A Tuesday Afternoon Update from Bud Norris

Braves, err Dodgers, err Cardinals, wait no, apparently Phillies pitcher Bud Norris (aka Nud Borris) loves him some lettuce. It's all he talks about. Ask the Atlanta, LA, or St. Louis beat writers. They'll tell you. Looks like you can ask the Philadelphia beat writers now too. Can someone just sign this guy to a long term deal already? The floor is yours Nud:

THANK YOU 8,091 TWEETER PEOPLES!!!!!

7 Ballplayers With Insightful Twitter Handles

Thanks to social media, fans today have more access to their favorite baseball players than ever before. One of the preferred platforms for many players is Twitter. In 140 characters or less, they can interact with fans on a regular basis and make them feel like they're a bigger part of the game. But did you know some players have become rather creative when making their Twitter handles? The following 7 guys have some of the most interesting handles we've seen that offer a little more insight into their lives.

1. Dan Haren - @ithrow88

Seems like every new pitcher to emerge these days is a fireballer. Guys throwing in the mid-to-upper 90s. Some even topping out at 100. Recently retired Cubs pitcher Dan Haren however was not one of them and his handle let's you know. 

2. Omar Infante - @kingofwhittling

When he's not being a utility infielder, Omar Infante is a master whittler. "He's really quite good," says Royals manager Ned Yost. "He's made me two walking canes and a nice pair of salt and pepper shakers." In fact, in his native Venezuela, Omar has received two presidential medals of honor for his whittling. While taking his knives on road trips can be a security issue, the officials at Kauffman Stadium turn a blind eye to his woodcarving blades. As teammate Lorenzo Cain tells us, "He's just gonna whittle man. He ain't gonna shank nobody."

3. Dustin Pedroia - @NotBrustinPedroia

Poor Dustin. No matter how hard he works and how many successes he's had in the big leagues, folks still confuse him with his twin brother Brustin. "Just the other day I was out to lunch and had two people come up for my autograph," Dustin explains. "I of course have to immediately point out that I'm not my world famous LARP champion brother Brustin. Only about a quarter of the folks still want the autograph after that."

4. Mike Trout - @poliosurvivor27

I bet you thought polio was all but eradicated in this country. Well not only are you wrong, it turns out one of the biggest players in baseball had it his rookie season. "It was a real bummer to get called up at 19 and find out you have polio," says Trout. "At least I got better and won Rookie of the Year the next season, so it's all good."

5. D.J. LeMahieu - @lildaveynobones

You may know that former Cub and current Rockies second baseman D.J. LeMahieu won a Gold Glove in 2014. But what you probably didn't know was that D.J. plays with absolutely no bones. Born without a skeleton, D.J.'s parents were told he wouldn't probably live any more than a few days let alone become a major league ballplayer. Yet here he is. Having defied the odds he's out there making plays in the field with his goopy gelatinous body, inspiring folks everywhere.

6. Evan Longoria - @sonofacentaur

As Evan puts it, "I'm not ashamed of who my dad is. He's a great guy. Even if half of him is a horse." Longoria even spearheaded an effort to get more centaur-accessible facilities at Tropicana Field in 2013 and is currently working with Major League Baseball to get the other 29 stadiums to follow suit. Way to go Evan!

7. Mat Latos - @theREALgreenriverkiller

While most serial killers try to keep a low profile, Mat Latos isn't exactly hiding his devilish crimes very well. Way to keep it real Mat!

What's Trending on Twitter? A Governor X Investigation

Welcome to "What's Trending on Twitter?" This is a new TMS feature where I, the Saloon's resident Dodger fan and crusty old white person, check current trends on the Twitter machine.

Twitter has gotten really big since TMS last roamed the plains of the internets. We've been on the lam since July of 2012, and I only joined Twitter in August of that year. At the time, I basically joined just to secure my user name. I saw little point in the platform and wrote it off as another passing fad. Well, I misjudged that. I've really warmed to it as a way of getting up to the minute news on sports and politics. At the same time, the current trends will occasionally make you weep for humanity and/or feel really old. I know, I know. All you millennials have moved on to Snapchat to send pictures of your junk to one another, but we're catching up.

Let's see what's trending today...

Rihanna - Hey, I don't even need to Google that name. I know her! Does anyone remember that umbrella song? Under the ella ella ella or something. Anyway, shortly after that came out she got beat up by that guy. She's trending today because she's just made a video with Drake. You know Drake. He's the Toronto Raptors' version of Jack Nicholson. The sad thing is, Jack Nicholson is probably a better rapper. His lazy rhymes pretty much killed off rap music for me. Now it's all Florida Georgia Line all the time.

Rick Tyler - My first thought was "Stephen Tyler's bastard son?" Nope. Some Ted Cruz campaign operative. He seems to have gotten in trouble for spreading the rumor that Ted Cruz is an actual human being and not some smarmy bible beating android.

Dangerous Woman - I had no idea what this was going to be either. It's Ariana Grande's new album title. The national anthem at the Super Bowl a couple years back is the only thing I've ever heard her sing. Let's keep it that way.

#NostalgicFor - Ah yes...it's like your mom's facebook shares from KBOR FM 88.3, but on Twitter. Does anyone remember macaroni and cheese in the box? Yes. Literally everyone. This trend lets all share what we're nostalgic for! It could be fun if you're into that sort of thing I guess (I don't like to share.), but someone always ruins the fun:

#NostalgicFor when the planet wasnt being choked to death by poisonous gases, slowly exterminating all life as we know it. and CatDog

— executive ren (@RenShaye) February 22, 2016

Good god. Just shut up.

#UniversityChallenge - What are the kids doing today? Eating fish sticks through their ass to raise awareness about hunger in Suriname? Getting offended by wind? God damn I'm glad I finished college ages ago. Back in my day, you know, like a little over ten years ago, you could just drink and have a good time (I went to a state school). Now it's all "viral" pranks and political correctness. I clicked on this and still have no idea what the hell it is, so I'll just move on.

Sen. Claire McCaskill - She has breast cancer. I can't make jokes about that can I? No? Well shit. More like Sen. McBuzzkill...

#BlueJays - Hey look! Baseball. This is a baseball blog. Kind of anyway. I'm not a Toronto fan, but just thinking about Bautista's bat flip makes my loins stir. It would have been nice had they won the damn series though. They probably shouldn't have made that R.A. Dickey trade.

Jimmy Rollins - What a sad garbage fart Jimmy Rollins' 2015 season in LA was. The 2015 Dodgers seriously started games with a middle infield of Jimmy Rollins and Chase Utley. Again, 2015 not 2008. Better late than never? Nope. Fart noise. Rollins as a backup wouldn't have been so bad, but LA's manager was Donny Dumbass so he always had to have the crafty (translation: terrible) veteran starting. Rollins signed with the White Sox. He'll be grabbing a lot of bench.

Work from Home - I work from home, but there's too much to say about it. We'll revisit this topic later.

#MusicMonday - You just post about music? I never hear new music anymore. I don't do that Spotify or Apple Music nonsense and the radio is pure garbage. Did you guys know Toto is still making music? Why don't they play that on the radio? Here's a picture of Suzanne Vega. Happy #MusicMonday everyone!

My name is Luka, I live on the third floor? No. No. SECOND FLOOR. Hand me my fucking Grammy!