Chip's Playoff Picks: NFC Championship

Alright so here we are. The Conference Championships on the line and the TMSSS2000 is all lubed up and ready to go. In case you missed the previous installments here are some quick links if you're interested.

Chicago vs. Seattle & San Diego vs. New England
New Orleans vs. Philadelphia & Baltimore vs. Indianapolis
Dallas vs. Seattle & Indianapolis vs. Kansas City

So far the TMSSS2000 is 5-1 picking the winning team, and 4-2 against the spread. Let's see how the NFC Championship will unfold.

New Orleans Saints vs. Chicago Bears

The Bears win the toss and will start with the ball.

The first offensive series is an ugly one as Grossman is sacked by Mark Simoneau before throwing an interception to Josh Bullocks. Apparently the TMSSS2000 is starting to figure out Grossman a little better.

Drew Brees connects for a long pass to Marques Colston to take them down to the Bears 27. But two straight sacks from Lance Briggs and Brian Urlacher stall the drive. John Carney misses a 55 yard field goal attempt.

The Bears manage to grind their way down the field before settling for a 48 yard field goal off the foot of Robbie Gould (0-3 Bears).

The Saints fail to get anything going again on their next drive and are forced to punt as the second quarter ends

The Bears continue to grind the ball with short dump passes, but fail to go anywhere, punting the ball.

The Saints miss a golden opportunity for a TD when a wide open Marques Colston drops a bomb from Brees. The Saints punt.

Finally opening up the passing game a little, Grossman finds Muhsin Muhammad twice downfield on the series, and eventually connects with Bernard Berrian for the TD (0-10 Bears).

With seconds whittling away in the half Brees once again find Colston deep as the receiver takes the Saints down to the Bears 29 yard line. The second half is capped off with a TD pass to tight end Mark Campbell (7-10 Bears).

The Saints start with the ball in the second half. Just when it looks like it'll be another stalled drive, Deuce McAllister busts out for a huge run taking them down to the 28. The run is followed by Brees finding Joe Horn* in the back of the endzone for the score (14-10 Saints).

*I realize Horn will be a gametime decision. If he ends up being out for this week just replace this name with Terrance Copper.

The Bears simply have no answer as 8-bit Grossman looks lost. I just watched him opt for a screen to Cedric Benson twice in that drive while Moose was wide open downfield. Grrrr, this is just as frustrating as watching the real Bears! Chicago punts.

The Bears looking to stop the Saints get a boost with Alex Brown's third sack of the game. It looks like it's going to go down to the wire as the third quarter ends.

The fourth quarter starts with yet another sack on Brees. Facing 3rd and long, the Bears looking for the stop, Brees find Colston deep yet again and the Saints get the first down. Reggie Bush breaks for a couple big runs and just like that, the Saints score again, this time on a screen pass to Deuce (21-10 Saints).

Meanwhile we keep getting shots of 8-bit Tommie Harris on the sideline in regular clothes as 8-bit Joe Buck keeps beating us to death with how the Bears D just isn't the same without him and 8-bit Mike Brown. Yeah we get it, they're not as good without them. Now shut up!

It's do or die time for the Bears as they start on their own 15 yard line. Things are looking good as Grossman finds Cedric Benson on a short pass. Benson breaks away and takes it down to the 50.

Dammit! Once again Grossman fails to acknowledge a wide open Moose downfield, and passes it to Benson for a three yard loss. Christ, I'm getting pissed watching a Tecmo game. That ain't right, where's the Reset button!

On 4th and 23 the Bears pretty much just killed their Super Bowl dreams as Grossman throws an incompletion into double coverage. 8-bit Jerry Angelo begins looking at QB prospects for April's draft.

The Saints simply run the clock out, but not before they manage one more Brees to Deuce TD. Pricks (28-10 Saints).

Well that sucked. The Bears couldn't get anything going on the ground as Thomas Jones was stuffed. Grossman, while his stats don't look horrible was pretty bad when it came to reading the field and missed some huge opportunities. I should've just rolled with Jim Harbaugh on the roster.

Oh yeah Reggie Bush can kiss my ass too. If it wasn't one of Colston's long catches killing the Bears, it was Bush running for 11 yards on 3rd and 10.

Player of the game goes to Drew Brees who threw for 4 touchdowns.

So I guess I should wear pants...

Oh how the stars have aligned. Being the powerful and attractive man that I am, I was able to secure two tickets to this Friday's Cubs Media Social, which is the annual event that kicks off each Cubs Convention. The event is held for all media and Cubs sponsors as an opportunity to mingle with players and enjoy free appetizers and booze courtesy of the Tribune Company.

In case you were wondering, I am neither with the media, nor do I work for a Cubs sponsor. I'm just extremely lucky. Along for the ride with me will be frequent 'commenter', soon to be bartender, and legend in his own mind, Tommy Buzanis.

When I asked who exactly would be at this shindig, I was simply told 'everybody'. When I pressed for names, I got a 'dude...everybody'. So we shall see. I'm not sure what we will even do when we get there. I imagine Tommy and I will hang near the bar and talk about what we would say to certain players had we the intestinal fortitude. Then of course will come the joking around about 'What if I was so drunk that I just randomly chestbumped Jason Marquis?' phase, followed by me actually getting drunk enough to follow through and Tommy taking his shirt off and singing the 'Go Cubs Go' song.

Perhaps the stars will align and I'll have just enough liquid courage to tell Matt Murton about our humble blog. Upon which, born again Christian that he is, he immediately has it shut down and sues us for defaming his name.

So make sure to check back this weekend for all of the exciting (or painfully mundane) details.

Bartender Banter: Tecmo Sim Success

"Well, sure, the TMSSS2000 looks impressive, don't touch it, but I predict that within 100 years, computers will be twice as powerful, 10,000 times larger, and so expensive that only the five richest kings of Europe will own them."

Wow. To be honest I'm kind of weirded out by the Chargers-Patriots game. Not only did the TMSSS2000 predict the exact score, it even played out very similar with New England coming from behind to take a 3 point lead, followed by Nate Kaeding missing a field goal with seconds on the clock to lose the game.

Then there was the Colts Ravens game, which also played out fairly close to the simulation. The Colts managed a couple more field goals, but Adam Vinatieri was undoubtedly the hero of that game for Indy.

Granted there were other games that didn't quite match up as well (Eagles winning 31-0 wasn't exactly close), but on the weekend, the TMSSS2000 went 3-1 with it's picks and 3-1 against the spread. Not too shabby.

So with such great success, that New England game is a nice way to cap things off and retire the Tecmo picks right? Nope. The TMSSS2000 has a more inflated ego than ever, and is strutting around like it owns the place. It even hired a little twerpy personal assistant named Blake. I tried asking when it wanted to run the sims for the conference championships and Blake intervened and said that TMSSS2000 was 'very busy' and would like me to go fetch it a tall soy latte. Prick. I created you dammit! You can't treat me this way! You can't-..........uh...um (sigh of defeat) ......you want Starbucks or Panera?

War Criminal Trial Update

Over Christmas, in lieu of spending time with "family" or celebrating "Jesus", I went to the Netherlands to get an update on the War Criminals I've called out. As a reminder, I have handed down nine harsh indictments for war crimes, not counting the blanket indictment of everyone on the planet in honor of the new year.

Those who have been handed over to Interpol are being held in this highly secure prison on the outskirts of Den Haag. The prison is secure not because of any particular security measures in place, but just because the Dutch have designed it in such a confusing way there is no hope of escape. For example, ESPN managed to escape its cell (the door wasn't locked), but it has never left the building. Dutch authorities assume the rotting corpse will turn up when it gets warm again.

The actual trials are being held in the building pictured left, the International Court of Justice. Presently, Nomar Garciaparra and A. J. Pierzynski are facing the court. Nomar is taking the Saddam Hussein route, growing a shaggy beard, quoting the Quran, and questioning the authority of the court. His trial is expected to be quick, lasting only another decade or so. A. J. is proceeding in a more traditional American fashion, inexplicably hiring a personal injury lawyer and objecting to every account brought up against him.

Unfortunately, I have to report Mother Nature has cheated justice. She hung herself in her cell with her underwear after a particularly grueling Dutch breakfast.

Tony Homo and Georgia Frontiere are still on the run, but after that field goal debacle, Texas state troopers are working around the clock to track this fiend down so he will face justice.

Negotiations are currently underway with regards to how California would extradite the entire San Diego Padres organization.

TMS Hall Of Fame Ballot

Earlier this week I decided to ask everyone here at the Saloon to do their own 2007 Hall of Fame ballot that we could post and discuss. Well, a few days following the actual election and 1,000's of online articles about the HOF later, here it is.

Chaim, the Governor, and myself all contributed to this. Martin Gramatica hasn't been seen much since the Cowboys game, so he gets a free pass. Brant Brown however just dropped the ball. Get it? Dropped the ball, HAHAHAHAHAhahah....um heehee....erm...ugh.....I'm dumb.


Chaim's Ballot

Let me preface this by saying that I'm not voing for any closers. Sure, some are deserving and I wouldn't be upset if Gossage got in, but if you do that, you're opening the floodgates. Then you have to let Lee Smith in. Then the million others that will eventually all break his old saves record. Pretty soon we'll be enshrining Jose Mesa and Bobby Thigpen.

And then there's McGwire. Well, if I vote for Lou Ferigno, than I'd have no excuse not to vote for Bonds come his time. Or hell, even Canseco. And I'd rather watch a 'Armed and Famous' marathon than to cast those votes. Sorry guys.

Ripken and Gwynn: Can we discuss how asinine it is that there are actually voters that did NOT vote for these guys? Take Ripken for example. Eight voters chose to leave him OFF the their ballots! Now if we figure in the two jackasses that left their ballots blank, that still leaves six guys that voted, but did not vote for Ripken. Huh? "Oh he was ok, but he was no Dave Concepcion." Completely baffling. I would like to hear their rationale for the omission but fear that even the most thought out explanation would still lead to me punching them in the face. Voting privledges should be henceforth revoked for anyone that did not vote for these guys. Their lack of common sense and knowledge qualifies them for a position in the Bush cabinet, but not a Hall of Fame vote.

Andre Dawson: Sure this is a Cubs blog (though you wouldn't know it most times), so I'm biased. But c'mon, the Hawk was a stud languishing in obscurity for most of the 1980's. Basically the National League version of Jim Rice. The guy was a five tool player with unbeatable jeri curl to boot. Gimpy knees hurt his chances some in his latter years, but when he was on top of his game no one was better. And we let Ozzie Smith in for his defense (ooohh...he does backflips! Yay! Do it again!), but outfielders get totally ignored for their defensive prowess. Dawson had a cannon. He could stand flat footed against the ivy and hit a baby perched on top of home plate. He was just that good.

Jim Rice: See Dawson above. Like peas in a pod, if you vote for one, you can't in good conscience not vote for the other.

Bert Blyleven: He gets no love, but it was he, not Sutcliffe, who was the real bearded wonder. 5th all time in strikeouts, 9th in shutouts and 287 wins playing for some pretty crappy teams. Basically a Tom Glavine with more strikeouts and less playoff appearances.

Jack Morris: Kind of like Dawson and Rice go hand in hand, so do Morris and Blyleven. In fact, that might make for an interesting double date at Applebees. He led all pitchers in the 80's in wins, complete games, starts and innings and was clutch in the postseason. Bonus points for the 1980's mustache.

Tommy John: What can I say? I'm a sucker for longevity and getting sugeries and diseases named after oneself. That's why they voted in Lou Gehrig, right?

The Governor's Ballot

Cal Ripken & Tony Gwynn: I'm not going to waste anyone's time rehashing these guys' accomplishments because even a novice baseball fan knows what they've done. I'll just say the fact that they weren't unanimously elected is a testament to how screwed up the current Hall of Fame voting system is. I'll also throw in a heartfelt GO AZTECS for me and Tony.

Mark McGwire: I'm as appalled by the steroid situation in baseball as anyone, but three things stand out here: 1. There is no proof he used anything, 2. It wasn't banned by MLB if he did, and 3. With that in mind, there is no way a hitter of this magnitude should be kept out of the hall. Beyond his career numbers, including 49 HR as a rookie in 1987, his 1998 chase of Roger Maris' record brought MLB back from the brink of death after the 1994 strike.

Albert Belle: This guy is a world class douche bag, but is also one of the most terrifying hitters of the 1990s. His numbers speak for themselves though, from USA Today:

Belle led all players in the decade with 1,099 RBI. He is one of only four players (Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig and Jimmy Foxx are the others) to have eight consecutive seasons of 30 home runs and 100 RBI. In 1995 he became the first player to get 50 home runs and 50 doubles in the same season.

His power numbers are more impressive than Kirby Puckett, a first round HOFer, and 12 seasons is plenty of playing time to evaluate his career. Sadly, HOF voters could not see past their personal animosity towards Albert and he will be dropped from the ballot after this year. If being an asshat trumps great on-field numbers, should we go ahead and evict Ty Cobb from the Hall?


Chip's Ballot

A HOF voter can choose up to 10 players for the ballot. Most do not vote for the full ten, but dammit they're not me. Just like when I'm drunk and insist on spending every last dime I have on me, even if it means buying a 50 cent bag of Cheez-Its. Nothing's worth doing unless you do it to the fullest. I just wish the ballot could go to 11.

Cal Ripken & Tony Gwynn: Duh.

Goose Gossage & Lee Smith: There's been a lot of talk from the naysayers about closers not being HOF-worthy. Look, if these two guys go in, I doubt that Ugueth Urbina will be next in line or anything. Goose wasn't merely a closer like we think of today. Back then guys would typically throw 2 innings of relief to close, sometimes more. Goose was his own setup man for Christ's sake, and he still mowed down batters at an alarming rate. Someone once told me too that Goose retired from baseball finally not because he couldn't pitch any more, but because no ballclubs were allowing him to get shitface drunk in the clubhouse like they used to. The likelihood of that being true is pretty small, but dammit I like to believe it's true which makes Goose fucking awesome in my book. Oh and Lee Smith holds the all-time saves record. That should count for something. What other major stat is a guy a leader of and not in the Hall of Fame. Let's just get these two out of the way and we won't worry about closers again until Trevor Hoffman and Mo Rivera are eligbile. Agreed? Good.

Mark McGwire: Read every article that argued why he should be in the Hall this week. There. Now I don't have to write anything further on this.

Jim Rice: My guess is that he gets in next year along with Gossage. Here's another guy that has had a shitload of stuff written about him as to why he should be in. And for all the statistical spins people put on different player's careers, this one I found on Wikipedia I always liked.

Only nine other retired ballplayers rank ahead of him in both career home runs and batting average. They are: Hank Aaron, Jimmie Foxx, Lou Gehrig, Mickey Mantle, Willie Mays, Stan Musial, Mel Ott, Babe Ruth, and Ted Williams.

That's pretty tough to argue against.

Andre Dawson: Easily one of my favorite players as a kid. The man was a force playing in Montreal, and even after repeated seasons of playing on artificial turf tore the shit out of his knees, he still gutted it out and played like a stud. He essentially played the second half of his career constantly nagged with injuries and still kicked ass. Career OBP? Who gives a shit? Who do you writers think you are? Billy Beane?

Bert Blyleven: Thirteen more wins and this guy would've been in by now. I truly believe that. I think he will eventually get in there. I mean if Don Sutton is in, then why the hell not Bert? Wikipedia has a killer section in his entry about his career as a color commentator. Check it out, and I guarantee you won't be disappointed. I only wished he was calling Cubs games. We need a talk show with Bert, Steve Stone, and Rick Sutcliffe. It would be fantastic. Let 'em split a bottle of Jim Beam and talk about the latest stories in baseball.

Don Mattingly: Don't give me this shit about Donnie Baseball not playing long enough. The man had only 221 fewer at bats than Kirby Puckett but still has more home runs and RBI's than him as well as a career .307 AVG. He was also one of the best defensive first basemen of his era. You say being a good defensive first basemen wasn't important? Tell that to Billy Buckner and Leon Durham. If want more arguments for Donnie, go talk to my brother, who will undoubtedly comment on this later.

Dale Murphy: Nobody hit more home runs in the 80's. The guy won back to back MVP awards. Yeah his AVG wasn't the greatest but when you can consistently drive in runs who really cares? Another statistical shortfall like Blyleven. Give the Murph two more homers and what would the voters' view then be?

That's my 10 I guess. Apologies to Jack Morris, Tommy John, and Scott "the missing link" Brosius. Alan Trammell probably should be in, but only if we can induct him and Lou Whitaker as a pair. They can share a plaque and everything.

Chip's Playoff Picks: Round 2, Part 2

OK, so after those two so-so games, the TMSSS2000 really redeemed itself with the next two.

Seattle Seahawks vs. Chicago Bears

This is the game I cared most about. Was 8-bit Rex Grossman going to keep his head on straight and lead the Bears to victory? Or would Seattle squeak by with yet another postseason win?

Seattle starts the game on offense and pretty much goes nowhere. Hasselbeck is sacked once by Adewale Ogunleye. Seahawks punt.

On the ensuing drive, Chicago plays it safe running the ball mostly with the occassional short pass from Rex. The series ends with an amazing run by Grossman who keeps the ball and takes it 15 yards for a TD (0-7 Bears).

Seattle still can't get anything going on offense as they punt yet again just before the end of the 1st quarter.

At the start of the second quarter, the Bears drive into the red zone yet again. Grossman then proceeds to overthrow his receiver in the endzone twice, and Chicago settles for a field goal from Robbie Gould (0-10 Bears).

Seattle finally gets things moving on their next drive and looks to be making their way to the endzone. That is until two straight sacks from Ogunleye and Brendon Ayanbadejo halt the Seahawks progress. Josh Brown hits a 43 yard field goal (3-10 Bears). The clock runs out on the Bears drive and we head to halftime.

At the start of the second half, disaster nearly strikes for the Bears as return specialist extraordinaire, Devin Hester fumbles the kickoff. Chicago manages to recover.

As the Bears drive yet again for a score, Grossman overthrows yet another receiver in the endzone, this time a wide open Desmond Clark. The TMSSS2000 seems to have calibrated itself pretty well for ol' Sexy Rexy. Grossman does connect on a screen pass to Thomas Jones who trucks his way in for the TD (3-17 Bears).

Seattle's chances for a comeback take huge blow when Shaun Alexander is stripped of the football. Chris Harris recovers and the Bears are on offense once more.

On 3rd and long, Grossman connects with Muhsin Muhammad for another Bears touchdown as the 3rd quarter comes to a close (3-24 Bears).

Seattle pretty much needs a miracle to win at this point, and they're not getting it. Urlacher sacks Hasselbeck and the Seahawks fail to convert on fourth down. The Bears run the ball down to the 8 yard line before settling for another field goal from Gould (3-27 Bears).

In the most exciting play all game, Shaun Alexander breaks away and runs 72 yards for a TD (10-27 Bears). Seattle fails to recover the ensuing onside kick as their hopes of some miraculous comeback are dashed. The Bears run the clock out and win the game 27-10.

Well this result has me pretty pleased. The Bears defense stifled the Seahawks, only allowing 3 first downs. Player of the game goes to Rex Grossman who managed not to fuck up the game and even threw for two touchdowns as well as running for another. If one thing is incorrect about this simulation it's the lack of a Grossman turnover. The guy is guaranteed to fumble or throw a pick at least once.








New England Patriots vs. San Diego Chargers

This is probably the marquee game of the four. The Chargers look like the best team in the league, while the Patriots have been tough to beat in January. This one was a doozie.

I think the one thing that I found more amusement in than I should've, was seeing the Patriots play in their pink jerseys. I'm not sure why Tecmo decided to use this color scheme for them. It would've been just as easy to give them red jerseys. Eh, enough of this digression, on with the game!

The Chargers were all business to start, driving down the field with ease. LaDainian Tomlinson scores on a TD run (0-7 Chargers).

The Patriots can't seem to find a similar rhythm as they're force into a quick 3 and out. 8-bit Belichick seems perturbed in his cropped-sleeve pink hoodie.

Once again, the Chargers march down the field and score. This time Philip Rivers finds Keenan McCardell for a 24 yard TD pass (0-14 Chargers).

Early in the second quarter and a frustrated Tom Brady can't seem to get anything going. He's sacked once by Shaun Phillips and the Patriots have to punt again.

Finally things turn for New England as Tomlinson fumbles on a sweep. The ball is recovered by safety, James Sanders and returned for a TD (7-14 Chargers).

The Patriot defense seems to have gained a little steam with that fumble as Richard Seymour and Tedy Bruschi both pick up sacks. The momentum is short-lived as Tomlinson breaks through for another TD run, redeeming himself after the turnover. The 2nd quarter winds to a close (7-21 Chargers).


As the second half begins, Brady and the Patriots offense seem a little more in sync as they finally manage a successful drive, capped off by a short TD pass to Laurence Maroney (14-21 Chargers).







Hey Tom. You sure look purdy in your pink uniform!








As the Chargers take possession it appears the Pats defense is pumped up as well. Richard Seymour manages to sack Rivers twice as the Chargers are forced to punt for the first time today.

Facing tough pass coverage, Brady takes matters into his own hands, running for two consecutive first downs and into Chargers territory. The drive stalls after Donnie Edwards and Jamal Williams break through the line for sacks. The series is salvaged with an amazing 55 yard field goal from Stephen Gostkowski (17-21 Chargers).

Belichick decides to roll the dice in the fourth quarter and kicks an onside. Patriots fail to recover and now the Chargers have excellent field position. 8-bit Bill's pink hoodie seems to be cutting off the circulation to his brain, thus affecting his judgement.

San Diego plays it safe, running the ball down into the redzone. Aligning themselves with another score to put the game further out of reach, Rivers throws an errant pass in the endzone that is picked off by Asante Samuel. The Patriots are still alive.

Exuding the confident swagger that he's known for, 8-bit Brady commands his troops down the field, mostly on short passes to Maroney and Dillon. Then, from the San Diego 42, Brady launches it to a wide open Reche Caldwell who.....drops the ball in the endzone. Caldwell is in disbelief as his freakishly big eyes are now the size of Japanimation characters'. Unfazed, Brady continues to lead his team down the field, until Corey Dillon runs it in for a 15 yard TD (24-21 Patriots).

With a little time left on the clock, the Chargers try to at least get themselves into field goal range in order to tie it up. Rivers passes to Eric Parker who takes it to the Patriots 34 yard line. A time out is called with 3 seconds left. Nate Kaeding is sent in to make the game-tying kick and send it to overtime. The kick is up....and its....wide left! The Patriots win 24-21!

Unbelievable. Player of the game goes to the RB tandem of Dillon and Maroney, who racked up 190 yards on the ground.

That wraps up this week's picks. The TMSSS2000 appears to be a bit ballsier than last week so we'll see. He's been drinking a lot lately and trying to beat Ikari Warriors, but he refuses to use the A-B-B-A trick to come back to life so he doesn't get very far.

Chip's Playoff Picks: Round 2, Part 1

Well after going 2-0 last week (1-1 against the spread), I decided to go back to the TMS Super Simulator 2000 to predict all four of this week's playoff games. Here's a rundown of the games and their spreads.

Indianapolis Colts at Baltimore Ravens(-4)
Philadelphia Eagles at New Orleans Saints(-5)
Seattle Seahawks at Chicago Bears(-8.5)
New England Patriots at San Diego Chargers(-4.5)

So without further ado, let's see what the TMSSS2000 has in store for us this week.

Indianapolis at Baltimore

This was initially tricky, since the original Tecmo Super Bowl came out well before Art Modell stabbed the City of Cleveland in the back and moved his team to Baltimore. This required a little bit more tweaking on my part, but after a few minutes of editing.....voila!







Sorry Cleveland fans. I don't mean to cause you any more psychological harm.











OK so I couldn't get the helmet changed on this initial screen, but it does say Ravens and check out the players' uniforms. Pretty cool huh? Anyway with that out of the way, the TMSSS2000 was ready for action.

Facing an extremely tough Ravens D, Peyton stays cool and nickel and dimes his way down the field on his first drive of the game. Indy eventually stalls and they settle with a 49 yard field goal from Adam Vintieri (3-0 Colts). Not much else happens in the first quarter.

Baltimore is driving at the start of the 2nd quarter when Steve McNair throws an interception to Nick Harper at the Colts 22 yard line. Indy once again drives into Ravens territory and reach the Ravens 2-yard line. Faced with 4th and goal on the 2, 8-bit Tony Dungy plays it safe and calls Vinatieri in for the chip shot field goal, much to the chagrin of Manning (6-0 Colts).

The Ravens start rolling down the field when a sack by Robert Mathis kills their momentum. Matt Stover misses a 53 yard field goal just before the end of the half.





The All-Flute Band played at halftime and will be opening for Prince during the Super Bowl.





Baltimore receives the ball to start the second half and quickly goes three & out. On the ensuing punt, Colts returner Cory Ross runs the ball for an impressive gain. Manning and company start out on the Baltimore 45.

The Ravens D stymies Indy on 3rd and inches forcing them to punt. Baltimore's offensive series is just as lackluster as McNair is sacked again, this time by Gary Brackett. Baltimore punts and Indy maintains possession as the 3rd quarter ends. This marks the first time I've seen the TMSSS2000 not have a score in a single quarter.

The Colts manage another decent drive but once again have to settle for a field goal (9-0 Colts). Facing a 'do or die' situation, the Ravens are finally able to get something going on offense as McNair connects for a 40-yard TD pass to Mark Clayton (9-7 Colts).

Unfortunately for Baltimore, that would be the only score they'd get as the Colts run the clock out and win by the final score of 9-7.

Well this was somewhat surprising. Despite Ravens D playing fairly well and holding the Colts to a mere three field goals, Steve McNair and the Baltimore offense couldn't get anything going at all. If only Stover hadn't missed that field goal in the second quarter.

This game was horribly boring to watch as not much happened and I was more concerned about getting another cup of coffee. Player of the game goes to Adam Vinatieri, who could very well be the driving force that finally pushes Indy into the Super Bowl..............nah, probably not.


Philadelphia at New Orleans

I'm going to spare you the rundown of this game. I was actually excited. I wanted to see what 8-bit Reggie Bush was capable of. Unfortunately it ended up being a horribly lop-sided game, as the Eagles stunned the Saints 31-0 in an absolute shocker. The result was a bit disconcerting and I confronted the TMSSS2000 about it, questioning the accuracy. He pistol-whipped me with the zapper gun from Duck Hunt and/or Hogan's Alley for a solid 20 minutes. It's my fault. He's been going through a tough time at work and I shouldn't have pushed him like that.......

Anyway the three biggest highlights of this game were Brian Westbrook running for three touchdowns, John Carney and David Akers combining for three missed field goals (must've been windy in the Superdome), and the inexplicable rise of linebacker Matt McCoy of the Eagles. This McCoy guy made Drew Brees his bitch, sacking him an astounding 5 times.

These were the two most common graphics seen during this game.

Player of the game could go to Brian Westbrook but I gotta respect the heroics of Matt McCoy on this one.



















I'll be right back with Part 2 shortly....

Bartender Banter: Great Halls of Fire

Well the ballots are in and it's no surprise that Tony Gwynn and Cal Ripken were overwhelming chosen to represent the Class of 2007 to be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. Here's the voting breakdown. Goose Gossage got a little closer than last year but still missed out by 21 votes.

Most alarming is that McGwire only got 128 votes on the record 545 ballots cast. I knew there would be backlash against him but I didn't think it would be that harsh. We'll see how he fares next year since there are those tools out there that weren't going to vote for him the first time around, which is one of the most asinine things I've heard. You either intend on voting for him or you don't. What difference does it make if he ends up getting in eventually on a later ballot? Do people really remember who got in after multiple tries as opposed to those who got in immediately? Lots of guys get in after a handful of years on the ballot (Ryne Sandberg, Gary Carter, Carlton Fisk, Harmon Killebrew, Duke Snider, Don Drysdale, Billy Williams, Fergie Jenkins, Hoyt Wilhelm, Juan Marichal to name a few). Does that make them lesser HOF inductees?

Then there's the whole blank ballot submission. There were two this year, one admittedly submitted by Paul Ladewski of the Daily Southtown. His reason was essentially in protest to players that played during the Steroids Era. Fine if you don't like the guys who fall under the dark cloud of performance enhancers, but Jesus, we all know Ripken and Gwynn most likely weren't a part of that. I mean has the guy ever seen Tony Gwynn's physique? Unless Denny's Moons Over My Hammy is considered a performance-enhancing substance, I don't think you have to worry about ol' Tony. And if you really wanted to send a message to the supposed juicers, then how about voting for those folks that played prior to that time, who are still on the ballot? Guys like Rice, Dawson, Mattingly, and Dale Murphy. Guys that were the most-feared sluggers of their era and have since been largely ignored, mainly because of the highly inflated statistics from the latter era that you so much abhor. Submitting a blank ballot is idiotic and you shouldn't be allowed the privilege to fill one out next year or any year for that matter.

This marked the 15th and final year for Steve Garvey to be on the ballot. Godspeed Steve. Say 'hi' to Ronnie on the Veterans Committee ballot for me.

I'll be back tomorrow with the TMSSS2000 results for this week's NFL games.

The All-80's Team: AL Starting Pitchers

Astroturf, powder blue uniforms, wearing batting helmets in the field to protect your jheri curl, hitting 25 homers and being considered a legitimate slugger, big-league hair, that horrible gum from packs of baseball cards.... who doesn't love baseball from the 80's? Over the next several weeks I will be looking at the best players of the decade as we assemble the TMS All-80's Team. We've finished with the National League and now we'll tackle the American. To meet the criteria a player will have to have played in at least 4 seasons in the 1980's and they must have played the bulk of their games at a certain position during that time to qualify there. Included will be a poll on the left sidebar, so our faithful readers can weigh in on this great debate. But remember, we're focusing on a player's contributions in just the 1980's. What they did in the decades before and/or after are not being considered in this.

In a close race, Reggie Jackson narrowly edged out Harold Baines to be named starting AL DH. Now we move on to starting pitchers.

AMERICAN LEAGUE STARTING PITCHERS

Bert Blyleven
Cleveland Indians (1981-85), Minnesota Twins (1985-88), California Angels (1989)

All-Star: 1985
Postseason: 1987 WS
League Leader: Shutouts 1985 & 1989

Notes: Blyleven is one of those pitchers that gets arguments from both sides of the fence on whether he should or should not be in the Hall of Fame. I think he should, but I'm also pretty liberal with everyone I'd like to see in. One thing's for sure. Bert's broadcasting skills probably aren't getting him a Ford Frick Award any time soon.






Mike Boddicker
Baltimore Orioles (1980-88), Boston Red Sox (1988-89)

All-Star: 1984
Awards: 1983 ALCS MVP
Postseason: 1983 WS, 1988 ALCS
League Leader: 1984 ERA, Wins, 1983 Shutouts

Notes: Boddicker was a stud early in his career, winning 20 games for the Orioles in 1984. In 1988 he was traded to the Boston Red Sox for a couple unknown young guys named Brady Anderson and Curt Schilling.






Roger Clemens
Boston Red Sox (1984-89)

Nickname: The Rocket
All-Star: 1986, 1988
Awards: 1986 AL Cy Young, 1987 AL Cy Young, 1986 AL MVP
Postseason: 1986 WS, 1988 ALCS
League Leader: 1986 ERA, Wins, 1987 Wins, Shutouts, 1988 Strikeouts, Shutouts

Notes: Well most of you should know this guy. Roger was the man in Boston for the latter half of the 1980's. While it's still purely speculative, many believe he is in fact the antichrist.





Ron Guidry
New York Yankees (1980-1988)

Nickname: Gator, Louisiana Lightning
All-Star: 1982, 1983
Gold Gloves: 1982-86
Postseason: 1980 ALCS, 1981 WS
League Leader: 1985 Wins

Notes: One of the most feared lefties in the early 80's, Gator had 2 of his 3 20-win seasons in this decade. Guidry was also known for his great glovework, winning 5 straight Gold Gloves. By the late 80's arm troubles had taken their toll and he officially retired in 1989.





Teddy Higuera
Milwaukee Brewers (1985-89)

All-Star: 1986

Notes: Milwaukee's answer to Fernandomania, this wily Mexican busted onto the scene in the latter half of the decade. Teddy went 78-44 during 5 seasons in the 80's and averaged 171.2 strikeouts per season. He quickly flamed out in the 90's and was last seen running a car wash in East Los Angeles.









LaMarr Hoyt
Chicago White Sox (1980-84)

All-Star: 1985 (with the Padres)
Awards: 1983 AL Cy Young
Postseason: 1983 ALCS
League Leader: Wins 1982, 1983

Notes: Often mistaken for a member of Lynyrd Skynyrd, Dewey LaMarr Hoyt's short career peaked in 1982 and 1983 where he won 43 games for the Sox over that span. LaMarr loved pitching, but not as much as he loved cocaine. Hoyt's drug problems would push him out of baseball before the end of the decade.





Jimmy Key
Toronto Blue Jays (1984-89)

All-Star: 1985
Postseason: 1985 ALCS, 1989 ALCS
League Leader: 1987 ERA

Notes: For nine seasons, Jimmy Key was top pitcher for the Blue Jays, helping them make the playoffs twice but never winning the World Series. Then in 1993 he signed with the Yankees and Toronto went on to.....doh!








Mark Langston
Seattle Mariners (1984-89)

All-Star: 1987
Gold Gloves: 1987, 1989
League Leader: Strikeouts 1984, 1986, 1987

Notes: Talk about squandered talent. Langston spent his best years pitching for a horrible Seattle club that never had a winning record while he was there. Despite that, Langston still managed to have some solid seasons, including going 19-13 in 1987. Mark struck out over 200 batters in 5 different seasons in the 1980's, leading the league three of those times.






Jack Morris
Detroit Tigers (1980-89)

All-Star: 1981, 1984, 1985, 1987
Postseason: 1984 WS, 1987 ALCS
League Leader: 1981 Wins, 1986 Shutouts

Notes: Like Blyleven, Jack has a devout core of fans that are pushing for his entry into the HOF. Morris was a postseason stud. In 1984 he pitched two complete game wins for the Tigers to help them defeat the Padres in the World Series. He'd later top that with his effort in 1991 with the Twins. Morris posted a winning record in 9 of his 10 seasons in the decade including two 20-win years.





Bret Saberhagen
Kansas City Royals (1984-89)

All-Star: 1987
Awards: 1985 AL Cy Young, 1985 WS MVP, 1989 AL Cy Young
Gold Gloves: 1989
Postseason: 1984 ALCS, 1985 WS
League Leader: 1989 ERA, Wins

Notes: Saberhagen was an absolute ace for the Royals. In 1985 at the age of 21, Bret won the Cy Young Award as well as the World Series MVP after winning two games against the Cardinals including a complete game shutout. Bret would also have an outstanding Cy Young season in 1989 where he went
23-6 with a 2.16 ERA.



Dave Stewart
Texas Rangers (1983-85), Oakland A's (1986-89)

Nickname: Smoke
All-Star: 1989
Awards: 1989 WS MVP
Postseason: 1988 WS, 1989 WS
League Leader: 1987 Wins, 1988 Complete Games

Notes: Not to be confused with this Dave Stewart, the man known as Smoke was signed in 1986 by Oakland following what had been a pretty lackluster major league career so far. Stewart proceeded to rattle off 4 straight 20 win seasons and became the ace of the Oakland staff.





Dave Stieb
Toronto Blue Jays (1980-89)

Nickname: Sir David
All-Star: 1980, 1981, 1983-85, 1988
Postseason: 1985 ALCS, 1989 ALCS
League Leader: 1982 Shutouts, 1985 ERA

Notes: Stieb was a horse for the Blue Jays throughout the decade. He also made more All-Star teams in the 80's than any other pitcher on this list. Stieb was inducted into the Canadian Baseball Hall of Fame in 2005.







Frank Viola
Minnesota Twins (1982-89)

Nickname: Sweet Music
All-Star: 1988
Awards: 1987 WS MVP, 1988 AL Cy Young
Postseason: 1987 WS
League Leader: 1988 Wins

Notes: Viola was a major fan-favorite in Minnesota. In 1987, Frank won the World Series MVP as helped the Twins defeat the St. Louis Cardinals. He would then follow that up with a phenomenal season in '88, going 24-7 with 193 K's and a 2.64 ERA. The Twins would trade him to the Mets the following season.




Pete Vuckovich
Milwaukee Brewers (1981-86)

Awards: 1982 AL Cy Young
Postseason: 1981 ALDS, 1982 WS
League Leader: 1981 Wins

Notes: From Wikipedia: "Vuckovich developed a reputation for bizarre, hyper-competitive behavior during his eleven season career. He would fidget, twitch, pace, and convulse while on the mound. He was known to cross his eyes and stick his tongue out at batters. He would spit in his glove, scream at umpires while in the stretch, and sometimes step to the back of the mound and dry heave. His colorful personality made him a fan favorite." Never mind all that though. Aside from sporting a sweet man-perm, Pete is best known as Clue Haywood from the movie "Major League".


Mike Witt
California Angels (1981-89)

All-Star: 1986, 1987
Postseason: 1982 ALCS, 1986 ALCS

Notes: Witt was one of the best pitchers for the Angels in the mid-1980's. In 1984, Mike threw only the 11th perfect game in baseball history. The wheels came off his career in 1987 when he began to lose his overpowering stuff. His strikeout numbers began to decline and by age 32 was out of the league.








Be sure and vote for your choices for AL Starting Pitchers for the TMS All-80's Team. Check out the poll in the left sidebar. NOTE: You can vote for multiple players.

BCZzzzzz....

Well that was a title game for the ages. Can we just pretend the Boise State - Oklahoma game was the real championship? It's much more fun to pretend that the Broncos are the National Champs rather than another team from Florida. Although Florida's playground inspired, EA Sports-engineered playbook is mildly entertaining, the entertainment value was negated by Ohio State's inability to keep up. Oh, and did you hear that crash? That's Troy Smith falling to the second day of the draft!

On the positive side, I was able to finish my book, Fargo Rock City, and catch the last two-thirds of "Rambo: First Blood Part II". As a kid, my mom wouldn't even let me own toy guns, much less watch what was, at the time, the self proclaimed 'most violent movie of an era'. What a perfectly enjoyable cheeseball of a film, devoid of any dialogue. Sure, I'll pretend that I only enjoyed it ironically, but we all know the real truth. Indeed, at time the tension runs high, enough so that I once uttered hopefully, 'C'mon John!' I was immediately shamed. Not any more than the Buckeyes though.

Bartender Banter: Tony Homo Forever

For the last few weeks our site has received a good share of hits from people googling "Tony Homo", after the Governor's succinct War Criminal piece. At one time we were actually the top site listed in the search. Then recently I checked back and we were bumped down the search list by a blog entitled none other than "Tony Homo". This glorious blog was written entirely from the viewpoint of Dallas QB also-ran Drew Bledsoe. It looks as if the Tony Homo experience has officially ended though, following the homo-tastic finale Saturday in Seattle. Since then the author has moved on to his new site "Straight Cash, Homey". Anyway, if you have some free time, check it out and relive the majesty of TonyHomoMania '06. You can conveniently find it currently as our LF Link of the Week.

TMSSS2000 Works!
Well sort of. Both teams didn't cover but they did both win, and Tony Homo did fumble to end it for the Cowboys just like in the sim. I'll take that as a successful prediction, meaning you can look forward to some more glimpses into the super pixelated crystal ball later this week. I'm not sure if I'll do all the games but rest assured, the Bears-Seahawks will be examined.

Poor Man's War Criminal: Bill Belichick's Sweatshirt

You make millions of dollars every year. You've coached your team to three Super Bowl victories. You've been dubbed a 'genius' by sportswriters and pundits everywhere.

So take off that fucking sweatshirt.

I suppose your line of thinking is, 'I've won 3 Super Bowl's, so I've earned the right to wear whatever I damn well please.'

Well Billy Boy, you look like a jackass and you are disgracing your legacy. You think people outside of the ESPN/Massachusetts bubble are going to remember you for your Super Bowl victories? No. Hell, I had to Google how many Super Bowls you had won, because I couldn't remember if it was two or three. But what is etched, nay burned, into my mind is your slovenly wardrobe. No excuse. Just unacceptable by all accounts.

Take a cue from your contemporaries. When I saw Jack Del Rio roaming the sideline in a suit, I'll tell you what I did. Listen up Bill. Goddammit, I stood up in my living room and started clapping. Slowly at first. Then progressively faster, adding a few 'Hell Yeahs' and fist pumps for good measure. A bona fide one man standing ovation. He looked like a real man who was proud of his job. Not some hobo who slept on the El Train all night and awoke in the morning with pissed pants and breath reeking of danger.

Last nights game against your former lover Eric Mangini was a new low. You not only wore your customary gray sweatshirt (do you not at least own another color to rotate in?), but you cut off the sleeves! Hayseus Christ! What is that, a fleece poncho? It's like one of those lame potato-sack, multi-colored ponchos you bought in Mexico back in Spring Break 91'.

Well, if anything Bill, your slovenly appearance and surly demeanor have made me want to be a better person. I will start working out. I will update my wardrobe. I will smile more. And for the love of all that is sacred, I will keep the sleeves on my hoodies intact.

Bill, you are an inspiration to us all. I hope they bury you in that outfit.

Rollie Got Fingered

Rollie Fingers is the 7th biggest tax cheat in Wisconsin. Why do I care? I don't, but it gave me an excuse to post this picture: