Cubs Express Interest in Signing Roberto Clemente

In a disappointing offseason of unsubstantiated or unfulfilled rumors, new reports are coming out about the latest player the Cubs are supposedly eyeing.  Hall of famer Roberto Clemente.

When asked about the validity of this, Cubs general manager Jim Hendry said, "Absolutely.  Clemente would fill our hole in center field.  He's an amazing hitter, an outstanding fielder, and is a role model to every Hispanic player we have.  The impact he'd have on our team would be tremendous!"

Hendry was then asked if he realized Clemente has been deceased for nearly 37 years.  "Huh?  Of course I know he's dead.  Did you honestly think I thought we could sign him for 2010?  I was just saying that it'd be nice to have him as our center fielder, just like it'd be nice to have Mike Cameron, or J.J. Putz, or Matt Capps, or Jason Bay, or Chone Figgins, or Curtis Granderson, or John Lackey, but that's not happening either!"

My Case for Signing Matt Capps

Graph courtesy of FanGraphs

Granted Capps had a down year last season, but assuming he can regain pre-2009 form, it'd be nice to have a reliever that can strike guys out much more often than walking them.

Holy Christ, Please Trade for Granderson

Word in the rumor mill (thanks MLB TradeRumors, Paul Sullivan, Jon Heyman, etc.!) is that the Tigers may be willing to listen to offers for Curtis Granderson. Unless God hates us all, the Cubs are sure to at least kick the tires. How often can you kill two birds with one stone (leadoff hitter and lefty pop) in these times of economic hardship?

Oh, we would bring up the economics of it all, wouldn't we! Granderson's contract has him due for $25.75 million over the next three years. That's nothing for the Ricketts, who have said that they intend to keep the Cubs among the top three spenders in baseball. You have to spend money to make money, right? I think Jesus said that. Check the Bible. He's in the New Testament part.

Surely Hendry would be required to move Uncle Milton first, eating the better part of his $21 million. They'll certainly have to absorb another bad contract in that move, which the Tigers wouldn't want. That probably leaves the Cubs in a position where they would be forced to cough up a slew of youngsters. Hopefully that would start with Jake Fox (future DH extraordinaire) and the mythical Starlin Castro. I'd like to see them move Samardzija (completely overrated), but again, we would have to eat some cash. The bottom line is that it could be done, and it would be much more satisfying than going into next season having only brought in Luis Castillo and Marlon Byrd.

Would Granderson cure all our ails? Probably not, but he's the one piece that would fit best. Sure he strikes out a lot, but at least those strikes are swinging, as opposed to Bradley who never lifted the bat off his shoulder. He doesn't really hit lefties worth a lick, but you can spell him on occasion if you retain Reed Johnson. And maybe Granderson doesn't steal as much as you would like, but he's certainly more of a threat to steal a base than anyone else on the roster (we're looking at you Crazy Legs Soriano). Plus, by Dusty Baker logic, Curtis should be able to handle all the hot afternoon games better than someone like Pat Burrell.

Granderson is an Illinois boy and a seemingly all-around good guy. You know, the kind that you might want in a clubhouse. Yep, it might hurt the back pocket, and it will further thin out an incredibly thin farm system. But the Ricketts need to make their mark. Let's do this thing! We can worry about the consequences after the 2010 playoffs.

Update: If the Cubs were to actually acquire Granderson, we have dibs on being the official Curtis Granderson Cubs blog. Perhaps that would entail a name change. Thunder Granderson's Saloon? Lightning Curtis's Saloon? Something like that.

Let's Make a (Bradley) Deal!

As has been documented on numerous occasions at TMS, other Cubs blogs, sports talk radio, and basically any every modern media platform, we are tired of Milton Bradley, and wish the saga would end. With any luck, Jim Hendry can work some magic (and take on an equally bad contract) this week at the GM meetings. To have to go into January, or God forbid Spring Training knowing that Bradley is still on the club would just be a tad bit ridiculous.

Now, we also tend to overstate things as sports fans. Many of us use the term "we" when referring to our team's performance on the field. Milton Bradley does not know us personally. He will never go to your home or have a beer with you. He doesn't necessarily care about you, and off the field, you likely do not care about him. He is a player on the team you have chosen to follow; nothing more, nothing less. Milton is a real human, he has feelings, he cares passionately about his performance. If he didn't, he would just be Adam Dunn. Milton wanted this to work out, and we wanted Milton to work out. Unfortunately, neither happened, and we all know it is time to move on.

So, who would you rather have for the next two years in place Bradley? Who would you rather open your heart to? Who would you rather bunk with? Who would you rather invite on a fishing trip or to a strip club? Aaron Rowand? Really? Luis Castillo? Vernon Wells? Barry Zito? Pat Burrell? Are any of those options that much more attractive? Ugh. Better yet, what would you rather have than Bradley? Assuming the money washed out in the end, would you trade him for proper urinals instead of troughs? What if it meant Dave Otto replaced Bob Brenley? Would you do it then? What if you could get rid of Bradley, but you had to start going to Church every Sunday? What if you could be free of Bradley, but it meant that you would have to go through a bout of chlamydia? What will this freedom be worth? Feel free to post what you'd be willing to sacrifice or take on in lieu of Milton Bradley.

John Grabow......Why?

According to Bruce Levine on ESPN 1000, the Cubs are working on signing lefty reliever John Grabow to a multi-year deal worth between $6.5 million and $7.5 million.

Agent Paul Kinzer represents Grabow, who would be the team's left-handed set-up man and a possible back-up closer in the event Carlos Marmol is injured or needs a day off.

Jesus, really? Grabow as our set-up guy? Grabow closing games? Maybe I'm missing something here but at no point last season when I watched Grabow did his pitching knock my dick in the dirt. Fine, I realize we need a lefty in the pen, but keep Grabow away from the eighth and ninth innings if at all possible. Wouldn't a set-up/closer combo of Angel Guzman and Carlos Marmol make more sense?

Ugh, we'll see how this goes but Grabow is my front-runner for the 2010 Glendon Rusch Award, given each year to the Cubs southpaw reliever that completely implodes on them. Here's a quick look at past winners.

2009: Neal Cotts
2008: Scott Eyre
2007: Will Ohman
2006: Glendon Rusch

So once they get Grabow locked up, how about figuring out that second base situation? Maybe sign someone that isn't a hobbit?

Away to the shire Treebeard!

The Ghosts of Deadlines Past

Every year players and fans alike are excited at the prospect of change that the trading deadline brings to the game. I felt that with my post being finalized at exactly the same time as the deadline, it was only natural to talk a little bit about some last minute deals.

This year we've already seen Cleveland unload Cliff Lee to Philly and it appears likely that Victor Martinez is going to Boston. Jarrod Washburn is now officially a Tiger. And yet somehow, one name has remained suspiciously off the waiver wire. That's right, I'm talking about Miguel Olivo. No, seriously, no one wants Miguel Olivo. Roy Halladay is still a Blue Jay (as of this writing) and it looks like he may stay put. He has clearly been the crown jewel of this years deadline but with Buchholz now likely headed to the tribe and Boston seemingly out of the race, no one left seems to want to pull the trigger. Does anyone want Adrian Gonzalez?

All of these teams feel that this move or that may be the final piece of the puzzle they need to make a run at the post-season or even compete for a championship. We all know hindsight is 20/20 so lets look back over the past few years and see how well these last-minute transactions panned out.

2008

Cubs get Harden and Gaudin. It's far more difficult to complain about Harden than how the club handled Gaudin in the subsequent offseason. At least we still have Neal Cotts.

Brewers rent CC Sabathia for almost four months and give up Matt LaPorta, Zach Jackson, Rob Bryson, and Taylor Green. The Brewers pushed all their chips into the middle of the table and dealt for a guy that they planned on running out to the mound every fourth day. That's exactly what they did and he ended up going 11-2 for Milwaukee. Looking back, they may not have made the post season without him but he sure as shit didn't help them once they got there.

Manny to Dodgers, Jason Bay to Boston, Brandon Moss, Craig Hansen (from Boston), Andy LaRoche, and Bryan Morris (from LA) to Pirates. This deal was huge for a few teams. Obviously Manny going to the Dodgers was huge and Bay finally started to spread his wings for the Red Sox. The Pirates got LaRoche...I guess.

Griffey to White Sox for Nick Masset, Danny Richar and $$$. This deal was bizarre. The White Sox didn't need another outfielder and Griffey played in Chicago for only one year before returning to Seattle. Masset is "pitching" for Cincinnati and Danny Richar can be found at the track when he's not playing AAA ball in Louisville.

2007

Wonderkind Eric Gagne found a new home in Boston where he....still is?

Braves land Mark Teixeira, Ron Mahay, Octavio Dotel, and Royce Ring and give up Kyle Davies and Wil Ledezma. For all the hype surrounding this Teixeira deal, he didn't last much longer than a wet fart in Atlanta before cashing in and moving to NY.

The Padres are the proud owners of Morgan Ensberg and all they had to give up was a PTBNL. I'd say that's fair.

Matt Morris goes from the Padres to the Giants in exchange for Rajai Davis. My how the mighty have fallen. And he only made $9.5 million that year. Ha!

Tadahito Iguchi returns to his hometown of Philadelphia to plug the gap left by an injured Chase Utley. Has since been fitted for a ring.

2006

The Professor gets kicked out of Chicago once again but this time he heads to the west coast. I don't think anyone was happy to see Maddux leave, particularly when they saw we were getting Cesar Izturis in his place. I tried to find a picture of Izturis screwing something up by typing in his name, and subsequently typing in his name plus the word "bad". The same pictures came up. Go figure. Now you get nothing.

Julio Lugo joins the prodigal son in LA for the tune of Joel Guzman and Sergio Pedroza. Wait, the Dodgers traded FOR Lugo?

Roberto Hernandez and Oliver Perez to the Mets and Xavier Nady to the Pirates. Xavier felt it was in his best interests to get injured in a larger market and was later absorbed by the Yankees.

Bobby Abreu and Cory Lidle head to the big apple for CJ Henry, Carlos Monasterios, Jesus Sanchez, and Matt Smith from the Phillies. You suppose Corey ever crashes as Jesus' place? I'll let you take it from here.

Cubs Get Gorzelanny and Grabow

So the Cubs finally made a trade, acquiring Sloth Gorzelanny and John Grabow from Pittsburgh for Kevin Hart, Jose Ascanio, and a minor leaguer. With this deal the Cubs gain two lefties for the bullpen.

Hart got the win for the Cubs today in what ended up being his final performance for Chicago. At least he has somewhere to go still. Russ Ortiz got tossed out on his ass by the Astros after giving up 9 runs in 2.1 innings pitched today. Maybe it's time to finally hang 'em up Russ. Hey you were a 20 game winner once, you had a good run, and you're not Shawn Estes*.

So John Grabow huh? It'll be nice to have another lefty in the pen, especially if we need Sean Marshall to step back in the rotation since our starters have been a little banged up. He's been decent for the Pirates, just know that he does walk batters quite a bit.

Gorzelanny has experience as a starter but served as a reliever earlier this season for Pittsburgh before being sent down to AAA Indianapolis. Gorzo has pitched quite well in the minors this season posting a 2.48 ERA in 15 starts and striking out 85 in 87 innings pitched. He'll certainly be a valuable asset to have either as a #5 starter or serving in long relief.

For what they gave up I'm pretty happy with this move. Now if Hendry could somehow get a 2B worth a damn I think the Cubs would be set.

*I alway confuse Ortiz wth Estes. Then I remember Ortiz was never the worst starting pitcher the Cubs ever had.

Cubs sign B.J. Ryan

According to ESPN Chicago, the Cubs have signed recently waived relief pitcher B.J. Ryan to a one year minor league deal. He'll be heading to Mesa to work with minor league trainers.

If he can regain his strength and command he had prior to injury, this could be a huge pick up for the Cubs. It would also give them a much-needed additional southpaw in the bullpen and could allow for an eventual move to put Sean Marshall back in the rotation and Rich Harden to the pen later on down the road.

Happy/Sad?

It just had to happen this way, didn't it?

So the good news...

We've officially got a Harden Hard-On. The Cubs traded for the Oakland ace today in a counter to the Brewers getting CC Sabathia. Coming with him is versatile starter/reliever Chad Gaudin. How's this sound for a short series:

Zambrano
Dempster
Harden
Lilly

See Jason Marquis' name on there anywhere? Exactly.

The bad news...Thunder Matt's days as a Cub are officially over. Matt Murton is gone. He will never blossom into the future Hall of Famer that we know he'll become as a Cub. But at least the kid will now get regular playing time.

Thunder Matt's Saloon will not be changing its name, so don't worry about that. And we knew this was coming eventually. Our official statement will be made available tomorrow morning.

Who's Out There?

Many discussions have been had over the last few days here at the Saloon concerning the Cubs and their ability to trade for a starter between now and the trade deadline. At first I was in denial, thinking that any other team in the league should consider themselves lucky to be able to take Murton, Cedeno, etc. off our hands for the likes of some schlub named Sabathia or that Harden guy.

But I've come to my senses now. I don't believe the Cubs have enough trade chips in the minors to get a top of the line starter. So cross Sabathia and Rich Harden off the list. I'd lump in the usual suspects of Randy Wolf, A.J. Burnett, Kevin Millwood and Bronson Arroyo in the "No thank you" pile. I was so disgusted that Arroyo was even being mentioned as a possibility that I almost threw up when I read it. He can't pitch in the NL. He can't even pitch within our division. His ERA is a hefty 6.19. Thanks, but we already have one Jason Marquis on our team.

One name that has been kicked around that I could get behind is that of Aaron Cook, but a direct quote from Dan O'Dowd shoots that possibility down: "We're not doing anything with Cookie." The fact that O'Dowd refers to Cook as "Cookie" immediately makes me question his sexuality.

So cross all of the above guys off your list. Who's left? We may have to think outside the box a bit...

Nate Robertson: This may look like a decent pickup, and I assumme Robertson is available on the cheap. But what people may forget is that Robertson is a guy that has had only one decent year out of the 4+ he's been in the league. The question you have to ask is "Will this guy be a better option than Marquis/Marshall/Gallagher?" Unless you're a big believer in a switch of scenery doing worlds of good for Nasty Nate, I'll take a pass.

Zack Greinke - Now this is one I can get behind. I like Grienke and I think he falls into the "Good enough to make an impact, but not so good that it'll take a king's ransom to trade for him" category. He's got great control and a winning record for a bad Kansas City team. The Royals can always use a new...everything, so I don't think it would take too much to get him. Plus, rumor is that KC isn't ready to commit to him long-term because of the personal issues he's shown in the past.

Jake Westbrook - Look, Cleveland is out of the race this year. The sooner they realize this, the sooner they can get off their asses and trade Westbrook to the Cubs. I've always liked Westbrook and I think he's enough of a groundball pitcher to be good at Wrigley down the stretch. What's that you say? Westbrook just got moved to the 60- day DL? Aw shit...ok, if he ever comes back from injury before the trade deadline, put him on the radar.

Erik Bedard - He'd be a decent pickup, but only if he doesn't command too high a price. I think being the #4 guy in the rotation behind Zambrano, Lilly and Dempster would do him good. He doesn't seem to take well to the ace's role.

Ian Snell - Would a change of scenery work out for the once-good Snell? Or will he continue his descent into Suckassville? The fact that he would come over from Pittsburgh would make him all the easier for the Cubs to snag him. Knowing our trade history with the Pirates, maybe they'll throw in Jason Bay too.

Anyone on this list whet your appetite? I still think Greinke is the best fit, so hopefully he's available and Jim Hendry is on the phone about him already.

Thoughts, loyal readers?

Let The Speculation Begin!

We keep hearing from Jim Hendry and Sweet Lou that while they love the current Cubs team, they're never satisfied and will do what they need to do to upgrade the club wherever and whenever they can.

While this is a good thing to hear from your GM under most circumstances, Hendry's constant tinkering and plotting can sometimes be too much. Example 1 is the recent Murton/Patterson swap. If you're going to only give Patterson 8 at bats before sending him back down, why not just call Murton up in the first place? I'm sure Jim knows a hell of a lot more than I do about running a baseball team, but if I can't second guess and complain in this post-9/11 society, then the terrorists have truly won.

Despite the fact the Cubs have the best record in the majors, we are a team that has some holes. Because of this, everyone expects the Cubs to be in on a ton of major trade talks this month. Here are my random thoughts on the subject.

Who can we afford to get rid of?

With Soriano and Fukudome locked in at the corner infield spots for the next few years and a really good chance that we'll have yet another highly touted 5 tool centerfielder prospect in the Corey Patterson/Felix Pie mold crash and burn (I seriously believe this cycle will continue every 3-4 years), the outfield is pretty set, so anyone not named Soriano and Fukudome is fair game. I also consider Rich Hill and the Seans (Gallagher and Marshall) to be available and expendable, especially if another pitcher comes back in return. With Fontenot, Theriot and DeRosa on the roster, Ronny Cedeno could be shipped off for something useful and I wouldn't really care. Same goes for the Bizarro Murton (Eric Patterson).

Am I suggesting that the Cubs trade all of those guys and completely empty the cupboard? Not yet. I'm just saying who I think should be available. The list currently looks like this:

Outfielders
Matt Murton
Tyler Colvin
Felix Pie
Micah Hoffpauir

Infielders
Eric Patterson
Ronny Cedeno

Pitchers
Rich Hill
Sean Gallagher
Sean Marshall

(NOTE: I'd list Jason Marquis in there as well, but I can't ever imagine anyone wanting that guy unless he somehow learned to vomit $100 bills.)

Who's out there?

This is where things get a little tricky, since there aren't many teams that are out of the race yet, and some teams that were left for dead a few weeks ago (San Diego and Colorado) are showing signs of life in weak-ass divisions. But here are a few people that may be available over the next month or so:

C.C. Sabathia: If this guy gets traded, expect the Cubs to be one of many teams that are in the hunt for him. I'm not familiar with the Indians' minor league system, so I'm not 100% sure what they need, but it seems like some corner outfield help and a decent middle infielder would be on their list, with some starting pitching thrown in to boot. Can we get him? I think so, and he's the kind of guy that you wouldn't feel too bad shipping off a bunch of guys to get, even if he leaves at the end of the season. At least you'd collect the 2 draft picks when he bolts out of town. In fact, I'd feel better about letting him leave and getting the picks than signing him to even a 4 year deal and seeing him eat his way out of being useful a la Miguel Cabrera. Are Murton, Marshall, Patterson and Cedeno enough to land C.C.?

A.J. Burnett: What is it with pitchers going by their initials instead of having a first name and being connected to the Cubs in trade talks? Is J.J. Putz next? Anyway, Burnett has gone so far as to say that he would love to play for the Cubs. Someone needs to tell this guy that he's still under contract with Toronto. Can we get him? At this point, between Burnett's boner for the Cubs and Toronto's surly attitude toward him, I don't think it would take a whole lot to aquire A.J.'s services.

Do we really need anymore outfielders, especially centerfielders?

I understand why we went out and got Reed Johnson. And even tough I hated it at the time, the Jim Edmonds signing is actually working out decently enough. And yet every morning when I hit these here interwebs, I read things about the Cubs looking for more outfield help. Why? The Reed Johnson/Edmonds tandem seems to be working out pretty well for us so far. And if we need some extra help, why on Earth would the Cubs trade for someone like Coco "Thug" Crisp when Kenny Lofton is out there just waiting for a phone call. Same with Reggie Sanders. The point is, I don't think we need any other outfielders. Unless a fantastic offer comes out of nowhere (Matt Holliday becomes available and can play a decent centerfield), I think the outfield is just fine the way it is and I don't see the point in trading for a Coco Crisp or Griffey Jr.

Would it be worth it to bet the farm on 2 big aquisitions?

You mean would I bet the farm and ship everyone listed above off for both Sabathia and Burnett? I'd be tempted. You're mortgaging the future, but if it got a World Series win this year, would it really matter? In a short series, wouldn't a right/left/right/left rotation of Zambrano, Sabathia, Burnett and Lilly scare the crap out of anyone?

Also Included: Equipment To Be Named Later

Just when I think a GM can't get any dumber, they go and do something like this...and totally redeem themselves!!!

News broke out yesterday of a Calgary Vipers player that was traded to the Laredo Broncos of the United League. Normally trades in the independent leagues don't make the news, but former Viper John Odom was traded to Laredo for 10 bats.

That's it. 10 baseball bats.

The best part of the story was the reaction of the Bronco's GM:

"They just wanted some bats, good bats - maple bats," Broncos general manager Jose Melendez said.

Maybe this was just the first step in something bigger. They trade this dude for 10 bats, trade each bat for a midget, trade each midget for 3 lawnmowers, etc until they turn one career minor leaguer into a date with Bret Michaels or something. Hey, if you can turn a paperclip into a house, anything is possible.

That got me thinking of what you could get for other MLB players in a trade that didn't involve other players. I tried to trade each player for something that would pretty much be able to do the same job in their place.

Jacque Jones - 2 pieces of the hard gum that comes in a pack of baseball cards (already chewed)
Jeff Kent - 2 cases of Skoal and a camouflage poncho
Brett Myers - 1 cardboard cutout of Larry the Cable Guy
Neifi Perez - 1 wiffle ball bat (broken)
Kerry Wood - 3 cases of antacid
Jason Marquis - 1 Tee-Ball tee
Prince Fielder - 350 lbs. of sausage (uncooked and not in link form)
Ozzy Guillen - 1 space heater, 3 fart bombs, 1 fan
Carlos Marmol - 1 Ark of the Covenant (opened)

Any others?

Fuck Jim Edmonds

Pardon my language, but there's no other way to put it. Fuck Jim Edmonds. I don't like his jerkoff name. I don't like his jerkoff face. I don't like his jerkoff declining skills. And I don't like him (jerkoff).

The Cubs are expected to sign Jim Edmonds some time today. Can you think of a more un-Cub thing that could possibly happen? Should we bring in Mark McGwire and Matt Morris while we're at it?

I guess the Cubs front office wants some kind of left handed bat in center to split time with Reed Johnson. Here are my thoughts:

• Edmonds will be taking Pie's spot on the roster, but is he really any better? Who has the better batting average this year? Pie. More homers? Pie. More RBI's? Pie. Better OBP? Pie. Better defense? Pie. Soooo...why are we bringing in Edmonds again?
• Let's just say that Pie is the next Corey Patterson and we do need to look elsewhere for a lefty in center. How about that new fella in right? Kosuke Fukudome played some center field in Spring Training and did ok. He's even played a total of 9 innings in center during the season so far. So on days when Reed Johnson needs to sit, why not stick Fukudome in center and put Murton in right? Yeah yeah yeah, it's one less lefty in the lineup, but it doesn't matter what side of the plate someone bats from if he's an automatic 4 outs a game most times (Edmonds). Or how about Fukudome in center and Barry Bonds in right?
• This is a guy who got CUT from the WORST TEAM IN THE LEAGUE!!!
  
• Need I remind you that Jim Edmonds is known to most Cub fans as Jim "Fucking" Edmonds? This is a guy that Cub fans despise and have hated for the last 8 years. I hate Jim Edmonds with all of my being and while I would never cheer against any member of the Cubs, I'm certainly not going to cheer for him.

I know this is last minute, but if Edmonds does indeed become a Cub today, we need to bust out the pickaxes and shovels and torches and boards with nails in the end. We need to storm Jim Hendry's castle all Frankenstein's Monster style.

Show your support for an Edmonds-less Cub team by signing the petition below. Forward it to all Cub fans you know. Post it on message boards. Together, we can make a difference. We need Change.

Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we can!

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/FuckEdmonds/index.html

"Jim Edmonds? He can get the fuck out."

Here Comes Keystone Monroe!

So most Cub fans know by now that the team has acquired Craig Monroe from the Detroit Tigers. What they may not know is that Craig's middle name, I shit you not, is Keystone. The guy doesn't even need a nickname. Keystone Monroe? That's brilliant. It conjures up images of some badass character from a 70's blaxploitation film.

The Cubs are sending a Player To Be Named Later to the Tigers in exchange for Monroe. There's no official word yet but according to the Detroit Free-Press, Jim Leyland has said they will be getting a left-handed pitcher in return. Since a PTBNL cannot be from the 25-man roster, the only three likely candidates would be Will Ohman, Neal Cotts, or Clay Rapada. It would be fitting if the Tigers took Ohman. It was about this time last season that we dumped a certain player who wore the #13 (like Ohman), and had wore our patience microscopically thin.

Keystone will probably play LF until Soriano comes back and then join the Wrigley Right Field Experience alongside Cliff Floyd and Daryle Ward. His ability to hit lefties well makes him a valuable asset at the plate. Just think of him as the bizarro Jock Jones.

So let's welcome our new outfielder by having a toast. Just follow these easy steps.

1) Open a can of Keystone.
2) Raise can to the air in salute.
3) Take a large swig from the can.
4) Realizing what you have just done and immediately regretting that decision, take the next few minutes to seriously contemplate when and where your life went horribly, horribly awry.
5) Take a large swig of Old Style to wash out the taste of Keystone.
6) Cry yourself to sleep as you slowly realize that Keystone Monroe's presence in the lineup spells even fewer opportunities for Thunder Matt.

Wrigley Roundtable

Once again it's time for our weekly segment in which we debate a selected matter of interest. The topics could range from the Cubs to baseball or other sports, to movies and music.

Our panel of bartenders will weigh in, and we invite any of our readers to offer their two cents as well. So grab a beer and a handful of stale popcorn and tell us what you think.

Today's topic: The MLB Trade Deadline: Winners & Losers

Well the trade deadline passed with the fervor and excitement of a Nick Drake album. The two biggest moves were Mark Teixeira to the Braves and Eric Gagne to the Red Sox, but there were smaller deals as well. The Dodgers shipped Wilson Betemit to New York for Scott Proctor, the Braves also got Octavio Dotel from the Royals, the Padres acquired Morgan Ensberg and Rob Mackowiak, and the Twins sent Luis Castillo to the Mets. There were some deals earlier in the week as well like Kyle Lohse to the Phillies and Scott Linebrink to the Brewers.

So who were the winners and losers? While some teams made trades, others in contention such as the Cubs, Angels, Indians and Tigers stood idle at the deadline. Was that the right move? And do these deadline deals benefit a team more from a psychological standpoint? Surely a trade for a middle relief pitcher may not be the end all be all of blockbusters, but does a move like that serve as a reaffirmation to the fans and players from management, that they are determined to win?

Dodger Blue Trade Deadline: Colletti Rapes Cashman

Welcome to OZ Brian Cashman.

You actually gave the Dodgers more than a case of Natty Ice for the weak hitting, moody, and positionless Wilson Betemit. You've fallen prey to Ned Colletti's Jedi mind trick (incidently, it was the same Jedi mind trick he used to get Betemit for Danny Baez in the first place).

Betemit, hitting a mean .210 as a starter this year, garnered the mediocre Scott Proctor from the Yankees. I heard the Yankees needed bullpen help, but somehow I don't think Wilson is going to help them in that department. Wilson suffered from DTBS - Dodgers Third Base Syndrome. It causes players to ride on the laurels of their potential for years before the team finally wises up and moves on to the next one. At one time, he himself was "the next one" after the failed and excruciating Adrian Beltre experiment.

War Criminal Nomar Garciaparra is now the undisputed starter...at least until Andy LaRoche pushes him out of that job like his former AAA teammate James Loney has already done.

In other news, the M*A*S*H corps LA calls a starting rotation didn't get any help. Unless they wanted Matt Morris (umm, no) there wasn't much available anyway. I'm sending a get well card to Randy Wolf.

Deadline Day

Only a little over an hour left. Who goes, who stays? So far, besides the Tex trade, the big deal has been Wilson Betemit. (Crickets)

Here's to hoping the Cubs don't trade for Jay Payton and instead give Thunder his due. Though he admittedly didn't help his cause any last night. (in thick German accent) 'Thunda. Yous swinging like za girl!'

Anyway, trades. Discuss.

Wrigley Roundtable

Once again it's time for our weekly segment in which we debate a selected matter of interest. The topics could range from the Cubs to baseball or other sports, to movies and music.

Our panel of bartenders will weigh in, and we invite any of our readers to offer their two cents as well. So grab a beer and a handful of stale popcorn and tell us what you think.

Today's topic: The MLB Trade Deadline

It's the most wonderful time of the year again. No child, not Christmas. It's the run-up to the Major League Baseball trading deadline (Tuesday, 4pm EST). However, much like Christmas, the trading deadline seems to lose it's excitement and impact as the years go by. When the potential trading block holds Mark Teixeira, Chad Cordero, and Octavio Dotel as its prized gifts from Santa, the collective sigh can be heard all the way to Japan. The consensus among GMs and scouts is that there are no major deals brewing, as teams have placed too high of a premium on their minor league talent, and wouldn't dare pawn off a few young chips for a relief pitcher who may or may not help in the pursuit of the Wild Card berth. Too many teams claim to still be in it, however unrealistic their logic may be. So who will move? Troy Glaus, Jermaine Dye, Joe Kennedy? The Angels are reportedly pursuing Paul Konerko. Will the White Sox blow everything up and start over? What moves will the Yankees and Red Sox make? Was Jon Lester's comeback appearance simply trade bait? Will the Dodgers find a bat? Will the Cubs solidify their relief corps, or bring in a righty off the bench? Perhaps more importantly, what youngsters will these playoff teams sacrifice at the alter of October. Discuss.

Cesar! the Pirate

The Cesar Izturis Experience came to an end yesterday after it was announced he had been traded to the Pittsburgh Pirates for the always sought-after "Player to Be Named".

Many probably don't know this, but for some ungodly reason, we sponsored Cesar's Baseball Reference page. I don't really know why I did this. I blame the winter doldrums and too much cough medicine. Anyway, since Cesar is no longer a Cub it seems kind of silly for our name to be on the page for all five people that care about his stats to see. So as a sort of "best wishes" to our friends over at Where Have You Gone, Andy Van Slyke?, I decided to let them be the de facto sponsors of his page for the remainder of the year.

Enjoy Cesar. He'll fit nicely into the Tracyball philosophy.

Jones NOT Going to Florida

Before we could even post about the deal, it appears a trade that would've sent Jock Jones to the Marlins has hit a snag and has all but died on the table.

While it's speculated the so-called "unspecified snag" was money-related, a TMS insider tells us that the Marlins balked at the deal once they discovered that Jock really isn't very good.

Well I think the writing on the wall is pretty big at this point. Jones will probably be gone within the month. Let's hope Hendry gets something for him and doesn't get duped into taking another catcher and a Dunkin Donuts gift card.