Showing posts with label Other Sports. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Other Sports. Show all posts

You Know How I Know You're Old?

September 01, 2009 | Comments (0) | by The Hundley

I'm somewhere in my 30's. That makes me younger than Brett Favre, so that's somewhat of a feather in the cap. On the flip side, I see many professional athletes that were born in the late 80's and even early 90's, and that makes me feel like Wilford Brimley. Like Eddie Vedder says, "I know I was born and I know that I'll die, the in between is mine."

So the question becomes, what do I do for fun? It's a different ballgame now. You get a job, you get married, you start a home. That means no more spontaneous weekend road trips. No more hitting the bars three nights a week with White Chili while we'd plant forget-me-now pills into unsuspecting girl's drinks. No more sleeping in on weekends until 10 or 11am. Shit starts to get real, man. And it leaves you one choice: couples bowling league.

Yeah, I said Couples Bowling League. It's teams of four - two dudes and two dames, rolling three games every Monday night for 33 weeks. This isn't The Big Lebowski or Kingpin, this is serious business. You're bowling against some beasts. It's husbands and wives that have been together so long that they only communicate in body language, aside from the occasional remarks like "strong throw" or "you missed your board". It's unmarried guys in their 50's wearing those bowling wrist things, rolling nasty hooks that are only rivaled by their combovers and overusage of Brut cologne.

You see them warming up, rolling the balls so slow. Compared to them, you're a regular whippersnapper, drinking all the while, joking, high fiving, and genuinely showing emotion. Then you start to notice that while they don't throw hard, they throw damn accurate, and soon you start to realize that you're going down at the arthritic, yet consistent hands of a 60-something lady.

By the third game, the 16-pound ball that your own dad loaned you starts to feel like trying to roll a boulder. The shoes he also loaned you are starting to make your feet ache. You start to wonder if maybe you shouldn't be drinking as much if you want to compete. You start to wonder if they're secretly smirking when you consistently miss your spares. In short, you start to question yourself. And the you start to rationalize. Maybe you should get your own personalized ball. Maybe you should get some comfortable bowling shoes. Maybe the matching couples' personalized bowling jerseys aren't so lame, they're almost cool.

So now you're outfitted in new gear and rolling in and with new equipment. Goddammit all, you know it's true - if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Michael Phelps Will Rape Your Women And Pillage Your Town

August 13, 2008 | Comments (0) | by Rich Funk


"Are you not entertained?!?"

It's undeniable. Michael Phelps is better than you. And not just in the pool. Phelps can run faster than you, jump higher than you, make out with your girlfriend better than you and even calls his mom more often than you call your mom. Hell, he calls your mom more often than you do.

Phelps has competed in 5 events so far. He's won 5 gold medals and set 5 World Records. The highlight, of course, was the relay on Sunday night where the US team ran down the French team from behind in the final legs of the relay and sent them home crying. Honestly, if you watched that relay and didn't get pumped up, pack your bags for Cuba sonny, 'cause you are a Communist. The French swim team had been talking smack all week leading up to the race about how they would crush the Americans in the pool. That's why it was so awesome for the US team to donkeypunch them with the power of Freedom and Liberty and other words that John Mellencamp sings about. French people...always surrendering, except for thee one time they should have.

Other Olympic Thoughts:
  • Caught a little but of Handball the other day. If you were to mix basketball, soccer, lacrosse and cocaine, you would get handball. If you haven't seen this sport yet, do so. I felt like I should have been aroused, but I honestly didn't have time. There was too much going on!
  • America owns the beach. Remember when Rik Smits shaved his head in 1998 during the NBA playoffs? The top US Men's Volleyball team has a guy that looks just like that and he is the Scourge of the Sand. I just made that nickname up. Feel free to spread the word.
  • Our Men's Gymnastics team is just like a fraternity or the guys that work at the local Abercrombie. Without the "elder statesman" Paul Hamm to keep the young dudes in check, they let loose with a barrage of "dude's" and "bro's" and "That's how we take care of business" that knocked the stuffing out of most of the other teams. While China and Japan got gold and silver, the Americans were far more entertaining to watch.
Expect more Olympic updates throughout the week, including Brant Brown with the East German Medal Count.

Olympic Event Oddities (AKA Proof That I Know Nothing About Other Cultures Or Foreign Lands And What They Do With Their Spare Time)

August 08, 2008 | Comments (0) | by Rich Funk



The other day I was lounging around, doing whatever it is that I do in my spare time (which is usually "not much") and I realized that I really don't have much of a clue about what events actually make up the Summer Olympics. Sure, anyone off the street can correctly identify the bigger events like gymnastics, basketball and the ever popular "Tranny Prostitute Pickup", but beyond that, what is an event and what isn't? Is chess an event or not? What about squash? Lacrosse? Hoggin'? I decided to investigate.

I headed over to the official site of the Olympics just now and found an official list of the actual summer events. As I looked over the list, I became so disoriented that I passed out. Was it the confusion/frustration/cocaine/all three?

Luckily, I came to, and scrawled a few notes on a piece of paper nearby:

  • Archery: With that Robin Hood guy running around, I assume England is a powerhouse in this event every year.
  • Athletics: Ummm...what the hell is this "event" supposed to be? Wouldn't you be able to throw just about all of the events under this category and be done with it? Upon further investigation (i.e. "clicking a link"), I found out that it's actually where they place all the events that we refer to as "Track and Field" in the US of A. Listed among the events? The 20 km walk and the 3000m steeplechase. Which pickup line would get more women? A) "Hi, I run the 3000m steeplechase for the US." or B) "Hi. I'm a professional walker for the US Olympic team." You sir, are going home alone and miserable. It's probably better that way. You've got a long day of...walking to do tomorrow.
  • Beach Volleyball: Guess what, landlocked countries? You're already working at a disadvantage. Sure, you may have lakes with beaches to practice on, but it's just not the same. Trust me. I've been researching beach volleyball for minutes now.
  • Canoe/Kayaking: No thanks. Next.
  • Cycling - BMX: What? This is an actual sport? I just thought it was something Mountain Dew and ESPN made up. Here's a third option for that question I asked earlier: "Hi, I'm representing the US in the Olympics. I ride a bike. No, not a mountain bike. It's one of those small ones that 12 year old spoiled kids have." Nope, still not getting any.
  • Football: I predict Peyton Manning will win the gold. Sorry, but unless it's spelled out "futbol" for me, I'm going to assume it's the kind with shoulder pads and Brian Urlacher. And the one with massive use of HGH, much like the rest of the Olympics.
  • Trampoline: Are you fucking kidding me? After 25+ years of life on this planet, I'm just learning now that I could have been an Olympic athlete in the event of "Trampoline"? I place the blame soley on the shoulders of my parents for not forcing me to live out their own childhood dreams of being a professional trampolinist/trampolineer/what?
  • Hockey: Hockey is for cold weather dumbasses. What? It's field hockey? Someone please tell these people that it's called a "rink".
  • Table Tennis: Are the American players in this overrated as well? Or is that just regular tennis?
Over the next 3 weeks, our own Brant Brown has promised to check in and give updates on medal counts and any other Olympic info he deems necessary. For example, did you know that Norway is a powerhouse in Olympic handball?

Additionally, the US is sending over Chaim's Mom as our top ranked hand-baller.

Doctor Octagon

April 04, 2008 | Comments (0) | by The Hundley

Now that the baseball season is officially underway, the logical step for us is to have an interview with an athlete. What is the ball player's name, you wonder? Well, he's not exactly a baseball player, though he may have played some Little League ball. No, today's interview deals with an MMA fighter - that's mixed martial arts for any newbies out there. Bob Williams, who trains at the world renowned Miletich Fighting Systems is here to answer some questions and maybe debunk the myth of the mono-syllabic, kill-at-all costs fighter. Bob was gracious enough to sit down with us and explain to us what this MMA world is all about. Strap on some 4oz gloves, grab a Xyience Energy Drink and enjoy.

Can you list your vitals?
I am 5'6, 155 lbs currently 3-1 and fight in the Featherweight Division (145 pounds).

Those who've known you for some time say it was weird to think of you as a fighter. How did you get involved in MMA? What did your family and friends think of your decision?
There were a couple reasons I got into MMA. The first was actually just a fun way to stay in shape and to do it as a hobby. The other reason was that I was taking care of my elderly grandpa full time for about 3 years, and he was a former professional boxer, so I like to think of it as a tribute to him. My family didn't really have a reaction at first, probably from not knowing much about the sport. After a little while they just thought I was plain crazy to do it when i would walk around with bruises, cuts and black eyes. Now everybody is really supportive though, except for a grandma who thinks its too dangerous.

What is your response to people who say that the sport is 'barbaric' and appeals to 'meatheads'?
I think that most people who think that MMA is barbaric aren't aware of the rules and have never really watched it. If the only thing you've seen is a highlight video of the best knockouts, then you will think that it is a lot more barbaric than it really is. The same thing goes for football too, if you watch a video of the worst injuries and hardest hits you would think that the NFL is barbaric. People feel that sports such as MMA and boxing are barbaric because they don't understand the science and skill involved in them. They also aren't aware of all of the rules in place to protect fighters such as no kicks or knees to the head of a downed opponent, small joint manipulations, eye gouges, etc. As far as it appealing to meatheads....it does, but it appeals to a lot of other people too. I've met people from all walks of life who are interested and entertained by it. Men, women, doctors, athletes, blue collar workers, and everything in between.

Did you have any sort of fighting or wrestling experience growing up?
I did karate and kickboxing as a kid and always liked it. I always enjoyed the contact from sparring.

You're currently training at the legendary Miletich Fighting Systems in Bettendorf. Obviously there are world class fighters like Tim Sylvia, Jens Pulver, and Spencer Fisher in there 7 days a week. How hard is it to start your MMA career in an environment like that?
For me it was the perfect start, but that's because I went in wanting to learn from people who have been doing it for years. So many people come and go from there that come in wanting to impress people. It's a matter of earning respect. All of the people you mentioned have been extremely helpful the entire time. I train with Spencer on a daily basis which has helped me make huge strides all around. For the most part everybody are nice guys who enjoy helping fighters who are trying to get better. They want people to represent the gym just as they do and want everybody to do well. Even though it isn't a team sport such as football, it's very much a team environment. I want everybody there to win as much as I want myself to win, and vice versa. They're all really great and genuine guys who are very supportive of the people who put in the work that's necessary to get where they are.

Can you take us through a typical day?
My typical day consists of waking up at 7, eating something light and heading to the gym. I will lift weights for an hour to an hour and half, run on the treadmill or outside for 30-45 min, and work MMA technique for an hour after that. That hour of technique could be anything from hitting pads, focus mitts or the heavy bag to ground and pound drills to jiu-jitsu. I usually get out of the gym between 11 and noon and have a protein shake and eat a high carb and protein meal when I get home. I'll relax, take the dog for a walk, and maybe watch a movie until I eat again, then usually take a nap for an hour, and then head back to the gym. Monday, Wed and Friday nights are sparring and Tuesday/Thursday are jiu-jitsu nights for 2 hours.

Many of us have seen the reality show, The Ultimate Fighter, on Spike TV and have seen how the guys train. Is that pretty realistic of life as a fighter (with respect to the training)?
Yeah the workouts are realistic on the show. I think I've done everything that I've seen on there at least once. It's not realistic in the way of the life of a fighter by taking away outside contact, TV and the internet, but then again, it is a reality show, and those just aren't 100% real.

How important is nutrition?
Nutrition is huge, one of the biggest aspects of the sport. Staying hydrated, repairing the muscles, and keeping energy levels up are the goals. We have to eat enough food to sustain energy through the rigorous hours of training, but not too much to get our weight off. Personally I walk around between 155-160 pounds, but cut down to 145 for a weigh in. By the time I fight I weigh close to 155 again. Eating clean and not drinking alcohol are very important. I won't drink any alcohol a month away from a fight.

As a guy who's never been in a fight, what does it feel like getting punched and kicked? Does it affect your level of concentration during a fight?
It depends on how hard you get hit and where you get hit. They say there are two reactions to getting hit: backing up or hitting back. The thing about getting hit is that it's not as much about how hard you get hit as it is about where you get hit. A light kick or punch to the liver is 5 times as painful as a hard strike that misses the liver by an inch. Same thing with getting kicked right above the knee or in the hamstring compared to the thigh. That's why being technical and accurate is so important. Also, the kick or punch that you don't see coming hurts the most and is usually why people get knocked out or dropped. As long as you have your chin tucked and see the punch coming it doesn't hurt as bad as you would think. Part of the reason for that is your body gets conditioned to it. Blocking leg kicks with your own shin used to be torture, but now its a natural reaction and doesn't bother me. A lot of that is because conditioning kills the nerve endings there.

How do you prepare for a fight? Do you typically know anything about your opponent? Do you and your coaches develop a 'game plan'?
My corner men and trainers will develop a game plan for every fight, but you never know what will happen in a given night. We train for the fight in all aspects off MMA so that we're always prepared for standing or fighting on the ground. Training partners will mimic the style and what you know about the guy you're fighting so you have somewhat of an idea of what to expect. If your fighting a strong wrestler then you will train with a wrestler. There are so many great training partners at the gym that push you and make you better everyday. Another important thing is having a good corner because they see things that you don't in the cage. In every fight I've had my corner walk me through it, with simple commands and adjustments to make during the fight. They are the ones who see if someone is dropping their hands or if a submission is there that you don't see. I always have great coaches, training partners and corner men.

What is your ultimate goal in MMA fighting?
I got into this as a hobby and its turned into a career. My goals are to travel and fight in places that I never would have visited otherwise - Japan, Thailand, Brazil,and Europe. I want to be able to make a good living and get into training other people when I get older. My other goal is to hold the featherweight or bantamweight for a major organization like the WEC or Shooto. Sadly, the UFC doesn't have 145 or 135 pound division yet. Fighting in the UFC would be a huge goal but I am too small to fight at the 155 pound weight class.

Fashion question: board shorts on the Speedo-ish shorts?
I have considered wearing the Speedos but just don't have the penage to pull it off. So far only board shorts but I may rock the Speedo one of these fights.

Last question, what advice would you give someone who's thinking about getting into MMA?
I do think a lot of people fight too soon when they get involved in MMA, which isn't a good idea. It's just like anything else, the more you put into it, the more you'll get out of it. Don't get discouraged and keep going. Leave your ego at home and just do it. Everybody gets beat, you just can't let it get to you. You have to be willing to get beat up and submitted in training so you know what to do next time. By taking those beatings, you get tougher physically and mentally. Nobody became a champion overnight.

For those interested, you can catch Bob Williams in action on Saturday, April 26th at The Moline Community Center in Moline, IL. Doors open at 6pm and the fights will go until 11pm.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

October 09, 2007 | Comments (0) | by Chaim Witz






The King is Dead

September 26, 2007 | Comments (0) | by White Chili

Bill Wirtz lost his battle with cancer early this morning at the age of 77. Let the resurrection of the Blackhawk franchise begin! He's been president of the team since 1966 and has single handedly driven the franchise into the ground again and again. Among the players he allowed to leave the team over the years are Bobby Hull, Dominik Hasek, Ed Belfour, Chris Chelios (to Detroit), Jeremy Roenick, and Phil Esposito. This may have something to do with the Blackhawks currently owning the longest Stanley Cup drought in the NHL and the longest in team history. On top of all that, he's prevented any home games from being shown on TV in the Chicagoland area. Well he's gone and after a quick moment of grieving, there we go, we can move on and enjoy the reconstruction from the comforts of our very homes! Now if we can just get all the Cubs games to be on TV...

RAGBRAI XXXV, A Layman's Recap

July 31, 2007 | Comments (0) | by The Hundley






The Register's Annual Great Bike Ride Across Iowa was this past week. You may know it as RAGBRAI, the "beer on wheels" event that takes place every July. The route changes every year, with both big and small towns vying to be on the west to east path. It sounds very simple, like its a bunch of bike geeks who get together just to say that they rode their bikes all the way across Iowa. Well, it's much different than that. It's over 10,000 bikes geeks who take a full week off of work to dip their rear tire in the Missouri River to start, and then ride some 475 miles to dip their front tire in the mighty Mississippi River. 10,000 is the "official" number kicked around, but if you include all of the people who "renegade" the event, I would put the number around 20-25,000. No joke. Oh, and there's a few beers and thousands of pounds of fried food and sweets along the way.

RAGBRAI XXXV started in Rock Rapids, IA and ended in Bellevue, IA. The main stops in between were Spencer, Humboldt, Hampton, Cedar Falls, Independence and Dyersville. The atmosphere in these towns (and all the towns you pass through in between) have a County Fair-like feel to them. Bands, food stands, pie and pastries, hippies selling veggie burritos (yeah brah!!) and fruit smoothies, even young girls clad in sashes that read "Pork Queen 2007", yes, this is Iowa, and small town Iowa at that. When it's all in good fun, you say "congratulations" and keep going.

The rock star of this years Ride was the ever-present Lance Armstrong. Last year Lance did two stages to see what this Ride was all about and to raise money for The Lance Armstrong Foundation. I'm sure the training regimen is a bit different for RAGBRAI than the Tour de France. Instead of ride, ride, ride, you have to ride, drink beer, eat pie, eat tenderloins, ride, drink beer, ride. Lance says he will ride it again (he did two stages last year) after riding from Rock Rapids to Cedar Falls, before hopping on a plane to Paris. Don't expect to ride next to him, though. He rides unbelievably fast on a one-speed bike and is surrounded by an entourage to keep people from trying to sniff his bike seat. Uh...

RAGBRAI for this author was an abbreviated one. Unfortunately I could not take off the whole week, so I was only able to ride the last two stages: Independence to Dyersville, and then Dyersville to Bellevue. Our riding started at 6am each day to beat the heat and more importantly, the crowds. Even at 5:45 while we aired up our bikes, there was an endless line of bikes into the distance. Even as an avid cyclist, you sometimes question the sanity of it all!

As the event is named, it is a Ride, not a race. Going into this ride with two uncles who were doing the whole thing, I foresaw two easy days of lollygagging and putting along, bagging some rays and taking it easy. It appeared that I underestimated my uncles' intensity and fitness levels, as well as their brisk pace. The first day saw us ride (by my bike computer) 76.9 miles of basically flat terrain on a sunny and warm day. It was pretty nice except for at the start of the ride when I realized that I left my cycling shoes in Davenport. Facing a decision of doing it in tennis shoes versus spending $175 on new shoes and pedals, I opted for the former. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but going from clip-in hard soled bike shoes to soft running shoes is like being used to hitting with an aluminum bat and then being forced to use a wooden one. Sure, it can be done either way, but the first is a lot easier and is what you are used to. Such is life.

The second day we rode 55.8 miles of very hilly terrain on a day that bordered on hot. As if that weren't enough, at least 50% of this ride was either into a headwind or a strong crosswind. And since I was the "young guy with fresh legs", my job was to ride out in front and block all of the wind for my two uncles. Needless to say, this was a bit of a long day. One highlight came as we descended into the town of Bellevue down the biggest hill I have ever seen. My computer said I was going over 46mph. Going that fast on an aluminum frame with tires that are about 3/4" of an inch wide is exciting to say the least. We stopped a few times to rest. Once was in the town of LaMotte, the other was just out in the middle of nowhere on a farmer's property who was giving out free Gatorade and water and had massive shade trees to sit under. You see a lot of this on RAGBRAI. Not everyone gives away stuff for free, but many do. The entire route has people along the way, cheering you on, thanking you for coming to their town, offering you a place to pitch your tent, even to take a hot shower in their own homes. That was perhaps my favorite part of the whole thing: the people. It really makes you appreciate the people of Iowa and the Midwest. It's so nice to see genuine kindness and enthusiasm. (Those were two of the sappiest sentences I've ever written)

If anyone has ever thought about trying RAGBRAI, I would highly recommend it. Bring along plenty of sunscreen and be ready to enjoy yourself and all of the crazy people that do it. I know I will again. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back upstairs to continue icing my butt, if I'm able to walk up the stairs, that is. Here is a picture of the current state of my ass.

Good thing Bonds isn't a cyclist

July 26, 2007 | Comments (0) | by The Hundley

Don't feel that you're the only one. I am with you. Yes, we are all perplexed that there has been no Tour de France coverage here at The Saloon. I'll try to remedy that.

We found out Tuesday that the odds on pre-race favorite to win The Tour, Alexandre Vinokourov, tested positive for blood doping. For those who really follow cycling, it came as quite a shock. Vinokourov was a very well-respected and well-liked rider, both in the peleton and in the crowds. He was seen as a "good guy" in an increasingly shady sport. Blood doping has run as rampant in cycling as a date rape drug runs rampant in a Delta Chi frat house - after years of it, it becomes a way of life. Everyone knows it, including the heads of the sport, who in turn instituted what might be the toughest drug testing policy in all of sports. So tough that they've adopted a "guilty until proven innocent" stance.

Late yesterday afternoon, we found out that the yellow jersey (rider who is leading the race) was kicked off of his team and out of the Tour. Oh yeah, as of now, he's never failed a drug test. In the last few weeks, it has come to light that Michael Rasmussen has missed scheduled drug tests and was actually in Italy working with a "doctor" when he alleges he was in Mexico. And you thought the NFL was a soap opera? Now, not only can you be expelled from the race for failing a drug test, you can be nixed for being guilty by association! Normally I would would scream "Injustice!" when I hear something like that, but not here. It is very curious that none of these guys are screaming and proclaiming their innocence. When Vinokourov failed his test, his whole team was kicked out, including his teammate, Andreas Kloden, who was in great position for a top 5 finish. Wouldn't you expect him to cry foul? Not a peep from him or any teammates as of yet.

Being a huge cycling fan, I want to believe that there's still riders out there who are doing it clean. Maybe it's a bit far-fetched and a clear case of wishful thinking. I suppose it's the same stance I take with my favorite sport, baseball. Surely it must be only Bonds and McGwire and Sosa, right? I hate when I look at stats from the current Cub roster and see power numbers that have gone down and weird injuries have gone up since testing was implemented. Wishful thinking indeed. I don't want to get into a sappy moral argument here, but the fact is that when that kind of money is on the table, guys will do anything to get it and keep getting it. And it sure seems as if the chemists will always be a step ahead of the tests.

Speaking of baseball and drugs...

Schilling keeps yapping

Bonds called Bob Costas a midget that doesn't know baseball. Doesn't know baseball? R-i-i-i-ght.

An ex-BALCO chemist tells us stuff we already knew.

At Long Last

June 06, 2007 | Comments (0) | by Brant Brown

The dream began in 1992. Fresh off the heels of the box office disappointment known as Freejack, along with the less-than-stellar Men at Work, Emilio Estevez had fallen on hard times. In his deepest moment of despair, a profound, life-altering challenge befell him. The good people at Walt Disney Co. had decided to allow the bastard Sheen brother the opportunity to coach an upstart NHL franchise known as the Mighty Ducks. The team, consisting of a rag-tag group of immature, underachieving prospects, proved to be quite a challenge initially, but one Mr. Estevez was able to eventually tame.

Emilio again became the center of American pop cultural attention, reminiscent of the lore surrounding his career during St. Elmo's Fire and The Breakfast Club. The media grabbed onto the story, and for a time, never let go. "He's Never Coached" said the newspapers. "They've Never Won" said the network news. But all could agree on one thing: "Together, They'll Learn Everything About Winning!". And so it went for those first years...

However, as most public fascinations do, things abruptly went south. The media began to seek meatier stories to satiate its appetite. A dismembered penis and a figure skating catfight grabbed the nation's attention. Emilio toiled for years trying to once again capture the Mighty Duck magic.

Last year, his transition from stardom to obscurity finally took a turn for the better. Emilio was again able to harness the respect of his peers for his role directing a feature film called Bobby. The schedule was grueling, as he had to fit all casting, shooting, and editing into the quick summer months between the 2005 and 2006 NHL seasons.

The recent adulation for his cinematic achievement, though, pales in comparison to the satisfaction he has received in his enduring career with the Mighty Ducks. Tonight, after 15 years of self-reflection, occasional doubts, and true moments of inspirational strength, Emilio Estevez is able to hoist Lord Stanley's Cup. He will sleep well tonight. And there will be no practice tomorrow.