It Might Get Loud

October 13, 2009 | Comments (0) | by The Hundley

Put three influential axemen in a room and see what happens. Perhaps that is the seed that first entered Davis Guggenheim and the production team's minds when they decided to make It Might Get Loud. Guggenheim, who is perhaps best known for directing An Inconvenient Truth, makes an interesting choice in the three guitarists he chooses to profile. In the days of Guitar Hero video games, the term 'rock God' gets thrown around quite a bit, and in this movie it takes an interesting direction. More than anything, the movie profiles Jimmy Page, The Edge, and Jack White.

Does Jimmy Page even need any introduction? The soft spoken and reserved guitarist and song writer for Led Zeppelin, Page has penned some of hard rock's most recognizable guitar riffs and has long been known to be as equally immersed in creepy black magic as he is at guitar. The Edge comes to us by way of Ireland, being the guitar man for U2. He's a curious choice, as you'd guess that a documentary about guitar playing wouldn't feature a rhythm guitar player. Perhaps Page put it's best when he describes The Edge as a "sound architect", using multiple guitar effects pedals to get U2's signature sound. Jack White, known to most for his work in The White Stripes and The Raconteurs, is the up-and-comer that's already been able to forge a signature sound. Much more so than any of the others, White has more of an outward and aggressive demeanor.

Much of the movie goes into character study. We get the whole background of Jimmy Page growing up in England and how he's introduced to the guitar: his family moved into a new house when he was a boy, and the previous homeowners left an acoustic guitar there. From there we see a teenage Page playing in a kind of English rockabilly band and from there moving on to become an accomplished session player before moving on to The Yardbirds and ultimately Led Zeppelin. Page boasts a friggin' huge record collection, and he plays many of his favorite cuts, most notably an old 45 of "Rumble", where Page says he really got the itch to play with a more thick, heavy sound. The filmmakers even follow him to a countryside mansion where Zeppelin recorded IV, and he shows us where Bonham laid down the drum tracks in the front foyer.

The Edge comes from a working class section of Dublin during a time of economic hardship. We find that U2 is the only band he's ever been in, and it all started by way of a post-it note on his school's bulletin board. He freely admits that for the longest time he was not technically adept at playing the guitar, but he had a sound in mind that he wanted to achieve. The Edge even shows us how he plays typical guitar chords in a different fashion which gives it more of the U2 ringing sound. The biggest nugget we get, though, is how he uses guitar effects. If you've ever listened to U2 from The Joshua Tree and on, you know much of U2's sound is driven by echo effects on the guitars. We get to see that he has an entire board of guitar effects that all run through a giant computer. The Edge even plays the main hook to "Elevation" both with and without the effects. Without the effects, it's simply two chords.

Jack White definitely likes to give off the throw-back vibe. We see him driving an old car in Tennessee, making a one string guitar on his porch with a coke bottle and some wire, and he's always seen in his signature porkpie hat. Oddly, much of the film has Jack White being followed by a "young Jack" White, a 9 year old boy dressed like White, presumably supposed to be him in his formative years. We also travel to Detroit, where White grew up and worked as an upholster and found a musical partner in his boss (they even formed a band called The Upholsters). White talks at length of how he likes things stripped down and pure, frequently mentioning his favorite record, an old Son House piece from way back. White even tells us that he likes to struggle with his guitars, and that his White Stripes "number one" is a red plastic guitar from a department store.

The entire movie, naturally, has great music playing in the background. Mostly interspersed over old footage, we see all three of the musicians in past and present day footage. Page almost seems apprehensive to let people into his mind or his technique, though we do get some boner-inducing shots of his playing some Zeppelin classics for the other two. The Edge opens up a but more, even pulling out some old demo cassette tapes where we got to hear some Joshua Tree Era stuff. White leaves nothing left to the imagination. As I said, he was bay far the most open of three, even recording some stuff on an old reel-to-reel. And he seemed hungry to impress the others ("I want to trick these guys into showing me their tricks), showing how he came up with an idea to incorporate a vocal mic into a guitar, allowing him to get that distorted vocal sound that's evident to those familiar with White's work.

The whole movie builds towards the end, where all three will be in the same room, culminating in an epic jam. This is where the movie falls short. There is little to no chemistry between the three with only White seeming to want something big to happen. After a few awkward jams where The Edge clearly was uncomfortable trying to play some lead lines, we were treated to the movie's gem - a jam on The Band's big hit, "The Weight". The Edge and White handle the vocals when Page makes it clear that he doesn't/can't sing.

This is a movie that will appeal to fans of the musicians involved and those who are big into guitar playing. It's a wholly enjoyable movie, but one that could have been much more. Instead of an in-depth look at the guitar, it's more of an overview of the men themselves, almost a Greatest Hits look instead of what really makes them tick. We do get some interesting back stories, but they're ones that could easily be read on the artist's Wikipedia pages. That being said, the music and the cinematography make it an overall positive experience. Unfortunately, I can't stop from wondering what might have been.

Thunder Matt Review: 7 stars out of 10

Should He Stay or Should He Go?

October 12, 2009 | Comments (0) | by Arcturus


Jim Hendry. His name alone fills me with mixed feelings, not to mention a craving for Krispey Kremes. One could argue that the Cubs have enjoyed one of their most successful runs during the Hendry years. One could also argue that some of Hendry's moves have hamstrung the team as well. If you were Tom Ricketts, would you keep Jim Hendry or look to bring in another GM to take his place? Let's examine some of the transactions Hendry has made over the past several seasons.

The Good:

Before the 2003 season, the Cubs were saddled with Todd Hundley. In a flash of brilliance, Hendry traded Hundley to the Dodgers for Mark Grudzielanek and Eric Karros. Grudz and Karros would both be big pieces on the 2003 Central Division winning Cubs that year while Hundley continued to suck out loud.

Hee-Seop Choi for Derrek Lee. Before the 2004 season, Hendry made this little beauty of a trade. As one of the three people who believed that Choi was the first baseman of the future, I was happy that I turned out to be completely wrong. Derrek Lee is now one of the keystone players on the Cubs and Hee Seop Choi is selling Kias back in his homeland.

Jim Edmonds. I personally thought Jim Edmonds was done and that this was a terrible signing. I had to eat my words, as Edmonds came back from the dead and gave the Cubs some solid baseball.

One of Hendry's best free agent signings was the four year deal he gave Ted Lilly. If I remember right, he was criticized for making this deal, but Lilly has quietly been one of the best pitchers in the NL over the course of his contract.

The ultimate Hendry trade is the mid-season deal he made in 2003, trading Bobby Hill and Jose Hernandez to Pittsburgh for Kenny Lofton and Aramis Ramirez. At the time, most of the excitement was around acquiring Lofton to replace the injured Corey Patterson (who actually had been playing pretty good in '03), but I had had a man-crush on the Rammer even when he was with the Pirates. Lofton is long gone, but Ramirez is the best hitter on the Cubs and one of the best third baseman in the game. As for Bobby Hill, that boy ain't right. Never was.

The Bad:

Juan Pierre. After missing out on signing Raphael Furcal, Hendry decided he must have a leadoff hitter at all cost and dealt prospects Ricky Nolasco, Renyel Pinto, and pitcher Sergio Mitre to the Marlins for baby-headed Pierre. While Pierre did have 204 hits in his one season with the Cubs, giving up three pitchers for one year of Pierre was an awful trade. The trade was almost as bad as watching Pierre in the outfield. How do you know you're a sucky outfielder? When Jacque Jones has a better throwing arm than you do. I remember there were games where Pierre would flip the ball to one of his corner outfielders to make the throw back in to the infield. Little peanut-headed, limp-wristed so and so. Nolasco is now a solid part of the Marlins' rotation and Pinto has been decent out of the 'pen. Mitre is now a Yankee. And the Dodgers have Pierre. so lose-lose all around for the Cubs in this deal. Except for the fact that I no longer have to watch Pierre play.

The jury is still out on whether or not the Mark DeRosa trade was a good move or not. The Cubs will have to wait and see what they get from the pitching prospects the Indians sent them. However, the fallout from the DeRosa trade led Hendry to the Aaron Miles signing. Epic fail there. The DeRo trade was also supposed to be a buildup to trading for Jake Peavy, which never happened. When Ramirez went down with his shoulder injury, the Cubs had no viable major league substitute for him and Jake Peavy is now pitching for the White Sox because Hendry didn't pull the trigger on a deal for him in the offseason. Plus DeRosa eventually found his way to division rival St. Louis. He didn't do squat for the Cardinals, but it's still annoying that one of Hendry's moves inadvertently helped St. Louis. And not having DeRosa on the Cubs meant that for some inconceivable reason, Mike Fontenot played a bunch of games at third base. The memory of that still fills me with with a rage hotter than a million suns.

Alfonso Soriano. I'm not going to dispute the idea that Soriano was the best free agent available that offseason, but Hendry didn't even seem to negotiate, just basically threw a big pile of money at Fonzie. Really, it's not so much the money involved here as the number of years he gave Soriano. I can't understand why you would give a 30 year old guy an 8 year deal. Apparently, Hendry learned nothing from the Sosa debacle. So Soriano will be holding right field hostage for the next five years, while his legs get creakier and creakier. Not good. And there's no way in hell Hendry will find a trade partner willing to take on that kind of obligation.

Kosuke Fukudome. I really like Kosuke. He's a solid defender and I think he's a great #2 hitter. I do think he will continue to improve. You don't win batting titles in Japan by being a shitty hitter. The reason that this deal is starting to look bad is that Hendry again gave out too many years. A four year deal for a guy who'd never played in the majors was somewhat foolish. Also, it seemed like Hendry thought maybe Fukudome would flash a little more power and drive in more runs. If he had signed Kosuke to be a #2 hitter, OBP guy, this is a great move. But I don't think that's what Hendry expected Fukudome to do when he signed him.

Jason Marquis. Hendry overpaid for three years of Marquis. For two years, the best thing you could say about Marquis was that he ate innings and he could swing the bat a little bit. Then Hendry traded him for Luis Vizcaino, whom the Cubs promptly released. Marquis proceeded to have a career year for the Rockies, with his salary paid for by the Cubs. Now I'm not saying he would have had the same year for the Cubs, but the Cubs got absolutely nothing for trading him.

How about Jason Dubois for Jody Gerut, who Hendry then traded for an ineffectual Matt Lawton? A garbage trade twofer. For some reason, Jason Dubois is back in our minor league system, stealing playing time from some kid who's actually good.

The Ugly:

Milton Bradley. It's been discussed before, but this is the worst signing Hendry has ever made. No other GM in baseball was willing to give this walking cock a multi-year deal. Only Jim Hendry let himself get suckered by Milton's 'I've Changed' sales pitch. In addition to being a gigantic asshole, Bradley has never played a full season in the majors without hurting himself or his fragile ego. To give a guy with a history of injury and malcontentism a contract longer than a year is just ludicrous. I'm no GM, but I knew and most fans who follow the sport knew that Bradley was a cancer. And here again, it seems like Hendry learned nothing from the bad atmosphere surrounding Sammy Sosa. Now, much like the 2004 offseason, Hendry is handcuffed until he can rid himself of a jerk-off right-fielder wearing #21.

And just for fun, here are two guys that Jim Hendry has coveted over the years that he wasn't able to sign or trade for:

1. Termel Sledge
2. Austin Kearns

I think that tells you all you need to know about Jim Hendry's talent evaluation skills.

Another of my issues with Hendry is that he tends to get tunnel vision and focus on landing one type of player. Look at the Juan Pierre trade. Hendry was deadset on acquiring a leadoff hitter and had set his sights on Rafael Furcal. When Furcal spurned the Cubs at the last moment, Hendry panicked and overpaid (in prospect terms) to acquire Pierre. In order to land Soriano, he went well above a reasonable offer, just so the Cubs wouldn't lose Soriano as they had Furcal. Last offseason, he ignored guys like Raul Ibanez and Bobby Abreu to focus on Milton Bradley.

So does the good outweigh the bad over the course of Hendry's tenure with the Cubs? Personally, I think Hendry should be let go for the Bradley fiasco alone. There was plenty of evidence to suggest that Bradley was a headcase, yet Hendry offered him a long term deal regardless. That one misstep is going to cost the Cubs the bulk of what is owed to Bradley. Not exactly the best way to endear yourself to a brand new owner.

Ha ha, Look at you!

October 12, 2009 | Comments (0) | by Jake the Terrible Cubs Fan

I bet Billy Wagner could've saved that game.

The Nut-Shot Heard 'Round the World

October 09, 2009 | Comments (0) | by White Chili

LA swept the Cubs out of the playoffs a year ago and the whole experience left me feeling like I had just been water-boarded in a urinal. It left me both physically and emotionally fragile. Our offense was clicking, nearly everyone was healthy, and nay a better pitching staff could be found.

(flush)

The Cardinals drew the Dodgers for the first round of the playoffs this year too. Their offense was firing on all cylinders and a combination of Carpenter and Wainwright virtually guaranteed leaving the coast with no worse than a split. Carpenter came up short in game one, but those two pitchers had only lost back-to-back games once this year.

Wainwright and Kershaw both pitched excellent games. One side note: Can we please avoid any more unpleasant close-up shots of Kershaw's "facial hair"? I know the guy is twelve years old but it looks like he rolled around on the floor of a salon after eating cotton candy.

The Cards were up 2-1 in the bottom of the ninth with two outs and James Loney was facing Ryan Franklin and a 2-2 count. Loney hit a fly ball to left field and what should have been the last out of the game screamed over Holliday's outstretched glove and hit him right in the ball sac.

Now, Holliday says that he lost the ball in the lights and Wainwright said that he probably lost the ball in the sea of 50 thousand spinning white towels (which are mostly blue). Holliday also said that the ball hit him in the stomach. Roll clip 2:12.


This was a bad error. A really bad error. An error that made me laugh and laugh because it felt like at least some sort of sweet justice was being served for all the crap I've had to hear for the last year. But it didn't end there.

There were still two outs and the Cardinals were completely in control of closing out the game. That is until Franklin (eventually) walked Casey Blake, gave up a single to former National Ronnie Belliard, threw a wild pitch, walked Russel Martin, and finally gave up the game winning single to Mark Loretta.

The team many expected would sail through the postseason, including the LA Times, is now down 0-2 and heading back to St. Louis on the verge of being swept. In the first round. By LA. I can't wait to see how the "best fans in baseball" handle this.

"Wrigleyville" Bar Project: The Long Room

October 08, 2009 | Comments (0) | by Wolter

It really is long.With the name Saloon included in our moniker, one could surmise that we here at TMS like to drinky drinky. One that would make such an assumption would be correct, thereby throwing out the whole, 'when you assume you make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me' bullshit. We're here to profile some of the local watering holes around Wrigley, so that you aren't the poor sap who gets dragged into going to the Cubby Bear before the game, wherein you are soon left wondering how your life spiraled out of control so quickly. Tommy Buzanis has pledged to help out with this column, as he is no stranger to the bottle, but you can rest assured that those promises are as empty as his shot glass. So here it is, another sporadically timed, mildly entertaining column that you can only find here at the TMS. Actually you can probably find lots of info on Wrigley bars in a much more concise and helpful format, but that's neither here nor there.

Today’s Bar: The Long Room, 1612 W. Irving Park (Look, I don't actually drink in Wrigleyville proper very often folks. You'll have to bear with me).

Website: http://www.longroomchicago.com/

Douchebag Factor (1-10, with 10 being this guy): 2 (it would have been even lower, but there was a really shrill voiced girl that had trouble deciding what beer to get).

Who You’ll See Here: Mostly neighborhood folks. Decent mix of humanity. The Tamale Man.

What to Order: They have a pretty large beer selection here, as well as some decent specials. The prices seem about average-to-low for Chicago on most items. I had a couple of La Fin Du Mondes (one of my favorite beers) at 6 bucks apiece, followed by a Schlitz for 3. The kicker though was closing out with a Laphroaig Islay Malt Scotch for only 8 bucks (which is very decent for ordering that at a bar).

But really, what you need to bring your money for are the TAMALES. More on that later.

If you were to see a celebrity here, it would be: I'm just going to say Harry Dean Stanton. It seems like his kind of place. Not sure why. Just go with it.

Oh, sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you...Summary: The Long Room was a pretty low-key, very relaxed place when I visited it last night. Nice atmosphere, and so unpretentious that Chaim Witz would probably burst into flames if he crossed the threshold.

The bar is aptly named, as it runs narrowly down the length of its building. There is an outdoor porch in the back that I didn't see much of, but I can assume is nice. There's a photobooth in the back if you like wasting money, and a good amount of regular "seating" booths (I hate sitting at regular tables in bars). And get this: it has parking for customers.

Again, there were a lot of beers available (enough that I panicked and went to a go-to beer to start), and what seemed like a pretty good liquor selection as well.

But what makes it for me is that that atmosphere of comfort and relaxation is interrupted every hour by The Tamale Man. I love bars with tamale salesmen coming through. Made fresh in a van parked nearby, these little packets of joy are sold in bunches of six, and man are they worth it. One of the people in our party said they were as good as the tamales his grandmother made, and I guarantee you that they're better than my grandmother ever could have made (however, this is probably because my grandmother probably never saw a tamale in her life).

Really, I'm actually annoyed writing this, because I want more of those tamales. They're like crack, only legal and you don't feel like a dirtbag 15 minutes after trying one at a party out in Goose Creek, South Carolina and STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!!!1

Anyway, good bar, great tamales, parking. Check it out.

Thunder Matt Rating: 5.5 piping hot tamales out of 6.



1. I actually have never smoked crack. That was ACTING!

This is Baseball

October 07, 2009 | Comments (0) | by Arcturus

If you didn't watch the one game playoff between the Twins and Tigers last night, you missed a beauty of a ballgame. Games like this are the essence of what playoff baseball should be. It was full of drama and great performances from superstars and ordinary players alike. The game lasted 12 innings, the score flip-flopping several times. If you like solid pitching efforts, you got it. If you like to see the home run ball, there were plenty of those. If you like great defense, both sides flashed enough leather to generate a week's worth of web gems. Clutch hitting and small ball? Oh, that was there, too. This game really had everything and both teams played their guts out.

Just some of the great stories of the game:

Rick Porcello. Porcello gave the Tigers one of the best outings of his young career. He pitched 5.2 innings, surrendering one earned run on a home run by Jason Kubel and an unearned run on a poor throw. He struck out 8 and only walked 2. Leyland might have been best served to have left him in.

Fernando Rodney. Rodney may have ended up the tough luck loser in this game, but it wasn't due to of lack of effort on his part. Rodney pitched 3 complete innings before giving up hits to Carlos Gomez and Alexei Casilla in the 12th, his 4th inning of work.

Brandon Inge. Inge was an absolute beast at third base in this game, making several incredible plays. The plays he made would have been considered spectacular for just about any third-sacker, but Inge doing it on knees held together with crazy glue, duct tape, and prayer is nothing short of amazing. As much pain as this guy has to be in, no one would've blamed him if he hadn't played at all, let alone put forth the effort he did. And despite all that, he's still busting ass down the line in the 12th inning to take away the possible double play.

The Home Runs from Miguel Cabrera, Jason Kubel, Orlando Cabrera, and Magglio Ordonez were all huge. Miggy's HR showed that he could be more than just a distraction to his team and Ordonez's sent the game to extra innings. Kubel's HR brought the Minnesota crowd back in the game and Orlando Cabrera's gave the Twins their first (though brief) lead of the game.

Twins Bullpen. Ron Gardenhire made full use of his bullpen and they responded. They kept the score close, keeping the Twins in it until they were finally able to solve Fernando Rodney.

Twins Offense. They knew they had to step up when Justin Morneau went down with the stress fracture in his back. This game wasn't just the Joe Mauer show, as everyone pitched in. The only Twins who failed to tally hits were Brendan Harris, who was hit by a pitch in his one at bat and Jose Morales. All the other players had at least one hit in the game. The speed of guys like Carlos Gomez was also on display, on both sides of the field.

Twins Defense. How big was that double play in the ninth that got Nathan out of a jam? Or the throw home in the 12th from Punto with the bases loaded?

Class. There was a lot of class on both sides, especially in the post game comments from Mauer and Cabrera, who were very complimentary of their Detroit opponents.

See this article on Yahoo for the top 10 plays of the game and the next time someone tells you they don't watch baseball because it's boring, tie them to the couch and put this game on the TV for them. If they still think the sport is boring after that, then they have no soul.

Why We Need the Yankees in the World Series

October 07, 2009 | Comments (0) | by Jake the Terrible Cubs Fan

Alright, think back for a second. What was the last great World Series that you remember?

The Red Sox winning it all in 2004 and thus breaking "the curse." Right?

Wrong.

The ALCS against the Yankees was absolutely legendary but the Sox made a quick 4 game sweep against the Cardinals to win the World Series. After the drama of overcoming a 3-0 series deficit to New York, the World Series was merely an afterthought.

In fact for quite a while now, the World Series has been a bit of a snoozer. Three of the last five have been four game sweeps and the other two only went one more game is all. Hell with all the bizarre rain delays and such, I can't honestly recall if they actually finished last year's series or not.

Face it, the last decent World Series was 2003 when the Marlins upset the New York Yankees in 6 games.

But Chip, if a series can go six or seven games isn't it a moot point whether or not the Yankees are involved?

To some extent yes, but looking back what World Series do you recall more, 2002 when the Angels beat the Giants, or 2001 when the D-Backs beat the Yankees? Both went the full seven games but the hype and the aura surrounding the Yankees made it that much more dramatic.

I hate the argument that the big market teams need to be in World Series otherwise no one will care, but sadly there is some truth to that. Yankees vs. Dodgers is going to have much more intrigue than say Twins vs. Rockies.

The Yankees probably draw the most passionate opinions than any other team. Mention Derek Jeter to a baseball fan and they probably have a pretty firm stance on his career regardless of what side of the fence it comes from. The team continues to make a mockery out of the average MLB team payroll and they clearly get the most publicity from ESPN and the like. They make the perfect villain. You can't say the same about the Red Sox. Despite having a monstrous payroll as well and having won two championships in the last five years, some folks honestly still look at Boston as a sort of underdog. No, the Evil Empire still looms large in the Bronx and play the ultimate heel to perfection

So here's to the Yankees making the World Series. I don't even care which NL team they play. The Dodgers would be awesome because of Joe Torre and Manny. The Cardinals have the pitching fire power and Albert Pujols to make some historic moments. The Phillies are the defending champions. And who wouldn't want to see Yankees vs. Rockies? New Yankee Stadium plus Coors Field? Every game could wind up with double digit scores.

If you want a series that folks will talk about for years to come, we need the Yankees.

TMS Music: KISS - Sonic Boom

October 06, 2009 | Comments (0) | by Chaim Witz

Things That Make You Go Boom


Release Date: October 6th - Wal Mart exclusive (gross, I know)

Nearly 11 years have passed since the release of the last KISS studio album, the generally underwhelming Psycho Circus. Since then, the band has experienced breakups, makeups, Farewell Tours, Kaskets, Kondoms, embarrassing reality shows, Peter Criss solo albums, and of course, 9/11. Now they are back with Sonic Boom, purported to be the best KISS album since Abbey Road or the four 1978 solo albums, I can't remember which.

A self professed KISS geek*, I admittedly haven't been this excited for an album since...well, probably Psycho Circus. For the last month I've been frequenting KISSONLINE like The Hundley frequents those chat rooms you always hear about on Dateline. KISS message boards, rumor mills, song samples...honestly, I've really been shirking my impending duties as a expectant father in favor of the the Hottest Band in the World. Help pick out a primary color for the nursery? But wait, did you see Tommy Thayer's new boots?

This time around, gone are lead guitarist Ace Frehley and drummer Peter Criss in favor of Eric Singer (who used to be in the band back in the one non-makeup era where they actually were kind of badass) and Tommy Thayer. Some fans cry foul that Tommy and Eric are wearing Ace and Peter's makeup, but to me it's a moot point. Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley own the rights to the designs (after Peter and Ace sold those rights), and at this point I've resigned myself to the fact that KISS is more of a brand than a band anyway, so in that regard, it makes sense. Besides, Eric Singer is a much better drummer than Creaky Pete, and while I miss Ace's drunken charisma, Tommy can play Ace's old solos better than even Ace could towards the end of his run.

Anyway, back to the music, the one aspect of KISS that they are probably least known for (or most reviled for by monocle-sporting music snobs). Produced by frontman Paul Stanley, using no outside writers, Sonic Boom represents a return to form of sorts for a band whose form has been 'flabby at best' for close to 30 years. That isn't to say that the album is a strict return to their 1970's sound per se...instead it represents the first time in a long time that the band hasn't tried to chase trends or cling to delusions of mainstream relevance. Instead, they've gotten back to basics. Good, catchy, and most importantly, fun rock tunes befitting of a band that wears white pancake makeup, high heels and more leather than a combination Rob Halford/Sturgis Motorcycle Rally-themed cocktail party (my God, what a random and wholly unsettling image that is. But I bet it would be fun, no?)

Make no mistake about it, this isn't music that will make you ponder the deeper meaning of life or gaze down glumly at your shoes. There are no inner demons here, only the Demon. The riffs are crunchy, the lyrics are raunchy, the guitar solos crackle with a decidedly vintage feel (nods to old Ace solos abound) and Gene Simmons bass playing has never been so prominent and driving.

Let's put it this way. Sometimes I watch Top Chef and crave a pretentious meal of lambshanks, foie gras and chocolate foam. Other times (mostly after I've been drinking), I crave the NFL paired with a McDonald's Double Cheeseburger Meal and a large Coke. Sonic Boom is the latter, with extra cheese.

If you're still reading and haven't logged on to Pitchfork to cleanse your palette yet, let's move on to the song by song breakdown:

1. Modern Day Delilah - A raucous start to the album, this Paul Stanley penned rocker is probably the "heaviest" song on the album and recalls their Revenge era, where Gene actually looked cool and the band had a big-time leather fetish. Killer guitar solo. 9/10

2. Russian Roulette - Gene comes out of the gates with a bassline that will make your testicles drop and lyrics with more sexual innuendos than a David Letterman company mixer. 9/10

3. Never Enough - A catchy slice of the 80's from Paul. Think 'Nothing But a Good Time' meets 'Pledge of Allegiance To the State of Rock N Roll' (which, you probably haven't heard unless you own Psycho Circus. Like I said, you probably haven't heard it.) 7/10

4. Yes I Know (Nobody's Perfect) - You want your 70's KISS? Here you go. It's even got (more) cowbell. The bridge before the chorus will stick in your head like peanut butter. It becomes apparent early on that Gene Simmons is the MVP of the album. It almost (but not quite) makes you forgive him for that abomination of a reality show, his last solo album, causing Ace to drink, and running KISS into the ground. Like I said, almost. 10/10

5. Stand - Probably the track that will have the most love/hate among fans. It might be my least favorite for now, but its something I could see growing on me, like the time I had shingles. The whole vibe reminds me of 'God Gave Rock N Roll II You'. 6/10

6. Hot and Cold - Another 70's style rocker from Gene Simmon's Wig, with a killer Frehley-esque geeeetah solo from Tommy. The lyrics are cliche and trite, but this is KISS after all, not a Thom Yorke solo album. 8/10

7. All For the Glory - Eric Singer takes the lead on the vocals with this straight ahead rocker that makes you want to drive fast and possibly buy a used Camaro if the price is right. 7/10

8. Danger Us - This is probably my second favorite Paul Stanley song on the album. Nice 70's riff with a cheese-tastic sing along chorus 'Danger you, danger me, danger us!' 9/10

9. I'm An Animal - Gene's obligatory "scary Demon" song. 'Within' meets 'God of Thunder'. Kind of has a 'Dazed and Confused' (Zeppelin) riff. Awesome old school metal scream at the end. 7/10

10. When Lightning Strikes - Tommy Thayer on vocals. This one sounds pretty 80's, and at first I really resented it...it kind of reminded me of something that would fit on the Karate Kid soundtrack. But after a few listens I'm really digging it. I'd upgrade it to the Roadhouse soundtrack instead. More cowbell! 7/10

11. Say Yeah - My early favorite track on the album. The perfect blend of old KISS with new KISS. What a great album closer and classic anthem. Say YEAH! 10/10

Overall Rating: 4 Vinnie Vincent Lawsuits Out of 5

*One of these days I will chronicle how I, the pretentious bastard of the group, became so smitten with a band that is so decidedly low-brow. It may take me around 11 years, but I've got the mullet pictures to prove it. (Fun fact: A mullet automatically gets you assigned Sergeant in the KISS Army.)

What Did Slowhand Ever Do To You?

October 06, 2009 | Comments (0) | by The Hundley

"I'll say it: the wrong Clapton fell out of that apartment window." - TMS Email Thread Archives

Sure, many times we make bold and shocking statements on the email thread, so I'll forgive this crazy statement from a fellow bartender who shall remain anonymous. But the seed is there. For whatever reason, people don't like Eric Clapton. I don’t get it. Did he kick your dog? Did he cost Chicago the Olympic Games? Did he take your mom out for a seafood dinner and then never call her again?

Seriously, what is it?

It’s clearly not his musicianship. Aside from his solo career, just look at the bands he’s been in: The Yardbirds, John Mayall & the Bluesbreakers, Cream, Blind Faith, Delaney and Bonnie, Derek & The Dominos. That’s a friggin’ Murderer’s Row, brah. And yes, all of those bands had other talented musicians, but Clapton was the centerpiece and what drove the bands. Yes, the whole “Clapton is God” graffiti was a bit much, but that’s no fault of Clapton’s.

Clapton has always said that he is first and will always be a blues guitarist. Like many others of his time, he developed his style by studying and then adapting his style after black American bluesmen. Guys like Muddy Waters, Buddy Guy, BB, Freddie, and Albert King, Robert Johnson, Elmore James have all unquestionably been brought to a greater audience by way of Clapton. Some of these heroes even ended up touring with Clapton.

Clapton is also no one-trick pony. Not only does he have the blues sound, he’s also dabbled in country (Lay Down Sally, Hello Old Friend), reggae (I Shot The Sherriff, Swing Low Sweet Chariot), where he helped introduce the world to a little-known artist named Bob Marley, early hard rock (Sunshine of Your Love, White Room), acoustic (The Unplugged Album), pop (My Father’s Eyes, Change The World), and love songs (Layla, Wonderful Tonight). As easy as it would be for him to rest on his laurels and keep churning out the same album over and over, he takes the risk and the challenge of trying something new. You have to give the guy credit.

Much has been made of his drug use. Find me a music star that doesn’t have that problem. Clapton chose to focus his efforts and struggles at sobriety into helping others by way of his treatment center, Crossroads. Through Crossroads Centre, he’s helped many people cope and overcome addiction since the centre’s inception in 1998. Clapton has also organized and performed at many benefit concerts for causes like political unrest in Bangladesh, Tsunami victims and survivors, Special Olympics, Amnesty International, and others.

So there you have it. Yeah, the guy is way overrated and a dick. If you’re gonna hate because you think he’s over-saturated the industry, maybe head over to Bitchfork Media and find yourself a nice, pretentious spoken word album, because who wants to like music that anyone else enjoys?

TMS Ombudsman

October 06, 2009 | Comments (0) | by T.R.

"The well-bred contradict other people. The wise contradict themselves." -- Oscar Wilde

Any reader of Thunder Matt's Saloon, if they so choose, can find an article or joke that offends their better sensibilities. The blogosphere is, after all, a mish-mash of controversial and unresearched opinion and poor attempts at humor. TMS is no exception. That being said, the TMS staff (and this Ombudsman) believes that it's readership is of a mature enough stature that they will turn a blind eye to the worst of these transgressions. Even so, there is little room at TMS for blatant obscenity, be it graphic or written in nature. Offending authors could be pointed out, shunned in the comments, and otherwise mocked and ridiculed by readers. But what if there is a contradiction within the realm of vulgarity? Specifically, what does it say when a writer contradicts his own moral high ground? Does self-contradiction imply heightened intelligence, as Oscar Wilde might have us believe? Or is one who contradicts himself simply lazy and foolish, inattentive to his own detail and message?

These questions were recently brought to light concerning contradictory means of censorship by different staffers. The first concerns a piece titled "On the Bright Side of Things", penned by Surrounded By Communists. SBC, as we will call him, chose to alter the term "fuck-up" in his opening sentence, replacing it with the awkward "f&ck up". Listen, we're all adults here. When used properly, the word "fuck" can effectively shoulders a great burden, conveying emotions that cleaner synonyms cannot. Despite this attention to self-censorship, SBC proceeds to caption his first photo in the article by employing the word "asshole". So one is fine, but not the other?

TMS is not being hounded by the FCC. There is no magical hour of the night that demarcates a line between the use of clean and foul language. TMS is written for a mature audience. The prevalence of "fuck" and "asshole" throughout the Internet and other forms of mass media has truly desensitized their impact for the majority of Western society. There should be little reason to hesitate in using them, as long as they help in maximizing effect and are not directed toward individuals in a hateful, irresponsible manner. Consistency in this respect should be maintained amongst TMS staff. Contradiction of this rule, particularly by one author in the same post, should be avoided. If nothing else, such resolve by the author precipitates a level of trust and understanding between writer and reader; a bind that is essential for continued growth in an often-overwhelming sea of sports and entertainment blogs.

While conviction in prose is most admirable, vigilance should be maintained at all times when it comes to visual content. On Monday, staff writer Arcturus posted a photo which most would consider questionable in taste, and certainly unsafe for the work environment (and let's be honest, most TMS readers peruse the site while at work). Though Arcturus seemingly made an attempt at obscuring the most private parts of "Ms. Phoenix Ray", there is clearly a nipple slipping through on the left breast. Discretion being the better part of valor, this picture and post should have come with a clear warning, possibly with a link to the photo instead of having it embedded in the article. Pictures do, after all, say a thousand words (and scar a thousand minds).

Make no mistake: words and pictures are held to different standards. Expletives are palatable when given context, whereas pictures draw the eyes and can bypass context entirely. There is no contradiction in saying that one is favorable over the other.

Or is there?

Editor's Note: Surrounded By Communists was recently dismissed for this and other infractions deemed detrimental to the integrity of TMS. The other infractions involved a fraternity house and a broomstick.

Koyie Hill Appreciation Society: 60 Hits, but a Whole Lotta Heart

October 05, 2009 | Comments (0) | by Arcturus

Well kids, it's time to bid adieu to the Koyie Hill Appreciation Society for 2009. As you know, for every hit Koyie Hill delivered in 2009, I removed a section from this picture:

Koyie finishes the year with 60 hits and a .237 average in 83 games. Let's face it, Koyie isn't going to be remembered for his offensive output, but for the stretch of consecutive games he caught while Geo Soto was being weaned off pot and Ho-Hos mid-season. Koyie may not be an offensive juggernaut, but at least he ain't Paul Bako. Or Michael Barret. Or Rob Bowen.

Koyie may not have tallied enough hits to completely clear the board, but I would certainly not deprive those of you who have been following the KHAS posts all season of the chance to see the picture behind the picture. Meet Ms. Phoenix Ray:

Editor's Note: Photo has been removed from this post. To see the still not quite SFW version click here.

There are no more Koyie Hill fast facts for the year, save that Koyie Hill is one bad mother. Maybe I'm just old school, but Hill reminded me of the days when the catcher didn't have to hit to be a valuable member of the team. As long as you called a good game, blocked the balls in the dirt, and held down the running game, you could be considered a successful catcher. Anything you did with the bat was gravy.

So here's to you, Koyie Hill, a man out of time. If this were the 1980s, you might be the #1 ranked catcher in the big leagues right now. Thanks for being the hardest working backup catcher in the majors. Ice those knees and drink a cold one on the Saloon.

Thank You Interns

October 03, 2009 | Comments (0) | by Jake the Terrible Cubs Fan

The MLB regular season ends tomorrow and as such so does the TMS summer internship program for 2009. I just wanted to thank our 3 interns for a job well done picking up the slack and writing for us because we're too lazy to do so. You truly are enablers of our underachieving sloth lifestyle.

Here are my favorite posts from each of the interns this summer.

Surrounded by Communists - In Defense of Child Labor. The "In Defense of..." series are probably the most difficult posts to tackle at TMS and SbC nailed this one perfectly. So much so I've been scouring the black market for some eager-bodied Guatemalan children to do the "Charlie-work" here at the saloon.



Ginger Russ - Overrated/Underrated: Mexican Restaurants, Part 1 & Part 2. Ginger Russ has followed TMS almost from the beginning and early on he tapped into what our readers like to squabble about the most, overrated/underrated stuff and food. Be sure to check out Ginger Russ over at his Cubs blog College of Idiots this offseason where he'll continue his Top Ten: Top Ten Plays feature.

Adam Blank - How to Get Laid in 12 Easy Steps. Our resident unemployed alcoholic has graced us with a spectacular melange of booze, B-movies, and obscure punk albums, but his true moment of acceptance at the Saloon came with this horrifically brilliant guide to getting laid. Adam's little niche of esoterica has found a permanent home here at TMS as he has accepted a full-time bartender position with us. So expect the reviews of shitty vodka and odd horror/kung fu movies to continue.

Again, thanks so much to all three of you. And to our readers, be sure to keep an eye out next Spring as we may be searching for interns again in 2010.

Adventures in the Basic Cable Wasteland

October 01, 2009 | Comments (0) | by Arcturus

Over the past week or so, my cranky back has rendered me almost completely sedentary. Unable to get comfortable on either of the living room couches, I've been forced to spend most of my days in the bedroom, where the TV (the same 19" I bought with my paper route money when I was 13) only gets channels up to 65. So without the digital box or its onscreen channel menu, I spent more time flipping through the channels looking for things to watch. I came across some things that I had no idea were even on TV (or why, for that matter). This is just part of what I've come across over the past week or so.

5. Rocky Marathon on Spike. Over the last week or so, I've become convinced that Spike only shows CSI reruns and Stallone movies, although I did see ads for Van Damme movies and some sort of UFC fight featuring a rather large gentleman named Kimbo Slice. However, during the day that I watched Spike as I segued in and out of a pain/drug induced haze (depending entirely on how recently I'd taken my pain killers) all I saw was Rocky. They apparently ran the first five Rocky movies back to back, which was just fine with me as I was only half paying attention. It all kind of seemed like one movie to me. Rocky collects money for a loan shark, romances a pet store clerk (in a special ed kind of way), gets a shot at the title, eats raw egg and runs a lot, punches meat, earns a draw with the flamboyant African-American champ who says there will be no rematch, and then changes his mind two minutes later. Rocky says no to the fight, gets married to the pet shop clerk, knocks up the pet shop clerk, spends a lot of money, goes to work in a meat plant, gets laid off from meat plant, agrees to rematch against pet shop clerk's wishes, pet shop clerk slips into coma after delivering a surprisingly healthy (and hairy) kid, and she wakes up just in time to tell Rocky to fight. Rocky must have won because next thing I know, he's fighting in an exhibition against Hulk Hogan before being savagely beaten by Mr. T. Then his old Jewish manager dies and the most uncomfortable grief scene in the history of movies follows as the Rock bellows like a wounded rhino while clutching the old man's body, then we're treated to the former champ stumbling through the Jewish funeral service. The flamboyant African-American former champ returns to train Rocky to beat Mr. T (yeah right) by turning him into an Italian jive turkey in some of the most homoerotic bromance sequences ever set to celluloid. But this somehow works because he's somehow champ again, now at ringside for the flamboyant African-American former champ who's fighting James Brown. No, scratch that, he's fighting He-Man, who must have lost a bet with his hairdresser. He-Man kills the guy from Predator, which pisses the Rock off. After training in the Russian snow, he becomes brain damaged and returns home to find he's lost all his money and owns nothing except the ballsweat smelling gym his dead Jewish trainer left him. I can only assume that the fight between Rocky and He-Man was called off because even the Russians didn't want to essentially beat up Corky from Life Goes On. Glastnost at its finest. Rocky, his now pretty, assertive wife, and his son move back to the old neighborhood in Philly, where we learn that the Rock's son has pretty much turned into a douche. So Rocky adopts some other dude and starts training him, only to be stabbed in the back when the guy signs with Don King. And then I don't know what the hell happened, because all of a sudden, Rocky's in some shit small town and is being hassled by the local fuzz, until he steals a motorcycle and rides off into the woods. Talk about confusing.

4. To Catch a Predator. I had heard of this show, but had never watched it. In agony Sunday night and unable to sleep, I had left the TV on MSNBC and this was what came on. First of all, I knew criminals were dumb, but I had no idea just how mentally retarded some of them really are. I ended up tossing and turning through two episodes of this show, in which about five criminals per show were lured to a remote house with the promise of sex with an underage girl they met on the internet. First of all, this show has been on the air for years. These guys are meeting chicks on the Internet. Do they not have a Facebook group or something where they might warn each other, "Hey, Dateline NBC has been running stings in cooperation with law enforcement. If you get an offer that looks too good to be true, it probably is. Watch out for chicks with laundry baskets and lemonade." After two hours of this crap, my faith in humanity was at an all time low. The next entry didn't help.

3. Parental Control on MTV. Shit, I pretty much stopped watching MTV after I graduated from college. I wasn't sure exactly why I stopped on this show, but I'm going to blame the drugs and the fact that the girl on the first show I watched had enormous boobs, which wasn't fair, because she distracted me. I think you know you're too old for MTV when you find yourself sympathizing with the parents of these girls who are dating these complete losers. If you've never seen the show, the parents each fix their daughter up with a guy and he takes them out on a date. At the end of the show, the girl decides if she will keep her current boyfriend or start dating one of the parent selected beaus. Great drama this is not. The kicker is that the parents and the current boyfriend sit together and watch the footage of the two dates. Talk about uncomfortable, try watching your girlfriend slip her tongue down some guy's throat while sitting on the couch next to her mother, who's egging her daughter on. In the two shows, I watched, the boyfriends were both total dicks. Both of them made fat jokes about the mothers. One of the guys made pussy jokes when the family cat wandered into the living room. TO HER PARENTS. I actually give these parents a lot of credit, because if I had a teenage daughter and if she were dating either of these two mega-douches, I wouldn't have gone to MTV to solve my problem. I would have just buried the body in the crawlspace with the others and been done with it. Big Boob Girl stayed with her boyfriend and her parents and I cried. The second chick was just as hot and a psych major to boot. Or a psycho. One of those. She was dating Mr. Pussy joke guy, who was wearing a dirty watch cap in the middle of summer, which is why I don't own a gun, because I would hunt people like him for sport. One of her dates takes her paintballing and fucking SHOOTS HER IN THE FACE, then gives her PB & J out of a cooler. Classy. Luckily, the other guy is a metrosexual musician who likes every single band that she does and she dumps Mr. Pussy for him. Mr. Pussy has a douchey meltdown before running outside to ride off in his, or should I say, on-his ten speed (No Pussy Wagon for you). While crying. I was too. Tears of joy for the psych major's parents. (Apparently, this show is fake, which I did NOT know while watching. I guess that makes me feel a little better. Maybe.)

2. We're Doomed. This is what I learned from the History Channel this past week. They must have run every Nostradamus related program they've produced over the past ten years the other day, including some new shit. Did you know that the world is ending in 2012 because the Mayan calender runs out? I didn't, but I sure do now. I also learned that Nostradamus predicted not one, not two, but three Antichrists. Some of the nuts, er, Nostradamus researchers believe that the world has already seen two of them, Napoleon and Hitler. They don't know who the third, more powerful one is, but obviously, he needs to surface soon as the clock is ticking here, people. The History Channel didn't name any names, but the images they showed were back views of a jug-eared person of indistinguishable color wearing a white dress shirt and dark dress pants speaking before a large, adoring crowd. Let's lock up Carlos Marmol, just to be safe.

1. And to end on a good note, PBS has been showing Ken Burns's latest documentary, The National Parks: America's Best Idea. If you haven't seen any of this documentary, then you're missing some good stuff. As always with Burns, the images are spectacular and the stories behind how some of these places came to be set aside are fascinating and compelling history. I enjoyed the second episode in particular, as my favorite President, Theodore Roosevelt, and his contributions to the national park system were explored. Don't miss it. It really is good stuff and thank Vinnie I was able to end my basic cable sojourn on a positive.