Bartender Banter: 200th Post Extravaganza

200 posts here at TMS, and not a thought-provoking intellectual conversation in a single one!

NBA Bitch Fight!
I'm sure you've seen clips of the latest fracas in the NBA this past weekend. I love me some basketball fights. Only because it's entertaining to watch guys that tall essentially fight like girls. They can gracefully drive to the hoop with ease, but when it comes to throwing a punch they're the most uncoordinated looking people on earth. And how about Carmelo looking like a punk bitch with that suckerpunch on Collins? Fine if he throws a punch, but man up and hold your ground instead of sprinting away like that. "Run Carmelo! It's Jared Jeffries!"

Bears Nearly Blow It
Wow guys. You do realize you were playing the Tampa Bay Buccaneers right? One thing's for sure. The Bruce Gradkowski Era looks like it's over in Tampa. He'll now be the obscure name your buddy throws out during a fantasy draft 5 years from now when everyone's joking about which QB a guy should pick.

Devin Hester finally started getting some hype this past week from the media, and what happens? He fumbles twice, including one that was recovered by the Bucs with excellent field position. Then again the folks at ESPN and such were blathering on about how great Drew Brees and the Saints were and they were stunned by a weak ass Redskins team. To stay par for the course I would expect Rudi Johnson, who according to the 'experts' is supposedly going to run rings around the Colts tonight, to rush for only 43 yards with two fumbles.

Lilly Can't Wear 31
Ted Lilly can't wear 31 for the Cubs. The number, once worn by both Fergie Jenkins and Greg Maddux is off limits apparently in case they decide to retire it in the future. Huh? If you're going to retire it, retire it then. Otherwise let the dude wear it. Are they worried that Lilly will become some HOF pitcher as well and they'll have an even greater predicament on their hands?

Honestly, I've made my case for Mark Grace already, but Jenkins should probably be the next number retired. I think the argument against him is that he didn't play the full majority of his career in Chicago, having spent 6 seasons with the Rangers and 2 with the Red Sox. But Fergie's greatest years were with the Cubs, and with 9 full seasons with them that was the team he played the most for and had the biggest impact with. If you wanna include Maddux in the honoring, go for it. It'd probably be silly to retire that number without giving a nod to Mad Dog as well.

Meanwhile, the Cubs have no qualms issuing #21 to Jason Marquis, which some outfielder we had once wore. I think he was Dominican and spoke very spotty English. Since Marquis is probably going to be my new favorite whipping boy, I was really hoping he'd don the infamous #13.

The Flaming Hot Stove

Here's a quick rundown of some of the latest offseason dealings....

Andy Pettitte to the Yankees - "My home's here in Texas. My family is here, my church, my- what? $16 million? Plus a $16 million option for 2008? Let me pack my bag and I'll be on the next plane to New York. Did you talk to Roger yet?"

Obviously that's not a real quote from Pettitte, but the way the media was painting it, he didn't seem to want to leave his home again. Funny how money changes things. Classic New York contract, dropping a crapload of money for an aging vet. Of course even Andy Pettitte with a banged up elbow is still probably better than say Jaret Wright or Carl Pavano.

Jason Jennings to the Astros - The 'stros made a kneejerk trade with Andy's departure, getting Jason Jennings and Miguel Asencio from Colorado in exchange for Willy Taveras, Taylor Buchholz, and Jason Hirsh. I was kind of hoping the Cubs would make a move for Jennings, but not for as much as Houston gave away for him.

Jennings has shown success in hitter-friendly Coors, so being at another hitter-friendly park in Houston shouldn't be too much of an adjustment for him. Meanwhile you can pretty much guarantee that Buchholz won't be drafted in any fantasy leagues next year pitching in Denver. On the other hand the move to Colorado could prove incredibly beneficial to Willy Taveras' power numbers. I fully expect him to double or even triple is home run total from 2006.

Eric Gagne to the Rangers - According to reports a few weeks ago, Gagne never felt better and was in great shape. Of course pretty much every client of Scott Boras is like Col. Steve Austin when they're a free agent. I think our own Governor Gray Davis summed it up best when he said, "A borderline cripple pitching in Arlington...that should work out well."

J.D. Drew & Julio Lugo to the Red Sox - Crap, there's goes the Cubs potential center fielder. I meant Lugo, not Drew. But seriously, whenever you can sign one of the most prolific hitting outfielders (on paper), for $14 million a year, you gotta make that move. Over the last seven seasons, Drew has averaged 120 games played. Currently Vegas has the over/under of games played by Drew in '07 at 96.5.

Jeff Cirillo to the Twins - Holy shit, seriously? This guy is still in the league?

Kenny Lofton to the Rangers - Kenny aims to play for more teams in his career than Reggie Sanders. The current score is 10-8 in favor of Kenny.

Daryle Ward to the Cubs - The replacement for John Mabry. Only difference is that Ward is capable of hitting.

Victor Zambrano non-tendered by the Mets - You gotta cut your losses at some point I guess. Oh well, at least you guys didn't deal away anybody of great value to get him......oh wait.

Marcus Giles non-tendered by the Braves - Hey Hendry, what about this guy? Perhaps? He can't be worse than what we have right now in the middle infield.

Daisuke Matsuzaka to the Red Sox - ESPN will be launching ESPN Dice-K, a 24-hour network that will follow the Japanese phenom around and report his every move. At last they have another player to dry hump now that they've realized with the cancellation of Bonds on Bonds that nobody gives a shit about Barry.

As far as Dice goes, I'm not sure what is more bewildering. His mysterious gyroball, or his mysterious yellow corn tooth.

David Eckstein's Nerdiness Leads to Drunken Discovery

I started out with the full intention of writing up a short piece around the fact that David Eckstein is the biggest nerd on the planet. This should come as a shock to no one who has ever seen this guy, who is the equivalent to the white Urkel. But the straw that broke the camel's cock was when I flipped through the Tribune the other day, I stumbled across a classic article about Eckstein 'brawling' with the anointed leader of white trash nation, A.J. 'Who Me?' Pierzynski at a TNA wrestling pay per view. That sounds exotic.

The article in the paper had a picture, where it appears that Eckstein is holding some sort of championship belt. A wrestling belt none-the-less. Wow. I mean, World Series MVP was enough of a stretch, but wrestling champion? Even given the fact that wrestling is entirely and cartoonishly scripted, and the TNA wrestling roster includes a character aptly named 'Shark Boy', this seems out of context and completely absurd.

So I was looking for a picture of this monumental wrestling feud, which probably ranks up there amongst the greatest of all-time, alongside Koko B. Ware vs. The Genius. No pictures were found, though it did lead me to a site that deserves a mention beyond 'Left Field Link of the Week'.

Yes, that's right, DrunkAthletes.com. A whole site devoted to pictures of athletes getting loaded. Look at the picture of Eckstein! Drinking straight Cuervo out of the bottle. Most players chug champagne or even beer after winning it all, but this diminutive sprite says 'Fuck It! Mas Tequila!' That alone was almost enough to get taken of my Nerds of the Year list, but then you visit his official website and look at the pictures of him with his hat off, and goddamn it Eckstein, you're right back to square one.

But back to Drunk Athletes. AJ Pierzynski doing a whip cream shot. Jimmy Johnson's man tits. A coked up Steve Nash ripping his shirt off on the dance floor. Michael Jordan bartending before a big night of gambling and cheating on his wife. All of it, sports comedy gold. I will never watch the Fox NFL Pregame the same after looking at those pictures of Jimmy Johnson. It's like walking in your parents having sex. Huddled in the fetal postion, shaking and sweating, I am scarred, yet oddly aroused.

I'm going to go chug some tequila and seek help. But not before I tivo me some hot TNA action!

My hair may not move, but my belly does! Where's the sex boat?

Jason Marquis? Really?

OK, now this has just gotten patently ridiculous. The Cubs are spending money just to spend money at this point. Jason Marquis, he of a league worst 6.02 ERA, signs a 3 year, 21 million dollar deal. That ranks up there in the annals of asininity alongside New Coke, the XFL and Sam Smith NBA trade rumblings.

Ted Lilly I could live with, if for no other reason than that he will look handsome in pinstripes. But Jason Marquis? He didn't even make the Cardinals playoff roster, and for good reason. The monkey from the movie 'Ed' was a better pitcher (and for the record, a better actor than Matt LeBlanc). Marquis had only one year that the most generous pundit would qualify as 'decent', but let's remember, so did Rick Wilkins.

Why not give Shawn Marshall or Angel Guzman a shot in Spring Training to win the other starting job? Sure they struggled, but so did Rich Hill for the longest time before he put it together.

Horrible Cardinals pitcher comes to the Cubs to try to resurrect a career that was never worth resurrecting in the first place. Hmm...Jason, I liked you a lot better when your name was Alan Benes. Oh snaps, no I didn't! Yes I did just go there. Daaaaaammmnnnn.








Vegas oddsmakers have Matt LeBlanc as the next former NBC star to pull a "Kramer".

War Criminal: Tony Homo

I don't think I've ever accelerated from zero to pathological hatred with a player as quickly as I have with Tony Homo of the Dallas Cowboys.

The Cowboys were dead and Bill Parcells was beginning to be exposed as the fraud he is and then this pissant comes along. Now the Cowboys have been resurrected and Parcells is still being hailed as the great coach he hasn't been since I was in grade school. Intolerable.

Homo went to Eastern Illinois which barely has a football program. After chewing up the I-AA competition he went undrafted, but garnered a job with the Dallas Cowboys based on the advice of Sean Payton.

All year we heard nothing but Cowboys fans pining for this unknown Tony Homo. Granted, Drew Bledsoe is terrible, but still pining for an unheard of, undrafted I-AA QB couldn't have better exemplified the stupidity of the average Dallas Cowboys fan.

Unfortunately, Homo has put up decent numbers since being given the starting job, which of course all the brain dead Cowboys fans who couldn't have picked him out of a one man lineup a couple months ago are taking credit for. The media, who are whores, have annointed him the 2nd coming of christ, and so I felt my hand was forced in issuing this indictment.

If his crimes on the field aren't bad enough, he's apparently dating Jessica Simpson. I don't know why that makes me mad, but it does.

Anyway, to close, fuck you Tony Homo. I couldn't even come up with a coherent attack against you. You're just evil.

The All-80's Team - AL Center Field

Astroturf, powder blue uniforms, wearing batting helmets in the field to protect your jheri curl, hitting 25 homers and being considered a legitimate slugger, big-league hair, that horrible gum from packs of baseball cards.... who doesn't love baseball from the 80's? Over the next several weeks I will be looking at the best players of the decade as we assemble the TMS All-80's Team. We've finished with the National League and now we'll tackle the American. To meet the criteria a player will have to have played in at least 4 seasons in the 1980's and they must have played the bulk of their games at a certain position during that time to qualify there. Included will be a poll on the left sidebar, so our faithful readers can weigh in on this great debate. But remember, we're focusing on a player's contributions in just the 1980's. What they did in the decades before and/or after are not being considered in this.

Last week we covered AL LF. Rickey Henderson was very pleased to see that Rickey Henderson had won the poll, making Rickey Henderson the starting left fielder for the American League.

AMERICAN LEAGUE CENTER FIELDERS

Fred Lynn
Boston Red Sox (1980), California Angels (1981-84), Baltimore Orioles (1985-88), Detroit Tigers (1988-89)

All-Star: 1980-83
Awards: 1982 ALCS MVP, 1983 ASG MVP
Gold Gloves: 1980
Postseason: 1982 ALCS

Notes: Lynn was a solid center fielder, both offensively and defensively. Fred won a handul of Gold Gloves with the Boston Red Sox. When he was traded to California, Fred still managed to put up decent power numbers, but his AVG took a nosedive as he moved away from lefty hitter-friendly Fenway Park. His 306 career homers is 9th all-time among center fielders.



Lloyd Moseby
Toronto Blue Jays (1980-89)

All-Star: 1986
Silver Sluggers: 1983
Postseason: 1985 ALCS, 1989 ALCS
League Leader: 1984 Triples

Notes: Along with George Bell, Jesse Barfield, Moseby made up the center of what was one of the best offensive outfields of the 80's. Lloyd could hit for power as well as steal bases. He once stole second base, ran back to first, and then stole second again all in one play.






Dwayne Murphy
Oakland A's (1980-87), Detroit Tigers (1988)

Gold Gloves: 1980-85
Postseason: 1981 ALCS

Notes: While he never was an All-Star hitter, Dwayne was one of the best defensive center fielders of the decade, winning 6 straight Gold Gloves from 1980 to 1985.










Kirby Puckett
Minnesota Twins (1984-89)

Hall of Fame: Inducted in 2001
All-Star: 1986-89
Awards: 1989 ALCS MVP
Gold Gloves: 1986-89
Silver Sluggers: 1986-89
Postseason: 1987 WS
League Leader: 1987 Hits, 1988 Hits, 1989 Hits & AVG

Notes: One of the most prolific hitters of his era, Kirby was also a whiz in the field too, earning as many Gold Gloves in the 80's as he did Silver Bats. Kirby is credited as having given the nickname "Donnie Baseball" to Don Mattingly.




Gorman Thomas
Milwaukee Brewers (1980-83, 1986), Cleveland Indians (1983), Seattle Mariners(1984-86)

All-Star: 1981
Postseason: 1981 ALDS, 1982 WS
League Leader: 1982 Home Runs

Notes: How the hell was Gorman a center fielder? Pretty much always hitting for power (his career AVG is .225), Gorman led the AL in home runs in 1982 with 39. Gorman is also the only player listed here with his own barbecue stand at Miller Park.






Willie Wilson
Kansas City Royals (1980-89)

All-Star: 1982-83
Gold Gloves: 1980
Silver Sluggers: 1980, 1982
Postseason: 1980 WS, 1981 ALDS, 1984 ALCS, 1985 WS
League Leader: AVG (1982), Runs (1980), Hits (1980), Triples (1980, 1982, 1985, 1987-88), Singles (1980-82)

Notes: Wilson was a mainstay at center for Kansas City throughout the decade. Known for his blazing speed, Willie finished in the top 5 for steals in the AL from 1980-88. He also led the league in triples 5 different times in the decade. His career 668 stolen bases puts him 12th on the all-time list.







Be sure and vote for your choice of AL Center Field for the TMS All-80's Team. Check out the poll in the left sidebar.

Contract Recap: GMs on Crack

There have been quite a few moves by GMs in the past week. Some are good, some are iffy, and some leave you wondering if the GM who pulled the trigger is trying to get fired. Here's a recap starting in LA:

Jason Schmidt is a Dodger. Excellent. In addition to solidfying the clusterfuck LA called a rotation, the move leaves the Giants pitching staff in shambles. A little pricey, but still one of the best moves of the week.

Luis Gonzalez is also a Dodger. Once again fate reminds us that good and bad often balance out. A 39 year old who has never hit well at Dodger Stadium isn't an answer. On the plus side, Thunder Matt's own Brant Brown doesn't have to drive too far to heckle him.

Gil Meche to KC for $11 mil/year. Who the hell does Gil Meche think he is? Journeyman assclowns like this guy should be thankful if they make half this much. And if Kansas City decided to dust off their checkbook, why this guy?

Greg Maddux to San Diego. Camouflage and turd brown throwbacks must appeal to Greg at this stage in his career...or maybe he just wanted to pad his stats in that cavernous ballpark. Either way, I think Greg should have at least garner Gil Meche money...

Theo Epstein loses his mind. Julio Lugo...4 years/$36 million and JD Drew...5 years/$70 million. Those figures are not a mistake. Drew is a solid, though boring, outfielder who was already overpaid when he was making $11 mil in LA. Julio Lugo is a career .277 hitter who drove in a whopping 37 runs last year. Poor Peter Gammons may have another aneurysm if this keeps up.

Smelling Like Lillies

The Cubs continued their drunken spending spree, agreeing to terms with Ted 'Fuck You, I'm Not Smilin' Lilly on a four year deal worth a reported $40 million.

I've always had an affinity for Mr. Lilly, since 2003 when I drafted him late in my fantasy baseball league as one of my coveted 'sleeper picks'. Hopefully Ted can do more for the Cubs than he did for my fantasy team that year.

Like most of the free agent pitchers out there commanding big bucks, Ted has proved maddeningly inconsistent. In other words, he should fit right in on the North Side. None-the-less it surely beats trotting out Jae Kuk Ryu and Glendon Rusch to throw extended batting practice. Hopefully Lilly's "I don't give a shit" demeanor doesn't clash with Piniella's "Oh yeah, well I DO give a shit" demeanor. This could be the oddest pairing since Paul Reiser and Greg Evigan shared a roof in the quasi-homosexual 'My Two Dads'.

Go Panthers! UNI vs. Iowa Tonight

It's only three hours until Hawk Panther Time!

When it comes to basketball, I hate the Iowa Hawkeyes. Wait, wait, wait, let me go back. I used to love the Hawkeyes. Then that ass clown Steve Alfraud came to town and made a mockery of the program. After the way he handled the Pierre Pierce debacle I have imposed a personal boycott of the team until his ass is out of Iowa City.

Luckily for me, my alma mater, the University of Northern Iowa has been pretty decent in recent years, making it to the tournament the last three seasons. And tonight the two face off in their annual game, which should once again be a good one to watch. Of course, unless you live in or near Eastern Iowa, or you have the ESPN Full Court package, you probably won't get to see this. In recent years the home team usually wins, with the Hawks getting the upperhand at Carver-Hawkeye, and the Panthers taking advantage in the UNI-Dome. Tonight's game is at Iowa so you'd have to consider them the favorites.

UNI, has looked good so far this year, with their only loss coming to #15 Washington. Last week they beat Iowa State, (Who just lost to Drake by the way. Seriously, no one loses to Drake!) but Iowa should be a tougher foe than the Cyclones. Leading the Panthers are seniors Brooks McKowen and Grant Stout, and junior Eric Coleman. McKowen has taken over at guard for sharp-shooting Ben Jacobsen who graduated last year, while Stout and Coleman have provided the Panthers with a tough frontcourt. Coleman is averaging 8.7 rebounds per game while Stout has 8.0. UNI is known for their tough defense as opponents are damn lucky to score more than 65-70 points in a game against them.

Iowa is led by senior guard Adam Haluska, who's averaging 18.5 ppg. After dropping four straight games to Alabama, Villanova, Arizona State and Virginia Tech, the Hawkeyes have bounced back with two wins over cupcakes Coppin State and Texas Pan-American.

So here's to the Panthers trouncing the goddamn Hawkeyes tonight. Of course with the way things have gone in the past regarding the home teams, I'm pretty much figuring Iowa to win this one. Go Panthers, and go Missouri Valley Conference while we're at it. Let's have another great showing in March Madness and prove to the country yet again that Billy Packer is the biggest douchebag of them all, because let's face it, seeing a mid-major kick ass is better than watching the seventh best team in a power conference go nowhere in the tourney.

The All-80's Team - AL Left Field

Astroturf, powder blue uniforms, wearing batting helmets in the field to protect your jheri curl, hitting 25 homers and being considered a legitimate slugger, big-league hair, that horrible gum from packs of baseball cards.... who doesn't love baseball from the 80's? Over the next several weeks I will be looking at the best players of the decade as we assemble the TMS All-80's Team. We've finished with the National League and now we'll tackle the American. To meet the criteria a player will have to have played in at least 4 seasons in the 1980's and they must have played the bulk of their games at a certain position during that time to qualify there. Included will be a poll on the left sidebar, so our faithful readers can weigh in on this great debate. But remember, we're focusing on a player's contributions in just the 1980's. What they did in the decades before and/or after are not being considered in this.

Last week we covered AL SS. Cal Ripken rallied late to win the poll and will be the starting shortstop for the American League.

AMERICAN LEAGUE LEFT FIELDERS

George Bell
Toronto Blue Jays (1981-89)

Nickname: Liberty
All-Star: 1987
Awards: 1987 AL MVP
Silver Sluggers: 1985-87
Postseason: 1985 ALCS, 1989 ALCS
League Leader: 1987 RBI

Notes: Looking at the photo on his baseball card, you'd think George was a jovial character. On the contrary, Bell was an ornery bastard. He was surly and lackadaisical in his play in the field. He even once tried to karate kick Boston pitcher Bruce Kison once, in a move that was imitated years later by Chan Ho Park. But dammit George could hit, and in the mid-80's was one of the most feared sluggers in the league. Later on he would sign on with the Cubs and eventually become trade bait for the White Sox as we end up with Ken Patterson and some Sammy Sosa dude.



Joe Carter
Cleveland Indians (1984-89)

League Leader: 1986 RBI

Notes: From one ex-Cub to another, Carter spent the bulk of the decade with the Cleveland Indians. Joe was a big-time slugger for the Tribe, having 3 100-RBI seasons with them. In1989 he was traded to the Blue Jays, where he would later become a Toronto legend. Carter later went on to pollute the airwaves as the worst Cubs announcer ever, and that's even counting Dave Otto.






Mike Greenwell
Boston Red Sox (1985-89)

Nickname: The Gator
All-Star: 1988-89
Silver Sluggers: 1988
Postseason: 1986 WS, 1988 ALCS

Notes: Greenwell was a stud in 1988, hitting .325 with 22 homers and 119 RBI, finishing second to Jose Canseco for the AL MVP award (It's hard to beat 42 homers with 40 stolen bases). Greenwell never quite lived up to expectations after that season but nonetheless provided the Red Sox with some decent pop in their lineup. Mike now races trucks or something.



Rickey Henderson
Oakland A's (1980-84, 1989), New York Yankees (1985-89)

Nickname: The Man of Steal
All-Star: 1980, 1982-88
Awards: 1989 ALCS MVP
Gold Gloves: 1981
Silver Sluggers: 1981, 1985
Silver Sluggers: 1981 ALCS, 1989 WS
League Leader: Runs (1981, 85, 86, 89), BB (1982, 83, 89), Stolen Bases (1980-86), (1988-89)

Notes: The only player I know that has a section in their Wikipedia entry entitled "Malapropisms" which lists various quotes and anecdotes of him speaking in the third-person. My personal favorite being that he's known to take practice swings in front of a mirror fully nude while saying "Rickey's the best! You tha man, Rickey!"



Ben Oglivie
Milwaukee Brewers (1980-86)

All-Star: 1980, 1982, 1983
Silver Sluggers: 1980
Postseason: 1981 ALDS, 1982 WS
League Leader: 1980 Home Runs

Notes: Oglivie was good power hitter in the early 80's and along with Ted Simmons, Cecil Cooper, Robin Yount, and Gorman Thomas, provided the Brewers one of the most potent hitting lineups in the American League. In 1980, Oglivie shared the home run title with Reggie Jackson, hitting 41.





Jim Rice
Boston Red Sox (1980-89)

All-Star: 1980, 1983-86
Silver Sluggers: 1983-84
Postseason: 1986 WS, 1988 ALCS
League Leader: 1983 Home Runs, RBI

Notes: OK so I've argued that guys should be in the HOF before, but Rice I think is one that has been slighted the most. The guy put up extraordinary numbers for the time he played.







Be sure and vote for your choice of AL Left Field for the TMS All-80's Team. Check out the poll in the left sidebar.

A Mile High Minute...Jay "Jesus" Cutler Edition

After months of clamoring from the Plummer haters, Mike Shanahan benched the veteran in favor of rookie Jay Cutler from Vanderbilt. Cutler is supposed to be the new Elway and save a franchise on its way to the playoffs from missing the playoffs (huh?).

Erm...no such luck. Cutler put up piss poor numbers against the Seahawks and the Broncos lost for the third game in a row. When they were in the AFC, the Seahawks couldn't buy a win at Mile High but they pulled it out last night. The final score was much closer than it should have been because of a lucky shot from Cutler to fellow rookie Brandon Marshall late in the forth.

Take two against the Chargers next week...I'm not holding my breath.

Gross, man.

I'm no Bears fan, but seriously, its time for the Rex Grossman experiment to end. Grossman was 6 of 19 for 34 yards and 3 picks against the Vikings as the Bears again won in spite of their offense's best efforts to lose. Brian Griese is no Jim McMahon...hell he isn't even a Steve Walsh or Eric Kramer, but he's a damn sight better than Grossman. If the Bears want to do another lame Super Bowl dance this year its time for the Griese era to begin.

Hey it's a post about the Cubs!

I know, I know, to call yourself a Cubs blog, it usually helps to, you know, write about them. I guess my only argument for the lack of Cubs coverage here is that it's the offseason, and while we could continually report on the latest free agent and trade rumors, there are so many better Cubs blogs out there who are a lot more on the ball with that sort of thing. So instead of following suit and trying to reinvent the wheel (and trust me, our wheel would be made out of construction paper with a stick-figure bear drawn on, and some dry macaroni pasted on part of it, but not all of it, because we decided to eat the paste instead of using it), we are bringing you hard-hitting columns this offseason involving such hot topics as "drinking to David Caruso clips", "tributes to Freddie Mercury" and "why Peyton Manning is a douche". You know, the type of stuff everyone is clamoring for.

Anyway, the point of this post was to let you know that we did in fact write something Cubs-related recently, it just isn't posted here. We had the privilege of writing a guest column for the folks over at Goat Riders of the Apocalypse. While I'm sure a large chunk of people reading this post probably just came from Goatriders, for those 5 other regular readers we have that may not check them out, go take a gander.

Hell in a Handbasket

Let me be the one to say it, the world is going straight to hell. Here are some reasons why:

The inaugural Fantasy Hurricane League ended without even a whimper. Apparently Chaim Witz won based on Ernesto, but all in all it was a bust on par with Geraldo opening Al Capone's vault. Congrats to Chaim...I suppose.

Geraldo is still on the air too. If that doesn't tell you the end is near, I don't know what does.

The San Francisco Giants signed Dave Fucking Roberts to a 3 year/$18 million deal. As a Dodger fan I love this, but seriously, what the hell are they thinking up north?

The Dodgers big splash in the free agent market thus far has been aquiring Juan Pierre and Randy Wolf. Just kill me now.

The Broncos have decided to go to a rookie quarterback in the midst of a playoff run. First it was the tandem running backs of Bell and Bell, now this. Has Shanahan finally lost his mind?

Foxsports put together a list of the top ten ugliest uniforms ever and somehow left off the seizure inducing Chargers' "powder blues".

Kid Rock and Pam Anderson are getting divorced. What hope is there for the rest of us?

Vladimir Putin is poisoning anyone and everyone who has ever made Russia look bad. Its only a matter of time until Yakov Smirnoff turns up dead.

Apocalypto.

I think thats it for now. Enjoy your remaining days.