• The bottom line is that right now, there are 2 slumping parts of the lineup that have shown at least some signs of life (Rizzo, Zobrist) and a whopping 4 players (Russell, Heyward, Montero, pitcher's spot) that look absolutely lost right now. When 4 lineup spots contribute nothing and two others are barely doing better than that, you're not going to score many runs against ANYONE, let alone a handful of the best pitchers on the planet.
• I know that by the strict definition, tonight's game isn't a "must win" because it's only game 4, but every Cubs fan knows that with Kershaw ready to go tomorrow night in the case of a 3-1 Dodgers series lead, the Cubs have to win tonight to get back in this series. And they have to do that with John Lackey, who was brought in to win these exact types of games except for the fact that he looks super worn out right now and is on a super small sample size streak of 2 straight bad playoff starts.

Who needs a drink?

Ok, so as much as I want to just sit here and wallow in the reverse shower of anger and gloom, there are a few things to keep in mind:

1. The Cubs had to come back and win 3 out of 4 games to beat the Cardinals in the playoffs last year. Granted, the Cardinals didn't have Clayton Kershaw, but it's not like they haven't been in this position before.
2. To really emphasize just how NOT deep of a hole the Cubs are in right now, if they win tonight (against a rookie), they will not only be tied with the Dodgers 2-2, but they will also have homefield advantage back for the remaining games. Yes, with just one win.
3. Yes, it is a SUPER SUPER small sample size, but the Cubs are slashing .359/.405/.995 against Urias.

That's all I can think of. Feel free to get your Cubs hate out in some way or another and come into tonight's game in the right mindset.

I hate baseball so much right now.

The Gist: Not Great, Bob

Yes, I stayed awake for the whole game last night. If one person this morning asks me "Was it worth it?" I will murder them for 2 reasons. First, I don't even know how to answer that question. Did Bryant's homer make it worth staying up? Was the potential to watch them clinch worth my current zombie-like state? I can't begin to sufficiently answer that kind of question. Second, as I mentioned before, I am in a sleep-deprived zombie state and zombies murder, so consider yourself murdered, hypothetical person.

So yeah, the game last night was full of ups and downs (and ups and downs and ups and downs). I liked some of the things I saw. I disliked other things that I saw. I tasted vomit in the back of my throat from some of the things I saw. Let's get down to it in a structure that I decided upon this morning to be the least amount of effort on my part to write so I can get back to dreaming about eating Rick Grimes' brains.

The Good:

• Holy crap, Arrieta with that moonshot! Everyone is always so quick to give Madison Bumgarner credit as the best hitting pitcher in baseball, but Arrieta actually had a better overall line this season at the plate (.262/.304/.415) than Bumgarner (.186/.268/.360) by quite a bit. Arrieta muscling up and driving a ball into the stands shouldn't surprise anyone. The fact that he did it off of Madison Bumgarner was plenty impressive though.
• Man, a whole lot of calls went the Cubs' way, none bigger than the throw that pulled Rizzo off the bag at first that somehow did not get overturned. I mean I'll take whatever breaks the Cubs can get in the playoffs, but I'm sure I could look at the 12 inch TV/VCR combo I had in college and watched the game via antenna instead of cable and still have been able to point out the inch of space between Rizzo's foot and the bag.
• Almora's catch was insane. I am going to miss Dexter Fowler like a son when he leaves Chicago, but Almora's play as a rookie that was called up a little early out of necessity has me excited about seeing what he can do over a full season. Plus, it would be great if the Cubs organization could finally develop a young, talented position player. HAHAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING WE HAVE LIKE 12 OF THEM AND I AM STILL GOING SLEEP INSANE.
• Bryant's game tying home run in the 9th inning is exactly what an MVP does in a big moment. Kris Bryant is so good and I can't wait to sign him to a 50 year deal for $3 billion.
• We should take a second and really appreciate the talented lefty difference-maker that we were able to bring onboard at the trade deadline. When someone writes a book about the 2016 Cubs, I hope there's a whole chapter about how overlooked and awesome Mike Montgomery (or MIKMON as we call him around here) is. I pray that the fact that he eventually lost the game doesn't overshadow how awesome he was last night. Yes, he's started and relieved this year so we know he can do either job, but going 4 innings out of nowhere is a really tough thing to do, and MIKMON battled through, looking pretty gassed into just his second inning of work.

The Bad:

• I am not second guessing Joe's use of the bullpen on the field last night (more on what I mean in a minute), because other than maybe leaving in Strop for a bit longer if possible, he played it like he should have. The unfortunate side effect is that a lot of the bullpen might be pretty spent. MIKMON won't be able to go for sure, which is unfortunate considering how many lefty bats the Giants have to use.
• Unfortunately, the guys that probably will be available tonight are the ones that I really don't want to see right now. I'll get to Chapman in a minute, but that's not all that's rotten in Denmark. Hector Rondon hasn't looked good since coming back from his injury. His velocity seems fine, so maybe it's a mechanical thing. Whatever thing it is, thing needs to get fixed.
• The one thing I will criticize a bit was Joe having multiple members of the bullpen all warm up for 7 innings before coming into the game. Now I trust that Joe knows more about bullpen management than I do, but it just seemed like Montgomery (and later Edwards Jr.) were wasting valuable pitches trying to stay loose for multiple innings. Could Montgomery have been sharp enough to make it through 5 scoreless if he didn't have to get up and sit down multiple times? Will Edwards Jr. have any ill effects from the amount of time he warmed up and didn't make it into the game?
• The Cubs left a LOOOOOOOT of men on base last night. Every opportunity to seemingly drive a steak through Bumgarner's heart was squashed. Like Smoltz said during last night's broadcast, Bumgarner's ability to grind out 5 innings was so valuable to the Giants and their (usually) terrible bullpen.

The Ugly:

• Last night we got Bad Jake, the version of Jake that we saw a lot over his last 16 starts. And before I say anything else, I know that I'm talking about a guy who is the reigning Cy Young winner and threw a no-hitter this year. But it's exactly because we've been so spoiled by those Jakes that we can tell that something just isn't clicking with Bad Jake. I don't think any pitcher not named Kershaw could replicate Arrieta's second half of 2015, but the way Arrieta is pitching right now isn't even the Arrieta from the first half, or even 2014 Arrieta for that matter. I don't know enough about pitching to offer any detail as to what exactly is wrong, but when Jake gets out of whack, when he can't locate his fastball and looks like his mechanics are pulling him off course...there's gotta be SOMETHING that can be fixed, right?
• Aroldis Chapman was terrible last night. His command was off, much like it's been off a lot lately. Now when you throw 100+ MPH hitters tend to get themselves out so you can cover it up. But I guarantee you that the book on Chapman for any team facing the Cubs for the rest of the postseason will be "Be patient and make him actually throw strikes." The number of pitches he threw last night that were in the opposite part of the strike zone than they were called for was frightening.
• Rizzo continues to slump. I know it's not all his fault, especially on a night when he faced a million lefties, but it would be really nice to see a big game out of him tonight.

I was mad when the Cubs lost last night. I kept thinking that San Francisco is the exact team you don't want to let off the hook and the last thing you need to do in a short series is give your opponent any momentum, especially in their park. I was mad that the team wasn't able to take advantage of Kris Bryant's bring-us-back-from-the-dead home run.

But then I remembered that juuuuust about everything had to go right for the Giants last night. They had to start the guy that is one of the greatest postseason pitchers of all time AND rely on an abnormal amount of left handed hitters to get hits off of tough left handed pitchers (seriously, the lefty Giants were 6-for-13 against Cubs left handed pitching) AND pull every pitcher they had out of their back pocket just to scrape by us and avoid being swept. And even that was ALMOST not enough.

I like our chances tonight. I like our chances against Matt Moore. I think the Cubs can put bats on him. Let's wrap it up tonight.

Go Cubs.

God, Are We Awful: Part Infinity

The last time we posted anything here was in JULY. I'd like to say we got so swept up in the Cubs second half play that we just couldn't get to it, but anyone who has followed this site for any amount of time knows that we're prone to just wandering off into the wilderness without word of when we'll be back. It can happen at any time.

So yes, we are the worst, but at least we know it. I would apologize for making us such a big part of your life and then going-out-for-a-pack-of-smokes-ing you all, but if we're your main source of Cubs news, jesus...I don't know what to tell you.

But holy shit, as bad as we are, the Cubs are the exact opposite of that. They are the best. I want to spend every day watching them be best friends and having more fun than anyone else while crushing all teams under their boot. I want to meet up with them and solve mysteries together. Since we last talked, the Cubs have been awesome and somehow remained really sharp despite playing about 20 of their final games with nothing on the line.

And now, as the Mets and Giants currently face off to determine who gets to come to Wrigley for the weekend, let me remind you that Thunder Matt's Saloon was the first major news source in the world to go on record and endorse a 2016 Cubs championship, and we're absolutely sticking to our prediction. I forgot until just now that I made a bunch of predictions in that piece. Should we see how good I did? Yes we should.

(NOTE: If you're reading this, that means that I probably did pretty good with said predictions because if it turns out I was WAY off, I would have deleted this part and made up something else in its place. I am a vain and petty person. But I'm writing and you're not, so I get to do things like that.)

PREDICTION #1: 

"(Jon) Lester has a season not quite as good as his 2014 and not nearly as uneven as his 2015. Let's split the difference with an ERA around 2.90. Spread that across 200 innings and throw in north of 200 strikeouts and a handful of clutch playoff performances and you've got yourself a true second ace behind Jake Arrieta in the Cubs rotation."

Did I get It Right?: Yeah, pretty much. I might have been a bit high on the strikeouts and ERA, but I'd say they're all close enough (and illustrating the point that I thought Lester would bounce back from a decent but not amazing 2015). Off to a great start!

PREDICTION #2:

"I think Bryant, Russell and Schwarber all fend off the dreaded Sophomore Slump and improve upon their 2015 seasons across the board."

Did I get It Right?: Sorta? On one hand, I wasn't exactly going out on a huge limb with this one. On the other hand, Bryant and Russell did improve in their second years, both offensively and defensively. On the third imaginary hand, Schwarber didn't get much better at anything. On the fourth mutant Cronenberg hand, I'm in charge here so I'm taking this one. 2 for 2!

What's next?

(Crosses fingers) PleasenothingHeywardpleasenothingHeywardpleasenothingHeyward...

PREDICTION #3:

Soler settles in and posts a 23 homer season with at least 70 runs and 70 RBI while hitting around .270.

Did I get It Right?: No whammy! Well technically they're both disappointing outfielders, but yeah, I was way off on this one. While Soler did hit more home runs than he did in 2015, he was nowhere near 23 even in a year when everyone and their grandmother hit 20+. And if you add his runs and RBI, even that doesn't reach 70.

Before moving on, I will say that Soler was a bit better in the second half than the first, slashing .258/.348/.515 after the break. Although most of that damage happened in August, as he hit just .182 in September. Still, Soler proved last postseason that he can hit when it counts. Not bad out of your 7th or 8th best hitter.

PREDICTION #4:

Adam Warren and a full season of Clayton Richard and Trevor Cahill mean the bullpen could potentially go 6 deep

Did I get It Right?: NOOOOOOOPE

PREDICTION #5:

The 2016 Cubs will win the World Series.

Did I get It Right?: Remains to be seen. Probably.

The Gist: GUHHHHHHHH

We can all agree that last night's Cubs game was the worst game of the season, right? I'm actually glad that there was such a long rain delay. Even though I slept through a dramatic comeback by the home team, I also slept through the awful "nope, looks like we don't got this" pitching in the 9th and 11th innings.

I'm going to be honest with you - the Cubs aren't playing good baseball right now. But it's tough to put your finger on exactly what it is. Sometimes the offense just disappears, especially against what looks like a favorable matchup on paper. Sometimes the starting pitching isn't great. Sometimes the bullpen suuuuuuucks. Even in the games they lose, the Cubs usually seem to do 2 of those 3 things right, and can you really ask for more than that?

Two and a half weeks ago, we still had that world beater spirit. The Cubs were 47-20 and we just finished sweeping the Pirates in Chicago. The Cubs have gone 5-13 since then and have now lost 7 of their last 8 games. Can you imagine if this team had started the year going 5-13 out of the gate? Chicago's north side would have burned itself down. But take that same stretch of games and plunk it in at the end of the first half and it's a lot easier to swallow. And like I pointed out earlier this week, it's not like all these losses are coming against awful teams. Sure, the Reds are kind of awful and the Braves are definitely awful, but the Cubs have also played 11 of the last 18 games against the pretty decent Cardinals/Marlins/Mets too, so we should cut them a little slack.

Not everything is perfect in Cubsland though. Here are the 3 biggest red flags going into the All-Star break:

1. Someone Needs To Sex Fowler: Remember when Bruce Levine tweeted out that 'Sex Fowler' was out with a sore heel in May? We all had a good chuckle at his supposed typo, but maybe he stumbled onto a darker secret, that the entire Cubs offense runs on someone being available to sex Fowler. Maybe it's in his contract? Either way, I'm glad that he's going to aim to be back after the ASB because we really need some Sex Fowler at the top of the lineup again.

2. Arrieta Needs To Get His Walks Together: Get them all together. So they're together. And if you need to take them somewhere, take them to the walk store. Or the walk museum. Put all your walks in a backpack if you need to. Just get them together.

Honestly though, Jake Arrieta is a competitor and you know he's doing everything he can to figure out this semi-slump he's been in lately which also happens to be one of the most difficult jobs in all of sports. But if I could just take off my psychiatrist hat and put on my pitching coach jowls, I have a suggestion that might turn Jake's season back around. That Clayton Kershaw is really good, so one thing Jake could do is study exactly what it is that Clayton Kershaw does and then just go do that exact same thing. Seems pretty simple, right?

3. This Bullpen: For me personally, I think the bullpen's performance in last year's NLDS made me view them through rose tinted glasses for too much of this year. I mean all these dudes did against the Cardinals in the playoffs last year was get big outs. And yeah, Cahill has kept at least a little of that magic going this season, Clayton Richard is Who We Thought He Is, Neil Ramirez died in a fire and GRIMMHOLE is still lurking. Always lurking.

Fortunately, bullpen arms are pretty easy to come by come trade deadline time, so hopefully the Cubs can stock up.

And you know what? That's a whole lot of complaining from me about a team that is up by EIGHT GAMES and has one of the best records in baseball. So here are a few things to keep in mind and get you right back from being an angry drunk to that sweet spot of being a violently mischievous drunk.

Rondon Blew The Save And That's OK: Blown saves feel bad. Blown saves to terrible teams feel worse. Blown saves to terrible teams that you just made an improbable comeback against in the bottom of the 8th are juuuuust about as bad as they get. So yes, last night's blown save was sooooo bad to watch, but it's just another save. If Rondon would have blown one of the games of the sweep against the Pirates (WHICH ONE???) but nailed down last night, we'd still have the same end result. It would hurt a lot less, but would still be the same result.

We Got A Little Spoiled: Remember when the Cubs had awesome and timely hitting, awesome and timely pitching and awesome and effective bullpen work? All at the same time? Do you remember that the Cubs pulled that off for about 2 and a half months? DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT IS??? Like I said, when it comes to offense/starting pitching/relief pitching, even the best teams can usually do just 2 out of 3. The Cubs are still the team that made a mockery of the rest of the NL for most of the first half. Here's hoping they can come out of the break hungry and destroying worlds again.

We're Still Pretty Great At Everything: Even with their recent slump, the Cubs are second in the majors in runs scored, second in OBP, first in ERA, first in starting rotation ERA and a decent 9th in defensive runs saved. And they've been without Jorge Soler and Dexter Fowler and MIGMON for extended periods of time. And they've needed 2 players from AAA to step in and contribute immediately. And they've lost Kyle Schwarber for the entire season.

Still 8 games up, still selling fake doors. It may not be 2015 anymore, but #wearegood is still accurate.

Tom Clancy Had A Better Division: The Pirates have been red hot recently and are still 8 games back. And it seems like to make any kind of move in the second half they're going to have to count on heavy contributions from two rookies with injury history, one of whom is currently hurt.

The Cardinals are so insecure about the Cubs success that even in his Make A Wish dream world scenario, Matt Carpenter still said he saw the Cardinals about 4 games back of the Cubs at the break and that would be "exactly where they want to be". Uhh...I thought that NOT TRAILING is where you want to be. Right? Isn't that how it works? Anyway, Matt Carpenter isn't going to play again until September because of karma and I couldn't be happier!

Oh, Yeah...: Not sure if you heard this or not, but the entire NL starting infield for the All Star Game is made up of Cubs, two of whom started last season in AAA, one of which is my frontrunner for NL MVP.

Cubs Fans: Reasons Not To Drink Bleach

Ugh, well that was certainly a week worth forgetting.

Oh yeah, we're still a thing around here. Longtime readers of this site will know that sometimes, without warning or much reason, things will sort of go quiet around here. I've been on a break because I was getting married, or at least that seemed like the valid excuse for the first week or two. I don't know what everyone else was up to, with everyone yelling about Shia LahBoof and sandwichboxing. That's what we bring to the table that most Cubs sites don't: unbridled ridiculousness.

(And again, if you didn't read Shooter's piece last week about the new Sport Of Kings, do so right now and then come back and listen to me spout my garbage)

Once you get out of your rhythm when it comes to writing this stuff, it's sometimes hard to get back into it. It takes something really powerful to jolt you back to life and get those words flowing again.

And that powerful thing was the stench coming from the giant turd that the Cubs laid last week.

Swept by the Cardinals at Wrigley? Gross.

Lose 3 of 4 to the Marlins? Pungent.

Maybe it's because we've been on an extended honeymoon phase with this team for almost three months - a honeymoon that keeps going past its expected lifespan by reviving itself with the occasional home sweep of the Nationals or Pirates - but some people seem to be losing their shit.

Yeah, it wasn't a great week, but let's all calm down and remember that even really good teams only win 60% of their games because baseball is the most fickle, luck-affected major sport. Seriously...BABIP is a stat that exists to tell us what players are statistically lucky/unlucky. WE HAVE CALCULATED OUT AN ABSTRACT CONCEPT WITH MATH.

Listen, just have a few drinks and relax, man. Go take a sauna. Get drunk and fight your brother. Do whatever you gotta do to get you back in a calm mindset. Every team struggles, even the great ones. It's not time to jump off the roof just yet. Here are some reasons to definitely not kill yourself:

It's Not Like We Lost To Nobodies:
If you're anything like me, it seems like the thorn in the side of this year's Cubs team has been, to be honest, awful teams. For a team playing as well as the Cubs have been so far this season, they certainly have lost their fair share of games to the Padres/Braves/Brewers/Rockies of the world. But guess what? That wasn't the case this week. Both the Cardinals and the Marlins are playing quite well as of late, after slow starts for both teams. If the season ended today, the Marlins would be the second Wild Card team, with the Cards just a game behind them. So it's not like that one week where we lost a bunch of games to the Padres.

The Cubs Didn't Even Look That Bad:
A lot of the games last week were actually pretty close. At least, until the bullpen got involved. They looked bad. I'm super glad that the Cubs have been rumored to be looking for bullpen help, and sooner rather than later, because the bullpen has been suuuuper shaky lately.

The Youth Movement Has Been As Advertised:
Jorge Soler is hurt. Dexter Fowler is hurt. Rizzo and Zobrist are banged up. Those are some big names to not have in a lineup. For a look at how bad a team can struggle if 2-3 players from their AAA team are forced into the lineup, look no further than the Royals. But the Cubs have been able to plug the leaks spectacularly, partially because Baez and Bryant have been able to move all around the diamond, and partially because Almora Jr and Contreras have been as good as advertised. I know it's a small sample size and all so far, but Almora has been great with the glove and just good enough with the bat and Contreras looks like he has the potential to give the Cubs back some of that offense they lost when Schwarber hurt his knee. And if Fowler moves on after this year, Almora can take over in CF while Contreras can split time between C/1B/LF to spell MIGMON and Schwarber next year.

Remember Our Division:
I think the Cubs have beat up on the Pirates enough to lump them in with the Reds and the Brewers in the "We should look forward to these games because the Cubs have a really good chance of winning". The Cubs have 35 games left against the Pirates and Brewers and Reds and have 6 more against the A's and Padres, which comes out to 41 games that you would hope the Cubs could play at least .630 ball against those games. That would be 26-15 ideally and put the Cubs 74-41, meaning they could go .500 against the rest of the teams on the schedule and finish with 98 wins.

Heyward Still Isn't Hitting:
He's gotta come around at some point, right?

Right?

The Cubs still have the best record in baseball (tied!) and are 22 games over .500 with a nine game lead on the second place Cardinals. We're fine.

The Gist: Cubs 2, Brewers 1

What Happened: I fell asleep some time after the 11th inning. But apparently the Cubs won. Hooray! According to my phone, it happened on a...bases loaded Travis Wood walk? HAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's the most Milwaukee way to lose a game in the history of Milwaukee losing games (it's a long history)! AND the Brewers loaded the bases with 0 outs and didn't get anything out of it? This is PEAK BREWERS.

Game MVP: Today's award was all ready to go to David Ross for gunning down a thousand (seriously, look it up) Brewers on the basepaths last night, but I gotta give at least a share of the award to Travis Wood who not only came into a bases loaded, 0 out game, but escaped without giving up a run. That's the equivalent of picking up a 7/10 split in bowling. And to top it off, he drew a bases loaded walk to score the go-ahead run in the top of the 13th. I'm as far from being a major league pitcher than anyone, but I gotta believe that with the bases loaded and a pitcher at the dish, on a full count you would be like "Well, I should probably make sure to get this one over the plate and see what happens!"

Nope! Cubs win!

Game LVP: I can't quite say that I disagree with a lot of what Joe Maddon does, but he does have an annoying habit of taking players out of the game when I don't think he has to. He pinch ran Baez for Rizzo in the 9th inning. Yes, Baez is faster than Rizzo, but Rizzo is a great baserunner for a man his size and in the end Baez's speed wasn't even a factor. Then again, Joe Maddon is being paid more than I'll ever make to decide those things, so who am I to criticize?

So About Those Cubs Bats...: Let's address the elephant in the room: the Cubs have been completely shut down over the last 2 days by Chase Anderson and Jimmy Nelson, who are not what anyone would call "solid". I think that part of it is that both of them pitched really well. The Cubs haven't looked bad necessarily, and I do think that Anderson and Nelson pitched at about the best of their abilities. Hey, even the hottest teams cool off and have a stinker every once in a while.

One thing that I think is contributing to the Cubs Offensive Funk of May 2016 is Dexter Fowler. When he was smoking hot during April, the Cubs offense followed suit. Hell, the hashtag #YouGoWeGo was created for that very reason. But what we all need to keep in mind is that Fowler has always been a suuuuuuper streaky player, so to see him cool off a bit in May isn't too much of a surprise. Look at his monthly OBP splits from last year:

April: .372
May: .293
June: .286
July: .411
August: .408
September: .293

Six months...three over .370 OBP, three under .300. Remember going into the playoffs last year when there was talk of benching Fowler in September? I think what you're seeing now is what the Cubs offense might have looked like those first few weeks in April when Bryant/Rizzo/Zobrist were ice cold if Dexter hadn't been playing out of his mind.

It doesn't mean that the Cubs aren't still the best lineup in baseball, because I firmly believe that they are. I'm just saying that we have to remember stretches like this happen, and when your leadoff guy cools off, it makes it tough on the whole lineup. And it also doesn't help that our #2 hitter is almost non-existent on the offensive end.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

The Cubs try to take the series from the Brewers at 12:40 CST with Jason "Great Before July" Hammel going against Javy "Who?" Guerra. It would be great for the Cubs to finally flex the pecs against the Brewers and put up 5-6 runs like we're used to because we've been spoiled so far this season.

The Weekend Gist: Pirates Edition

What Happened: The Cubs continued to put the hurting on the Pirates. I know that we all wanted to see the sweep at Wrigley, but that's just greed. If you would have asked any Cubs fan before the season started if they would be happy going 4-2 against the Pirates over the first 6 matchups with the Cubs and I bet all of them would gladly take it, so the fact that the Cubs are 5-1 against Pittsburgh in mid-May is just gravy. And hell, the Cubs almost won Sunday's game too!

What Looked Good: Did you see Jake Arrieta on Saturday? He was vintage (and by that, I mean 2015) Arrieta. And I know it's hard to complain about a guy that hasn't had an ERA over two in like, a year and a half and also threw two no-hitters over that time, but for the last handful of starts, Arrieta hadn't looked like the invincible world-buster we've come to know and love. His control seemed off. He didn't seem like he was striking out as many guys on a whim like he did last year. But after a rough 4th inning when he gave up 2 ER (THE HORROR!), Arrieta seemed to get locked in the same way he got locked in during his historic second half last year and absolutely mowed down the Pirates.

Also Looking Good: Don't look now, but Jason Heyward has a .409 OBP over the last two weeks and looks like he's actually driving the ball a lot better than he was during April. I feel like he's going to be due for what Zobrist did a few weeks ago, where after the pressure of his first Cubs home run is off, he'll relax a bit more and go on some kind of tear. As Fowler cools off (and he should because his April was absolutely unsustainable), Heyward will be a big key in how the Cubs lineup functions over the next few weeks.

TMS Cock of the Week: That would be Gerrit Cole of the Pirates, having this to say after shutting down the Cubs on Sunday:

Gerrit Cole on the Cubs: "I don't really think they're the best team in baseball."

— Travis Sawchik (@Sawchik_Trib) May 15, 2016

Look, I know that sometimes players think it's a good idea to always think of their own team as the best team in baseball and I understand that to a certain extent. But 2 caveats:

1. The Cubs are, in juuust about every single measurement, absolutely the best team in baseball. When you start talking about historic starts to a season, which the Cubs have had, you gotta give them that title until you knock them off. Had the Pirates even taken 2 out of 3 from the Cubs, maybe Cole can get away with that. But they didn't. And in the 5 games the Cubs have won against the Pirates this year, none of them were even particularly close.

2. Notice that Cole waited to say that he didn't think the Cubs are the best team in baseball until after he had a good start against them. Meaning he didn't have the balls to say that when the Cubs bitchslapped him for 6 runs in less than 5 innings the week prior.

What a cock. Congrats, Gerrit! You're the Cock of the Week!

The Chicago Tribune has a good piece on what Cole's comments say about the Cubs being in the Pirates heads. Go read it here.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

The Cubs hit lots of home runs. The Brewers give up a lot of home runs. Miller Park is a ballpark that favors the home run. Expect the Cubs to hit all the home runs over the next 3 games in Milwaukee. The Cubs and Brewers kick off a series at 7:10 CST tonight with Kyle Hendricks facing former Diamondback and current human garbage Chase Anderson.

The Official Catchup Cubs Post

In all the excitement over the last week, with the Cubs sweeping both the Pirates and Nationals, I totally didn't write anything. And neither did anyone else. So if you're one of the...two people that loves The Gist, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you had to go elsewhere to get the latest and greatest Cubs news. Welcome back.

To get everyone caught up to speed, here's a bunch of random thoughts that have to do with both the Cubs and whatever comes to mind over the next 20 minutes that I'm giving myself to grind this out.

Welcome To Sweeps Week: Man, the Cubs were amazing all of last week. And they definitively answered the question of whether they could beat the best teams in the NL. The Cubs did what they do all week: timely hitting, great pitching and a little bit of luck. Maybe if the wind wasn't blowing out on Friday, helping the Cubs smack 4 homers off Max Scherzer, they don't take that game. Maybe if Bryce Harper makes the catch in right field on Saturday the Cubs don't win that game. Maybe if Strasburg pitches against the Cubs once during their series, the Nationals could have taken one.

But none of that happened. And the Cubs beat up on the Nationals, with Javier Baez's 312th inning homer in the early evening of Mother's Day serving as the exclamation point for the week.

How Much Do We Hate The Padres?: After the Cubs smacked around the Padres on Tuesday night, they racked up 25% of their total losses for the year in a single day, getting swept by San Diego in a day/night doubleheader. The Cubs could have easily wound up winning either of those games, with the Padres not taking the lead until human impostor Brett Wallace (more on that in a minute) hitting a 3 run homer late in the early game to take the lead, and then John Lackey only making one mistake in a 1-0 heartbreaker for the Cubs during the nightcap. But that's how luck swings sometimes.

Don't Panic: The Cubs are still great even after losing 2 out of 3 to the Padres. Put it this way: if last Monday I would have told you that the Cubs would take 2 of 3 from the Pirates and 3 of 4 from the Nationals and then sweep the Padres in Chicago, you would have been ecstatic! Well guess what? The Cubs still went 8-2 over those same 10 games, so it all evens out in the end.

But Back To Brett Wallace: Brett Wallace is an alien walking around in human skin. You cannot convince me otherwise. Look at how absolutely wrong his face is:

HURR I'M A REAL HUMON

Remember in the first Men In Black movie where the alien crashes into the Earth and climbs inside of a human being, but looks all weird because they don't know how to be a human being? That's what Brett Wallace is, only the Padres are so bad at baseball that he somehow is one of the best 8 hitters on the team. It's gross, and really this won't stand in Trump's America.

And it's not just his face! I had the pleasure of being at the Cubs game on Tuesday night and took a picture of how weird Wallace's body is. Look at this shape and tell me that it's human and I will call you a goddamn liar:

LOOK HOW WEIRD HIS BODY IS!

Those are the legs of someone that would be 6'4 and the upper body of a man put together from flesh colored Play-Doh that was probably supposed to be 4 feet tall. After Wallace hit his home run in game 1 of the doubleheader, the Padres stuck him in front of a TV with a tube of cookie dough and turned on Doc McStuffins. He sat there for 12 hours.

Here Are Some Other People That Think The Cubs Are Great: As predicted, there has been a crap ton of ink written (typed?) about the Cubs so far, and with good reason - they are really good. At Sports Illustrated, Charlie Pierce wrote a great piece about the Cubs. Fangraphs LOVES the Cubs. They also love Kris Bryant's new and improved swing. Oh, and Hector Rondon could be the best closer in baseball right now (read this one, because it's awesome and has tons of info about next level pitching stats).

Enough With The Braun Rumors: I don't know where it started, but the Cubs are not going to trade for Ryan Braun. And for all the Cubs fans boo-hooing such a move, are you nuts? Even at what, 32(?) years old, Braun is still one of the better hitters in the league. I mean, 10 times out of 10, I would rather the Cubs trade for another pitcher for the stretch run, but Braun is great and even if he's a douchebag, he could help the Cubs win. We already have Lackey and remember when we traded for Jim Edmonds? Good players are good players.

But this particular move is not happening, so stop talking about it.

That's all I got. Take us home, Chong Li!

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

ARRRRRRGGHHHH!!!! The Pirates come into town starting tomorrow at 1:20 CST with Jason 'First Half' Hammel against Francisco 'Fist Half' Liriano. Let's murder them on the field all weekend.

The Gist: Game 27 (Cubs 5, Nationals 2)

What Happened Wednesday: So I'm a little behind on the Gist, so here's what happened on Wednesday in Pittsburgh in two photographs:

Continuing what is easily the toughest week of the season so far, the Cubs opened up a 4 game series against the Nationals last night. How did that go?

What Happened: The Cubs did what the Cubs have done all year: they won. But they didn't do it by knocking the opposing starter out of the game after the 4th inning (Joe Ross went 6.2 innings) or by drawing a million walks (they only got 2 all night), but we knew that to take a few games from the Nationals, we would have to work for it. The Nationals are one of the only teams in the majors that can match the Cubs in pitching, so runs and walks are going to be harder to come by this series.

The Cubs got a whole lot of timely hitting from Ben Zobrist, who has been on fire since he calendar flipped to May, and Addison Russell, who seems to have at least one big base hit per homestand. Travis Wood got into a little trouble with Jayson Werth in the 9th, but Rondon came in to nail down the final out, giving the Cubs their 4th straight win over a quality opponent.

That's It?: No, but I spent last night seeing Captain America: Civil War instead and it was fantastic. So to tie this into the game, The Cubs are Captain America and the Nationals are the nameless HYDRA agents that get slapped around for 4 hours.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

It's an early one today, with the Cubs and Nationals squaring off at 1:20. The Cubs go with John Lackey while the Nationals counter with Max Scherzer. The last time Scherzer faced the Cubs he struck out like, 14 or 15 guys. I know because I was there as part of my Failure Tour of Wrigley in 2015 when the Cubs went 1-14 with me in attendance during the regular season.

The Gist: Game 25 (Cubs 7, Pirates 1)

Hey Cubs fans, I have one piece of advice at this point of the season.

Let's stop and take a deep breath here. Really stop and think about what it is that you're seeing.

I mean really sit back and look at what the Cubs have done to this point.

Things are getting historic, and they're getting there pretty quickly.

This is the best Cubs start in over a hundred years by just about any measurement - record, run differential, defensive ability, walks, runs scored, zany suits worn. I know I wasn't alive for a lot of them, but this really looks like the best Cubs team of many people's lifetimes through the first month of the season.

It's the first week of May and the Cubs have not lost two games in a row yet. They have three starting pitchers with ERAs under 1.90. And we've taken 2 of 3 on the road against what looks like one of the top 3 teams in the NL.

This is going to be a season to remember, so take as many chances as you can to sit back and really appreciate how good this team is.

What Happened: It was Jake Arrieta against the Pirates in Pittsburgh, so you know what happened. When the Cubs scratched 2 runs across in the top of the 3rd, everyone in the stadium knew that the game was most likely over, and it was.

Game MVP: Obviously Jake Arrieta. The greatest measurement of how dominant he is right now? The look of the Pirates batters from the 3rd inning on. They had the worst body language in the world. It was the kind of body language that you have when you have to come in to work on the 4th of July - you don't see what the point is and it shows. They knew the game was over.

Game LVP: Another reason the game seemed to be over in the 3rd inning was because there was no one in the stands. You'd think a matchup between the top two teams in the NL Central with the reigning Cy Young winner would attract more than 300 people, but you would be wrong. I don't know what else the people of Pittsburgh need to show up to Pirates games. Maybe 'Bring A Random Homeless Guy From Outside To The Game' night? Or maybe just show old Penguins and Steelers highlights the whole time on the Jumbotron?

Gist Stat (or GISTAT): Over their last 90 regular season games, the Cubs are rocking a .720 winning percentage. That's a 117 win pace over a 162 game season. The record for most wins in a season is 116. That's not to say that the Cubs will set a new all-time wins record...but things are going good.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

Game three against the Pirates kicks off at 11:35 AM CST. The Cubs go for the backbreaking sweep behind Jon Lester, who faces off against starting pitcher and human gasoline fire Juan Nicasio.

The Gist: Game 24 (Cubs 7, Pirates 2)

What Happened: Man, I hate the Pirates. I've always disliked them, but this year I REALLY hate them. They're a lineup of one awesome outfield and a bunch of scrubs on the infield, and yet somehow they're in the top 3 of nearly every offensive category because they're hitting way over their heads. I keep telling myself that the BABIP Gods will eventually regress them into the ground, but waiting for that to happen is frustrating. Every time Jordy Mercer gets a base hit, I die a little on the inside.

That's why last night's win was such a satisfying one. The Cubs came into last night's game with the best record in baseball, but they really hadn't had too many tests so far. Even the Cardinals are showing definite signs of concern. So going on the road and laying the smackdown to the Pirates against their ace was immensely satisfying. As the broken record of the 2016 Cubs always says, we did it by making their starter throw 100+ pitches in only 5 innings of work and feasted on the sweet, sweet underbelly of the Pirates bullpen.

Game MVP: This is a tough one. On one hand, Jason Hammel held one of the more productive lineups in baseball to just 2 runs in 5 innings of work. He might have been able to go longer, but Joe wanted to go to the bullpen and everything worked out beautifully, with the pen delivering 4 innings of shutout ball. Also, Dexter Fowler added 72 more hits to his total for the year. So let's split the game MVP between all of them. It's like the '3 Stars' thing in hockey.

Game LVP: I have no doubts that Gerrit Cole is a good pitcher, but man, you gotta step up in these big games dude. With Arrieta going tonight and Lester tomorrow, last night's game was probably the best chance at a win that the Pirates had on paper. That makes 2 Pretty Important Games in a row that Cole has pitched against the Cubs and not gotten the job done. If the Cubs could set up shop inside his head and just stay there for the rest of the time that Cole is a Pirate, that would be just fine by me.

But none of that matters because...

HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS WE'RE BACK WITH ANOTHER THUNDERWATCH!

YES!!!! For the first time in almost a decade, the Cubs are on RED (get it?) ALERT because a stormfront of THUNDER may be making its way to Chicago.

That's right...THUNDER MATT MAY BE ON HIS WAY BACK!

Matt Murton maybe just got called up?? At the I-Cubs game & he left w/ bats & a team rep. Didn't look hurt #Cubs #iowacubs #mattmurton

— Jonathan Martz (@jbmartz13) May 3, 2016

WOOOOOO!

If Murton is on his way up, I would think that means that Szczur may be a bit more banged up than first thought. If he's going to need 3-4 days off, it makes sense to bring up an OF for depth. And the bullpen is so rested that we could afford to send down a RP to make space until Szczur is well enough to play again.

This was going to be a really tough week regardless, with 3 games against the Pirates and 4 against the Nationals coming up, but having the Ginger Thunder around the clubhouse can only help matters.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

Game two against the Pirates kicks off at 6:05 CST with NL Pitcher of the Month Jake Arrieta squaring off with Jon Niese. Expect Anthony Rizzo to homer.