Summer Games: Yogging

Now that summer is here, it's time to get that itchy shirt off and get outside. This is doubly true in times of Cub woe that we're currently experiencing - we need something to pass the time and dull the pain. Summer Games will examine some classic outside games, carefully choosing ones that lend themselves to shirtless participation and the coexistence of your favorite summer beverage.

Oh, it's jogging. I thought it was a soft J. Anchorman jokes! WOCKA WOCKA WOCKA!

I know this Summer Games installment piece was meant to feature activities that even armchair QBs could do. And like the intro says, something to dull the pain of constant frustrating play from the Cubs. Let's be honest, there isn't always time for that, right? What about the time when you can't be around a group of guys to play horseshoes? What if your significant other isn't around to take to Makeout Point? You need a sport that you can play by yourself. Because when pocket pool has lost it's fun, you're fucking lazy.

How about jogging?

I may not be the best guy to promote the sport of jogging. (OK Mr. Fit, you want me to call it running, right? Well too bad. Jogging is what you want to do because you feel like it. Running is stuff you do when you're trying to escape a fire or if you're trying to get away from a bank robbery. Deal with it.) I am by no means a dedicated jogger. Some weeks I may jog a few miles three times a week. Other times I'll go a few weeks with nothing. I typically do a few triathlons each summer, but I almost pridefully tell people that I hate jogging. But deep down I can't deny that it always makes me feel better.

It's more of a question of motivation. Take tonight for example. I hadn't gone for a jog since late July, where our local community hosts a well known national road race that usually attracts about 20,000 racers. I don't have the patience or the stamina to train for the full 7 mile race, but luckily they offer a two mile race called The Quick Bix, that caters to dudes like me. And no one cares if it takes you 32 minutes to do a two mile run. Yeah, you stopped to meet up with some friends at Mile 1 to have a can of beer, no big deal.

Flash forward to tonight, when I was flipping channels and came across the World Track & Field Championships on the Versus channel. Watching the replays of Usain Bolt breaking his own world record in the 100 meter race, it got the desire going. So maybe I don't run at his pace, and I slog along at a 10:30 mile pace. So what if I'm about 15 pounds overweight and I jog without a shirt, scaring and amusing people with my loose flab (note: tanned fat looks better than pasty, white fat)? The point is, it's good that I got out there.

You can get your magazines or books where some male model with six pack abs wearing $150 of running gear will tell you how much weight you'll lose and how your quality of life will increase tenfold. That may or may not be true. But what is true is the following:

-You're energy will increase. Sure you'll be tired as hell if you're out of shape to start. Jogging just one mile might feel like a marathon and you'll probably be sore for a few days, but you'll be amazed how much more alert you are and how you're not so lethargic during the day.

- You'll get better sleep. Duh. Kind of a no-brainer, but you almost forget how great it is to get a good night's sleep.

- You'll cope with stress much better. Work sucks, that's a universal truth. Try heading out for a jog after a tough day at work, even if it's just a mile or so. You have that time to yourself - no boss, coworker, wife, boyfriend, online gamer can bother you. Think of the expression "blowing off steam".

- You'll be healthier. You might not lose a ton of weight and it doesn't mean you can eat whatever you want, but if you're exercising, you're undoubtedly better off from a health standpoint.

There you go. It's a cheap sport - all you need is a pair of shorts and some shoes. You don't have to spend $150 on some crazy, fancy pair. Are those REALLY any better than a $50 pair from Famous Footware? I'm saying no. You can jog pretty much anywhere and for a good part of the year, you can go sans shirt. Need more motivation? Listen to your iPod. Music always helps. I've also found it's cool to listen to a book on tape (iPod). Maybe sign up for a race. Nothing motivates me more than the fear of making an ass of myself. Whatever trips your trigger. Happy trails.

Summer Games: Makeout Point

Now that summer is here, it's time to get that itchy shirt off and get outside. This is doubly true in times of Cub woe that we're currently experiencing - we need something to pass the time and dull the pain. Summer Games will examine some classic outside games, carefully choosing ones that lend themselves to shirtless participation and the coexistence of your favorite summer beverage.

If it really is summer, then bring on the ladies. You can search the world over for a real Spanish Fly, and you'll eventually find that when you find El Dorado. The only proven aphrodisiacs in this world are warm weather, a scenic view, and an automobile. (Although Chaim Witz will ferociously argue that "a healthy dousing of Brut cologne" works as well. We shall leave this to the reader.) Women are helpless against this veteran move. It's a timeless classic, and for good reason.

If I need to explain to you what this is, you might be in some serious trouble and I might suggest brushing up on some other epic articles on how to play your cards. It's simply getting a girl in your car (preferably while on a date), driving to the local Lookout Point, and parking the car. If you still need to know what to do, go watch Porkies or something.

A real gentleman will first try to get her (or him) in the mood. Shirt removal, alcoholic beverages, reading poetry, listening to music, some light muscle flexing (even if it is light flexing, you should always have some baby oil on hand for maximum definition), or fables of athletic prowess are all acceptable means of achieving this mood. Play to your strengths.

What type of Point-er are you?

The Old-Schooler: has some type of sports car or a collectible type. Even in this day and age, he wears copious amounts of hair treatment and is commonly seen wearing a leather jacket. Will find a spot not next to someone, park, talk for a bit, then raise the top on the convertible if applicable so ass to announce to others that he's doing what he do, yet respects his prey enough to allow for some privacy.

The Daredevil: sometimes seen in a convertible that has no top, but is most often seen on a motorcycle, the crotch-rocket variety. Daredevil wears no helmet, yet has one for his prey to wear during the ride. Mr. Devil will pull up right next to you when you are the only ones there, and goes to work right on top of the bike, in plain view, for all to see and admire. Normally named "Charlie".

The Milquetoast: has no car of his own and is too scared to use his parents rig for fear of getting it dirty. Normally seen rolling in a friend's car after his girl practically begged him to take hers. Won't park unless he can have a minimum of a 50' buffer from opposing cars. Commonly suffers from "stage fright" due to extreme nervousness. Regardless, Toast will usually put on the prophylactic before leaving his home - just in case.

Mr. Ambiguity: has no problem parking, but must take extreme caution as he is scared of being caught or seen. Make no mistake, Amby is a real charmer, but his fear of being caught causes him to take extreme measures like only parking when he's driving a cargo van. The van gives him maximum privacy, but also makes him seem like a child molester when he's creepin' around town.

Happy hunting.

Summer Games: Thermal Ball

Now that summer is here, it's time to get that itchy shirt off and get outside. This is doubly true in times of Cub woe that we're currently experiencing - we need something to pass the time and dull the pain. Summer Games will examine some classic outside games, carefully choosing ones that lend themselves to shirtless participation and the coexistence of your favorite summer beverage.


Thermal Ball. The "game" is fairly simple. Take a tennis ball and douse it in a flammable liquid. Gasoline is preferred as it burns longer than lighter fluid, although substitutes such as Everclear or napalm will also work. Light the tennis ball on fire. Kick or throw the flaming tennis ball around. That's about it. It is one of the few summer games that can be played at night, nay, must be played at night.

History: While it would be lying to say we invented the game (YouTube shows many versions), our version was born from a bunch of friends bored one night with nothing to do. Not yet having realized the potential of boozing it up, smoking a fatty, or boning down, our weekend nights usually involved lighting fireworks at the local elementary school until the cops showed up and then running and hiding from them. This night, however, we were out of fireworks, and being the pyromaniacs that we were, found the next best thing. And Thermal Ball was born.

Location: The location is fairly important in Thermal Ball. While we used to use the street in front of our friend's house as teenagers, the inherent danger and legality of the game might make you want you to chose a safer place to play this game. Some recommended locations include: parking lots, corn fields, abandoned warehouses, and the like. The more room the better, and the darker the better, as the coolness of a ball flying through the air on fire is increased with less outside light.

Places not recommended to play Thermal Ball include: inside your house, your neighbors backyard (while they are sleeping inside), a California National Forest, and unfortunately where I live in the Arizona desert. Please note that the tennis ball will leave puddles of flaming gasoline where it bounces or rolls, so keep flammable objects and babies as far away as possible.

Rules: There are three rules to Thermal Ball- 1st RULE: You do not talk about Thermal Ball. 2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about Thermal Ball. 3rd RULE: There are no rules. A little like Calvinball, the best way to play is using your imagination and make it up as you go along. It is usually more fun with the more people involved, as the risk of serious injury increases. Basically you just kick the flaming ball around, or if brave enough, try to catch it and throw it without experiencing 2nd to 3rd degree burns. Tricks are encouraged, again increasing the risk of injury makes the game more fun.

Don't tase me, bro!

The game is usually ended when the police show up and you run away. If you get caught, refer to the first 2 rules of Thermal Ball. If you are lucky enough to be in a location that the cops will not show up at, the game may continue until the fire has burnt a hole in the tennis ball, causing it to no longer bounce, or until someone is injured enough to take them to the hospital (1st degree burns don't count, suck it up pussy).

Scoring: Much like my personal life, there is no scoring.

Ease of Playing Drunk/Shirt Wearing: Most often this game is played after consuming heavy amounts of alcohol and can often be influenced by flaming shots or drinks, such as the Flaming Cocaine or Flaming Moe, although as an official disclaimer, TMS does NOT endorse mixing drinking with fire. That being said, if you have someone sober enough to make sure your totally trashed friend doesn't try to catch the flaming tennis ball with his mouth, you should be okay.

This game can be played with or without a shirt, although for the more hairy men in the group, you might want to keep a shirt on if you don't want to end up looking like Michael Jackson shooting a Pepsi commercial.

All in all, Thermal Ball is a fun game, and it's ease of play and the chance of going out in a flame of glory (literally) make it a notch higher on the excitement level when compared to other summer games such as cornhole and horeshoes. Just make sure to remember the three magic words when playing with fire, "It wasn't me."

Go Cubs!

Summer Games: Cornhole

Now that summer is here, it's time to get that itchy shirt off and get outside. This is doubly true in times of Cub woe that we're currently experiencing - we need something to pass the time and dull the pain. Summer Games will examine some classic outside games, carefully choosing ones that lend themselves to shirtless participation and the coexistence of your favorite summer beverage.

Yeah, the name should scare you. Cornhole, or Baggo, or Bags, or the bastard step-child of horseshoes. Different names, all the same game. It seems the gaming industry has tried to distance itself from the original name of Cornhole. Jeez, why would they ever want to do that? Cornhole is a game that was once described by Stephen Colbert as a cross between horseshoes and sodomy. And as resident bartender Dave Thomas will tell you, cornhole was something entirely different on the fierce streets of Purdue University, and in retrospect, maybe it's not so prestigious to brag about winning a (Purdue) cornhole contest.

Regardless of what you call it, the basics of the game are virtually the same. The bags are supposed to be made of duck material, which is the fabric Carhart jackets are made from, not feathers and bills. The bags should be 6" x 6" and filled with dried feed corn (traditionally) and should end up weighing one pound. Obviously corn is not a must, plastic pellets could be substituted, which will help if the bags ever get wet. (Please don't tell me about "tradition" with corn. Do you use sheepskin condoms in lieu of latex?)

All bags are thrown at the boards, typically measuring 2' wide and 4' tall. Dimensions may vary depending on material, but I'd strongly suggest throwing on wooden structures and NOT the crappy plastic ones they sell at Walmart or the local Piggly Wiggly. The boards have a 6" hole in them placed 9" on center from the back of the board. The boards are set on an angle with the rear of the board being 12" off the ground. Ah, the heck with this, if you want to build your own, you can find tons of plans online. A good one here. The boards are set apart so that from hole to hole there is 33'.

Scoring is perhaps one of the few attractive parts of cornhole, it's fast and furious. If you throw your bag in the hole, you got a cornhole (glory hole!) and are awarded three points. If your bag lands on the board you get one point. Bags are tossed alternately between contestants and after each cornholer has thrown four bags, you calculate the scoring. Points cancel out points, cornholes cancel out cornholes. So, if Cornholer A throws two cornholes and two points, and Cornholer B throws one cornhole and three points, then Cornholer A gets 2 points. Cornholer A would throw first in the next round, scoring goes to 21.

Like it or not, cornhole has really gained popularity year by year. It lends itself greatly, I'll admit, to tailgaiting. In a crowded parking lot it's not exactly feasible to pitch horseshoes or bowl bocce balls. One pound bags of corn are pretty much harmless. Obviously drinking plays a part as in most, if not all, outdoor summer games. If you've played enough, you've probably come across one of the many drinking games associated with cornhole. Rumor has it that weed can also play a role as well.

The boards, themselves, have become a way for the owners to express their personal flair or allegiances to sports teams. The aforementioned plastic boards that you get from the grocery store will typically come adorned with your local college or pro team. Please stay away from these. They're smaller boards, they bounce like no other, and last you maybe a few years at most. The wood boards are easy to build, and you can paint or decorate them as you see fit. Are you torn by who you like more - Pink Floyd or The Cubs? An Iowa fan (Jeez, nice effort)? Even goths play cornhole!

Chad Cordero could not be reached for comment. It's ALLEGED that he blamed his pitching injuries and subsequent regression on cornholing.

But really, nothing is truly a legitimate game until it has officially jumped the shark, right? Or, as we say around The Saloon, "nuked the fridge". You can even play

Summer Games: Disc Golf

Now that summer is here, it's time to get that itchy shirt off and get outside. This is doubly true in times of Cub woe that we're currently experiencing - we need something to pass the time and dull the pain. Summer Games will examine some classic outside games, carefully choosing ones that lend themselves to shirtless participation and the coexistence of your favorite summer beverage.

Ay ay ay! Is summer EVER here! JC, the Midwest is getting it with a vengeance - 105 degree heat index with humidity levels higher than a hippie at Bonnaroo. That means we really DO need to get the shirts off and stay hydrated (The Hundley drinks Old Style Light, the official beer of Fun). And when it's this hot, maybe we should look to outdoor activities that are pretty mellow, like...say...Frisbee Golf! Oops, Chip Wesley has informed me that the proper terminology is disc golf. The last person to say Frisbee golf was tied to a stake at a Widespread Panic concert and continuously doused with patchouli oil.

That being said, DISC GOLF is a fun game. I poke fun at the stereotypical bohemian stronghold on the sport, but make no mistake, disc golf is for everyone. Surely you've seen a disc golf course where you live. Hell, in this part of Iowa I live in, there are 5 courses within a 30 minute drive, so if we have them, then you certainly do too.

If you know how to play regular golf, then you'll know how to at least score disc golf. Each hole has a specified "tee box" from where you make your initial throw (or "drive") and you simply count the number of throws it takes for you to get your disc in the basket. Much like regular golf, each hole is different, with varying degrees of difficulty and different assigned par rankings. As far as the discs themselves, you could go hogwild. There are specific disks for "driving" long distances, there are mid-range discs "irons" and, of course, short range discs or "putters". You should be able to pick up these discs for $10 a piece for basic stuff, though through eBay or local sports used sports dealers, it can be much less. And don't forget your disc bag to carry all of your (weed) discs around.

For those of you who are a bit too extreme for the normally mellow-paced disc golf, don't panic. If you've done enough disc golf, you'll notice that there's a hybrid disc golfer out there, one who's always asking you if he or she can play through. You watch them sweatily approach the tee box, hurl their disc, and then sprint after it. The round of golf is treated as a foot race. Not my cup of tea, but if EXTREME disc golf is your thing, more power to you. Maybe you could even get tatted up...

Probably one of the best parts of the sport is the ease of play. Sure, it may take you a few tries at figuring out how to throw a disc for distance and control (it's not like your backyard Frisbee), but after that the game is quite enjoyable. By and large, most of the courses are set up in and around city parks, lakes, and creeks so it's also a nice view. Much like Thoreau and Walden, you are one with nature, you are in a place where you are free from the demands of society, you're in a free place where no shampooing or deodorant is required, and no one will get up in arms if you puff some chiba. It's mellow, man. Chad Cordero could not be reached for comment. He was ALLEGEDLY ding-dong-ditching various houses own by senior citizens.

Summer Games: Horseshoes

Now that summer is here (almost), it's time to get that itchy shirt off and get outside. This is doubly true in times of Cub woe that we're currently experiencing - we need something to pass the time and dull the pain. Summer Games will examine some classic outside games, carefully choosing ones that lend themselves to shirtless participation and the coexistence of your favorite summer beverage.

Horseshoes. You have no idea how hard it's been to have written two previous Summer Games articles (bocce ball and washers) that weren't horseshoes. Perhaps I didn't want to blow my load (or in Chad Cordero's case, a late inning lead). During frequent in-Saloon banter, I have made no secret about my affection for horseshoes. Summer means many things go many people. A large contingency of people associate the warm, sunny weather with a swimming pool or a boat. Your chunkier, more jovial brethren will pine about how it is official grill season. Music lovers bust out the patchouli and get super heady about outdoor music festivals and their accompanying hackey sack tournaments. To the everyman like myself, it means horseshoe season. Technically baseball is America's game, but deep inside my cold landlordian heart, horseshoes is truly America's game.

Following the Revolutionary War, it was said by England's Duke of Wellington that "the War was won by pitchers of horse hardware." That's goddamn right, you English fairy. Not only are horseshoe throwers super cool people who exude sexual prowess, they're also patriots and winners of war. Who wouldn't want to be lumped in with that group? The taliban, that's who. And go ahead and throw in these two assholes.

Some quick research tells me that the game of horseshoes may well date back to the times of the Grecian army, way back when the years only had three digits. (Strange, I always thought my grandpa created the game, as well as being the greatest show thrower in the world.) Because no one kept diligent records back then, the first real data takes place around the Civil War time, when the popularity of this great game gained steam, particularly with the Union side. (And you thought that pitching shoes was only for hillbillies. For shame!)

The greatness of the game lies in it's simplicity. Basically anyone can pitch a horseshoe, and the cost of 4 shoes and two stakes is relatively cheap and easy to set up. The two stakes are placed 40 feet apart, and each team throws two shoes in their respective turn. The type of courts are open to speculation, but it's a known fact that in the Midwest, real men throw into grass/dirt pits. Sand pits are generally for old geezers that can't perfect the craft. Being caught throwing into sand pits is cause for public shaming and occasionally verbal and, in extreme cases, physical abuse. Also frowned upon are pits that are surrounded by any sort of structure.

The game itself is simple. You can click here for the official rules from the NHPA, but know that most people play by amateur rules. The amateur rules consist of getting three points for a ringer (the shoe wraps around the stake), two points for a leaner (shoes leans against the stake), and one point for a shoe that lands within a horseshoe's width of the stake. The closest shoe cancels out the others, unless the same person throws the two closets shoes. Easy peasy, Japaneasy. If you can't figure this game out, you're a retard.

There are many different ways to throw a horseshoe. The way the oldschooler and pros do it is to throw the shoe flat, and have it rotate one time so that the shoe (ideally) lands with the open end facing the stake. Better chance for ringers, and more often than not, it's not a wild shoe that goes bouncing wildly out of control. Sounds simple, but it's easier said than done. The other popular way is to pitch the shoe flipping end-over-end, hoping that it lands open side at the stake. Many people have perfected this throw, having it flip only one time. On dry, flat courts, a low trajectory shoe can be thrown in this matter and slid up to the stake. Many variations of these are common, with the "Missourian" style, with the shoe flipping many time. Also seen is the "hillbilly" style, throwing the spinning shoe that rotates like a Tasmanian devil. The knuckle shoe is less common, and is a shoe that does not rotate or flip at all. Knuckle throwers are rarely successful and commonly confused. Again, addressing the Cordero contingent, the shoes are not pitched while still attached to the horse.

As you can imagine, beer plays a vital role in the game, and sometimes to a greater extent, gambling is king. It's usually a given that each player puts up a buck per game, and the winners hold court. Alcohol increases the camaraderie and, when overindulged in, can swing the pace and effectiveness of the game. Shirtlessness? C'mon, it goes hand-in-hand with the game. Much like the other Summer Games, when the temperature is over 55, you might look a bit silly if you're still wearing a shirt.

All in all, it's a real American game. One of the best horseshoe stories I can tell takes me back to college days. I took a set of stakes and four shoes up to college when we rented a house. The large mass of Chicago kids in Iowa City liked to label the game as a "farmer game" and only suited for rednecks. When they finally tried their hand at the Game of the Gods, they were bitten by the 'shoe bug, and suddenly we found numerous requests for additional tournaments. Yes, it's a great game, and one that certainly can lay challenge to soccer as The World's Game.

Summer Games: Washers

Now that summer is here (almost), it's time to get that itchy shirt off and get outside. This is doubly true in times of Cub woe that we're currently experiencing - we need something to pass the time and dull the pain. Summer Games will examine some classic outside games, carefully choosing ones that lend themselves to shirtless participation and the coexistence of your favorite summer beverage.

Who said all you get in Wisconsin is cheese, beer, sausages, and herpes? Not true. While I can't verify the origin of this game (some signs point to Texas), I learned it from some Wisconsin gentry, so that's what we're sticking with. Washers is another back yard beauty in the realm of Summer Games. It's especially nice for those of y'all in the big cities, where yards and greenspace in general are hard to come by.

Perhaps washers' greatest assest is it's ease of play. You have two wooden, square boxes that measure 16" x 16" and have a 4" PVC pipe in the center. The washers should be 2-1/2" and have a 1" hole in the center. There are plenty of plans online to build your own set that clasp together, making transportation of the game easy as well. The bottom of the box should be lined with a small nap carpeting, or preferably, AstroTurf. This allows some cushioning and will prevent the washers from constantly bouncing out of the box.

Gameplay is easy. The boxes should be set 25' apart from center of cup to center of cup. Each team throws four washers. Starting at or behind the box, you toss the washer. If a washer lands in the box, you get a point, if a washer goes into the cup (in colloquial parlance, "Glory Hole"), you get three points. Rally scoring makes for a quicker game, though "best point" scoring is more apropos for master washer players. Example, if Team A throws two in the box and one in the Glory Hole, and Team B throws one in the box and one in the Glory Hole, Team A is awarded one point.

Quick Hits:

• As shown in the picture, shirtless play is easy and should be encouraged in favorable conditions (over 55 degrees Farenheit).
• 2-1/2" washers don't weigh much at all, so it's a game tailor-made to be played while holding a beverage.
• Easy to play and easy to get the materials to play. Even the smallest towns in Real America have hardware stores.
• Outside of alcohol, wind is really the only factor that can affect gameplay.
• Chad Cordero could not be reached for comment on washers. He was allegedly too busy burning ants with a magnifying glass.

As you can see, washers brings out the competitor and dance machine in people. Still interested? Build your own, dude.

*Please note: man pictured wearing the headband and shirt may or may not be Saloon bartender Dave Thomas.

Summer Games: Bocce Ball

Now that summer is here (almost), it's time to get that itchy shirt off and get outside. This is doubly true in times of Cub woe that we're currently experiencing - we need something to pass the time and dull the pain. Summer Games will examine some classic outside games, carefully choosing ones that lend themselves to shirtless participation and the coexistance of your favorite summer beverage.

Sometimes the "old man" games are the best. And really, why shouldn't they be? If the games have been around for more than 100 years, obviously something is working. This certainly applies to Bocce Ball. The game itself is easy. It can be one on one or you can play two-man teams. Initially, a small ball is thrown out onto the surface. This is called the jack (or the pallino, mark, or the pea). Each team has two or four balls to throw, the goal being to get your bocce balls closest to the jack. You can roll them, bowl them, or lob them. If the other team has a ball close or on the jack, you can bowl your ball and knock it away. The closest ball gets a point, and the team with the closest ball gets the opportunity to throw the jack to start the next round. Games can be set by time or by score. You can look at a more formal explanation of the rules here. The Hundley always plays to eleven - that's why God gave you 10 fingers and a penis.*

The surface on which you play is up for argument. Purists will claim that it must be played on crushed oyster shells on a court that measures a certain area, measured in meters. We here at Thunder Matt are much more forgiving. Mark the court out with anything handy (empty bottles or cans work great). As a guess, I'd say roughly 15' x 40'. After you throw a few balls, you'll get a feel for if the distance is too much or not enough. You can play it on grass, the beach, even a dirt lot (though this will be much harder).

Quick facts:

• Shirtless play is easily accessible, and should in fact be encouraged. It's a well known fact that you look sexy playing shirtless Bocce Ball, and there is no better way to perfect your summer tan.
• Athletic ability is not a must. Let's not kid ourselves, you're tossing, rolling, and bowling balls that weigh a few pounds. Hand eye coordination obviously helps, but as it becomes inebriated, a new level of fun/skill is added to the game.
• A beverage is easily accessible. Christ, you could even have one in your hand the entire game.
• It's a relatively cheap game. You can pick up a Bocce Ball set for about thirty bones. That's two trips to the plasma center and that baby's yours, AND you get drunk quicker and cheaper.
• Ease of play errs to the simple end. So easy, even Chad Cordero could play.

Boom! There you go. Get a cooler and bocce ball set and you're good to go; you've got a mobile party. Watch Chaim Witz bowl with the grace of a swan.

* This obviously does not apply to Antonio Alfonseca and Koyie Hill