May 05, 2006 | Comments (0) | by Chaim Witz
May 05, 2006 | Comments (0) | by Jake the Terrible Cubs Fan
FIRST BASE - Lance Niekro, SF - The son of legendary knuckleballer Joe Niekro is batting .203 with 1 homer in 75+ AB. His play is just like former Giants 1B J.T. Snow, except without the Gold Glove defense.
SECOND BASE - Jeff Kent, LAD - Sadly Jeff will probably get voted to the actual All-Star team, despite the fact he's done little so far this season to deserve it. Everyone's favorite backwoods middle infielder hick is batting a dismal .181, and has shown a real lack of power with only three extra-base hits. Maybe he needs to butt heads with a teammate in order for him to get him fired up? (i.e. Bonds, Milton Bradley) Kent was recently beaned in the head by San Francisco's Brad Hennessey. I tried to find a video clip to link to but had no luck. Dang.
THIRD BASE - Joe Randa, PIT - You could make an argument that Aramis Ramirez could be here. But despite the fact that I'm slightly biased, I would expect A-Ram-Ram's bat to pick up here in the coming weeks. So that basically leaves us with Joe Randa. This really shouldn't be a shock. Joe hasn't had an overly great season in quite a while. Randa should feel right at home in Pittsburgh since the Pirates are basically the Royals of the NL, with a slightly better farm system.
SHORTSTOP - Royce Clayton, WAS - I was all ready to put Rafael Furcal on here with his .200 AVG, but felt he still has contributed more to his team than Clayton has with the Nats. Despite his lack of hits, Furcal has drawn 18 BB to his 16 K's. Meanwhile the 36 year old Clayton is batting .229 with 19 K's and only 7 BB with no homers and no steals. I guess Nats fans can take solace that they're no longer starting this guy at least.
CATCHER - Mike Piazza, SD - Here's another one that will probably get the starting gig in the real All-Star Game despite catchers that deserve it much more. And for you Padre fans scoring at home, Ramon Hernandez: .313, 4 HR, 20 RBI; Mike Piazza: .222, 3 HR, 6 RBI. Recently, backup catcher Doug Mirabelli was traded back to Boston so he could catch for Tim Wakefield. Or so they say. Clubhouse insiders say the real reason Mirabelli was sent back was due to his growing discomfort with Mike invading his "personal space". It all came to a head last week when Mike offered to rub out a sore shoulder of Doug's. Luckily we were able to get a photo of the incident to share with you.
OUTFIELD - Cliff Floyd, NYM - Well, we can say one thing. Cliff is at least perfoming better than his kidneys.
OUTFIELD - Reggie Abercrombie, FLA - I really know nothing about Reggie. I do know that his last name evokes thoughts of the most heinous clothing store ever created. Hey, you know what'd be cool? Lets go to the mall and shop at a store where everyone that works there is obviously cooler and better looking than you, and they're not afraid to show it. Oh, and while we're there, we'll get to listen to horrible techno/house music that's cranked at AC/DC-like decibel levels. Imagine, for $75 you can get a pair of jeans that look like a homeless man wore them for 12 years first, some bloody eardrums, and lower self-esteem. Awesome!
OUTFIELD - Chris Duffy, PIT - We'll close it out with another Pirate. Through 90 AB's this season, Chris has pretty much brought nothing to the table, batting .200 with 0 homers and 4 RBI. I will give him credit that he's been hitting a little better in the past week and in the last 9 days has bumped the AVG up to .200 from .169.
May 05, 2006 | Comments (0) | by Chaim Witz
May 03, 2006 | Comments (1) | by Governor X
May 03, 2006 | Comments (1) | by T.R.
May 01, 2006 | Comments (0) | by Governor X
Lance Carter's reign of terror has come to an end after his latest implosion in San Diego. He will be replaced with a fatter, but slightly less gay version of Kyle Farnsworth, Jonathan Broxton.
April 28, 2006 | Comments (0) | by T.R.
April 28, 2006 | Comments (0) | by Jake the Terrible Cubs Fan
FIRST BASE - Dan Johnson, OAK - Dan had a strong finish to his 2005 season and seemed poised to big offensive asset to the A's this season. He's been anything but, going 8 for 55 from the plate for a .145 AVG so far, forcing Oakland fans to actually mutter the words, "I miss Scott Hatteberg's bat".
SECOND BASE - Mark Ellis, OAK - This one makes me laugh because I kept hearing people talking about Ellis being their "sleeper" pick at 2B in fantasy leagues this season. Well he's certainly sleeping at the plate if that's what they meant. Mark is batting .181 with 16 K's and only 3 walks. Its so bad, that Mark's fan site hasn't been updated for months. That or maybe the restraining order on the website's creator, that was issued after she asked Mark for a couple of his toenails, is working. Ellis should get out of this funk once he works out the kinks in his current campaign for the Texas Senate. This immigration thing has really had him busy!
THIRD BASE - Adrian Beltre, SEA - Mark it dude, 2004 was just a statistical anomaly. Since getting a fat payday from the Mariners, Beltre has done little to show for it, and has given people in Seattle yet another reason to slit their wrists. Currently, Beltre's batting average is lower than Courtney Love's blood alcohol content.
SHORTSTOP - Bobby Crosby, OAK - OK so this is getting ugly for A's fans. Crosby who for whatever reason became everyone's favorite player to jock this preseason as their dark horse MVP candidate, is hitting .224 and has a K/BB ratio of 8. And to make matters worse for him in the All-Star voting, when you go to compare AL SS stats, mlb.com shows us Bubba Crosby's stats instead. For those not familiar with Bubba Crosby, he's a mediocre OF for the Yankees that some dunderhead in your fantasy league probably once mistakenly picked up from waivers thinking it was Bobby.
CATCHER - Jason Kendall, OAK - Alright I promise that I won't have any A's in the OF. Agreed? But come on, who else would fill this spot better than Kendall. He's getting paid over $11 million a year and offers virtually no offense (no defense either, his percentage for throwing base-stealers out last year would make Mike Piazza blush). Also I found this picture.
OUTFIELD - Rondell White, MIN - Apparently someone told Minnesota that bringing in the oft-injured White to play full-time in the OF would be a good idea. Well at least he's stayed healthy so far. But don't the Twins usually have a crapload of players in their farm system? Any of them would be better than White's .143 AVG through 83 at bats with 19 K's and 0, count'em, 0 walks. Meanwhile Twins fans are telling themselves "Wow Jacque Jones looks like shit this year......wait a minute."
OUTFIELD - Jeff Conine, BAL - Conine and B.J. Surhoff had a contest to see who could stay in the bigs longer. Jeff won.
OUTFIELD - Jay Payton, OAK - OK, I lied. But Jebus have you seen Payton's number thus far? I can see why people picked Oakland to be a contender in the AL. They're an offensive juggernaut, what with Eric Chavez, Nick Swisher, and..... Eric Chavez & Nick Swisher. Maybe they can just bat those two guys and have them play with ghost runners.April 26, 2006 | Comments (0) | by Jake the Terrible Cubs Fan
April 26, 2006 | Comments (2) | by T.R.
