The Gist: Game 14 (Cubs 2, Cardinals 1)

What Happened: Jason Hammel happened. 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 K's and a base hit that scored both of the Cubs runs. Hammel got the job done in all facets of the game. He is your Player of the Game.

Also Good, But Some Hits Would Be Nice Too: For the second night in a row, Jason Heyward made some spectacular plays in the field to keep the Cubs in the lead. Last night it was his throw home in the bottom of the fourth that got Hammel out of a second and third with one out situation. Now if he could just hit the goddamn ball every once in a while, things would really be great.

Same Goes For You Other Slackers: I'm looking at you, everyone except Fowler and MIGMON. And our starting pitchers, apparently.

Thing To Keep In Mind: The Cubs haven't started hitting like they have the potential to and we're still 11-3 and just took the first two games against the Cardinals the first time we've faced them since breaking their spirit in last year's NLDS. The starting pitching has picked things up big time and the bullpen has been phenomenal. Imagine how well we'll be doing once the bats heat up too. At this point last year, the Cubs were 8-6.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

The Cubs finish up their series with the Cardinals today at 12:45. The Cubs will start Kyle Hendricks and the Cardinals will counter with Carlos Martinez.

The Gist: Game 13

What Happened: Last night's game reminded me a lot of the home opener last week where the Cubs looked like they weren't going to get anything going and then wound up hanging 5 runs on the board in the late innings. There weren't any late-game dramatics on the level of Addison Russell's home run last week, but it was nice to see the Cubs get some base hits, racking up 9 of them to go along with one walk.

Those Early Innings Though...: I've seen Mike Leake pitch more than a handful of times over the years and I've never seen him as good as he was over the first 6 innings of this game. His location was impeccable and both pitchers were taking advantage of a sizable outside corner. For the second game in a row, the most patient team in the majors drew only a single walk. Then again, Leake was right over the plate for most of the night so maybe no walks were to be had. How many times did the Cubs strike out looking last night? A thousand? Probably a thousand.

MVP: In his return to St. Louis as a member of the Cubs, John Lackey looked like he was ready to give no quarter, and man did he ever deliver. Lackey was brilliant over 7 shutout innings, only allowing 4 hits and a walk while striking out 11.

Co-MVP: How about all those sliding/diving catches Heyward made last night? GRUMBLE GRUMBLE TRAITOR BOO WE HAVE A GREAT YOUNG CORE FART.

DOIN' WORK: The Cubs bullpen is 5th in the majors in ERA (2.40). The Cubs starters are first in the league in ERA (2.18). Over their last 3 games against some pretty great offenses, Cubs starters have thrown 22.1 innings and given up one earned run, striking out 29.

BEST FANS IN BASEBALL: As long as St. Louis fans insist on calling themselves the best fans in baseball, we'll continue to point out how they are definitely not.

I hope you become another statistic @JasonHeyward

— Gibby Hazelbaker (@GetGibbyWithIt) April 18, 2016

Nope, nothing racist about that.

A BFIB here in the pub just said he hopes that Heyward "Taveres' himself"
😳

— Chris (@AR_aces23) April 18, 2016

Oscar Taveras was a Cardinals prospect who died a few years back in a car accident.

@Cardinals nation @JasonHeyward made a life decision to go against us. Those are trader words.#Judias#Centuryofmisery#willregret

— Jrob (@Jrob1388) April 19, 2016

Fur trader? Trader Joe? WHICH TRADER ARE YOU REFERRING TO??

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

The Cubs and Cardinals are at it again tonight at 7:15 with Jason Hammel against Jaime Garcia's Shitty Left Shoulder Joint.

The Gist: Games 11 and 12

What Happened: I'm not a professional athlete and I will never be one, so I don't know the mindset of a pro baseball player. That said, the way that the Cubs have operated so far this season and the way they played this weekend leads me to believe that with a series against the St. Louis Cardinals coming up next week, the Cubs might have looked past the Rockies. The past two games, the Cubs haven't had a whole lot going on offense, despite the 6 runs they hung on Colorado on Saturday. 5 of the Cubs 6 runs came via the long ball.

Today's game was not great and the biggest reason I think the Cubs were looking past the Rockies to the Cardinals. Despite leading the league in walks so far this season, the Cubs walked a whopping ONE time today. That's not a recipe for success. Part of the problem was that the strike zone was quite large today, but the Cubs didn't do themselves a lot of favors, chasing a bunch of pitches out of the zone. Tyler Chatwood is never going to be confused for a pitcher with dominant stuff, with a career K/9 of 5.23. And yet because of the wide zone and the Cubs pressing, he was able to strike out 7 over 7 shutout innings. Barf.

These kinds of stinkers are gonna happen sometimes, so no reason to panic yet. Obviously losing a series to the Rockies isn't how you want to go into a big series with the Cardinals in St. Louis, but it is just the first Cubs series loss of the season, which is awesome. And they wrapped up their homestand at 4-2. That's good.

MVP: The starting pitching. Over the last 2 games, Arrieta and Lester have combined for 15.1 innings, 12 total baserunners and 18 strikeouts while yielding one single earned run. After 3 starts, Lester has a 2.21 ERA and Arrieta has a 1.23 ERA. Baller.

LVP: The heart of the order. Yes, we're still early enough in the season that a hot 1-2 games can really shift a batting average, but look at what our big boppers are hitting so far this year:

Heyward: .205
Zobrist: .214
Rizzo: .186
Bryant: .229
Soler: .225

That's...not ideal. Now they do make up for it with high OBP potential, but as the Mets showed the Cubs in the playoffs last year, there's going to be some times where home runs and walks alone won't get it done and base hits are necessary. Again, it's early, but the Cubs bating average is currently 15th in the league.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

Ooooh baby do we have a big one coming up. The Cubs face their first real test of the season against the suddenly pretty hot on offense Cardinals for three games starting tomorrow night. A lot of attention will be paid to the return of Jason Heyward, but John Lackey is also making his return as well. He'll be pitching for the Cubs and opposed by human garden hose Mike Leake.

The Gist: Game 10

What Happened: A comedy of errors to say the least After committing only 2 errors in their first 9 games the Cubs had some issues today against the Rockies, with 4 costly errors. At one point it was actually 5 errors but a ruling on an Anthony Rizzo botched throw to home was reversed. This combination of errors, a bevy of singles hit by the Rockies, along with some aggressive baserunning was all it took to hand the Cubs their 2nd loss of the year and ending a 5 game win streak. The offense was stymied by Chad Bettis who threw 6 shutout innings before handing it over to the pen.

Quality Control: Despite the loss, Kyle Hendricks still managed to get a quality start, going 6 innings while allowing 4 runs. Only 2 of the runs were earned due to a couple of those aforementioned errors. Kyle struck out 5 and walked 0. It continues to amaze me how little our rotation walks anyone.

Jackie Robinson Day: Today was the day all of Major League Baseball honors Jackie Robinson by wearing 42 and thus confusing me on who is who on the field. Anyway, players all over baseball did their own personal thing to honor Robinson. Heyward did by wearing these slick looking cleats for today's game.

Jackie Robinson Day via @nikebaseball #swingman pic.twitter.com/KKJ8HkfITW

— jheytwotwo (@JasonHeyward) April 15, 2016

From the Corrections Department: So during last night's broadcast there seemed to be some mystery about why the Cubs players were doing the "point down" motion after a base hit. This new move has replaced the "rubbing the helmet" from last year that was immortalized by Jonathan Herrera's amazing hands helmet. Our own TMS bartender Rich seemed to have discovered the origin of it the other week, as it appeared David Ross was mocking fellow teammate Ben Zobrist.

So I took to Twitter to help educate Len and Jim on why they do that. However Len quickly shot our theory down today in a response.

@tmsaloon Actually no. Check Tribune story about it.

— Len Kasper (@LenKasper) April 15, 2016

First off, thanks Len for responding. Secondly, what Tribune article?

Oh...

As Mark Gonzales explains:

"Catcher David Ross confirmed Thursday that many players who reach base safely are pointing to the ground with both hands to indicate they’re not looking too far ahead or too far in the past."

Oh fine. You win this round Gonzales! I still like our story better, even if it is complete BS.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

The Cubs look to get back on track tomorrow with another 1:20pm start against the Rockies. Jake Arrieta will hopefully continue his dominance vs. right hander Christian Bergman.

The Gist: Game 9

What Happened: Murder by Cubs. Seriously, somebody call Led Zeppelin because yet again, the song remains the same. The Cubs saw a ton of pitches, scored a ton of runs and didn't let the other team score much. In fact, the only reason the Reds were able to get on the board at all was because of a deployment of the Grimmhole in the 9th.

Firsthand Experience: I was actually able to go to last night's game, so I can tell you that the extra security measures in place outside Wrigley (metal detectors) didn't really add a lot of time to getting into the ballpark. We'll see how it does for a weekend game where the weather will be nice tomorrow, but for now don't plan on needing more than an extra 5 minutes to get into the park.

But Let's Get Back To The Bryant: It seems I was a little premature in predicting that Bryant would get the power stroke going last weekend against the Diamondbacks. The most impressive thing about both Bryant home runs the last two games is that the chill in the air was really making it tough to get much on any ball hit in the air. So many balls last night from both teams were pretty well-struck and Bryant's laser shot was the only one to clear the fence.

We Are Really Really REALLY Good: It's not like we've played a bunch of world beaters so far (the Reds could lose 100 games this year and the Diamondbacks and Angels definitely have their flaws), but you can only play who is on the schedule and the Cubs have done what great teams are supposed to do to bad teams: grind them into dust. The Cubs have scored more runs than anyone in baseball. They've walked more than anyone in baseball. They've seen more pitches than any team in baseball. And they've also given up the fewest runs and baserunners in baseball. Out of all the things they could have done to start the year, this is really the best case scenario. And we have the not-so-great pitching staff of the Rockies coming in for the next three days.

Rock and roll.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

The Rockies come in today at 1:20. The Rockies go with something called a Chad Bettis and the Cubs counter with Kyle Hendricks.

2016 NBA Playoff Preview: Western Conference

Hey look, it's part 2 of my NBA playoff preview. I feel I was a little harsh on those of you that don't like the NBA last time. Watching hockey isn't something I would wish on my worst enemy. I have something way better to keep you busy this time. Here is new Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau's first question time.

First a correction. There was a HUGE SHAKEUP in the Eastern Conference seeding since I published the preview the other day. Seeds 3-5 are now Heat, Hawks, and Celtics. Unfortunately that means the Russian interwebs won't get to broadcast a mind numbing Hawks/Hornets series as I promised. I hope Vladimir Putin won't kill me for this. In the big picture, this won't change anything since none of those teams was beating Toronto or Cleveland anyway.

Fuck. He's going to kill me.

The West

The NBA's Western Conference has been better than the East for a long time, and it still is, but holy hell is it top heavy now. You could easily cut the playoffs down to Top 4 this year and probably just the top 2. Golden State vs San Antonio...best of 25. Let's get this done Adam Silver.

1. Golden State Warriors - The Warriors set the single season mark for wins last night with 73, but no one saw it because that game was boring and Kobe was Kobeing like never before in his farewell game. Nevertheless, 73-9 is just insane and something we aren't likely to see again. The odd thing is, you can't even say they are the dominant favorite to win the Western Conference because of the team sitting there below them.

2. San Antonio Spurs - Only 6 teams EVER have won more games than the Spurs did this year, but unfortunately for them one of those teams happened to be this season. The casual fan still tends to think of the Spurs as old and boring, but they've been gradually reloading with guys like Kawhi Leonard and Lamarcus Aldridge stepping in to take the load off of old farts Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili, and Tony Parker. Having the best coach in the game doesn't hurt either.

3. Oklahoma City Thunder - The Thunder's run is coming to an end. Kevin Durant is a free agent after this season and Russell Westbrook is a free agent after next season. Even if Durant kicks the can down the road and signs a short term deal, we all know they're both leaving. Then the Thunder turn into the Sacramento Kings and we never hear from them again. Thank god.

4. Los Angeles Clippers - Remember when Blake Griffin beat up the equipment guy? Good times. The Clippers are the most loathsome team in the league with a roster of players each more hateable than the last. Fortunately Doc Rivers continues to do things like playing his idiot son 21 minutes a game, so we'll never have to see them winning a championship.

5. Portland Trail Blazers - A friend of mine predicted Portland would be a Bottom 5 team this season. I just like pointing out how wrong he was. Given that the team now consists of Weber State's own Damian Lillard and "some guys" it really is kind of amazing they are the 5th seed though. Blazers/Clippers will probably be the best series in the first round in spite of the Clippers' unrelenting awfulness.

6. Dallas Mavericks - Every year I expect the Mavericks to start sucking and every year they limp into the playoffs. It's a shame since no one wants to watch them. 

7. Memphis Grizzlies - For the last month or so the Grizzlies have had trouble suiting up enough healthy players to actually play games. At least a quick sweep by the Spurs will put them out of their misery.

8. Houston Rockets - Nice job Sacramento. All you had to do was beat the Rockets to keep them out of the playoffs and you couldn't hold up your end of the bargain. Half your team didn't even make the trip. Now we have to watch the garbage ass Rockets for four more games at least.

The 2016 Western Conference Champion will be...the San Antonio Spurs. #HOTTAKE. It's just like the Spurs to spoil Golden State's party and they have the personnel to pull it off.

Hahaha, one day I'll be the Finals MVP and you'll be begging for change!

The Gist: Game 8

Truth: The 4th inning just ended and the Cubs are currently up 9-1. That might not be the final (they could score more runs!), but honestly, things look well enough in hand that I don't mind writing this Gist now. It's cold and the best team in baseball is curbstomping the Reds pitching staff. We could all wake up tomorrow morning and the game might still be in the 8th inning with the Cubs up 438-1.

Again, With These Walks: The Cubs continued to do the thing that the Cubs are going to do a whole lot of times this year: walk and get on base. Reds starter Alfredo Sauceman only got 2 outs out of about 48 pitches and didn't escape the first inning. The rest of the guys...well, none of the other guys were any good either. There were several times where I thought the Reds did that thing where you're getting beat so bad that you put one of your position players in to pitch in order to save the bullpen, only they didn't. Their actual bullpen pitchers are so bad they look like shortstops on the mound. Again, that was several times I had that thought and it's the 5th inning.

They Said It Much Better: If you didn't read this Fangraphs article about how the Cubs are way good at taking walks, go do so right now.

We Are Good: That's about it, folks. Unless something crazy happens like Billy Hamilton getting on base, this one follows the same formula we've seen so far and will continue to see the rest of the year: Cubs scoring a lot and winning.

The Official Hashtag Of The Year Is: #AnybodyAnytime, straight from MIGMON's mouth.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

We keep telling Chong Li that if he goes around breaking legs and blowing snot on everyone, someone is eventually going to kill him. And I love the way he tries to hide in the crowd of 4 people, none of them looking anything like him. The look on his face is exactly the look you have when you're zoning out on a work call and suddenly someone says your name.

Anyway, the Cubs and Reds are back at it tomorrow against the Reds at 7:05, with the Cubs looking to sweep. The Cubs will run out Jason Hammel and the Reds will go with Opening Day Starter By Default Raisel Iglesias.

TMS Team Preview: The 2016 Kansas City Royals

Over the coming weeks, Thunder Matt's Saloon will have previews of all 30 MLB teams. We're starting at the bottom and working our way up based on the current Vegas odds for winning the 2016 World Series.

We're into the second week of the season and we're still slogging our way through this shit. Today we're gonna talk about the Royals.

Gee, thanks gramps. Couldn't splurge on some Werthers?

2015 Finish: 95-67 (1st Place in AL Central)

So Long: Jeremy Guthrie, Alex Rios, Jonny Gomes, Wandy Rodriguez, Greg Holland

Welcome: Joakim Soria, Dillon Gee, Chien-Ming Wang, Ian Kennedy

Opening Day Lineup
1. Alcides Escobar, SS
2. Mike Moustakas, 3B
3. Lorenzo Cain, CF
4. Eric Hosmer, 1B
5. Kendrys Morales, DH
6. Alex Gordon, LF
7. Salvador Perez, C
8. Omar Infante, 2B
9. Reymond Fuentes, RF

Starting Rotation: Edinson Volquez, Chris Young, Kris Medlen, Yordano Ventura, Ian Kennedy
Setup: Joakim Soria
Closer: Wade Davis

Last year saw the Royals return to the World Series and do the one thing the Cubs could not, dispatch the Mets. On offense the main core stayed in tact from 2014, and in the case of younger stars Eric Hosmer and Mike Moustakas, they took a leap forward in their development. Add in what turned out to be a savvy pick up in DH Kenrdys Morales and the Royals were off and running.

That solid offense coupled with a great defense helped carry what was rather mediocre starting pitching. When Edinson Volquez is your "ace" you're obvious winning games in spite of your rotation. KC's bullpen was another strong point however and often locked things down when their offense came up with some much needed run support. The fact that setup man/closer Wade Davis won 8 games is saying something. That's more than Danny Duffy and he made 24 starts.

So now it's 2016 and they've got a ring. Can they repeat? Sure, why not? They managed to win last year and the formula hasn't changed. The main lineup is pretty much the same save for no more Alex Rios, which isn't a bad thing. Once Jarrod Dyson comes back from injury he should fill that hole fine. Re-signing Alex Gordon this offseason was a solid move and one that I think speaks volumes of this organization. It tells their fans that they're committed to winning for the long haul. The rotation is still sort of a hot mess, but if Yordano Ventura can mature a bit more he'll do well. Volquez and Kennedy are serviceable enough. The magic appears to have worn off Chris Young however. But if Kris Medlen can come around and either Dillon Gee or Chien-Ming Wang have something in the tank they should hold their own again. Enough at least to get to that bullpen which once again will be one of the best in the league. Wade Davis replaces Greg Holland as an elite closer and former longtime KC closer Joakim Soria has returned to set him up. Luke Hochevar, who was once laughable as a starting pitcher has emerged as a pretty damn good reliever.

The Royals should be in line to make another run for the postseason but will certainly have their work cut out for them. They're a classic small-market makes good story, and unlike the Pirates, they're not in the Cubs division so I don't hate their fucking guts.

Reason to Watch: Eric Hosmer. Long touted as a superstar in the making, Hosmer is just now starting to fill out those big shoes folks made for him. He's won 3 consecutive Gold Gloves and posted career bests last season in runs, RBI, and OPS. Now entering his age 26 season, Hosmer is just reaching his peak years.

Reason To Drink: This rotation. Holy shit. I've already talked about it but I'm not kidding here. Last season the pitching staff as a whole had a 3.73 ERA which was 3rd best in the AL. But when you look at their 4.04 FIP you start to see the problem. This defense bailed them out quite a bit. In fact the -0.30 difference between them was the worst in the AL. The good news is that same stellar defense is around, so fear not Royals fans. Your gold glovers will bail you out those days when Ian Kennedy looks like shit.

Volquez's fivehead is on point.

The Fans: Solid group of people and incredibly loyal to their team. I recall back in 2002 I was in Kansas City for a trip and ran into some fans watching the game at a bar. We had the following exchange.

Me: "Who is that pitching? Dan Reichert?"
Dude: "Yeah, and he's pitching well. You got a problem with that?"
Me: "Uh, no. I was just asking."

Despite the hostile first impression I talked to the guy some more as well as some other folks there. They all followed the Royals intensely and would take a bullet for their team no matter how awful they were. Keep in mind this was 2002 as well. They lost 100 games that year and had been dogshit for nearly a decade at that point. These folks lived and died by their team no matter what and I couldn't have been more impressed. Things definitely got worse before they got better too, but now that they've become relevant again, there's an entire city more than eager to embrace them, and that's pretty cool to see.

Their Worst Contract: Not a whole lot of contracts here I'd call bad at all. That Ian Kennedy deal is probably the most excessive and probably won't be of much value in the last couple years. But even then at most it's $16.5 million a year.

Fantasy Standout: Eric Hosmer. He's pretty good.

Fantasy Bust: Omar Infante. Why is he still alive, let alone on a fantasy roster? Actually he's probably not on a fantasy roster. Yep, a quick look at Yahoo shows he's only 1% owned in all leagues. That's still 1% too many. I'm gonna create one of those ad campaigns like they have against smoking. None Percent Infante in 2016!

I think this will really resonate with the Millennials

The Pop Culture Equivalent To This Team Is: That TV show you started watching from the beginning and really liked. So you keep telling your friends about it and they ignore you for the most part. Then by the third season it suddenly gets all the critical and mainstream acclaim you've been hoping for. Suddenly you feel justified in bugging everyone to watch all that time. All your friends can't shut up about it now. But then you start to tire of it. People are asking you if you watch it and you start copping a snarky attitude. Pretty soon you begin to resent the show you loved. Eventually you stop watching it. Soon after you quit your job and begin living on the streets. Life has no purpose any more. You scavenge for food in dumpsters. Last night you fought a raccoon over half a bag of Doritos.

Wait, where the fuck was I going with this?

The Gist: Game 7

Holy shit, you guys.

Let's get right into it.

Wow: A little under a year ago, Addison Russell teed off for his first career home run. It came on May 1 and it landed with a thud against the still-under construction left field bleachers.

This one could not be more different.

After the Cubs put about a million home runs into the bleachers (and on top of scoreboards) in the NLDS against the Cardinals last October, it was only fitting that Addison Russell opened the 2016 season with another giant home run, and just as memorable. In a season where I've already gone on record with my prediction of the Cubs winning the World Series, I think even the most skeptical fan would admit that this is the best team in baseball right now, and that's after losing one of the top 10 young players in baseball for the season. Russell's home run is going to start off a million 2016 Cubs tribute videos. And when you can start off the season with an exclamation point like that?

It's going to be a good year.

Don't Forget: Jason Heyward opened his Wrigley career as a Cub with a clutch hit to get the Cubs on the board in the 7th. Russell's bomb is the highlight, but Heyward got things started on a night where it didn't look like the Cubs were going to do much of anything.

Thing I Noticed: Unlike Cubs teams of years past, even when the Cubs weren't doing anything for the first 6 innings, they didn't look terrible, if that makes sense. It didn't show in the box score, but the Cubs didn't seem to be getting fooled, and actually had Brandon Finnegan running up a decent pitch count, with a not-so-great balls to strikes ratio. It's not surprising that the Cubs got him out of the game when they did. With a team that has the ability to see so many pitches and really make starters work, it's only a matter of time until they get their runs. Teams like the Giants and Royals are like that, where even when they aren't doing well, they don't look terrible doing it.

Also, the Giants and Royals have played in 4 of the last 6 World Series, winning 4.

You Are An Unfeeling Robot If: You didn't get a little emotional when Schwarber was introduced and hobbled his way out of the dugout. #winoneforbigtoe

One Last Thing: I just want to sit here and rewind the last 3 innings on repeat so I'll cut this off. If you're reading this, you probably watched it happen so you don't need me to tell you how great the game was. I will leave you with this - I started writing this Gist (yes, even the 5-3 final in the title) after Kawasaki flied out to end the 8th. I had no doubt that the Cubs would close this one out. I don't remember any other time I would have done that as a Cubs fan.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

Off day today, and then back at it 6:05 Wednesday night against the Reds. Alfredo Sauceman vs John Lackey.

2016 NBA Playoff Preview: Eastern Conference

As you may have noticed, we have fallen into a rut of previewing things and recapping games. To break that cycle, I've decided to...preview the 2016 NBA Playoffs. What? You don't like the NBA? You prefer the low scoring and sloppy play of the NCAA tournament? Well, as they say on TV, go watch fucking hockey then. Here's Part 1:

The East

So the NBA's Eastern Conference wasn't a tire fire this year. I believe this might be the first time since the Nixon administration that they haven't sent a below .500 team to the playoffs. You'll probably notice the Bulls aren't listed here. That "let's fire one of the best coaches in the game and replace him with a college guy that used to play here" thing didn't work out. The Bullets aren't here either, but that's because they are the Wizards now and stunk this season.

1. Cleveland Cavaliers - This is easily the worst good team I've ever seen. Lebron hates everyone and seems to regret going back to Clevland, They don't really run an offense. They fired David Blatt and replaced him with a towel rack. Nevertheless, Lebron James was able to drag this team's reality TV show carcass over the finish line to the #1 seed and they're the favorites to come out of the east.

2. Toronto Raptors - Toronto has been a growing power in the east for a few years now, but no one notices because they're never on TV. They're really the only legit threat to Cleveland in the conference, but may require another year of playoff failure to get over the hump.

3. Atlanta Hawks - Nope.

4. Boston Celtics - The Celtics got good way ahead of schedule this year and the casual fan can't name anyone on the team, so that means they will probably collapse next season (see Milwaukee). They aren't good enough to make a run at Cleveland or Toronto, but it's probably good for the league to have them competitive again.

5. Miami Heat - Getting the 5th seed is pretty impressive considering Chris Bosh spends most of his time these days playing golf with Arnold Palmer, Kevin Nealon, and NASCAR Guy. BTW, Dwyane Wade just flopped.

6. Charlotte Hornets - That Crying Jordan meme is really stupid. Also, Jeremy Lin looks like this now. I wish him the best during his transition. Every year the league buries one of its truly awful playoff series somewhere no one will see it. Congrats Hawks/Hornets, you get to be on NBA3.tv.ru/watchlive this year.

7. Indiana Pacers - Did I already use the "Nope." joke? Shit. I get bored even seeing the Pacers name. At least suicidal Roy Hibbert isn't there anymore. The sooner Toronto dispatches them the better.

8. Detroit Pistons - Is the best name on the Pistons' roster Spencer Dinwiddie or Kentavious Caldwell-Pope? Vote in our comment section.

The 2016 Eastern Conference Champion will be...the Cleveland Cavaliers. Lebron James isn't the best player in the league anymore (spoiler: it's Steph Curry), but he's still the best player in the East by a lot. Even with the dysfunction, he'll still be able to secure them the honor of getting killed by Golden State or San Antonio in the Finals.

The Gist: Games 5 & 6

WAIT! I didn't tell you how this weekend's games ended!

WE WON!


U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

The Gist: Game 4

Welcome to The Gist! Thunder Matt's Saloon readers of yore will recognize this game recap as the most inconsistent thing we've ever done. So why do I think I can tackle a game-by-game recap over an entire regular season? Because it's 2016 and I can write this from the bus every day. That said, this will most likely be pretty phoned-in. Let's do it!

Rich is away so I'm picking up the slack this weekend while he's exiled to Canada or something.

What Happened: Well, it ain't all gonna be puppies and rainbows.  Aside from finding out Kyle Schwarber was done for the year, the Cubs took their first loss of the season.

Chicago was hanging onto a 2-1 lead in the bottom of the 8th when Paul Goldschmidt got a base hit that would score Jean Segura from second base and tie the game. This of course led to all the wonderful armchair managers with their brilliant eagle-eye hindsight to come out from their troll caves and shout, "HE SHOULDA WALKED GOLDSCHMIDT!"

Calm the fuck down alright? Strop handled Goldschmidt fine the night before. Sometimes not everything can go our way OK? This shit irritates me to no end. I'm a cynical asshole as much as the next guy but this sort of bitching is stupid.

What can we take away from this loss: How about Jason Hammel pitching pretty well/ 6 innings, 6 strikeouts, 1 earned run. Those type of quality starts will do just fine from our #4 pitcher.

"YOU ARE NEXT" (brought to you by TMS Correspondent Chong Li):

Game 3 of this series versus Arizona is tonight at 7:10pm Central. Kyle Hendricks will make his first start of the season against Diamondbacks ace Zack Greinke. Hopefully Greinke is still feeling the effects of the flu that hampered his season debut earlier this week.

Schwarber's Knee Explodes, Season Over

Well...shit.

I'm not going to sugarcoat it: this is very bad. Schwarber was one of the best young power hitters in the game and had a flair for the dramatic come October.

But the Cubs have depth. And they have the minor league resources to make a deal, even a big one, some time this year if needed.

The Cubs still have Rizzo. And Bryant. And Heyward. And Zobrist. And Fowler and Soler. They scored 14 runs last night without Schwarber.

But this is bad. Feel free to panic this weekend. Drink a lot. Get it all out now and come back on Monday focused on how goddamn good we still are.